Before and if you even read the rest of this... it sounds like your "thoughts" drive you to anger, because you can not create a logical explanation that is satisfactory. I've often been in the same place many many times myself... it is a peculiar and interesting way to suffer... a suffering that is ultimately "self-caused"... the only way i've known to relieve the stress of my thoughts for a long time was to smoke pot... and very recently... meditate... which if practiced enough can slow down and empty your mind of thoughts completely... you would be suprised at how many people in this world would prefer to suffer rather than be patient and do a little work to find peace of mind... i'm still learning myself... that being said....
It doesn't matter what anyone believes in... they are still going to die anyway...
The universe doesn't make sense and never will because nobody can ever explain how it came to be...
so how in an existance that is illogical can you expect logic and reason to triumph over that which is mere perception of reality?
logic which is your thoughts... is merely a tool like hands or feet... that evolved out of neccissity for survival...
if you believe in god your right... and your heart will still beat and you will die...
if you don't believe in god your right... your heart will still beat and you will die too...
if you believe you can fly and jump off a building cuz you took acid... you are right... and then you realize you were wrong and die anyway...
I don't care for atheism not because it doesn't believe in God, but generally because it is rude...
if a kid believes in santa clause... what does that mean?
that means for them there is a special day of every year where if they are good they will be rewarded...
this is a good belief. why is it good? it is good because it inspires children with parents who are financially secure to be "good" and gives them something magical and wonderful to look forward to and enrich their life...
so being an atheist and being pissed off at people who believe in god...
what i'm hearing from you "metaphorically" is that you used to believe in "santa"... one day you "figured it out" and realized santa didn't really exist... the magic is gone (magic being the ignorance)... so now that it is gone you feel frustrated with others who have not come to the same realization with you...
rejoice in your discovery... and let your knowledge and logic be yours and for those who seek it from you...
i still make the mistake of trying to have people see things my way... it is human nature to want to share our experience...
i still struggle with talking to my sister... god and jesus gave her life new meaning... she was able to dissolve and continues to dissolve many fears daily by taking refuge in the comfort that even though she is a sinner... god forgives her... and if she leads a good life, she will be rewarded in heaven with a room in god's mansion...
because this works for her she tries to share this way... she tries to tell me to go to church... tries to make me see things her way... and gets frustrated and upset and argues with me about it when i declare that her way is not my way...
have compassion for the children who still get presents from santa... let them be... and avoid them when neccessary to protect yourself...
but don't be an atheist just because you don't believe in god...
if your idea of god was jesus incarnate who died and was ressurected and sits on a thrown in heaven... my answer to you is i do not believe in god...
if your idea of god is a number that you can not count to... the stars... gravity... and the life force of a tree...
then yes i believe in god...
life is to short to give a crap about what "you are"...
"you" doesn't exist....
"you" will die...
Even in buddhism there are some who view the buddha as agod and worship him so... and others who have discovered in much the same way what you have and have chosen the path of zen buddhism instead...
it's kind of like math... if your bad at it... you pay some one to do your taxes for you... if your not... you do them yourself
So if "you" "are" an atheist... GREAT, but have compassion for those who arn't... for there are plenty of people who worship higher powers yet lack the very simple compassion that of whom they worship devoted their lives to teaching us about...
be confident and rejoice in what you are not, so you can be happy about what you are, and learn to allow others to be happy with what they are while protecting yourself instead of seeking to do battle and conquer minds...
I'm still learning this myself and good luck to you.
and as far as thinking there is a purpose to all things and an order...
you are made of energy, matter, and your existence is governed by the laws of the physics of this universe. none of which owes anybody anything... energy, matter, and physics are not people. they do not care if some one gets raped or murdered. They don't care if a bunny gets hit by a car. they dont' care if some one falls in love, and gets what they want out of life, and is successful and loved. energy, matter, and physics only care about making sure your feet stay on the ground and that you can't breathe in space and that your heart beats. that the cells in your brain can use energy and matter governed by the laws of physics so that you can form thoughts based on triggered memmories from past audio perceptions... energy, matter, and physics don't know what fair is. they don't know what logic is. what reason is. what purpose and order are.
the only purpose you have in life... is to make more of yourself... or to pass on knowledge.
the purpose of your physical body is self replicate...you were born to have sex and create children or die and not be fit enough to survive
the purpose of your spirit is to self replicate...it was born from the knowledge passed on by others or discovered by you and exists to be passed on or die with you
Everything else is pretty much up to you. Try not to waste what precious little time you have on being angry because your brain isn't big enough to fit the world in it and make sense of everything. Cuz eventually one day you'll be on your death bed and things still won't make sense and all you'll have to comfort you is the memmories you have left to sift through before you don't even have memmories or a self to do or be anything with anymore....