Cop was a little rude. felt depressed after

[VanillaCreme]

True, speeding is anything over the actual limit, but most don't bother with I'd say around 5 or under. There are those hardass cops who do though.

 

[Ignis]

He was curt and short with you because that's how cops work.
Their job isn't to be like "Aww... Poor guy, broke the law when he didn't even know. Here, I'll give you a cookie and a back-rub... I'm sure your totally illegitimate answer was totally valid." their job is to tell you that what you did was wrong, deliver the appropriate penalty and move on with their day. They can't afford to spend an hour beating around the bush trying to make you feel a little better, because while they were talking to you, 5 people just broke that exact same law you did.
And yes, to them, it is always an illegitimate answer because even though you may have been sincere about it, it doesn't change the fact that
#1: You were performing an illegal act
#2: They've heard the same excuse from 10 other people today ALONE who were just trying to cover their hide. They have no reason to believe you're sincere and EVEN IF YOU WERE sincere, refer to point #1.

The important part is NO EXCUSES. To a cop, there is NO excuse for breaking the law and that's not because they're cold, heartless people but it's because they have a JOB to do, they need to uphold the law. Don't try and make up some excuse as to why you were doing X thing because they've heard it all before, like they've REALLY heard it all before.

Regardless, you shouldn't feel victimised for only getting a WARNING. If he was REALLY cold, he would have given you a fine regardless.
Sounds like you got off pretty good, actually.

 

[Restless soul]

He was curt and short with you because that's how cops work.
Their job isn't to be like "Aww... Poor guy, broke the law when he didn't even know. Here, I'll give you a cookie and a back-rub... I'm sure your totally illegitimate answer was totally valid." their job is to tell you that what you did was wrong, deliver the appropriate penalty and move on with their day. They can't afford to spend an hour beating around the bush trying to make you feel a little better, because while they were talking to you, 5 people just broke that exact same law you did.
And yes, to them, it is always an illegitimate answer because even though you may have been sincere about it, it doesn't change the fact that
#1: You were performing an illegal act
#2: They've heard the same excuse from 10 other people today ALONE who were just trying to cover their hide. They have no reason to believe you're sincere and EVEN IF YOU WERE sincere, refer to point #1.

The important part is NO EXCUSES. To a cop, there is NO excuse for breaking the law and that's not because they're cold, heartless people but it's because they have a JOB to do, they need to uphold the law. Don't try and make up some excuse as to why you were doing X thing because they've heard it all before, like they've REALLY heard it all before.

Regardless, you shouldn't feel victimised for only getting a WARNING. If he was REALLY cold, he would have given you a fine regardless.
Sounds like you got off pretty good, actually.

Thanks you are right. A lesson learned

 

[haywud]

I've had some mixed experiences with cops. First I was pulled over for going through what was clearly a yellow light. The worst thing about it is that their pig pals decided to stop and chat with each other before all speeding off to the local donut shop (not even making this up either). Then I got pulled over for speeding (which I obviously was) but then I had to sit there for like 10 minutes because the cop didn't know the actual speed limit. Then for the good, I was pulled over for doing around 75 mph in a 45 zone but the cop only wrote me up for about 60 on the ticket so that was nice. Then when we had our Mustang I spun the tires a little while taking off and was pulled over, the cop was as cool as can be about it and just gave me a warning. I also got a thumbs up from a state trooper in the Mustang too, that was weird. So obviously it depends on the cop you get, some want to act like total jerks because they have a badge while some are pretty cool.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You're not really supposed to go through a yellow light.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

He was curt and short with you because that's how cops work.

No, no it isn't... and shouldn't be. Everyone here is crazy exaggerating. He wasn't asking the cop to give him a pat on the back, just have a professional demenor.  Which I find the vast majority of them to be lacking. Their job is protect and serve and we give them a lot of power... they need to use it responsibly. As I said... I often think they provoke people into bad behavior... on purpose. 

I actually think that is stupid. The best cops... are all friendly with you and not only do you behave better... your are likely to incriminate yourself. Good cop. 

Most traffic infractions are the absolute most minor of things. Frankly in my state they aren't "the law" they are civil motor vehicle infractions and so you shouldn't get the attitude like your on the FBI most wanted list. 

On traffic violations I hate to get a ticket but also look at them as the cost of doing business. Especially when giving tickets they just cannot be investigating them like real crimes and are probably in the area just to let people see people getting tickets to encourage people to be aware of the issue and not to do it. My favorite one is getting pulled over on the highway en mass. They just pull like 20 people over at once. That made me so angry one time because I wasn't doing anything. 

A tip... YOU can appeal a ticket. It is a probably a loser to say you weren't doing the speeding but many jurisdictions have technical requirements for tickets that the cops seem to have no idea about. One, "a no fix" law requires a ticket to be dismissed if you don't sign the ticket -- attesting that you received it.  Why? Because years ago it was discovered that police were writing fictitious tickets. For things that didn't happen people had no way to prove the entire thing didn't happen so they had to pay.

 

[VanillaCreme]

There are bad cops. But most of them don't provoke people into bad behavior. That sounds like it's trying to justify some folks being stupid all on their own. Don't start nothing, won't be nothing.

 

[Restless soul]

There are bad cops. But most of them don't provoke people into bad behavior. That sounds like it's trying to justify some folks being stupid all on their own. Don't start nothing, won't be nothing.

I take everything personally. Whether it's someone reprimanding me. Being compared told by someone I look like someone else. I ruminate on it. Obbsess for days on it. Does that make me a damged person?
I feel very vulnerable and damaged after incidents such as that with the cop. Etc..that is why I must post it here.

---

The question to all you wise posters are..
Is this due to being alone all the time? No positive
Reinforcement early on? Was all this done early on to me that
I can't escape this vicious cycle of getting beat down by everything someone says, be it a look. Comment?

 

[Restless soul]

A part of me says, all I need is to get laid. All I need is a job that i can enjoy. But i am not So Sure.

---

Can someone tell me what I can do so I don't spend another summer sitting alone in starbucks or walking the streets aimless??

 

[VanillaCreme]

I take everything personally. Whether it's someone reprimanding me. Being compared told by someone I look like someone else. I ruminate on it. Obbsess for days on it. Does that make me a damged person?
I feel very vulnerable and damaged after incidents such as that with the cop. Etc..that is why I must post it here.

---

The question to all you wise posters are..
Is this due to being alone all the time? No positive
Reinforcement early on? Was all this done early on to me that
I can't escape this vicious cycle of getting beat down by everything someone says, be it a look. Comment?

---

If you take everything personal, that's your issue. You can choose whether or not something really matters to you. We all have choices to react a certain way, and it may seem like there's no other choice but to react a certain way, but there is. You could have decided to brush this cop pulling you over for an offense off your shoulder. Instead, you chose to react the way you did.

I'm not sure why you feel damaged, but your reaction is in your hands. Regardless of how we were raised, at a certain point in time, we become responsible for ourselves and our behavior. The reasoning, "I was raised that way," doesn't necessarily hold any meaning with a lot of things. It may allow some people to escape having to take responsibility for what they do and how they react, but it's not necessarily a valid route. That power to react in a calmer, more placid demeanor is always a choice.

 

[Restless soul]

I take everything personally. Whether it's someone reprimanding me. Being compared told by someone I look like someone else. I ruminate on it. Obbsess for days on it. Does that make me a damged person?
I feel very vulnerable and damaged after incidents such as that with the cop. Etc..that is why I must post it here.

---

The question to all you wise posters are..
Is this due to being alone all the time? No positive
Reinforcement early on? Was all this done early on to me that
I can't escape this vicious cycle of getting beat down by everything someone says, be it a look. Comment?

---

If you take everything personal, that's your issue. You can choose whether or not something really matters to you. We all have choices to react a certain way, and it may seem like there's no other choice but to react a certain way, but there is. You could have decided to brush this cop pulling you over for an offense off your shoulder. Instead, you chose to react the way you did.

I'm not sure why you feel damaged, but your reaction is in your hands. Regardless of how we were raised, at a certain point in time, we become responsible for ourselves and our behavior. The reasoning, "I was raised that way," doesn't necessarily hold any meaning with a lot of things. It may allow some people to escape having to take responsibility for what they do and how they react, but it's not necessarily a valid route. That power to react in a calmer, more placid demeanor is always a choice.

---

Maybe on the outside, vanilla they can become better at appearing more calm. But it's those inner thoughts that can really do the most damage eating at you.
So, yes being raised in a certain atmosphere and of course you know this. Take a pitbull for instance raised in a tense and aggresive household that pitbull would be more likely to bark and snap at the slightest things. Vs the putbull raised in a more tame environment. 

Now you can argue, there are benefits to being able to deal with stress. But you get the picture

 

[TheRealCallie]

So you're a dog now? Lol

You can make all the excuses you want, but you are the person YOU choose to be. Doesn't matter how you were raised, whether you had a loving family or not, whether you have a million friends or not. YOU choose who you are. YOU choose how you react.

Is it easy to alter how you think about certain things...no, of course not, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. It depends on how motivated you are.

Everyone in this world is damaged. You can either choose to let it stop you or let it motivate you to be better. I know better than most how easy it can be to find an excuse not to be different than you are when you don't like who you are. If you want an excuse, you'll find one. How about doing it differently?

 

[Restless soul]

HI, Callie. Been a while. Didn't like dog analogy?

I am trying To figure it all out. Day by day

 

[Restless soul]

My larger point with the pitbull example was
That I large part of the pitbull behavior is due to the
Environment now when you take that do that was already raised and conditioned in that poor environment and put him into a calmer one, it won't really help at that point. The psychological damage was done. Add to that genetic components with a human. And it's pretty hard to for that tiger to change it's stripes. I threw in another animal

 

[kamya]

My larger point with the pitbull example was
That I large part of the pitbull behavior is due to the
Environment now when you take that do that was already raised and conditioned in that poor environment and put him into a calmer one, it won't really help at that point. The psychological damage was done. Add to that genetic components with a human. And it's pretty hard to for that tiger to change it's stripes. I threw in another animal

 

[TheRealCallie]

My larger point with the pitbull example was
That I large part of the pitbull behavior is due to the
Environment now when you take that do that was already raised and conditioned in that poor environment and put him into a calmer one, it won't really help at that point. The psychological damage was done. Add to that genetic components with a human. And it's pretty hard to for that tiger to change it's stripes. I threw in another animal

We aren't dogs.  That is an entirely different situation as humans and dogs are two completely different species.  So comparing ourselves to any other animal is not going to work.  However, with the right treatment and a little caring, an abused/mean dog CAN change. 

And again, I never said it would be EASY, doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.  Psychological damage can be undone, if you want it enough and are willing to do what needs done to get it accomplished.  I did it and I know a lot of people that have done it, so you're really just making excuses.  It's easier just to carry on as you have been because you know what to expect, you don't have to worry about the hard work, you don't have to do anything. 
If you don't like the way you are, change the way you are.  Stop with the excuses, they are only holding you back.  Doesn't matter how you grew up, doesn't matter how many people are in your life.  If you want something bad enough, you'll accomplish it.  Not overnight and it will be hard, but you will accomplish it.  End of story.


TL;DR version....see the above diagram. lol

 

[Restless soul]

Who's trying to be cute??

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Think it's a pretty valid point of view, having your misdemeaner pointed out to you and possibly being ticketed is the job of the police, being arrogant, and rude isn't required and reflects really poorly on that particular policeman, these guys are law enforcers and not bloody minded dictaters although some would probably quite like to be. Minor traffic violations hardly justify anything other than a reasoned and polite approach.

 

[Restless soul]

Think it's a pretty valid point of view, having your misdemeaner pointed out to you and possibly being ticketed is the job of the police, being arrogant, and rude isn't required and reflects really poorly on that particular policeman, these guys are law enforcers and not bloody minded dictaters although some would probably quite like to be. Minor traffic violations hardly justify anything other than a reasoned and polite approach.

Yes, I agree. But as someone stated earlier. Saying they don't have time to hold your hand. Ok whatver. But I am with you they can still talk to you like you are human

 

[TheRealCallie]

Was the cop actually rude or did you just interpret that he was based on your own issues?