Coming to a Realization, Anxiety Runs My Life

[RJLJD]

Let me preface: I'm 21, a senior in college in northeast Ohio, a sport management major, I live at home and commute to school.

I was lying in bed last night before going to sleep, thinking about my future. To me, my future is a scary thing, and it probably shouldn't be as scary as I make it out to be. I have a lot of tools. I have interests in things related to my field of study, I'm smart, get very good grades in school, and have met a few people along the way that I have no doubt would do everything they can to help me progress farther. I'm still scared though. And that's not the end of it, pretty much everything on a daily basis provides me with some form of anxiety, stress, or fear. I can't still through a class without being worried about being called on, even though I probably would be able to answer the question. I have anxiety about working in groups.

For one of my classes this week, I'm supposed to drive downtown. We're going to look at one of the local arenas and see how it gets set up for different events. This should be a fun learning experience. I'm still only focused on my nerves about driving there and back safely. I hardly ever drive myself downtown for this reason. Its dangerous, but of all the people I've dealt with I seem to be the only one with this concern (except one, which I will get to). Its like I have no confidence in myself, but I think I know at least where it partially comes from.

My mom is the biggest worrier in the world when it comes to me. I've yet to even tell her I have to drive downtown yet in 2 days because I know she'll try to convince me to weasel my way into driving the opposite direction to campus so that someone will take me. She's afraid I'll drive off a cliff or something. I refuse to do that. And that's just one example. Its simple things too. She'll ask me to retrieve something for her, but she'll have to come with me, because she's convinced I won't find it on my own. She can't even bother to try to describe it to me and let me try. Really though, she just doesn't let me take any risks at all, which means I can't teach myself to do things, and in turn, my confidence stays low, and I can't learn. Part of me thinks its so she can keep her little boy that I think she'd have a heck of a time letting go of. And I really don't mean to bash her, I love my mom, I really do, but I feel like she's stunting some of my growth as a person.

And this culture of anxiety and worry has taken me over too. Its very rare of me to think of anything that is constructive that I could do that I don't feel nervous about. Since that's the case usually I do the bare minimum. I do my work that I need to do for school (I think I do it well, by the way), whatever else I may NEED to do, and don't go any farther. My goal on a typical day is to get done what it is I need to get done as efficiently as possible so that I can sit around and play video games, listen to music, or pursue my own interests only to the point that no one other than myself and a small circle of others see them.

This is going to hurt me in the long run I'm afraid. I have ambitious plans for my future, but they're never going to get off the ground if I don't allow myself to take a chance and make my hopes come true. I'd like to work in baseball operations ultimately as a career (helping make decisions for the on-the-field aspect of professional baseball teams), or I'd like to write about sports (I've never taken a journalism class though, as I just discovered this interest not that long ago), or I'd like to try to go to grad's school as a graduate assistant. I'd like to write more music in my free time and actually share it with people. I'd like to meet a nice girl, get to know her and see where it goes from there. The problem is I fret about each step of the way so much that I stand pat and don't change anything. Baseball ops would take the time and effort of competing against so many other people, a GA would mean a job and school at the same time, meeting a girl would mean setting up dates and having plans on how to interact with her. And I'm just getting started. All of this means depending on myself and going out in the world and making the most of it, something that I'm afraid I've been held down from. Ultimately, I feel there is one very big strain that puts this all together though.

I'm just afraid to grow up.

What do you think?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Worrying is as useful to solving problems as fishing is to mathematics.

You do need to calm down; be realistic about your abilities and your risks, but going overboard and being afraid is no way to grow either. There are methods to help be calmer, such as meditation, which I definitely recommend and just generally be more prepared, which helps you feel more confident even if things go south.

 

[jjam]

I think you've done well to make it to the Senior class of college.
Keep up the good work. Keep wanting enough, and you'll have. My problem is I want, but I don't think I want enough.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Anxiety rules me every minute of the day. I can't do anything constructive because of all the trauma I went through since I'm a kid with the criticizing and rage.

 

[Anonymous Rex]

Let me preface: I'm 21, a senior in college in northeast Ohio, a sport management major, I live at home and commute to school.

I was lying in bed last night before going to sleep, thinking about my future. To me, my future is a scary thing, and it probably shouldn't be as scary as I make it out to be. I have a lot of tools. I have interests in things related to my field of study, I'm smart, get very good grades in school, and have met a few people along the way that I have no doubt would do everything they can to help me progress farther. I'm still scared though. And that's not the end of it, pretty much everything on a daily basis provides me with some form of anxiety, stress, or fear. I can't still through a class without being worried about being called on, even though I probably would be able to answer the question. I have anxiety about working in groups.

For one of my classes this week, I'm supposed to drive downtown. We're going to look at one of the local arenas and see how it gets set up for different events. This should be a fun learning experience. I'm still only focused on my nerves about driving there and back safely. I hardly ever drive myself downtown for this reason. Its dangerous, but of all the people I've dealt with I seem to be the only one with this concern (except one, which I will get to). Its like I have no confidence in myself, but I think I know at least where it partially comes from.

My mom is the biggest worrier in the world when it comes to me. I've yet to even tell her I have to drive downtown yet in 2 days because I know she'll try to convince me to weasel my way into driving the opposite direction to campus so that someone will take me. She's afraid I'll drive off a cliff or something. I refuse to do that. And that's just one example. Its simple things too. She'll ask me to retrieve something for her, but she'll have to come with me, because she's convinced I won't find it on my own. She can't even bother to try to describe it to me and let me try. Really though, she just doesn't let me take any risks at all, which means I can't teach myself to do things, and in turn, my confidence stays low, and I can't learn. Part of me thinks its so she can keep her little boy that I think she'd have a heck of a time letting go of. And I really don't mean to bash her, I love my mom, I really do, but I feel like she's stunting some of my growth as a person.

And this culture of anxiety and worry has taken me over too. Its very rare of me to think of anything that is constructive that I could do that I don't feel nervous about. Since that's the case usually I do the bare minimum. I do my work that I need to do for school (I think I do it well, by the way), whatever else I may NEED to do, and don't go any farther. My goal on a typical day is to get done what it is I need to get done as efficiently as possible so that I can sit around and play video games, listen to music, or pursue my own interests only to the point that no one other than myself and a small circle of others see them.

This is going to hurt me in the long run I'm afraid. I have ambitious plans for my future, but they're never going to get off the ground if I don't allow myself to take a chance and make my hopes come true. I'd like to work in baseball operations ultimately as a career (helping make decisions for the on-the-field aspect of professional baseball teams), or I'd like to write about sports (I've never taken a journalism class though, as I just discovered this interest not that long ago), or I'd like to try to go to grad's school as a graduate assistant. I'd like to write more music in my free time and actually share it with people. I'd like to meet a nice girl, get to know her and see where it goes from there. The problem is I fret about each step of the way so much that I stand pat and don't change anything. Baseball ops would take the time and effort of competing against so many other people, a GA would mean a job and school at the same time, meeting a girl would mean setting up dates and having plans on how to interact with her. And I'm just getting started. All of this means depending on myself and going out in the world and making the most of it, something that I'm afraid I've been held down from. Ultimately, I feel there is one very big strain that puts this all together though.

I'm just afraid to grow up.

What do you think?

I can identify with this a lot. I had a few similar problems when I was in college (in the UK, aged 16-18, between school and university). I was feeling all sorts of fears and anxieties, reluctant to talk in most classes despite knowing the answers,shy about interacting with new people, all sorts of things.

The best thing I can recommend is to try and confront your fears, and do that before you waste too much time worrying. If you do what frightens you to a small degree, eventually the fear will go down and down, until it's not that bad.

As an example, what I'm trying to take on a few of my issues that I've let dwell for too long (I'm in my mid-twenties now).
I'm trying to work on my fear of being in public places by sitting in a coffee shop, reading or writing, while amongst a large number of other people, who could theoretically judge me, or try and start conversations.
I've got a fear of bridges, so every now and then I go out of my way to cross them.

You should try and do the same - do what frightens you a little bit, to a level that won't overwhelm you, and build yourself up and up over time.

And I'd recommend you try and do it as soon as possible, before fear builds up and up - it'll get harder long-term.

 

[mrmosaic]

You've made it to your senior year in college so congrats on that!! You're mother sounds extremely over protective. Have you talked with her about your feelings? You don't have to bash her she surely loves you but your are 21 years old she needs to realize you are an adult.

Do you work? Getting an apartment a possibility?
Anxiety is rough not something you can turn on and off with a switch and it sounds like it runs in your family (mom).

 

[Sci-Fi]

I can relate 100% to you I'm the exact same way. You have to push yourself to do things no matter how nervous you get about it. Just do it. I had to drive by myself to the company Christmas party last year, I absolutely hate going. My boss likes to hand out bonuses then, and he will call you up and make a little speech about you. That terrifies me to no end, plus eating around people I'm always afraid of being a slop or something. Not that I am but in a situation like that I'm afraid I'd do something dumb. Every negative scenario runs through my head. I pray for something to happen that gets me out of going, like a snow storm or something. But last year I just bit the bullet and went. I'm still nervous about having to go this year but at least I did it. I accomplished something I was afraid doing and everything went well.

That's what you have to do, is just do it. Tell yourself you are being ridiculous with your fears and prove yourself wrong.

Plus, don't listen to your mother. She's the same way so she won't be any help to you.