W
WallflowerGirl83
Guest
I've had mood swings pretty much all my life. A few people call it manic depression and other people call it bipolar disorder. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm in between. I can move around a lot and be OCD and organize my entire house and clean until I was completely worn out. Than I get depressed and all I want to do is sleep and when the depression hits you, it usually ends up hitting me hard. I laugh, people are happy to be around me and then I get depression and it feels just like depression how other people would feel like when they're depressed. There's been times where I get angry almost and tell people off. Not many people have seen this about me and anytime I feel angry, I usually go off to be myself because I hate hurting others.
If I tell a person to leave me alone I don't do it to be mean or to push them away. I just don't want to make the person angry or upset. Now anytime I'm very angry, I go off to be alone to cool off. I say things that simply slip out of my mouth without me even thinking because my mind races so fast. I remember once I said something at the dinner table and my family didn't know how to react to it. I hate lying and faking what I have. Normally when someone is depressed and I'm near them I pick up on their vibes. I can just feel it. Once I asked one of my good friends, "What's wrong?" They just laughed it off and said, "I'm fine." In the end somehow I got them to talk and I was there for them.
I've been learning how to cope with this disorder and trying to deal with it the best I can. What truly hurts though is when friends end up slipping away and before I used to be hurt and bent out of shape about it. Now I'm so used to it that it doesn't even shock me anymore. There's only a few people who actually know about it. Once I became close friends with someone when I was younger and they stopped talking to me because I trusted them. I'll never forget when they said, "Man you're bipolar....all those people are nuts." Now I actually sometimes laugh about my own disorder because if I don't I'm just going to end up letting it running my entire life. That's all it's done was run my entire life.. I isolated myself for so long due to depression and finally I got out of bed and picked up my guitar for the first time in months.
If anyone has bipolar and feel like you're completely alone. Trust me- you're not. Don't let anyone tell you that you're crazy or that something is wrong with you. If they do: they were never your true friends to begin with and you need to be surrounded with people who actually care about you. I know it hurts when people stop talking to you because you're depressed. I know it sounds so clique, just don't let it get you down and try to do things that you enjoy. Even if it's for 5 mins or so. Just simply pick yourself up and try, and try again.
If I tell a person to leave me alone I don't do it to be mean or to push them away. I just don't want to make the person angry or upset. Now anytime I'm very angry, I go off to be alone to cool off. I say things that simply slip out of my mouth without me even thinking because my mind races so fast. I remember once I said something at the dinner table and my family didn't know how to react to it. I hate lying and faking what I have. Normally when someone is depressed and I'm near them I pick up on their vibes. I can just feel it. Once I asked one of my good friends, "What's wrong?" They just laughed it off and said, "I'm fine." In the end somehow I got them to talk and I was there for them.
I've been learning how to cope with this disorder and trying to deal with it the best I can. What truly hurts though is when friends end up slipping away and before I used to be hurt and bent out of shape about it. Now I'm so used to it that it doesn't even shock me anymore. There's only a few people who actually know about it. Once I became close friends with someone when I was younger and they stopped talking to me because I trusted them. I'll never forget when they said, "Man you're bipolar....all those people are nuts." Now I actually sometimes laugh about my own disorder because if I don't I'm just going to end up letting it running my entire life. That's all it's done was run my entire life.. I isolated myself for so long due to depression and finally I got out of bed and picked up my guitar for the first time in months.
If anyone has bipolar and feel like you're completely alone. Trust me- you're not. Don't let anyone tell you that you're crazy or that something is wrong with you. If they do: they were never your true friends to begin with and you need to be surrounded with people who actually care about you. I know it hurts when people stop talking to you because you're depressed. I know it sounds so clique, just don't let it get you down and try to do things that you enjoy. Even if it's for 5 mins or so. Just simply pick yourself up and try, and try again.