Bullying

[HoodedMonk]

Ah, yes, bullies. I did experience this in my senior year of high school.

Kids coming up to me in the hall inbetween classes and calling me ugly. Getting cereal dumped on my head while I tried to use a videophone booth for the first time. Getting wet clay thrown at me in the Deaf Studies class.

Fun times. I did go to the peer mentors and have them talk to the bullies every time it happened. And, by the end of the school year, most of the bullies had transferred, and the bullying stopped.

 

[LonelySutton]

I was bullied in several workplaces and found it very difficult to cope with. It was worse than the bullying I faced at school, as you would expect adults to know better.

Me too. To this day I wouldn't be surprised if my bully thinks he was doing me a favor by "making me better."

I went into my profession to advocate for others to protect them from bullies. Only to find those above me in my profession even greater bullies. I wonder if bullying is something that will never be eliminated.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Ah, yes, bullies. I did experience this in my senior year of high school.

Kids coming up to me in the hall inbetween classes and calling me ugly. Getting cereal dumped on my head while I tried to use a videophone booth for the first time. Getting wet clay thrown at me in the Deaf Studies class.

Fun times. I did go to the peer mentors and have them talk to the bullies every time it happened. And, by the end of the school year, most of the bullies had transferred, and the bullying stopped.

I'm sorry that happened to you HM. High school kids can be so needlessly cruel. I don't understand it.

(hugs)

---

It's a good thing that I didn't start getting into punk rock until college...good for me because I would have gotten detentions for fighting. Good for the bullies because if I had, my swaggering, rap-loving pretty-boy preppy bullies would have gone home missing a few teeth.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's a good thing that I didn't start getting into punk rock until college...good for me because I would have gotten detentions for fighting. Good for the bullies because if I had, my swaggering, rap-loving pretty-boy preppy bullies would have gone home missing a few teeth.

You dislike people for their choice of music? I've heard of music defining people, but I didn't take it for a negative thing.

 

[Tiina63]

I was bullied in several workplaces and found it very difficult to cope with. It was worse than the bullying I faced at school, as you would expect adults to know better.

Me too. To this day I wouldn't be surprised if my bully thinks he was doing me a favor by "making me better."

I went into my profession to advocate for others to protect them from bullies. Only to find those above me in my profession even greater bullies. I wonder if bullying is something that will never be eliminated.

Sadly I don't think that bullying will ever be eliminated. Schools claim nowadays to operate a no bullying policy, but even though this will have improved things (hopefully), bullying will still go on outside school on the way there and back, and in quiet corners where there are no teachers nearby.
And as you have found, those above you at work are bullies. And there is no one to tell them not to do it so they can get away with it.
I don't understand bullies-why make someone else's life a misery?Even if they have been bullied themselves, as many have, surely this should make them more understanding towards their victims?

 

[LonelySutton]

I don't understand bullies-why make someone else's life a misery?Even if they have been bullied themselves, as many have, surely this should make them more understanding towards their victims?

My bully, it was a power thing. He had now power at home, no power at work, and focused all his bullying on the person he did have power over. I also firmly believe he had no capacity for empathy or compassion. Only the appearance of both. He just didn't care about other people really. Plus he felt he was better than many people.

 

[Aisha]

Most people have been bullied by someone at some point in their life. Or at many points. It's always going to be an issue, but there are many for whom it doesn't cause lasting physical or mental trauma, only perhaps, unpleasant memories. There are differing levels of that as with anything. I can understand people who are cruel as adults: they knowingly choose to be so. But the capacity for cruelty in youngsters will never fail to astound me. Many might just not know the difference between right and wrong. There are many adults who still struggle with that and everyone's values and morals differ. People do genuinely regret these sort of things, once they've matured to the point of realization- not everyone who is a bully remains one. But it maybe too late by then, the victim maybe scarred for life and past the point where he/she feels forgiveness is possible. A guilty conscience will be it's own punishment.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It's a good thing that I didn't start getting into punk rock until college...good for me because I would have gotten detentions for fighting. Good for the bullies because if I had, my swaggering, rap-loving pretty-boy preppy bullies would have gone home missing a few teeth.

You dislike people for their choice of music? I've heard of music defining people, but I didn't take it for a negative thing.

No, I didn't dislike them for their music choice. I have friends who are into rap, but the difference is that they don't think they are some kind of "tough guy" when they are not, and they don't go around acting like they are better than everyone.

No. I disliked the bullies because they were douchebags who picked on me for absolutely no reason, who thought their parents' money (which wasn't even anything that outstanding for this town) made them better than you. I just mentioned it because it was another descriptor of them. Rap was "in" at the time (late 90s-early 00s), and these people were the kind that just latch on to whatever is "in" so they can rank themselves above people. They would go around being obnoxious and acting like they were so "cool", when in actuality they were the furthest thing from the style they thought they were. They were posers, they were a complete joke. But they had the nerve to go around treating me like it was me that was inferior. At least I never had to hide behind whatever was "cool" to validate myself.

As for the punk part, to me, when I started listening to it, it awakened a spark of backbone in me. Like I said, from growing up I felt like an outsider, not a "cool" insider. So I related to that a lot. I related with, and identified with the punk theme of not letting people, specifically the rich, bully me. When I was a kid, for the most part I never fought back because I didn't think I could win (I would have had to fight maybe 5 people at once, since the cowards never faced me one on one). I didn't talk back to them either. It took until my senior year before I finally said "fresia you" to them and slammed the door in their face when they all ganged up on me on our own front yard. They would come onto our own property uninvited and act like they owned the place, it was very disrespectful not just to me but to our whole family. I also didn't think I was strong enough. Then I had this epiphany of sorts, awakened by punk rock, that made me start to think, you know, maybe I'm not as weak as I thought I was. And I KNOW these guys aren't as tough as they think they are. I started to see them not as a chosen elite that I couldn't fight back against, but as the joke that they really were and if they tried to pick on me again they'd have bit off more than they could chew. Punk rock made me feel empowered, and I resolved that if anyone treated me that way from then on, I'd fight. Maybe I'd win, maybe I'd lose. But one way or the other I'd never just stand there and let myself get picked on like that again.

 

[Sometimes]

I just thought I'd put this out there. I was thinking about mass cultural bullying. I might be dating myself, but does anyone know Tom Lehrer's National Brotherhood Week?



The other day I was at a local political event/presentation, regarding road upgrades. This guy came, took over my conversation with the representative I was talking to, and started complaining about some other area of the project that he felt wasn't up to snuff. When he said that they were too cheap to do it right, what he actually said was "They Jewed". He was in a bit of a lather, but I dared it, and told him that he might want to watch out, he didn't know when he might be talking to someone who is Jewish. What he said back was, "That's how we talk here!" and "We still have free speech!".

I didn't say anything more, because I said what I said for myself, not for him.

 

[Aisha]

I just thought I'd put this out there. I was thinking about mass cultural bullying. I might be dating myself, but does anyone know Tom Lehrer's National Brotherhood Week?



The other day I was at a local political event/presentation, regarding road upgrades. This guy came, took over my conversation with the representative I was talking to, and started complaining about some other area of the project that he felt wasn't up to snuff. When he said that they were too cheap to do it right, what he actually said was "They Jewed". He was in a bit of a lather, but I dared it, and told him that he might want to watch out, he didn't know when he might be talking to someone who is Jewish. What he said back was, "That's how we talk here!" and "We still have free speech!".
I didn't say anything more, because I said what I said for myself, not for him.

It's very exasperating when people use 'free speech!' as an excuse to slander, hurt, belittle and generally defend ignorance. You were absolutely right to stand up to him. Well done.

 

[VanillaCreme]

No. I disliked the bullies because they were douchebags who picked on me for absolutely no reason, who thought their parents' money (which wasn't even anything that outstanding for this town) made them better than you. I just mentioned it because it was another descriptor of them. Rap was "in" at the time (late 90s-early 00s), and these people were the kind that just latch on to whatever is "in" so they can rank themselves above people. They would go around being obnoxious and acting like they were so "cool", when in actuality they were the furthest thing from the style they thought they were. They were posers, they were a complete joke. But they had the nerve to go around treating me like it was me that was inferior. At least I never had to hide behind whatever was "cool" to validate myself.

I think what many of us don't realize is that just because we see people for 7 to 8 hours a day at school or work, doesn't mean we know them. We only know the bullies as being bullies. Not making any excuses, because I went through some tough times in my younger years and I never treated anyone with unkindness and never took anything that I was feeling out on anyone, but we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. They may be bullies at school, but when they go home, they might have to fight off an abusive stepfather or an alcoholic mother.

I'm definitely not defending anyone who treats people in a negative way because of the things they go through. But I think if the reasons were uncovered as to why some people act a certain way, things might make a little more sense.

That being said, I know there are some people who are just mean. No rhyme to reason. Just act like a jackass for no real reason.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think what many of us don't realize is that just because we see people for 7 to 8 hours a day at school or work, doesn't mean we know them. We only know the bullies as being bullies. Not making any excuses, because I went through some tough times in my younger years and I never treated anyone with unkindness and never took anything that I was feeling out on anyone, but we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. They may be bullies at school, but when they go home, they might have to fight off an abusive stepfather or an alcoholic mother.

I'm definitely not defending anyone who treats people in a negative way because of the things they go through. But I think if the reasons were uncovered as to why some people act a certain way, things might make a little more sense.

I understand what you mean, and I definitely think that the situation you described certainly does happen. But, I assure you, that was not the case this time.

That being said, I know there are some people who are just mean. No rhyme to reason. Just act like a jackass for no real reason.

It was much more like this, here ^

There was one (out of five people) who had a tragedy happen early in life, but even then, I really don't think that's why he thought he could pick on me. I don't think it was related at all. I think he knew right from wrong (he went to an Catholic school, which was also private and therefore expensive at that) and like all the rest willingly chose to do wrong because he wanted to be "cool" and he thought he was superior because he came from a wealthier household. The parents of all of them seemed like normal, mild-mannered people - not bullies themselves. I don't think they knew how their kids really were, or if they did, maybe they thought it was merely a phase, or maybe they just couldn't be bothered. The parents were normal and had good jobs, but didn't really watch how their kids were acting because they didn't suspect anything. And they also spoiled them rotten.

It was sort of like you said about not seeing how someone is all the time, but it was the parents who only saw the kids for part of the day, and didn't see how they were acting outside of the home. I'm sure they put on a reasonably pleasant appearance at home, and the parents probably thought they were nice, normal kids.

I'm sure that some people really are hurting out there and become bullies by taking out their pain on others, but this was the classic case of people just deciding to pick on someone because they felt superior had the safety of numbers and I didn't. It was a long time ago now and it never really affected me because I never truly believed what they said, but at the same time, fresia those people for thinking it was a perfectly acceptable thing to do to try to make someone feel inferior.

 

[there is no hope]

Most bullies are successful. Whenever this topic enters the public discourse, I groan and ask myself what bullshit I'm going to hear about today, or better yet turn off the world and watch as the people who bullied and took everything in the world further glorify themselves.

Some bullshit today - "Bullies are hurt people who take out their pain on others." What a load. Bullies are successful, and bullying is why they are successful. Everything they have, they owe to someone they stepped on, whether directly or indirectly. A hierarchical society can only function in that manner.
I know people who are hurt, and most of them are too terrified to do anything let alone forcibly regiment society. Some try to, but their power and threat is relatively limited.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Most bullies are successful. Whenever this topic enters the public discourse, I groan and ask myself what bullshit I'm going to hear about today, or better yet turn off the world and watch as the people who bullied and took everything in the world further glorify themselves.

Some bullshit today - "Bullies are hurt people who take out their pain on others." What a load. Bullies are successful, and bullying is why they are successful.

I think this is sort of accurate, with a couple twists. I observed that it was more like the bullies' parents were successful, or at the very least comfortable. The parents were busy with their jobs and their own lives and didn't really monitor their kids, and because they had some extra money they pretty much just gave their kids whatever they asked for. Then the kids became spoiled and bored, so they went to look for someone to claim power over. I think more often than not, this is how it works.

I think that there are people who really are hurting and have a difficult home life, or other circumstances that manifests itself in the form of aggression and bullying. But I feel that that sort of bully is more rare, at least around here. In this place, the bullies are often spoiled, bored, privileged people who have huge egos looking to be "cool" and assert dominance.

That being said, I don't think all successful people are bullies. In fact, I would guess that more successful people are probably not bullies. I think there are a few people who manage to be both rotten and lucky, and there are some that, like the parents, success spoils. But I feel that it's much more likely that especially as people mature, rotten people push others away and win few friends. They're also destructive, which is the opposite of being constructive and I think most successful people would have to be constructive to accomplish something. Construction seems to come from positive feelings like passion, not negative ones like cruelty.

 

[Nicolelt]

Most bullies are successful. Whenever this topic enters the public discourse, I groan and ask myself what bullshit I'm going to hear about today, or better yet turn off the world and watch as the people who bullied and took everything in the world further glorify themselves.

Some bullshit today - "Bullies are hurt people who take out their pain on others." What a load. Bullies are successful, and bullying is why they are successful.

I think this is sort of accurate, with a couple twists. I observed that it was more like the bullies' parents were successful, or at the very least comfortable. The parents were busy with their jobs and their own lives and didn't really monitor their kids, and because they had some extra money they pretty much just gave their kids whatever they asked for. Then the kids became spoiled and bored, so they went to look for someone to claim power over. I think more often than not, this is how it works.

I think that there are people who really are hurting and have a difficult home life, or other circumstances. But I feel that that sort of bully is more rare, at least around here. In this place, the bullies are often spoiled, bored, privileged people who have huge egos looking to be "cool" and assert dominance.

That being said, I don't think all successful people are bullies. In fact, I would guess that more successful people are probably not bullies. I think there are a few people who manage to be both rotten and lucky, and there are some that, like the parents, success spoils. But I feel that it's much more likely that especially as people mature, rotten people push others away and win few friends. They're also destructive, which is the opposite of being constructive and I think most successful people would have to be constructive to accomplish something. Construction seems to come from positive feelings like passion, not negative ones like cruelty.

This is really well put SkaFish. +1

 

[TheSkaFish]

This is really well put SkaFish. +1

Thank you, Nicole. But I only wish I didn't know so much about bullying from receiving it as a first-hand experience.

Still, if I could go back, I would rather be bullied all over again than be a bully myself. I never want to be like those people, they represent a lot of what I think is wrong with people, especially in a first-world country like the USA.

I also wouldn't change myself so much that I would let it make me adopt a nasty, dark, aggressive personality in response. However, I would have told myself that sometimes you have to fight back because someone else takes that choice away, and that it wouldn't make me "bad" to stand up for myself. So I would have told myself, fight when you must. But I wouldn't have let it ruin my happiness.

 

[there is no hope]

Maybe you're right, there are a few places, but a lot of what goes on is destruction and the screwing over of someone, somewhere, and that mentality is so ingrained into how people are educated, how they behave on a day-to-day basis, and so on. The point is that a lot of this behavior is sanctioned, rewarded, and glorified, even when it doesn't have to be and has clearly detrimental effects on everyone involved; more to the point is that there is a drive in this society towards hierarchy as an end unto itself, and when that is the case there is no easy solution, as the problem isn't a set of behaviors but people themselves, who will adapt to any system in order to attain those ends; nor is there any objective, rational reason why a hierarchical society is "bad" morally or spiritually, so the answer doesn't lie in rationalism as some philosophers would want to believe (whatever materialistic issues with a hierarchical society are outweighed by what societies have been for thousands of years, and the conscious aims of those with power and resources will play out to the only inevitable conclusion).

I suppose though, I didn't get bullied near as much as some other people. After a while I just shut down and stopped caring, which was as far as I can tell the entire point. Now I don't have a life worthy of living, but most people don't talk to me and there is little left to say.

 

[ardour]

I think this is sort of accurate, with a couple twists. I observed that it was more like the bullies' parents were successful, or at the very least comfortable. The parents were busy with their jobs and their own lives and didn't really monitor their kids, and because they had some extra money they pretty much just gave their kids whatever they asked for. Then the kids became spoiled and bored, so they went to look for someone to claim power over. I think more often than not, this is how it works.

I think that there are people who really are hurting and have a difficult home life, or other circumstances that manifests itself in the form of aggression and bullying. But I feel that that sort of bully is more rare, at least around here. In this place, the bullies are often spoiled, bored, privileged people who have huge egos looking to be "cool" and assert dominance.

I'd take that a step further, Skafish: upper-middle-class parents of bullies in some cases encourage self-centred traits in their children that lead to bullying, or at least do nothing to curtail them, because they think it will make them more likely to be successful as adults.

 

[badhairday]

I was bullied at school because I was the only one in the class whose parents were unemployed so I always looked rather untidy. My parents would speak to the teachers but they just blamed them for not looking after me. Eventually I started skiving school which my parents allowed me to do and although a truancy officer visited us and said he would sort things out, nothing was ever done and I continued to skive until I left.
My relatives also used to bully me but the majority of them have passed away now and the rest have no contact with me. The only bullying I have received as an adult has mainly been from the psychiatric system but I managed to pluck up the courage to stop listening to their bs and turn my back on them.
Bullies really are just pathetic cowards anyway- projecting their own s**t on to the rest of us

 

[Nicolelt]

I was bullied at school because I was the only one in the class whose parents were unemployed so I always looked rather untidy. My parents would speak to the teachers but they just blamed them for not looking after me. Eventually I started skiving school which my parents allowed me to do and although a truancy officer visited us and said he would sort things out, nothing was ever done and I continued to skive until I left.
My relatives also used to bully me but the majority of them have passed away now and the rest have no contact with me. The only bullying I have received as an adult has mainly been from the psychiatric system but I managed to pluck up the courage to stop listening to their bs and turn my back on them.
Bullies really are just pathetic cowards anyway- projecting their own s**t on to the rest of us

Now a days that teacher would be fired and the bully would be arrested in my state. That is awful that people weren't helping you. Your attitude on it now shows how strong you are.