Cant socialse well..help :(

[A_A_A]

hey guys am new to this forum!...and i hope i can get some help.
my problem is that..i dont have many friends...i have few..but they like being with another group which i dont feel comfortable with..this group dont know me well...and when that happens people thinks your not sociable..well when somebody really knows me he loves me..but thats rare..all of the time when i talk to ppl for 1st time...i just get freezed and i reply with stupid way..its like i keep saying in my mind "talk..dont get anxious and so on" i get scared from what i might look like so that happens ..(esp with the females)...its just i cant make ppl know me well.(cant be me when talking with new ppl).when they do am sure they will like me..i talk normally with ppl i know..and have no problems...
like in free times..my few friends go to that group of friends...when i stand with them i feel uncomfortable..and when walk away i feel lonely..its like standing but nobody cares at all if i left..its just complicated :S

 

[Chocolate]

Same here wish i could change that.I always feel like people always take me forgranted.Never listen to me.Never take anything i say seriously.I never quite fit in.I'm not always in the know about the latest plans.I have to keep asking all the time about stuff. And sometimes I feel awkward.I feel like if I die they couldn't care less.Like i'm just an extra wheel.The one nobody wants to make me feel like I have any importance.And i'm such a kind and nice person.Right now I'm feeling so down ...I hate them all..I can't even stop crying ...

 

[Rose Al]

Well I see That cannot help one!
Like being alone or crying or anything It is actually worst part of being alone
When I have no friends to talk or no one to share with i enjoy myself
and trust me thats so much fun
like
Go and shop (window shop) in market
redecor my room
best of all
Fly FREE in imaginations
Yeah thats really cool

 

[A_A_A]

Same here wish i could change that.I always feel like people always take me forgranted.Never listen to me.Never take anything i say seriously.I never quite fit in.I'm not always in the know about the latest plans.I have to keep asking all the time about stuff. And sometimes I feel awkward.I feel like if I die they couldn't care less.Like i'm just an extra wheel.The one nobody wants to make me feel like I have any importance.And i'm such a kind and nice person.Right now I'm feeling so down ...I hate them all..I can't even stop crying ...

yes..same here...if they knew me...they would love me..i know part of this is my problems too..but its like nobody cares for me..and i have alot of free times at school where i just search for someone to sit with :S

 

[deirdre]

It's stupid for an old person like me to try to give advice to a young young person like you, but I think the key to finding the perfect crowd of people who you feel comfortable with, accepted by, is to take the one or two things you are really really good at and then sharing them in the milieu where you will shine.... (yeah, I know I'm using 100 dollar words here and it's on purpose, a dictionary should be everyone's best friend, LOL)

So, what do I mean by all that? Well, I can do it best by applying how that worked in my younger years. I had musical talent, I loved to sing, had a great voice, so I joined the chorus with other people that loved to sing, which led to being picked for the smaller more select elite group of madrigal singers which then led to trying out for All Bergen County chorus which led to All North Jersey Chorus which led to New Jersey All State Chorus which heck, who knew I could act too, which led to parts in musicals and before you knew it I went from geeky 15 year old nobody to an accepted, fun loving member of a circle of great friends who all loved what I loved, all did what I did and next thing I know I'm lead singer in a band living my Janis Joplin dreams..... boy life was swell when I was young.

When I was raising my own kids, imagine how disappointed was I that none of them seemed to adore music like did? But I believe every child has to develop some kind of inner talent, so I decided they wouldn't be a couch potato like me, I'd set them up for life long good health with sports as a base line....and I had them running mini half mile fun runs when they were five, then whole miles when they were eight and all that running had them in superior shape for basketball fast breaks and half back stardom touchdowns and soccer stamina full bore head on goals and they had such great circles of friendships with team mates!!! Oh, and yeah, by highschool they found themselves all singing and dancing in the summer broadway show the whole town participated in)

If you don't think you have any one special talent, you'ld be surprised that you might if you just try something you are interested in...when I was young, I was a huge Beatlemaniac, breathed Beatle songs, but my parents hated them and wouldn't give me any money to buy their records....when you are 13 how do you make money? a little too young to baby sit, no, no such things as papergirls when I was growing up, it was still an all man's world, too old to sit at the curb selling lemonade and besides it was winter when the first breath of Beatlemania wafted over America in December of 1963....so I wracked my brain, what could I do? It was Christmas, and a card arrived from my grandpop, decorated as all the Easter, Halloween, bithday cards of my childhood were, inside and back flap covered with adorable pictures, drawings he hand colored in with pastels and pencils and I said to myself, "Hmmmmm, wonder if I have any drawing talent like my grand pop?" so I got out a piece of white paper and took pencil in hand and found a picture of John Lennon in a magazine....and drew him!!! And it was darn good!!!!! Really good!!! And my art teacher wanted it to post on the bulletin board and then half the school saw it and next thing I knew, I got requests for George, Paul and Ringo and now I'm in business drawing the Beatles, making $1.00, yeppers, a whole dollar for an original pencil drawing (or 50 cents for a not quite as nice copy) at a time when it only cost $1.25 for ticket to a movie and bread was 25 cents a loaf and I could buy the latest hottest cutest dress at Bloomingdales for $10. no lie. who knew?

I'm just saying, you have to plumb the depths of yourself, know yourself, all your strengths and capitalize on them, make them work for you, draw you to others who can do those same things you love as they will be drawn to you!!!!! Try it, it really works!!!!

 

[A_A_A]

OMG that was a really really usefull post from you ...thanks alot..well appreciated!

ontopic: right!..i have to make something that i love..and the biggest problem is to find what is that thing..singing dancing or painting? football,basket ball or tennis? its like that...the problem for me is..that i like almost everthing ...but a sport would really help me...to grow my self confidence...as mine = 0...i just need to know which is best for me...thanks again!

 

[A_A_A]

what i really need is self confidence...mine is like -234...really i need it and i dont know how

 

[Sci-Fi]

You know A_A_A I don't think that people really don't care that you left, probably more like they don't understand how you feel. They might think, oh you're just being you or you want/need to be alone right now. It's really hard for people to know what to do, to read us, do they follow and talk or just let you go, most of the time it's easier for them to just let us go. Then they don't have to try to understand how you feel or what you are going through at that moment. For people who never feel lonely, an outcast, uncomfortable, they can't comprehend how to cope with that. Most of the time they might be like "of course we want you there, come on back you'll have fun." Yet that doesn't solve the problem with you feeling uncomfortable, why the hell would you want to go back. On the rare occasion you might get one person who will say "okay lets just sit here for a bit and go back when you are ready." That's when you know you have a person who understands.

If you can you should try talking to someone and explain to them how you feel, maybe you can find someone who is sympathetic and understanding who can help you when you are in those situations. This is something I need to do with my boss about the company Christmas party, but he's not the type to understand how uncomfortable I am. I never get the chance to do it face to face before the event then he gets all mad if I RSVP no. I can't do it over the phone because he can't see me and see how much it bothers me. I've explained it to the girl in the office but she doesn't tell the boss that, I don't think she quite gets it either. We used to have a GM that understood that and he helped me but he no longer works for the company, which sucks.

 

[A_A_A]

Thanks for that...quite a good post..am sure that sometimes i leave feeling they dont want me...but am sure that 90% of the times they actually dont..maybe the reason that they dont like me..when i make friends (which is rare and hard for me ) they like me alot.. but before they know me all of them though that am not good at all to be a friend or to talk to or,...etc

 

[Mr. Sir]

OP, what country are you from?