Dangerous Love Interest?

[lights]

While I was in a mental facility, I met a very nice guy. We weren't supposed to exchange numbers or e-mails while we were there. But we did. We both got out around the same time, and we've been keeping in touch through e-mail. We both express a mutual like for each other.

I don't want to say anything to my friends and family because when I even hinted at keeping in touch with a friend from the facility, they said "She was in a psych ward! You were there to get help, not find people just as bad off as you!"

I really, really like him. But I can't help wondering if they're right about not being involved with anyone from the facility.

But if anyone was going to understand me, wouldn't it be someone who came from the same place of thought as I did? If I entered a relationship with someone "normal"/"sane", who's to say that I wouldn't mess up that relationship by relapsing into my behavior that got my in the facility int he first place? Is it better to date someone at your own level of messed up, so you can't further mess that person up?

I know this is a unique situation, but has anyone else been interested in someone their peers thought were potentially dangerous? How did you deal with it?

 

[JustIncubus]

Well, if he helped you and "dealt" with you at your worse, then I would ask the question what it could be like with you at your best. I say take a chance and maybe magic will happen, that is unless he was in there because he murdered someone or similar, doesn't sound to be the case though.

 

[Yukhi]

@lights

I find your situation to be quite romantic to be honest

It would make an awesome movie xD

I agree with JustIncubus. Take a chance!

It's alright to heed the advice of your friends and family regarding staying in touch with someone from the facility but it's clearly up to you and I believe you're smart enough to take note of any danger signs. I say continue what you're doing and then decide if you're gonna break your relationship off with him or not after you know him a little better.

 

[Sean]

You should do what you feel is right,
Don't let your family's oppinions get in the way of your relationship.

As long as he's completely better, and you're completely better . . . and he won't cause you 'relapse', and you won't cause him to 'relapse' , then I think there's no problem with the relationship.

 

[lights]

: )
I like the resounding support.
I really think I'm going to try and pursue him.
Thank you

 

[Yukhi]

GO GO GO lights!!!

 

[tehdreamer]

I think you should go for it. Unless he was in there because he was completely off his gourd, there's nothing wrong with it. A lot of people who go to mental facilities are there for depression and other things like addiction and anxiety. Everyone's not some psychopath. If he was so bad and wrong for you, I think you would have known that by now. Your family needs to trust your judgment.

 

[lights]

Well see everyone keeps saying that it's okay as long as he's not completely crazy and that I should trust my judgement.

I'll admit that he admitted for having a series of hallucinations, nervous breakdowns, and putting other people in dangerous situations (like locking his mother in the garage because at one point he believed that she was trying to harm him). He has acute paranoia. Over the month of our meeting, when he had a steady flow of medication, he was the sweetest, most caring, smartest person I've ever met. When they were testing medicine on him, I could tell because first he started getting really needy and attention seeking. Then he wasn't allowed to come out for mixed-gender lunch during the day. Then anytime I'd pass his room, he'd be in the corner freaking out.

I was sent there myself for a failed attempt at the S word.

I don't know. I told put it in a hypothetic question to my friend and she said her worry was that if he tried to get off meds, he might go crazy and come after me.

I really don't know. But I think whatever happens, it'll be exciting. I'll keep you guys posted.

 

[JustIncubus]

That sounds very not good on the good scale, just be careful and take it slow. Step by step and if sparks fly, great! If not, just be honest and brave with yourself and most importantly, keep yourself safe, buth physically and mentally.

Best of luck miss lights!

 

[Yukhi]

Yeah! Keep us updated lights. Hope to hear from you

 

[Badjedidude]

I say don't go for it unless you're prepared for the longest, most difficult journey you've ever faced in your life. And I'm not saying that in a romantic way at all. Life with a guy like that is going to be hard and painful and weary, with only a few spots of brightness along the way.

What if he DOES harm someone and you're living together? What if he hurts himself repeatedly, over and over again, and is always in and out of institutions? What if he mixes medications or forgets to take them? What if at times you can't even have a meaningful conversation with him because he periodically loses touch with reality?

I'm not trying to be mean... but if you can't handle these things, then you shouldn't be with him.

I suggest you take another look at your feelings for him. Is it possible that you're just infatuated with him? Or that you're simply reaching out of loneliness and this is the only way you know how to connect with another human being?

Because honestly... it sounds to me like the last thing you need right now is a big complication. And being with that guy sounds very complicated and tough.

*shrug*

Ultimately it's your decision, but... give it some serious thought, OK? *hug* Good luck on things.

 

[tehdreamer]

After hearing about his issues, I have to rethink my advice. Dating people with problems is one thing, but his seem really, really serious. He would probably benefit greatly for you being a friend in his life who understands, but I'd be careful about letting things get too far beyond friendship.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You can meet someone even more insane and off and weird anywhere else. If he's helped you and you've helped him, I say at least stay friends with him. Maybe it could be something more down the line.

However, just be prepared in knowing that it might be a challenge.

 

[eris]

I met my husband in the psych ward. Yup. been married 3 years.

 

[lights]

I say don't go for it unless you're prepared for the longest, most difficult journey you've ever faced in your life. And I'm not saying that in a romantic way at all. Life with a guy like that is going to be hard and painful and weary, with only a few spots of brightness along the way.

What if he DOES harm someone and you're living together? What if he hurts himself repeatedly, over and over again, and is always in and out of institutions? What if he mixes medications or forgets to take them? What if at times you can't even have a meaningful conversation with him because he periodically loses touch with reality?

I'm not trying to be mean... but if you can't handle these things, then you shouldn't be with him.

I suggest you take another look at your feelings for him. Is it possible that you're just infatuated with him? Or that you're simply reaching out of loneliness and this is the only way you know how to connect with another human being?

Because honestly... it sounds to me like the last thing you need right now is a big complication. And being with that guy sounds very complicated and tough.

*shrug*

Ultimately it's your decision, but... give it some serious thought, OK? *hug* Good luck on things.

I'm not trying to marry him and I don't think he's ready for that either. I know it's definitely going to be challenging.

But i can't help but wonder either if I really like him or I like having someone to talk to. My last boyfriend broke up with me during this time, and I can't really blame him for it. Not many people are up to dealing with something like this. And I've been so lonely. None of my friends even talk to me anymore.

I don't know. I'm not going to go off and marry him... just going to see how it goes.

---

After hearing about his issues, I have to rethink my advice. Dating people with problems is one thing, but his seem really, really serious. He would probably benefit greatly for you being a friend in his life who understands, but I'd be careful about letting things get too far beyond friendship.

We're both just trying to get back into school this semester without having this complicate any of our studies. So it's not like we're going to be moving in together or anything. Just seeing a lot of each other when this kind of blows over.

Because my friends/family and his friends/family are not thrilled with the idea of any of us keeping in contact.

It'll be like some Romeo/Juliet spin off. I just hope it doesn't end the same.