dead

[marigold]

I feel dead inside.. So dead I feel nothing.. I mean NOTHING! I guess there's no much sense to write this here.. What will be improved after all? But it's a kind of a superficial release, I suppose..

 

[Aihpames]

You won't feel that way for ever. I've had days, weeks, even months like that, and then the emotion all comes out at once...

Don't overthink it. You'll come through it

 

[Edward W]

I don't like posts like this, I know someone is suffering and there's not much I can do.

I would ask maybe to post some more. Why do you think you feel this way.

If you don't want to post it them PM someone, me, or anyone else here you know or trust.

 

[perfanoff]

I've seen your posts before so I can tell you that: You can't be alive until you strive to make others, like anyone other than you, happy.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I've seen your posts before so I can tell you that: You can't be alive until you strive to make others, like anyone other than you, happy.

With perfanoff here.

 

[Locke]

I used to feel dead inside almost all of the time. There are few things worse than that feeling of.....not feeling anything. Not numbness, but emptiness. I still have far too many days like that.

I guess I'm juyst trying to say that you are not alone. Talking will help, even if you don't see the point or don't know what to say. So I hope you talk to someone. Like Edward W said, I'm sure people here will listen.

 

[marigold]

Edward, I post this because I don't really know what else to do, I'm stuck! And what do you mean you don't like posts like this?! I wrote that in the deepest desperation that you could probably hardly imagine.. It's so easy for people like you to make judgements as you never experienced such emptiness.. such.... lack of any emotion you can imagine.. Sometimes I start thinking I'm some kind of machine, a robot.. not able to feel anything, just continuing to exist mechanichally.. Breath mechanically, drink and eat mechanically.. I'm like a empty shell.. And what do I care about what you like after all?! As I said you maybe never experienced such a think being so dead, it doesn't really matter what you will write but just type something 'cause you're going insane already and that's the only thing that's left to do.. Being so apathetic, as in a hospital bed where the patient is so weak they can't barely move their lips.. When you didn't experience it, yeah.. it's so fuckin' easy to be a wiseacre..

---

perfanoff, man.. strive?! wow.. are you really sure what you wanna say ?! Can a dying man make others happy ?! Don't be silly! My soul, my mind is dead! I need help, I need someone makes me alive again, you tell me I have to make them alive! Funny! And so sad in the same time.. If you're drowning what will you do at first ?! Trying not to drawn or trying save others ?! I mean if you're not able to swim for example.. Of course I would make others happy! And if you wanna know.. I STRIVED doing that exactly for so fuckin' long before! And you know what?! Eventually no one did that for me! And I gave all my energy doing things for others but I was left with none.. So don't tell me I must strive doing that for others.. I STRIVED ENOUGH ! And now I'm dead.. Funny

 

[Mike510]

Some days I feel the same and some days I don't. For me keeping myself occupied with different things on a day to day basis and setting up future events to look forward to do help. But then there are the days where you can't clear your mind, you go through the entire day in a state of confusion trying to figure out how you got to this point. Your mind soon dives into very dark thoughts about things you feel like you can not discuss with anyone else. You then find yourself alone and see no possible way to resolve your conflict.

There are no quick fixes to these type of thoughts. Like I said just keep yourself occupied because the worse thing you can do is be alone with nothing but you and your mind to get these thoughts.

 

[marigold]

What's wrong with you people ?!?!? You're keep telling me I have to be the saviour since the only thing I need right now is ME BEING SAVED! It seems you never experienced real emptiness inside and lack of life and I wonder what the hell are you doing in this forum! Go somewhere else, go to some shitty funny and cheerful site where you can brag about sublime things in life and being happily altogether and joyful and cheerful.. pathetic.. It seems Locke is the only one who get my situation here.. Thanks Locke..

---

Thanks, Mike.. It seems you understand but what's the worst.. Although the things you said are true.. about the occupation and stuff.. The worst is that I don't even have the energy to do stuff.. Or rather haven't got a motivation at all.. There were days I can't even get up from bed 'cause I don't have the mental energy and motivation to do it.. So I'm lying in bed all day staring at nothing.. And if it happens to be at the PC like now I'm so weak also that all I can do is pointlessly jumping from site to site, without any reason, searching I don't even know what.. Salvation i guess.. and the only thing I could write here is this pointless message that most of the people here seems not to understand.. Did you ever watch the video to the Metallica song called One? A soldier, so severely injured, blind, dead, not able to move.. not able to speak.. that when he was put to the bed in the hospital, he could only send a message someone kills him.. with his breathing through the Morse code..

 

[Cavey]

I think you have totally misunderstood Ed W. I took what he wrote as him not liking the post because he knows you are in pain and there is nothing he can do to help you. He also offered the hand of friendship by saying you could PM him.

Try not to take everything so personally. There are people here that are only too willing to listen to you and offer advice, but you have to be willing to accept that advice and make a bit of effort too. Attacking everyone will only lead to even more misery...

 

[Edward W]

I think you have totally misunderstood Ed W. I took what he wrote as him not liking the post because he knows you are in pain and there is nothing he can do to help you. He also offered the hand of friendship by saying you could PM him.

Yes, exactly, this is what I meant.

No, I don't think I fully understand what you feel, but I can still feel for you, and I'm still happy to talk to you. Maybe I can't help, maybe just sharing and talking might not solve your issues or problems, but then again maybe it might help at least a little.

The offer's there anyway.

 

[BrokenInside]

To OP, change is in our hands. If you are determined not to feel miserable anymore then nothing can make you feel miserable again. There's always a way out, remember this. You just gotta find that way!

 

[perfanoff]

perfanoff, man.. strive?! wow.. are you really sure what you wanna say ?! Can a dying man make others happy ?! Don't be silly! My soul, my mind is dead! I need help, I need someone makes me alive again, you tell me I have to make them alive! Funny! And so sad in the same time.. If you're drowning what will you do at first ?! Trying not to drawn or trying save others ?! I mean if you're not able to swim for example.. Of course I would make others happy! And if you wanna know.. I STRIVED doing that exactly for so fuckin' long before! And you know what?! Eventually no one did that for me! And I gave all my energy doing things for others but I was left with none.. So don't tell me I must strive doing that for others.. I STRIVED ENOUGH ! And now I'm dead.. Funny

So what are you looking for exactly again? And are you a man or a woman after all?

 

[9006]

What's wrong with you people ?!?!? You're keep telling me I have to be the saviour since the only thing I need right now is ME BEING SAVED! It seems you never experienced real emptiness inside and lack of life and I wonder what the hell are you doing in this forum! Go somewhere else, go to some shitty funny and cheerful site where you can brag about sublime things in life and being happily altogether and joyful and cheerful.. pathetic.. It seems Locke is the only one who get my situation here.. Thanks Locke..

C'mon, what's this honeysuckle about?

Is this a response because something was said you didn't agree with? Or "honeysuckle you've heard before"? Either way I don't think it's fair, especially someone who tried to reach out to you. There's only a limited amount of things one can do over the internet, and not everyone's gonna give you this magic advice you're looking for.

Nobody on here can change your mental state, that's down to you. But if there's something you don't agree with, put yourself in the respondents perspective and think how you'd respond.

Sorry I do not have any constructive advice.

 

[perfanoff]

Nah man. We, well, _I_ totally owe to save this man/woman/whatever's emotions, mine don't even matter, I'm just a random person on the internet, so yeah.

Marigold, I think another flower suits you better, gift from me, enjoy ------>

 

[Locke]

I've seen your posts before so I can tell you that: You can't be alive until you strive to make others, like anyone other than you, happy.

Y'know, I've been thinking about it marigold, and I don't think perfanoff missed the point or gave you bad advice. If you do feel dead inside, finding a way to care for others and bring them happiness might help to have happiness returned.

I know how cheesey that probably sounds, and you made it clear that its not what you want to hear right now....... but after being alone for so many years, I finally figured out that our joy and sorrows should be shared with others. Since I've started trying to reach out to people, my own "deadness" has lessened. So I personally find perfanoff's post to be pretty helpful.

Its also obvious that you are (or were) angry. In the opinion of someone who has had that dead feeling, anger is better than nothing, as long as you're able to channel your anger. Motivate yourself.

If you ever want to vent, let me know. Next time I'll try and keep the corny (Even if true) statements about happiness to a minimum.

 

[Peaches]

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.nl

last week I read this comic, personally I have never experienced that intense lack of feeling, but it reads like a very accurate description, maybe it makes you understand your situation better

PS hang in there Marigold! please

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think you have totally misunderstood Ed W. I took what he wrote as him not liking the post because he knows you are in pain and there is nothing he can do to help you. He also offered the hand of friendship by saying you could PM him.

Try not to take everything so personally. There are people here that are only too willing to listen to you and offer advice, but you have to be willing to accept that advice and make a bit of effort too. Attacking everyone will only lead to even more misery...

Yep, I read it the way user 130057 did too, we don't mean you any harm Marigold. Can't you see we're trying to help? In what ways possible here.

What's wrong with you people ?!?!? You're keep telling me I have to be the saviour since the only thing I need right now is ME BEING SAVED! It seems you never experienced real emptiness inside and lack of life and I wonder what the hell are you doing in this forum! Go somewhere else, go to some shitty funny and cheerful site where you can brag about sublime things in life and being happily altogether and joyful and cheerful.. pathetic.. It seems Locke is the only one who get my situation here.. Thanks Locke..

C'mon, what's this honeysuckle about?

Is this a response because something was said you didn't agree with? Or "honeysuckle you've heard before"? Either way I don't think it's fair, especially someone who tried to reach out to you. There's only a limited amount of things one can do over the internet, and not everyone's gonna give you this magic advice you're looking for.

Nobody on here can change your mental state, that's down to you. But if there's something you don't agree with, put yourself in the respondents perspective and think how you'd respond.

Sorry I do not have any constructive advice.

+1

And Marigold, I remember you from before. When you put everyone's suggestions and advice down because you were feeling so low. As I had said then and I'm going to say again now, people who respond to you here mean well and are trying to help. If you don't want to hear it, then put a note at the end of your post saying you don't welcome any suggestions or advice along the lines of so and so. 'nuff said.

Hope things take a turn for the better for you. Starts within yourself first.. usually.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

We can't change you. We can't take your pain away. That's not our responsibility. When I start becoming dependent on people to say exactly what I want them to say, that's when my expectations become unrealistic. When they don't behave exactly as I want them to, then I'm disappointed.

That being said, I honestly prefer that you lash out in anger at the forum rather than at yourself, at least that shows you have some fighting spirit left. That spirit wants to survive.

 

[ardour]

So what , expecting things from other people is unrealistic? Expecting a friend to ask how you're doing for once, or to bother to keep in touch rather than you always doing that. ... expecting support from family... all too much. The loneliest are expected to do everything, get nothing, while the more charismatic, popular, self-absorbed and indifferent get to benefit.