I haven't logged on here in a while, let alone posted anything, so I figured I'd post a general "update" about my loneliness/other problems...mostly just because I feel in the mood to whine about them (and possibly receive feedback) and this website is the proper outlet.
I entered high school recently. A few weeks ago. I expected it to be wonderful compared to my middle school. Like a magical place where I would instantly flourish both academically (due to more interesting lessons) and socially (due to more people to choose from and less interference by authority)
...In actuality, it's barely any different. The quality of the classes is literally exactly the same as middle school: busywork, and half-explained uninteresting (or even obvious) concepts. The only difference is that I get more of it...although, I am in most of the lowest (as in, least advanced) classes there are, but judging by the work I see others in higher classes get, it looks similar.
Socially, I am with a much larger group of people, and making fun of others or starting trouble is generally frowned upon here, so it seems that my old detractors (which are luckily only a few) are now willing to stop bothering me due to their new relatively unimportant social status and the stigma attached to bullying. This does not mean that I have friends though. I don't. I never know what to say to them, so I usually just don't say anything unless a very good opportunity to say something or tell a joke presents itself. I'm not all that interested in it either. Social interaction itself is enjoyable and some is preferable to none, but what am I supposed to talk about, and how could I possibly get interested enough in the things my acquaintances talk about (mostly just banter) to be an active participant in the "conversation"?
School seems more like an interference of my learning and growth than something that fosters it. I'm pretty sure I've learned more, and had more fun doing it (not to mention retaining it better) during the summer than while in school. I have become too apathetic to attempt to continue such learning in a devoted manner.
My social anxiety and general avoidance of possible criticism has not improved, though it hasn't really gotten worse either. This also prevents normal communication. I often worry about seeming anxious while talking to people, which (obviously) perpetuates the problem. I still have a large fear of disclosing personal details to those with a position of authority.
Relations with my parents have not improved. I still find them boring and emotionally fear/dislike their feedback and criticism even though I am mentally indifferent to it.
I feel very little emotions, and to a very blunt degree. I do not remember what happiness feels like, and barely remember anger and disgust. I can't remember the last time I cried either. I don't derive happiness from activities anymore..."Happiness" to me is mere relief.
Summary: This sucks
I entered high school recently. A few weeks ago. I expected it to be wonderful compared to my middle school. Like a magical place where I would instantly flourish both academically (due to more interesting lessons) and socially (due to more people to choose from and less interference by authority)
...In actuality, it's barely any different. The quality of the classes is literally exactly the same as middle school: busywork, and half-explained uninteresting (or even obvious) concepts. The only difference is that I get more of it...although, I am in most of the lowest (as in, least advanced) classes there are, but judging by the work I see others in higher classes get, it looks similar.
Socially, I am with a much larger group of people, and making fun of others or starting trouble is generally frowned upon here, so it seems that my old detractors (which are luckily only a few) are now willing to stop bothering me due to their new relatively unimportant social status and the stigma attached to bullying. This does not mean that I have friends though. I don't. I never know what to say to them, so I usually just don't say anything unless a very good opportunity to say something or tell a joke presents itself. I'm not all that interested in it either. Social interaction itself is enjoyable and some is preferable to none, but what am I supposed to talk about, and how could I possibly get interested enough in the things my acquaintances talk about (mostly just banter) to be an active participant in the "conversation"?
School seems more like an interference of my learning and growth than something that fosters it. I'm pretty sure I've learned more, and had more fun doing it (not to mention retaining it better) during the summer than while in school. I have become too apathetic to attempt to continue such learning in a devoted manner.
My social anxiety and general avoidance of possible criticism has not improved, though it hasn't really gotten worse either. This also prevents normal communication. I often worry about seeming anxious while talking to people, which (obviously) perpetuates the problem. I still have a large fear of disclosing personal details to those with a position of authority.
Relations with my parents have not improved. I still find them boring and emotionally fear/dislike their feedback and criticism even though I am mentally indifferent to it.
I feel very little emotions, and to a very blunt degree. I do not remember what happiness feels like, and barely remember anger and disgust. I can't remember the last time I cried either. I don't derive happiness from activities anymore..."Happiness" to me is mere relief.
Summary: This sucks
