Crossed the line

[Rosebolt]

They did. my parents, or, my dad and stepmom, and mostly just my stepmom.

I posted a diary thread yesterday about a marvelous family dinner at an amazing restorant. Yesterday evening, after some thinking, i came to the conclusion i had all the evidence i needed to fully authorise/authorize myself to stop giving a flying fresia about my parents.

So, this morning, i overslept, and my stepmom called me, to get me out of bed. I manage to not get late for work. Before i go i decided to thank her for waking me up, but instead of a no problem i get a speech about discipline. Alright, my parenting ways would be different. Let the kid fall and take responsibility for his actions, but okay, we are all different.

Then dinner today. My sister said she had a therapy session again after a couple of months. (therapist was sick or something like that) And then asked what the reason was that my parents (dad and stepmom) didn't want family therapy session anymore.

And then it started all over. "No <sisters name>, it's not our fault, you are the one who's at fault here, not us, there is no reason for us to go there anymore." My sister already knew enough, and tried to stop the conversation, but my stepmom just went on and on, and my dad too. All about how they're not at fault and that the therapy is for my sister because she's such a bad person.

Later, when all spiteful conversation aimed at my sister is done, they take their aim at me. "So <my name>, i heard you were sleeping late? Did you get to work on time?" "Yes i did." "Well, you have to do this and this because discipline because you fail because reasons."

There was alot of whining, but i don't really know how to translate it all, and i don't feel like it's that necessary either. Yesterday evening two things happened that gave me the permission i needed, these are:"

1. Trying their very best to make me into someone i am not, and failing to understand i have a will of my own.
2. When my stepmom was talking about what time it was in New York, i gave the correct answer about 7 times. This was ignored completely, and after my dad looked it up, she was convinced. She didn't acknowledge i was right all along either. Meaning that they don't appreciate my input, thinking, and just me being there.

These two things have happened alot more then just once, of course, but now i got solid evidence for myself.

I am thinking my stepmom is manipulating my dad, who also has no mind of his own anymore, so it seems. My dad is annoying for what he does, just like my stepmom, but i do care alot for him still. I feel he is just being played with.

Apart from venting this all, i want to ask, has there been any of you who have lived on the streets? What was the hardest part of that for you? I completely understand if you rather not answer that.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Sigma]

I still love you mayn <3

 

[perfanoff]

It would be good for you to get out of your house for a while. You will learn how miserable the life of a homeless person is and hopefully get enriched by it.
On the other hand, all worthwhile experience comes with a steep price: are you ready to pay it?

 

[Omnisiac]

Test

 

[Omnisiac]

They did. my parents, or, my dad and stepmom, and mostly just my stepmom.

I posted a diary thread yesterday about a marvelous family dinner at an amazing restorant. Yesterday evening, after some thinking, i came to the conclusion i had all the evidence i needed to fully authorise/authorize myself to stop giving a flying fresia about my parents.

So, this morning, i overslept, and my stepmom called me, to get me out of bed. I manage to not get late for work. Before i go i decided to thank her for waking me up, but instead of a no problem i get a speech about discipline. Alright, my parenting ways would be different. Let the kid fall and take responsibility for his actions, but okay, we are all different.

Then dinner today. My sister said she had a therapy session again after a couple of months. (therapist was sick or something like that) And then asked what the reason was that my parents (dad and stepmom) didn't want family therapy session anymore.

And then it started all over. "No <sisters name>, it's not our fault, you are the one who's at fault here, not us, there is no reason for us to go there anymore." My sister already knew enough, and tried to stop the conversation, but my stepmom just went on and on, and my dad too. All about how they're not at fault and that the therapy is for my sister because she's such a bad person.

Later, when all spiteful conversation aimed at my sister is done, they take their aim at me. "So <my name>, i heard you were sleeping late? Did you get to work on time?" "Yes i did." "Well, you have to do this and this because discipline because you fail because reasons."

There was alot of whining, but i don't really know how to translate it all, and i don't feel like it's that necessary either. Yesterday evening two things happened that gave me the permission i needed, these are:"

1. Trying their very best to make me into someone i am not, and failing to understand i have a will of my own.
2. When my stepmom was talking about what time it was in New York, i gave the correct answer about 7 times. This was ignored completely, and after my dad looked it up, she was convinced. She didn't acknowledge i was right all along either. Meaning that they don't appreciate my input, thinking, and just me being there.

These two things have happened alot more then just once, of course, but now i got solid evidence for myself.

I am thinking my stepmom is manipulating my dad, who also has no mind of his own anymore, so it seems. My dad is annoying for what he does, just like my stepmom, but i do care alot for him still. I feel he is just being played with.

Apart from venting this all, i want to ask, has there been any of you who have lived on the streets? What was the hardest part of that for you? I completely understand if you rather not answer that.

Thanks for reading.

Parents are people too. They are really just older kids. They try and do their best, generally for themselves but they have an obligation to raise you and you have to give them credit for trying, because having parents that care is better than ones that don't. I know you may not think so and its probably difficult for you to see why they keep trying and don't just back the fk off right?Your time to carve your own path is coming and it will be there sooner than you think. Your parents will associate what you come to do with them and how they raised you. So if you end up an idiot its there fault. If you succeed that's their fault too. Think about this, wouldn't it be so much less stressful for them just to let you do what you wanted? Why don't they?They enjoy being upset, disrespected, and worried? Do you enjoy those feelings? My advice is break from tradition, play the game. Even if they suck at being parents its their job and they are trying which is alot more than most.When your time comes flip em the bird and join the army if it sucked that, much but man give em a break and in return you might get one too.


My parents were too busy to care for my brother and I. We were very poor. Sometimes we all would have to sleep together in the same room in the winter to stay warm. I learned to cook when I was 8 because I was starving and we ran out of everything except flour and salt. I learned how to make buscuits at the library (not from a book) and I sold my heman doll to a guy on the street to buy some eggs. I don't think he wanted the hem an doll.

 

[LonelyLola]

Is there no one to couch surf with or room with? Sometimes around here families will take in boarders- maybe someone has a cheap room you can rent?

I have never been homeless, but I have lived hungry... My money going to pay rent and not food. It sucks. But you do what you have to. I hope you find a solution...

You can always come to Canada and stay in my room while I'm away this summer. My parents are old and sometimes crazy but usually quite supportive,

 

[kamya]

Get a job and move out if you can. Much easier said than done. That is a really toxic environment to be in.

 

[PyramidHead]

"No <sisters name>, it's not our fault, you are the one who's at fault here, not us, there is no reason for us to go there anymore."

I don't want to sound mean, but I can't help but to notice that this sounds a bit odd. Like that typical "I have no problem" talk from people who really deny their problems.

I would try to get out of such an environment as well, but I think you shouldn't leave your sister behind. (if she is still living there, of course) I bet that she could need some support from you.

 

[DeadSun]

First of all you don't want to be homeless,trust me on that I've never lived on the street but I've known plenty of people who have and they didn't exactly enjoy it. but like people have said if you really wanna get out and you have some money try looking online for some shared house/apartment arrangement where you just pay a piece of the rent and utilities.

But if you stay for a while you can always just stop giving a fresia. by that I mean be a bit more of an *******, speak your mind and don't worry so much about what they think of you. like if you want them to lay off your sister just tell them they need to lay off and they've said enough. and if your step mom asks something trivial don't even bother telling her unless she was asking you specifically. And if they try giving you honeysuckle about some little thing like waking up late then just tell them It's not a big deal and you don't wanna hear anymore about it (in your own words of course).

Anyway thats just what I'd do if I were you, and your dads an adult, and I'm sure hes not stupid so you shouldn't worry too much about your step mom using him or something. And again, being homeless = bad idea.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I would try to get out of such an environment as well, but I think you shouldn't leave your sister behind. (if she is still living there, of course) I bet that she could need some support from you.

PH, yeah, I wouldn't worry about that cos I know Rosebolt is always there for her.

Rosebolt dear, I think you know what I would have said too, as what many has here. Your parents, they probably care in their way that is so messed up and toxifying. And nobody can change them or their behaviour. I've suggested you move out with your sister, and I'm going to again because I think you really should for the sake of not only you, but your sister's well-being as well because from what I know, she's a good kid and I wouldn't want her to start to rebel just because of your stepmom.

In a way, I feel bad to suggest you leave your parents but something I've realised over the years. Parents may know a lot and may have experienced a lot, but they are not always right and if they're not willing to try and make changes for their children (like how yours refused to continue family therapy) then you know that the only improvement can come from your own actions next.

I really wouldn't suggest living on the streets, especially if you're thinking of doing that with your sister. :\

Ah what a bummer. Wish I could do more to help you, than just spewing words on the screen. *hugs*

 

[Rosebolt]

Thanks for the responses everyone.

Perfanoff - I understand. As unbelievable as it might sound, i am grateful for the material spoildness i have now. Of course i realise i am not realising how important such things are, until you miss them, but yeah.

Omnisiac - I'm sorry to hear about your family problems, putting my own stuff into such perspectives indeed says that i'm in a great position as i am. I know they're trying, and i keep saying that they love me and do their best, but honestly, i'm getting really tired of saying that. Right now i'm feeling bad because i cannot properly handle the honeysuckle that happens here, even though they "want me to be happy."

I have done my best to make them happy as well, but it doesn't seem to work very well. It's been about two years we live together now.

I am looking for a place to live and have applied for several homes, but i can expect to be here for another two years. In the meantime, what you guys suggested seems like a good idea, i'll see what i can do.

Pyramidhead - You're right, and you're not being mean. Or well, i don't mind anyway. It always goes like that, they blame us and we blame them. Sometimes i'm thinking about what that makes me, but i do try my best to make them happy. Leaving my sister behind is indeed my only big concern, i love her dearly, really alot. I do my best to be there for her, so that she has someone in this home she can talk to.

Deadsun - Yeah, that's what i started doing, not giving a fresia. It helped quite well yesterday, they accused me of all sorts of stuff, i just agreed to them and went on my business.

ladyforsaken - I think i can try to find out why my stepmom is as she is, i do have some good leads, and i might be able to change it for the better. but should a kid really do that for a stubborn 54 year old? Perhaps not, but i'll do it for my sis. Moving out is indeed the best idea now, i suppose.

Once again thanks for the replies everyone. Considering some of you hinted i was making too big a deal out of it, i hope i didn't annoy you too much. I appreciate all your input nonetheless. I'll keep you updated about it, in a non angry but motivated to change way.

Oh, and Sigma - <3

 

[Edward W]

Looks like I missed the party, but I don't think being homeless is the answer, it will just you more problems and you have a destination in your head. Stick with it, ignore them, you already know you don't really need their validation, even if it does annoy you (annoy might not be the right word, but you know what I mean)

You are a strong person Rosebolt, you know where you want to be, stick with it, in time I'm sure you'll have your own place and you will have full control of your life and destiny.

 

[Rosebolt]

Thank you Edward, you are right. I've now changed my anger into motivation. (mostly) And i will do my best to try my part in finding out why she acts the way she does. I have quite a bit of solid leads.

Also, this evening, at dinner, i decided to pull of a test. Talk about a particular situation at work, and see how she'd react to it. As i predicted, she plainly denied what i said, and said i was wrong, and gave her explanation. Also she further tried to talk me down.

This is delicious, i didn't get mad at all, i am very happy and excited at the moment that the experiment worked the way i hoped it would. Looking forward to doing more of this stuff, and also following the leads i have.

 

[Edward W]

^ Ha - good stuff, now you are in control without her even knowing. I like it!

 

[ilios]

It makes me so sad to hear this.

I live in a hostile enviroment myself and i know what an enviroment such as yours can do both to your confidence and self value.

Well, as people have said the only way you canget away is a job and a new place. But i also know how tiring it is to hear that, especially when it feels like its IMPOSSIBLE. Soo you know, if theres anything you can just pm me.

 

[jzinsky]

Just to twist this the other way round, one thing I tried (in a job) was doing EXACTLY what they said.
You woke up late, so get this biggest, loudest alarm you can find
They don't need therapy and nothing's their fault, take the blame for EVERYTHING, even better when you couldn't possibly have anything to do with it.

And so on.

Eventually one of two things will happen, they'll question/confront you and you be a massive dick about how nothing's ever good enough for you is it and how dare you have a go at me for trying to do WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BE, or you'll explode in a similar fit.

It's funny to watch yourself rant for a solid 20 minutes listing everything you've done because they've been dicks to you about it (and when I say solid I mean that was the ONLY time in my life that I didn't let anyone get a word in!)

 

[defenestrate]

Hey Rosebolt I'm worried about you.

How are you dealing with things? My household is very toxic as well. There are a few ways that I manage. I try to put myself out there as much as possible, I have somebody to talk to, and I have a pet. I think that for me, having a little friend who loves you unconditionally, makes all the difference in the world. Especially when other people choose to treat you like garbage. What are some of the things that you do to feel better?

Do you need help coming up with ideas?

 

[perfanoff]

I'm happily living alone since last week! And I've grown up in a hostile environment. Just a reminder, there is hope, and something to look forward to!

 

[Rosebolt]

ilios - Thanks alot for the offer, i'll most likely pm you at some point. I'm horrible with PMs lately though. Sorry to hear you're in a hostile environment as well. If i can help, feel free to pm me as well!

jzinsky - Your idea sounds quite nice. It's kinda like what i'm doing at the moment, for half of it or so. Ranting for 20 minutes is something i have fantasized about for hours upon hours in total.

defenestrate - Thanks alot for the care, i appreciate that. I am doing quite fine at the moment. Sorry to hear you're in a very toxic household, but it's nice you have a pet. Some of the things i do to make me feel better are playing guitar, making music in general, gaming, talking to people with 2 eyes, a brain, and the willingness to use them both.

Perfanoff - Congratulations on your new home, i probably missed the mention of it in some thread, but i'm really happy for you! Hope is something i hadn't lost either way, as long as i have my life goal to live for, i will fight, and that goal will remain with me all my life, so yeah. Thanks for the reminder though, i do appreciate it!

 

[perfanoff]

ilios - Thanks alot for the offer, i'll most likely pm you at some point. I'm horrible with PMs lately though. Sorry to hear you're in a hostile environment as well. If i can help, feel free to pm me as well!

jzinsky - Your idea sounds quite nice. It's kinda like what i'm doing at the moment, for half of it or so. Ranting for 20 minutes is something i have fantasized about for hours upon hours in total.

defenestrate - Thanks alot for the care, i appreciate that. I am doing quite fine at the moment. Sorry to hear you're in a very toxic household, but it's nice you have a pet. Some of the things i do to make me feel better are playing guitar, making music in general, gaming, talking to people with 2 eyes, a brain, and the willingness to use them both.

Perfanoff - Congratulations on your new home, i probably missed the mention of it in some thread, but i'm really happy for you! Hope is something i hadn't lost either way, as long as i have my life goal to live for, i will fight, and that goal will remain with me all my life, so yeah. Thanks for the reminder though, i do appreciate it!

You're definitely going to make it.