Dating

[BlueArtist]

Ok, I've been in the slump for almost 4 months over loads of failed relationship attempts in my 36 years on this rock.

I've decided to ask someone I know out for a coffee date.
How well do you think one should know a person before asking for a date? Should you know them fairly well or can they just be someone you've met a number of times over a period of time. We've conversed during these meetings and also send a few e-mails to one another.

This will be new teritory for me since I allways asked single women out, this time it is a single mom with a full time job with probably very little time to spare in her hectic week.

 

[fox]

I am not sure there is any rule for it.. most simply, ask when it seems a right time

Best of luck to you with it

 

[tangerinedream]

I've decided to ask someone I know out for a coffee date.
How well do you think one should know a person before asking for a date? Should you know them fairly well or can they just be someone you've met a number of times over a period of time. We've conversed during these meetings and also send a few e-mails to one another.

The nice thing about the coffee date is that you can ask out anyone ranging from a relative stranger, to someone you've known casually for a while. It is a low-key setting, no expectations other than conversation.

This will be new teritory for me since I allways asked single women out, this time it is a single mom with a full time job with probably very little time to spare in her hectic week.

This may be, but she might also look forward to the opportunity for grown-up company.

Best of luck!

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yeah what Tangerine said, good luck to you Blue.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It'll be different that's for sure.
Ive raised other people's children. Obviously I dated thier mother.lol

Just becuase someone has a child dosnt necessary mean they're mature or responsible.
Some women fair well being a single mother. Other still run around being a teenage dramma queen.

It also depends on the male. Some male likes children and actually build a bond
between the child better than it's mother. Other men keep thier bondaries for reasons.
I personally got more attached to the children than thier mother.
When that happens it's also like your married to her or if the relationship between
you and her gose south...you'll stay becuase of the children. She'll use that guilt against you.
It's even worst becuase you have no rights to the children when things go south.
Its reasons why certain men wont be avaliable to the children. Whcih is a catch
22 becuase if a single mother looking to go on with her life and a mate...She's
going to want a man that's going to love her children.

I still love my step daughters very much...but it did took it's emotional toll on me after
their mother and I broke up. My girls finally did reach out to me (Over a decade later)....
but we're not as close as we were. Never the less there's still that bonding we still have.
Re establishing our relationship hasnt been easy. Emotional taxing just the same.

There's no garantee either way. No one knows what lies in the future.
You wont know until you try either way.

However the nature of being in a relationship when there's children involved.
Beyound the dating and courting her. The honey moon stage drops off real fast....

Alot of your time and energy are going to be put going towards the children.
Between your work schedule and her's. And sometimes even your educations.
There are going to be phases and stage that you might not even see her for days
or have that much alone time as a couple.
You might sleep in the same bed...but you're not sleeping it in the sametime that she dose. GROWN UP STUFF.lol

 

[tangerinedream]

JHC, LC, he's just going out on a coffee date, not asking her to marry him. FFS

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I Know.....
Like I say if she's just going for coffee, just all cool.
She might wanna settle down or dont settle down.

You'll never know where it's going to lead even if she intentionally
dosnt wanna settle down but falls madly in love with him or finds out she
loves him. Poeple change thier minds and hearts.

Ive been on both side of the coin.
Someone else raised my 2 biological duaghter.

Wheather i like it or not...I'm always going to have sometype of feelings,
communications with my babies mama....and the complexity of it.
(The simple fact that I love my daughters.)
One of them settle down and the other didn't.

And they both wanted to get back with me..eventaully.
And they both tells me they love me and will always love me.
And one them did actaully got back together with me...the would be Chloe.

My life had been so freaken ironic or out of the ordinary almost at every turn.lol
I only wanted 1 woman (chloe). A monogamist relationship with 1 woman from the very start.
I turned out to be a freaken slut. I adjust as best as I go.
Even my current life situation is kind da...well, new territory for me.

when it pretains to children...I dont have that all figure out either.
Cuase the one that was flying straight...aint flying striaght at the moment.
And the one that you think wouldnt never fly striaght is flying straight.lol

 

[jjam]

How well do you think one should know a person before asking for a date?
I think it's less about time known and more about positive vibes.

 

[BlueArtist]

Thanks for everyones feedback, all of you made valid points.

LC, even though I want to ask her just on a coffee date for now, I have considered every point you have made sofar.

 

[BlueArtist]

Well, not sure what to make of this, I have not yet asked her out for coffee yet.

A while ago I was invited to a friend's child's batism. The evening before the baptism I got a BBM from friends if I could not help this lady I'm interested with the directions to get to the church, they gave me her BBM pin so I contacted her and gave her the directions but also offered if she like I could come past her place and she could drive along after me, she preferes to drive with her SUV since it has the baby chair installed in the back seat.

She prefered to drive on her own, and said she remebered where it was, once she got the directions since she attended that church before. So I left it at that, after the baptism at the reception afterwards she took seat next to me and we talked the whole afternoon. She could have chosen any of the other 8 open seats at the table but she chose the one next to me.

Since then she started to mail me asking me what my thoughts was on sertain subjects, sending me personally little jokes etc over BBM. This weekend she was with her parents due to all the public holidays we had and we had a total of 6 days off, weekend included. She send me a BBM that she saw my art on my facebook page and though it was great stuff and began inquiring on what mediums I used to do it in. We chated for a while and I asked to see some of her hobby crafts that she made some day. She was reluctant at first and tried to play down the quality of her work at wich I encouraged her not to marginalise her own work.

I didn't hear from her the rest of the weekend, but got a message from her again this morning saying she is sorry it seems that the last message she sent din't go through and will show me the message tonight. I often catch her looking at me and smiling when we are together with friends.

Maybe I'm just silly and I'm just seeing things that aren't realy there. What are you guys/ladies take on this?

 

[Lonely in BC]

I think you just need to be patient.

I like the innocence of how this potential relationship is starting out with, it sounds... sweet?

Keep this post going please.

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I think you just need to be patient.

I like the innocence of how this potential relationship is starting out with, it sounds... sweet?

Keep this thread going with updates please. It's encouraging.

---

I think you just need to be patient.

I like the innocence of how this potential relationship is starting out with, it sounds... sweet?

Keep this post going please.

---

 

[DiscoSpider]

I know it's easier said than done, but I say just go for it. Ask her if she'd like to join you for coffee or something sometime. It is pretty innocent and at the end of the day it'll be each other's company and further conversation, giving you both the opportunity to get to know one another further. Also, I think by just asking her to go out for a coffee or whatever, it may give her a subtle hint that you're interested in her. Who knows, it could open the door to new things, or maybe you won't like her as much as you think you do? You won't find out unless you try.

I know Yoda from Star Wars (oh God I'm pulling out a nerd reference someone stop me quick ) says "Do or do not, there is no try" but in reality... trying is better than doing absolutely nothing at all.

 

[BlueArtist]

Well she contacted me twice over the weekend once to wish me all the best for a function I had to attend for the day and last night to hear how the rest of the weekend went, we also had one long e-mail conversation last week. Last weekend she told me that she saw my artworks on my Facebook page. She even offered me to come and visit her sometime and bring my sketch books along, she would like to see how I go about creating my drawings. So this week I'm will be doing my concept drawings for a new project that I was planning for the last couple of months.

So holding thumbs, I'll take it abit slower this time round, but not as slow as I used to before. I either mess things up because I take to long or move to fast when getting to know women that I'm interested in.

 

[DiscoSpider]

Well she contacted me twice over the weekend once to wish me all the best for a function I had to attend for the day and last night to hear how the rest of the weekend went, we also had one long e-mail conversation last week. Last weekend she told me that she saw my artworks on my Facebook page. She even offered me to come and visit her sometime and bring my sketch books along, she would like to see how I go about creating my drawings. So this week I'm will be doing my concept drawings for a new project that I was planning for the last couple of months.

So holding thumbs, I'll take it abit slower this time round, but not as slow as I used to before. I either mess things up because I take to long or move to fast when getting to know women that I'm interested in.

It sounds like she has potential interest. You should ask her out sometime for sure then, at least for coffee.

 

[BlueArtist]

Well got a date this Thursday evening, we have been talking for hours this weekend. Up until after midnight talking on Friday, she invited me over for coffee to her place for the evening. Exited but nervous at the same time.

 

[DiscoSpider]

Well got a date this Thursday evening, we have been talking for hours this weekend. Up until after midnight talking on Friday, she invited me over for coffee to her place for the evening. Exited but nervous at the same time.

That's great! Good luck, stay cool, relax and be yourself.

 

[blackdot]

How well do you think one should know a person before asking for a date?

That's sort of a personal preference. I find I can't just meet someone at random and be able to get anything meaningful from the meeting. I need to talk to someone over time online so I can find out as much as I can about them.
Other people can't talk to people online and want to just immediately do a date and see if anything "clicks". I always have a bad experience with those types of people.

Unfortunately, the women that like to chat for a long time before meeting, usually never want to meet.
Right now I have just found someone online that doesn't want to do the pre-meeting chatting and just wants to meet in person once she gets a chance. I'll do it but I don't hold up much hope in the encounter since I won't have the pre-meeting chats to build off of.
Plus I have no idea what chemicals I'm supposed to mix to make instant "chemistry" which is what women always want.

 

[BlueArtist]

Thanks for everybody's input, well tonight is the night. I'm slightly nervous, first "date" in years. Saw her at friends last night and she also mentioned that maybe we should go dance sometime soon. I made a joke saying that my danceparteners never come back for a second dance since they usually have blue toes afterwards, she laughed and said she will just wear her saftey boots from work then. So wish me luck, going to need it.

 

[BlueArtist]

Had an awesome evening last night and even got a second date!!!

 

[In a lonely place]

Great news blue, glad for you.