Breaking a tradition

[RedMaverick]

I have 3 friends back when we were in high school we were inseparable now two of my three friends share an apartment with me but we don't see or hang out with each other these days because we have conflicting work schedules

I work overnight and I'm usually asleep during the day back when we were in school we fell in love with comic book culture we are not as involved in it as we used to be

recently a lot of hero movies have been coming out so my 3 friends and I decided that when the movies came out we will see them together my friends now all have

girlfriends with me being the only single one left.I've met each and every one of their girlfriends and they're good people I'm happy that my friends are happy

today we were supposed to see a movie we planned weeks ahead synchronize our schedules usually it all works out perfectly but this time they all invited their girlfriends turning our tradition into a triple date

I understand they want to share their passion with their girlfriends so I purposely waited till the last minute to then told them I wasn't going I didn't want my friends to choose so I chose for them they kept trying to convince me it wasn't a group date but a bunch of friends going to see a movie yet everyone brought a date except me I can tell the girls weren't too happy maybe they felt guilty like they were ruining something special by coming along. I want them to have a good time.

I guess I just kinda want to know what peoples opinions are about my decision today am I wrong for not wanting to be a third wheel.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't get why it just couldn't be a bunch of friends going to watch a movie. I get that perhaps you didn't want to feel like the odd person out, but still, going to enjoy a movie with friends (that you all planned way ahead of time) shouldn't be limited to the fact that someone doesn't have a girlfriend. You bailed on them specifically because you didn't have anyone to bring? Or because their girlfriends were going? I've gone out with a couple without anyone with me, and it's survivable. It doesn't kill. I would have went to enjoy a movie, regardless of if I had anyone. It's not a big deal until you make it a big deal.

 

[Aisha]

This specific scenario hasn't happened for me but I do think it's inappropriate when people decide to ask others who weren't originally invited to tag along, especially when it's to a long held tradition between friends.
I can understand your disappointment. They have every opportunity to be with their girlfriends at other times, but at least for the short duration of a movie they could try to prioritize your friendship. Instead, their relationships had to intrude even into that.
That may be why people say it is healthy for people to spend time away from their partners at least for a little while, so that they don't lose friends and they get some space to breathe, pursue their hobbies, and enjoy themselves in the company of others.

 

[constant stranger]

The feeling that I pick up on from your post RedMaverick, is that the old arrangement of interpersonal dynamics between you and your friends has changed. As time goes by that kind of thing happens, it's not unusual. People get older, girlfriends come into their lives and the old days become just that: those were the old days.

It sounds like you're adjusting by not wanting to be a "third wheel" but I'm sensing some definite discomfort.....it's a difficult phase of life to live through. But simply 'meaning well' on everyone's part can go a long way to bridging changes. If I was in your place I'd consider coming up with a face saving excuse for bowing out of an engagement where I'd be a 3rd wheel, like a previous engagement or a work/sleep time conflict.

 

[RedMaverick]

I don't get why it just couldn't be a bunch of friends going to watch a movie. I get that perhaps you didn't want to feel like the odd person out, but still, going to enjoy a movie with friends (that you all planned way ahead of time) shouldn't be limited to the fact that someone doesn't have a girlfriend. You bailed on them specifically because you didn't have anyone to bring? Or because their girlfriends were going? I've gone out with a couple without anyone with me, and it's survivable. It doesn't kill. I would have went to enjoy a movie, regardless of if I had anyone. It's not a big deal until you make it a big deal.

I admit what you said is fair. Guys act differently around girls we filter ourselfs especially around our girlfriends. I'm usually the third wheel in my own home. Because the girls practically live there, their stuff is in the bathroom their food in the kitchen. I just wanted one afternoon with just the guys to relive the old days and I couldn't even have that. I do blame myself for getting excited I should have realized sooner them coming was a possibility.

---

The feeling that I pick up on from your post RedMaverick, is that the old arrangement of interpersonal dynamics between you and your friends has changed. As time goes by that kind of thing happens, it's not unusual. People get older, girlfriends come into their lives and the old days become just that: those were the old days.

It sounds like you're adjusting by not wanting to be a "third wheel" but I'm sensing some definite discomfort.....it's a difficult phase of life to live through. But simply 'meaning well' on everyone's part can go a long way to bridging changes. If I was in your place I'd consider coming up with a face saving excuse for bowing out of an engagement where I'd be a 3rd wheel, like a previous engagement or a work/sleep time conflict.

Lol I did my mother asked me to borrow $200 this morning I told them between that my cellphone bill and paying off my credit card I was spent. I'm pretty sure they new I was just making an excuse.

 

[ordinaryDude]

You made the right decision. Don't need to regret it. You are supposed to enjoy the time with them, but surely the girlfriends will put an obstacle to that as most of their attention will be spent on their dear girlfriends. So, yeah, be on your own, it's much better. I'd do the same.

I personally think you should start living alone, on your own. I'm sure their girlfriends would make you feel uneasy when they are constantly at your home. I personally wouldn't live with them.

 

[RedMaverick]

You made the right decision. Don't need to regret it. You are supposed to enjoy the time with them, but surely the girlfriends will put an obstacle to that as most of their attention will be spent on their dear girlfriends. So, yeah, be on your own, it's much better. I'd do the same.

I personally think you should start living alone, on your own. I'm sure their girlfriends would make you feel uneasy when they are constantly at your home. I personally wouldn't live with them.

I wish I could afford to.

 

[ordinaryDude]

I wish I could afford to.

Is it that expensive to get a small studio apartment where you live?

 

[RedMaverick]

I wish I could afford to.

Is it that expensive to get a small studio apartment where you live?

I live in a city finding a studio is hard plus utilities and food I'm not sure I can afford it

 

[Sci-Fi]

Nothing worse than feeling like a third wheel, I don't blame you for bailing. Maybe next time you plan something like this make it clear you want to hang out with just them, a guys night out.