Dating/Pickup Guides

[AFrozenSoul]

This has to be broken up into two separate sections.

The Male Section (And Bi/Lesbian Females)​

So a lot ofthe males on this forum come here and whine about not being able to get la...a relationship, me included. As a few of you may know there are various HIGHLY successful books and programs out there that can teach how to pick up females. Some I have heard of : Doc Love, Magic Bullets, Double Your Dating, The Laws Of Attraction. Many of these books/ programs have been out for years and have tons of success stories tied to them.

So I guess my questions would be:

• Would any of you guys consider using these systems?
• Has anyone here used the systems? What were your results? Care to shared any pointers?

The Female Section​

Really the question is how does knowing such guides exist make you females feel? Again a lot of these systems have been around for YEARS and allow the men who wrote these guides to make a living strictly off the guides.

How do you feel about the guides?

Oh And if you were dating a guy and found a book like that how would that make you feel?

I felt a thread like this is needed in here. To help the males get over their inability to meet females.

 

[Badjedidude]

I never needed dating guides, to be honest. *shrug*

The best advice I can give anyone trying to enter the "dating scene" is to simply have the right goal in mind. If you set "FINDING A MATE!" as your goal, then you might be disappointed with your results. If you set a more realistic goal of "HAVE FUN WITH WOMEN (or partner of sexual preference)," then you're probably going to find more success.

My point here is that even if you are looking for "the one" to spend your life with... you gotta calm down and enjoy the ride. If you look desperate then you're just going to drive everyone away. So just be yourself, have fun, and try to share fun experiences with those that you're dating!

It's that simple, really. *shrug*

 

[MrPUA]

I agree completely with Jedi Dude, but of course, I believe there are a TON of valuable things you can learn from pick up.

Firstly, while I loved The Game, the book that got me and many others onto the idea of pick up, it basically tells you, you're only as valuable as your routines. For those that don't know, routines are simply pre-rehearsed "interesting" conversations. I don't like this idea at all. However, yes, early into it, I was obsessed with them and DID use them. Thing was, I always had this lingering feeling that I wasn't being myself and thus did not enjoy using them. If you're into this though, all the power to you, but I will say, I felt it stifled me in the way that, I'm naturally someone people consider comical and interesting but routines made me feel like some sort of SERIOUS PICK UP SIR. That's bleh.

I'm much more direct, I enjoy stating my desire and going in. If you're confident, it will work. David DeAngelo (while I don't agree with his ideas on looks, and some of his advice is partially drab) his style of "cocky and funny" is one of my main pieces of artillery. I also enjoy Juggler, he's genuine and great at what he does. PERSONALLY, for all people just starting out, I recommend the direct method of gaming, you'll become much more natural and you'll feel much more valuable than using routines. Of course though, some people feel more comfortable using routines, and if you don't want to take that leap, that's cool.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

So let me spell out my dilemma. The problem I have with just being happy and having fun is I miss all the signals that a female is interested in me. To the point that I come off as not being interested. So in most cases, back in college, I would know the girl long enough to see Ger get banged by another guy. I do not want that.

So I guess my dilemma comes from social conditioning where the man is supposed to do all the initial obvious seducing. Make no mistake as much as I want to enjoy my time around females I want to have sex with them as well. In my current state, unless the female is the aggressive one I miss out and get thrown into the friend void never to return. I can cite several cases where I have missed out. Why, not because of lack of interest on my end. Because, I missed what most would consider very obvious signs.

Then there is the problem of having no idea how to start casual conversations with females.

 

[Badjedidude]

The problem I have with just being happy and having fun is I miss all the signals that a female is interested in me. To the point that I come off as not being interested.

I've got some news for you; they most likely KNOW that you're interested. I think your problem is that you don't exude enough self-confidence. *shrug* That's just something you're going to have to work out on your own. No book can help you with that, really... it's just a matter of overcoming your inclination to remain in your comfort zone, where everything is safe and nothing can harm you.

You have to risk rejection to get accepted. So just go for it. Laugh at her jokes, touch her lightly on the arm or knee, playfully push her when she playfully insults you, etc etc etc.

Then there is the problem of having no idea how to start casual conversations with females.

"Hey, have you been to any good concerts lately?"
"I just love animals, do you like animals?"
"This music is way too loud! That DJ doesn't know what he's doing!"
"Good drink! I like those. I also like..."

There's no set way to start a conversation with a girl. Just talk about whatever the hell enters your mind at the moment. No biggie. If she's not into it, she's not into it. And who cares? There are always other women who will enjoy talking to you.

 

[QuietGuy]

Great subject FrozenSoul, thanks for starting this thread.

Personally, I would never consider using such "systems". I admit I've never really looked at them, but I don't like the idea of approaching dating as a mechanical "process". "Try step A; if it works, try step B; if not, try step C." It's like treating your girl as a kind of robot or machine to be tested and analysed.

Similarly, I think I'd be a little upset if a girl used such a system on me, and I later found out that that's what she was doing. I'm not some sort of Saturday night experiment - I'm a human being, looking for a fellow human being for honest natural conversation and companionship.

It just seems a rather cold and impersonal approach. You don't really care about what the other person is actually like (their personality, interests, hopes, dreams, fears, etc). You're just wondering whether you can successfully complete all the steps in the "guide" with this random girl you've met, and end up with her mobile number.

I know I've been single for 6 years now, and may eventually have to resort to using such guides if I'm ever going to have another girlfriend But I think I'd feel really uncomfortable doing that.

I miss all the signals that a female is interested in me. To the point that I come off as not being interested.

I have exactly the same problem. In fact, it would actually be rather amusing if it wasn't so sad!

I remember one time I was at a party, and I had what I thought was just a normal conversation with a girl there. Afterwards, one of my friends (who'd been watching my conversation from a distance) came up to me and said: "I can't believe you didn't notice that girl was flirting with you!! She really liked you!! What the hell were you thinking?!" I was genuinely surprised - I'd missed some really obvious signs, and I felt so stupid. Of course, by then the girl had left and it was too late.

That was quite a few years ago, and I would like to think that I've improved slightly, but I still find it difficult to tell the difference between a girl just being friendly and happy, and a girl who's actually interested in me. Maybe that's where having some sort of "guide book" might actually help... *starts searching Amazon*

 

[Steel]

Following a "system" is just a method of manipulation and deceit. You may as well tell them you have cancer and that only bodily fluids from the opposite sex will cure it - it's just as honest.

They also do not work on everyone, because (omg, how many times have I said this...) people are indivuals.

By all means work on improving your own self confidence or whatever if that's what is holding you back. But don't pretend to be something you're not... because sooner or later you WILL be found out.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I can cite several cases where I have missed out. Why, not because of lack of interest on my end. Because, I missed what most would consider very obvious signs.

erm...if you can't see them, how do you know you missed them?
*scratches head*

lol, yes that's a serious question, not being a smartass.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Personally, I would never consider using such "systems". I admit I've never really looked at them, but I don't like the idea of approaching dating as a mechanical "process". "Try step A; if it works, try step B; if not, try step C." It's like treating your girl as a kind of robot or machine to be tested and analysed.

Similarly, I think I'd be a little upset if a girl used such a system on me, and I later found out that that's what she was doing. I'm not some sort of Saturday night experiment - I'm a human being, looking for a fellow human being for honest natural conversation and companionship.

It just seems a rather cold and impersonal approach. You don't really care about what the other person is actually like (their personality, interests, hopes, dreams, fears, etc). You're just wondering whether you can successfully complete all the steps in the "guide" with this random girl you've met, and end up with her mobile number.

If I wasn't already married and likely a lot older than you, I'd find you and date you. lol

My respect for you grows every single time I read one of your posts.

KUDOS!!

I wish I could rep you again.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Following a "system" is just a method of manipulation and deceit. You may as well tell them you have cancer and that only bodily fluids from the opposite sex will cure it - it's just as honest.

They also do not work on everyone, because (omg, how many times have I said this...) people are indivuals.

By all means work on improving your own self confidence or whatever if that's what is holding you back. But don't pretend to be something you're not... because sooner or later you WILL be found out.

Exactly! Have confidence, but know your own limits. Know what you have going for you and use it to your advantage. NOTHING wrong with that! It's HONEST. But to hide who/what you are or to misrepresent yourself is DISHONEST and doomed to fail.

 

[Luna]

Really the question is how does knowing such guides exist make you females feel? Again a lot of these systems have been around for YEARS and allow the men who wrote these guides to make a living strictly off the guides.

How do you feel about the guides?

Oh And if you were dating a guy and found a book like that how would that make you feel?

Is it bad that I've heard of all of them...with the exception of Magic Bullets?
Not to also mention I've read bits and pieces of each.
I would also like to note that I would pay good money to have Doc Love thrown to the sharks.

Whether or not these guides exist does not matter to me, but I view it as a money-grabbing ploy that preys on people's insecurities.
Have you ever heard of the guides where they teach you on "how to capture a man", "how to get him to marry you" "how to make him love you"?

:club:

If only I weren't such a curious person, I would not have willingly exposed myself to such mental poison.

But with all seriousness, I would not like to find a person I'm dating to have such a guide.
I feel uncomfortable reading such guides because it gives me a sense of "Predator and prey".

I believe QuietGuy expressed it the best.

 

[Brian]

I tried DeAngelo's stuff over the course of a year (downloaded it via torrent, glad I didn't pay for it now) and it didn't do crap for me.

 

[VanillaCreme]

They usually don't do anything. It's just words on a piece of paper. I could write down that licking a piece of gum and slapping it on a female's face could get you a date, but it doesn't make it true. Put down the ridiculous guides and whatnot and be yourself.

 

[Brian]

I kinda felt uncomfortable with it. I mean, I tend to be kind of a cocky/funny guy to begin with, because that's my humor and how I get people to laugh a lot of the time. But the rest of the stuff was like, come on, seriously? I do have some class, you know...

 

[MrPUA]

Well. Regarding the system argument, the BASIS of pick up is that women are tuned to respond to certain things (this stems from evolutional psychology), simply what the systems are, are training wheels for men to trigger those things in order for them to become attracted. The idea is that those who failed in dating have failed as a result of not learning how to attract women early on, so by using systems, you're teaching yourself how to TRIGGER attraction in a woman.

Personally, I don't follow a set system, only an ideology. The methods that everyone is talking about here, stem from mystery method, something I go against due to it's robotic nature. However, it DOES work for some people, and I cannot hate on those who use it. You have to keep in mind, men aren't the only ones using so-called "trickery" to trigger attraction. Women do it every day by purchasing skin products, wearing make up, getting their hair changed/fixed/permed, etc., buying the latest clothes, wearing push up bras, getting their nails done. All of this triggers attraction in a male, and gives perception of status.

EDIT:

In response to Brian, I felt the exact same way. Naturally, I was always a cocky/funny dude, but, for those who were never like that, it was like a holy grail to them. So, I guess it depends on who you are. For those who feel timid however, I do recommend double your dating (although, I don't recommend paying the 50 dollar price tag), as it's less of a guideline, and more of a idea.

 

[Brian]

I still think they're a joke/rip-off.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Well. Regarding the system argument, the BASIS of pick up is that women are tuned to respond to certain things (this stems from evolutional psychology).

Honestly the language I see in the PUA ethos, pushing even the egregious generalizations aside, makes it appear as though you all view us women as though we were simply a bunch of Stepford broads, and I have to say, I find it insulting.

Women are "tuned to" respond to things?

What the hell, we're not radios or some other sorts of machinery, neither are we slaves to remnants of evolutionary behavior. It's not as though I see some big, strapping lad pulling a wooly mammoth carcass back to the cave and suddenly my loins moisten. Please.

You have to keep in mind, men aren't the only ones using so-called "trickery" to trigger attraction. Women do it every day by purchasing skin products, wearing make up, getting their hair changed/fixed/permed, etc., buying the latest clothes, wearing push up bras, getting their nails done. All of this triggers attraction in a male, and gives perception of status.

Gosh, I had no idea until I read this gem of wisdom that the rare occasions I do wear makeup is because I am trying out some trickery to snag a man.

Gee, did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason I dye my hair is because I loathe the grey, not because I am doing it as some master plan to ensnare a man under false pretenses?

Thanks for that glimpse into my female psyche.

 

[Brian]

It's not as though I see some big, strapping lad pulling a wooly mammoth carcass back to the cave and suddenly my loins moisten. Please.

EXCUSE me?

I'll have you know it was exceedingly difficult just to FIND a mammoth nowadays (they've been dying off due to global warming), not to even start on what it took to bring that ******* down. And to drag it back here, even with the aid of my dad's pickup truck, has been an excruciating chore.

Your callous, unappreciative attitude toward my effort is insulting. Aside from being delicious, the skin would have made excellent and fashionable clothing (not even the rich bitches of Hollywood have access to mammoth fur), and the tusks would have rendered countless bits of jewelry and other pretty baubles to tickle your womanly fancy. And I'd have had an awesome new club from the ******'s leg bone. But no, you don't care. If this didn't moisten your loins then I don't know what else to try. You're heartless and cruel and you just want some ******* who's going to treat you bad because he's exciting. See how many extinct animals HE'LL bring you. Have fun clinging to his back on his Harley Fatboy when you realize it's nowhere NEAR as cool as a dead, pre-historic beast carcass in the backyard.

I am taking my mammoth carcass elsewhere. It's over between us. I just can't take this emotional abuse anymore.

 

[EveWasFramed]

lmfao, Brian.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^I'll buy the tusks from you, Brian. They'd make a great decoration to hang over the fireplace next to the Saber-Tooth skull.