College: a little better, a little worse.

[Lone Apothecary]

After a summer of frequent isolation, college has been a nice change of pace. It's lonelier than high school; some of my friends are there too, but I don't have many classes with them. Our free periods don't line up, so I'm alone during those. The weather's still nice, so I just go to the nearby trail to pass the time. I don't know what I'll do when winter rolls around.

I've met some old acquaintances, but I haven't talked to many people I didn't know prior to arriving at the college. Most of my classes are decently populated, but there's only 3 people in french. Me, a girl who was in my french class for years (I know her somewhat well) & a girl I've never met before. I can easily talk to folks I know a bit, but when it comes to talking to people I don't know at all, I start thinking they're not interested in talking to me. Then I start getting nervous & doing stupid things.

Anyways, we had a few brief discussions. She's apparently doing some art-related courses, which is right up my alley. I don't have any artistic friends, which has been a source of much frustration. It'd be nice to have someone to talk about art-related stuff with. Just to be clear, I'm not looking for an intimate relationship of any sort, I just hope to make a few friends. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to when you bump into them around the campus, y'know?

Well, that's all I've to say. Pretty ho-hum, I know, but it's a nice spark of hope as opposed to my usual pessimism. If you happened to have read this whole thing, thanks for hearing me out, even though I didn't say much. Feel free to share your own post-secondary experiences, maybe someone will have a better story than mine.

 

[FlyingPlatypus]

I feel lonely in university too. I have people around me, with which I can talk to, but no real friends.

Before starting my first year, I thought that my life will change - I will meet new people, I will make real friends, I will leave my past loneliness behind me. Sure, I met new people, but I'm still lonely. And I feel like crap, because I thought that university will change something in my life. It's tough to live without a hope for a better future.

I spend most of my days studying and working out. This bores me to death. It's like I'm not really living my life, just existing, I'm sure you know what I mean. I have no real motivation to continue this miserable cycle of existence. I feel like giving up.

 

[Lone Apothecary]

There are a few people in my classes that I can talk to as well, but the connections between us are superficial. I've got a few people I call friends, but I don't really feel at ease acting naturally around them & I doubt they'd want to call themselves my friends if I was completely open with them. Well, all but one (maybe).

For a while during the summer I was thinking the same way. I imagined college would be a big positive change from high school, but it isn't all that different. I realized during the weeks leading up to the start of the semester that I was fooling myself thinking there would be big changes, so at least I wasn't too disappointed. Looking towards the future makes me nervous, so I try to avoid thinking about it too much. I spend a lot of time "living" in the worlds I dream up in my mind & in my writing, that seems to put me at ease.

Yeah, I know what you mean. On the bad days it almost feels like I'm losing the will to live, but I always snap back to my senses after a good night's rest or a long walk. I'm not entirely sure what keeps me going, maybe it's just stubbornness, but I don't think I'll be giving up anytime soon (if ever) & I hope you won't either.

 

[Gutted]

No worries. This is how College went for me..

I attended my first year and studied a "BTEC First Diploma In Multimedia" I made friends with an old classmate from school, a friend of a friend and a totally new guy. The rest of my class were pretty cool. We all got on well during lessons. That year went pretty smoothly and then I went onto a "BTEC National Diploma In Art & Design" My old classmate from school also went onto this course. But the friend of a friend and totally new guy did other things. The new class was alright. Had a lot of Girls in it who were nice. Shame I was so shy still. In the end, my and the classmate just stuck together. We struggled through the first year and got the "National Award" But then we were not sure about the second year. Our teachers convinced us to give it a shot. So we did. After about 3 months, we appeared to be struggling again. We started slacking off and then eventually, we never went back, except to acknowledge that we were quitting. Was pretty mediocre. Was like secondary school which I never liked much. Only people were more mature which was nice.

 

[IgnoredOne]

College was a good experience for me. I'm thinking of going back for an advanced degree, although in my case, I'll need to put aside around 20k for it first.

 

[FlyingPlatypus]

I've got a few people I call friends, but I don't really feel at ease acting naturally around them

This. Most of the time I feel so awkward around people. Maybe because of my long time loneliness I'm not used to being around others so much, besides my family. Oh well, I guess we just need more time to train our social skills. I'm sure it will feel more natural after some time.

 

[PlayingSolo]

I gotta say high school was pretty much a nightmare for me. I hated going to school every morning and couldn't wait for the afternoons and weekends. But then I got into college and everything changed. I still feel lonely and hardly talk to anyone, but I'm much more motivated and love being at school. I'm studying math so I've started spending a lot of time in the math lab over the past year, and I think people have started to notice I'm there all the time and a few other frequent visitors/classmates have tried making conversation (usually math related), which I always think is nice. Overall I really love college, even though I feel somewhat lonely at times. I love it enough to the point where I think I'd like to teach at a university (kind of a stretch given my personality, but its kind of a personal goal of mine). I think part of the reason I like being there is just to be around like-minded people. It's much better than staying home alone and wallowing in my loneliness. If I didn't live so far away from campus, I'd probly be there every day. Anyways that's my experience with college and loneliness, sorry it was a bit long

 

[BloomManifesto]

I've always found I met more people if I go out and talk to them. Sometimes waiting for people to talk first just isn't the answer, and if everyone is just waiting for the other person to say 'hi' than no one is ever going to say anything.

The more you give, the more you get. It might be hard at first, but social skills and learning to strike up a lasting conversation can take time. At college I had a core group of friends and various acquaintances. I've always preferred a few good friends rather than alot of people who I hardly know.

~ Bloom

 

[Lone Apothecary]

@Gutted: That's how I view it as well. It's like high school, only there's less restrictions. The maturity is nice, but there's bound to be some immature people no matter where you go.

@IgnoredOne: Good to hear that it was a good experience for someone. It's too early for me to pass judgement. The start of the year has been a hassle, hopefully it'll get better.

@FlyingPlatypus: Yeah, like anything it'll probably get easier as you get used to it. I doubt I'll ever be debonair, but I'd be satisfied if I was able to hold a sensible conversation without feeling nervous/embarrassed or staring at the floor.

@PlayingSolo: I didn't mind the first 2 years of high school at all, but year 3 got pretty bad at times. I spent many a lunch hour sat alone on a bench eating my food. It's nice that you're able to pursue your passion at your college. Sadly, that isn't the case for me, at least not this year. I'm interested in the arts & there's basically nothing artistic offered on the campus where I live.

@BloomManifesto: Yeah, I've come to realize that nobody is going to stop & talk to me. I just wish I didn't get so nervous when I try to stop someone & spark a conversation. No matter what I do to convince myself otherwise, whenever I try to start a conversation with someone I never follow through with. I'll always get nervous & start thinking that there's no way anyone would want to talk to me. Improving one's social skills is a pretty daunting task & I can't even get a steady foothold.

 

[PlayingSolo]

Maybe try this: during some down time in one of your classes, try asking someone sitting nearby a homework question, or maybe clarification on something the professor said, or just something you need help with. Remember, the point isn't that you're trying to get help with class work, so you could even ask a question that you already know the answer to and just act like you didn't. People are generally really nice when it comes to help with school related stuff. It would also help if you tried talking to someone that isn't already in conversation with someone else. Maybe ask that other person nearby that also doesn't say much

You could do this a couple times with the same person and then maybe try working in something a little more personal. If you find you have any common interest, try bringing that up. If not, maybe mention what you did over the weekend or something.

 

[tom_lonely]

After a summer of frequent isolation, college has been a nice change of pace. It's lonelier than high school; some of my friends are there too, but I don't have many classes with them. Our free periods don't line up, so I'm alone during those. The weather's still nice, so I just go to the nearby trail to pass the time. I don't know what I'll do when winter rolls around.

I've met some old acquaintances, but I haven't talked to many people I didn't know prior to arriving at the college. Most of my classes are decently populated, but there's only 3 people in french. Me, a girl who was in my french class for years (I know her somewhat well) & a girl I've never met before. I can easily talk to folks I know a bit, but when it comes to talking to people I don't know at all, I start thinking they're not interested in talking to me. Then I start getting nervous & doing stupid things.

Anyways, we had a few brief discussions. She's apparently doing some art-related courses, which is right up my alley. I don't have any artistic friends, which has been a source of much frustration. It'd be nice to have someone to talk about art-related stuff with. Just to be clear, I'm not looking for an intimate relationship of any sort, I just hope to make a few friends. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to when you bump into them around the campus, y'know?

Well, that's all I've to say. Pretty ho-hum, I know, but it's a nice spark of hope as opposed to my usual pessimism. If you happened to have read this whole thing, thanks for hearing me out, even though I didn't say much. Feel free to share your own post-secondary experiences, maybe someone will have a better story than mine.

I also have felt very lonely...during High School and also during College.

Some people are just loners. Many of them want to have more friends, but just don't know how.

Sometimes to have friends I have felt like I have to sacrifice who I am in order to fit in. I don't like that. It's more complex than what I have just stated.

I feel like I am starting to make some friends on here, so that is nice.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

For me I've gotten used to my (mostly younger) classmates acting like they're too cool for me, or else they're (maybe?) intimidated by me and can't look me in the eye, or they just can't carry on a decent conversation, which is frustrating. I'm convinced the majority of my classmates have Asperger's. You'll be talking to someone and then they'll whip out their phone, and it's like, okay point taken, you rude fresia, I'm shutting up or walking away from you now. I've met a few people my age that I think are interesting, and it's been enjoyable talking to them, but then the class ends, and the bond wasn't strong enough for either of us to ask for contact info. But there's still some people I would like to get to know better, so I have hope.

 

[futurecatlady]

If you have time for it, try joining an extracurricular group. Something on the smaller/more obscure side is great because there will be like-minded people in it and generally built-in social events that everyone in the group is invited to. I was very involved in an extracurricular and made a bunch of my friends that way. Even people who were extremely awkward or even unpleasant to talk to found their place in that group.

 

[Lone Apothecary]

This isn't aimed at anyone in particular. I just wanted to say that there's one wonderful thing about college: the location. Just across the street there's a nature trail & there's another one a few minutes away. As far as I'm concerned, there's no better way to unwind between classes or at the end of the day than by taking a stroll around a pond & taking in the scenery.

@PlayingSolo: Those are good ideas. I mean, I could probably follow through with that without getting nervous. I find "formal" introductions rather daunting, but something more subtle would probably suit me well.

@Tom_Lonely: Yeah, I'd imagine it really gets piled on thick for a lot of people in high school & college.

I get the gist of what you meant by "I have felt like I have to sacrifice who I am in order to fit in". I've went along with some things I would've objected to otherwise. Luckily, I don't do that anymore.

@Sarah_Lbnz: Sorry to hear you have to deal with such uncouth individuals.

"the class ends, and the bond wasn't strong enough". I worry about that a lot. I'm not a memorable person, especially not when I just met someone. Maybe this isn't the case, but it seems to me like what little I say is forgotten within a few hours. But there's a silver lining, at least I'm doing something. Even if it doesn't leave an impression, it's still another way for me to work of my social skills. I just wish I was as competent at speaking as I am at writing. It's hard to make someone believe you're a would-be author when you can barely articulate a conversation.

@futurecatlady: I read this before I left this morning & I just wanted to say thanks. I decided to ask my English teacher if there were any extracurricular literature groups on campus (reading or writing, I'm fine with either). She seemed to like the idea, but she said there hadn't been anything like that for a while. I was pretty bummed out until she said that it wouldn't be too hard to get something going if folks were interested. I was only talking to her about it for a few minutes & I'm looking forward to getting some more details on it, preferably sometime this week. I'm rather anxious to see how this might pan out.

 

[Lua]

I feel lonely in university too. I have people around me, with which I can talk to, but no real friends.

Before starting my first year, I thought that my life will change - I will meet new people, I will make real friends, I will leave my past loneliness behind me. Sure, I met new people, but I'm still lonely.

This. I thought that I would get to know new interesting people, maybe also ones with similar interests. But somehow, most people studying English didn't know any of the books and films I liked (let alone music), and were rather annoyed that they were supposed to read Wilde, Poe and the like. So I felt pretty disillusioned.

Obviously, that isn't the only basis for making friends, but it was the only safe way I knew how to connect with people. Then there was the fact that every single one of them had a boyfriend, which made me feel a little pathetic. During the first semester I often hung out with them, but as the group grew larger, I felt more and more like an outsider and withdrew. Now they're acquaintances, nothing more. It saddens me and I feel like if I started studying now, they might actually become friends because I'm better at talking to people and no longer as focused on shared interests.

I've become more comfortable around people at uni and often chat with someone in or after class. The problem is, I don't know how to turn those conversations into friendships. Everyone else seems to have found their group of friends and isn't really looking to extend it. Or even if they haven't, I wouldn't know how to detect that. It's basically this:

"the class ends, and the bond wasn't strong enough". I worry about that a lot. I'm not a memorable person, especially not when I just met someone. Maybe this isn't the case, but it seems to me like what little I say is forgotten within a few hours. But there's a silver lining, at least I'm doing something. Even if it doesn't leave an impression, it's still another way for me to work of my social skills.

So now there is no one I could honestly call a friend at uni. There are still the odd, awesome moments when I run into people I always found interesting and end up having a beer with them. So far, no friendships have developed from that, but I'll keep trying.

 

[perfanoff]

For me I've gotten used to my (mostly younger) classmates acting like they're too cool for me, or else they're (maybe?) intimidated by me and can't look me in the eye, or they just can't carry on a decent conversation, which is frustrating. I'm convinced the majority of my classmates have Asperger's. You'll be talking to someone and then they'll whip out their phone, and it's like, okay point taken, you rude fresia, I'm shutting up or walking away from you now. I've met a few people my age that I think are interesting, and it's been enjoyable talking to them, but then the class ends, and the bond wasn't strong enough for either of us to ask for contact info. But there's still some people I would like to get to know better, so I have hope.

Oh boy, the infamous cell phone cop out

 

[Lone Apothecary]

Neat, I didn't expect this to see this topic again. Sadly, I've naught to add. I tried to start a writing group, but nobody showed up. That was discouraging. I've not met anyone new that wanted to talk for any more than a few minutes either. Oh well.

I feel lonely in university too. I have people around me, with which I can talk to, but no real friends.

Before starting my first year, I thought that my life will change - I will meet new people, I will make real friends, I will leave my past loneliness behind me. Sure, I met new people, but I'm still lonely.

This. I thought that I would get to know new interesting people, maybe also ones with similar interests. But somehow, most people studying English didn't know any of the books and films I liked (let alone music), and were rather annoyed that they were supposed to read Wilde, Poe and the like. So I felt pretty disillusioned.

Obviously, that isn't the only basis for making friends, but it was the only safe way I knew how to connect with people. Then there was the fact that every single one of them had a boyfriend, which made me feel a little pathetic. During the first semester I often hung out with them, but as the group grew larger, I felt more and more like an outsider and withdrew. Now they're acquaintances, nothing more. It saddens me and I feel like if I started studying now, they might actually become friends because I'm better at talking to people and no longer as focused on shared interests.

I've become more comfortable around people at uni and often chat with someone in or after class. The problem is, I don't know how to turn those conversations into friendships. Everyone else seems to have found their group of friends and isn't really looking to extend it. Or even if they haven't, I wouldn't know how to detect that. It's basically this:

"the class ends, and the bond wasn't strong enough". I worry about that a lot. I'm not a memorable person, especially not when I just met someone. Maybe this isn't the case, but it seems to me like what little I say is forgotten within a few hours. But there's a silver lining, at least I'm doing something. Even if it doesn't leave an impression, it's still another way for me to work of my social skills.

So now there is no one I could honestly call a friend at uni. There are still the odd, awesome moments when I run into people I always found interesting and end up having a beer with them. So far, no friendships have developed from that, but I'll keep trying.

I plan on studying English in the future and I know what you mean to an extent. As I said, I tried to start a writing group on campus to no avail. I've odd tastes and share naught but trivialities in common with others. I've yet to meet someone who was familiar with my favorite author, H.P. Lovecraft, before meeting me. Disillusioned is an understatement, haha.

Anyways, best of luck to you LUA.

 

[Lua]

Neat, I didn't expect this to see this topic again. Sadly, I've naught to add. I tried to start a writing group, but nobody showed up. That was discouraging. I've not met anyone new that wanted to talk for any more than a few minutes either. Oh well.

I plan on studying English in the future and I know what you mean to an extent. As I said, I tried to start a writing group on campus to no avail. I've odd tastes and share naught but trivialities in common with others. I've yet to meet someone who was familiar with my favorite author, H.P. Lovecraft, before meeting me. Disillusioned is an understatement, haha.

Anyways, best of luck to you LUA.

I'm sorry no one showed up D: It would only have been fair if your courage had been rewarded.

Sharing nothing but trivialities is exactly what I felt like. It was a little puzzling because I don't think my preferences in literature, films and music are that rare. Well, it's all about finding the right people and saying the right things, and I wasn't too good at that apparently.

Something I do want to say is, maybe more interesting conversations can develop from those trivialities. I don't mean that anyone should spend time with people who seem dull to them. But maybe you'll find some that are open-minded and like learning about someone else's interests, may they be similar or different from their own. And I've found that you can often enjoyably talk to people about topics you discuss in class. I've had a few decent conversations with my group of acquaintances from the first semester, about books we had to read for a seminar and the like.

Something that really works is PlayingSolo's advice. I once asked someone a superfluous question about an upcoming exam and then I was free to unawkwardly ask him which subjects he studies and so on :3

Maybe for a change, you'll meet someone who has actually read something by H.P. Lovecraft. It can't be impossible. Best of luck to you as well

 

[Lone Apothecary]

Ah, if only life were fair rather than indifferent.

My preferences are rare in some cases, but mostly just erratic. I like all sorts of things, but somehow I only share a few things with most people (although there are exceptions).

Hey, you never know, right? I've had some decent discussions, but I haven't run into many open-minded folks as of yet.

Yeah, that's a pretty good way of getting a conversation going, but it's a bit irritating when people are quick to discuss their studies while ignoring your input entirely. Luckily, that doesn't happen very often.

Ha, that'd be nice. Get a decent literary discussion on the go for a change.
Thanks.

 

[Goodmorningamerica]

Wow, I haven't been on these forums since exactly a year and a day ago, isn't that odd.

I started sixth form (British word for college I guess) at a new school in September and studying tough subjects like maths. It got off to a good start; people just left me alone and took no notice which was great and I was doing good in lessons. It was kind of boring at lunchtimes but I have found a route to walk which takes up the precise amount of time that lunch is like I done at secondary school. No awkwardness at lunch is great!!!

I think people are starting to think I'm weird because I never talk and sit by myself. I am more confident now; I talk loudly and use my deep, manly voice instead of my whimpy one. I have no idea how to reply if someone tries to start a conversation with me and then the next time I see them they just avoid me... thanks a freakin' bunch! Then I bet they say to everyone they can 'ohh he's weird' so I get even more looks off people.

Another point about talking, whenever I talk to somone it's boring but when I hear them chatting to their friends the conversation is so natural; although they do talk about junk whereas I like to have a meaningful convo. about stuff that interests me. It's funny because all everyone else cares about is either boring, stupid, dangerous or vein. I should probably try to get some less esoteric interests.

Ohh what it is to be young! Lol.