Do any of you life a life totally alone without ANY friends or family?

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Kris35

Active member
Joined
Nov 9, 2015
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Location
Northampton UK
Hi all. I've not been on here in years and forgot I was a member. So, once again I've just finished a riveting book, which is my way of escaping the problems of life, so today I've been bordering on a panic attack. When my situation hits me, my stomach churns and I have this awful empty disconnected feeling which makes me wonder why I should continue living. I don't know ANYONE that lives their life alone. No workmates, no friends, no family. Even worse, I don't know anyone who's like me and doesn't get anything out of general chit chat. I find socializing petrifying and no way can I let anyone get to know me.

In a nutshell, is there anyone else here who is anything like me?
 
Hi all. I've not been on here in years and forgot I was a member. So, once again I've just finished a riveting book, which is my way of escaping the problems of life, so today I've been bordering on a panic attack. When my situation hits me, my stomach churns and I have this awful empty disconnected feeling which makes me wonder why I should continue living. I don't know ANYONE that lives their life alone. No workmates, no friends, no family. Even worse, I don't know anyone who's like me and doesn't get anything out of general chit chat. I find socializing petrifying and no way can I let anyone get to know me.

In a nutshell, is there anyone else here who is anything like me?
Hi there, hope you are feeling better today.

I feel for you and can identify with much of what you say. Let me introduce myself and explain. I am a 64 year old woman. I have no work mates because I work from my own office alone. The people I speak to at work are clients, they come to me for professional help and that is it. It would be a huge mistake to make friends with them. Anyway they live all over the world. To me friends are people you get on well with, have things in common with and meet up with - at least sometimes - regularly, maybe go for a drink or meal or whatever, not just speak when one needs the other. Like you I have no family whatsoever. I have no friends because I moved to this area many years ago as a single woman and tried to make friends - unlike you am not shy - but could not find anyone I had enough in common with.

Many of the people were far too old for me or their idea of friendship was expecting to have my address and just turn up when bored or lonely or all their friends are busy. Or old ladies who expected me to go and clean their fridge and hoover their carpet etc like some sort of unpaid carer / cleaner. There are people out there who try to take advantage if they think you have a lot of spare time or are desperate.

I also share this feeling you have about general chit chat. Fine if it's with people you know well but when it is a stranger and they want to go on for ages about something I cannot see the point, I call that chat elevator chat, when it's about the weather, when they went to the shop, their car not starting and all other silly little bits and pieces. In our town there are lots of little clusters of people who meet up in groups. Where they all sit together for an hour or two talking about nothing. I cannot see the point.

The thing is that if you have no friends you do have to make an effort or it cannot change. It is impossible for it to change through luck. On the other hand what a lot of people don't understand is you can still have standards and should not have to be a convenience or available or interested in just anyone. I used to get people always wanting to come to me for free advice or to borrow money or pop in when they have a few hours to get rid of - boring me to tears and draining me of my spare time etc - no thanks. That is not friendship. It has to be mutually beneficial and rewarding and fun, not just for one. I've also met people who would love to go on and on about how depressed they are, no thanks to that too. I do not want to be their therapist.

Women often see friendship differently. I find that a lot of women get all busy with their family and put all of their emotions, effort and time into that, and are too busy for female friends, even if the female friend is very ill and needing help. Yet as soon as their family are all off on holiday or at work they expect their female friend to jump to it and be available to them and put them first. They want to use them as a stop gap or when they have had a big argument with the husband and want to vent for hours - not be a friend.

And beware of advice. I often had people give me advice which was all to suit them. One person at the local church "advised me" to spend all of my time working in their office unpaid! I would have had t o give up my own business and have no income. Ending up with debts. I would not give up my business and work for someone else if they paid me. There was a deeply mentally disturbed woman at the church who had a history of cutting, violence, being disruptive, breaking up her bed, furniture, room, deliberately soiling her bed and carpets so that they were needing to be replaced, not paying the rent at her various rooms, getting into a lot of debt, being verbally abusive, lying, unreliable etc.. and I was "advised" I should let her move into my house and live with me - because I had a spare bedroom! None of the people wanted to speak to her or deal with her, but according to them I should let her come and live with me and pay for her to be there. They all had spare bedrooms too but did not want to let her move in with them. I had already turned down tenants who would have been quite, normal and paid.

If you are an anxious person then you are a deep feeler and a worrier, so many won';t understand you.
But that does not mean that when they meet you they want t o hear about your worries or feelings, they will not want to, they are there for fun, to laugh, to smile, to brighten their own day. That would only work if both of you were amateur therapists and you both listened equally to each other.

Like you I read a lot, love it, I keep myself busy, but it would be great if sometimes when the phone rang it was a friend instead of work. It would be great if I could see in my diary I was due to meet up with a nice person soon. In the meantime I make the most of how things are.
 
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"The Son of A Sadist"

I'm the son of a sadist, the name's Mr Dunne/
A Narcissist with Aspergers, the worse of all one's
Cursed since I begun, I was never nurtured by my mum/
So with every verse I spit murder, til the hearses them come
Since young I've been abused, at two my mother tried drown me/
Then my father would abuse me, in front of all family
They then banned me from writing, the abuse I had suffered/
And like a confused little youth, I then blamed it on my mother
Like she hadn't suffered, at the hands of my father/
Whose sadistic little plans, were yet to be discovered
Covering all tracks, the abuse had begun/
Confusing my mind, as why he was abusing his son
I was accused of harassment, threats to kill & then slander/
All for revealing the abuse, from my dad & step mother
They then put me in prison, where my face it got cut/
By a man who murdered his brother, like Lord what the f*ck??

Copyright 2020 The Elusive Mr Dunne (All rights reserved)
 
Only just seen these replies - I'm sorry. And thanks Beth for your long reply. Is everyone still the same? Where do you all live? I'm Northamptonshire, UK.
 
12+ years totally isolated and I'm fine. o_O I only go out for supplies, usually about twice a month, or when I go on nature trips. No friends, no family, no co-workers, no pets of any kind. I rarely speak to another person. Sometimes when I do talk to someone I have to clear my throat and it feels weird to actually speak. I don't like it. I usually get a headache from it too. I think the socialization part of my brain has shrunk to the size of a grain of rice and that's why it hurts to use it. I never answer my phone and never check my messages. So, please don't call me or come over to my house. I won't answer the door. ;)
 
I have had times in my life when I felt exactly the same. After my first marriage ended years ago, I lived alone, confused and unsure what to do. Suicide lingered in my head as a concept of control, in that it seemed to remain the one thing left that I totally controlled about myself, so the thought that I could do it felt reassuring. I couldn't get my marriage back, I couldn't get my old life back, but I could kill myself. I never seriously considered it and I never seriously attempted it, it just served as more of a coping mechanism, but it somehow helped me through and, paradoxically, gave me a bizarre feeling of strength. It reminded me of what a now long ex-friend once told me when I asked him why he kept smoking: "it gives me a feeling of power over myself, I can kill myself if I want to, that's why I continue, it's all about control." I found that response strange at the time, but it made more sense to me only after I experienced some severe loss. The one time that I even came close to considering suicide, I told myself that I'll have plenty of time to be dead later, so why not try and work things out while I still have some life left? I found that suicide and procrastination make good companions.
 
12+ years totally isolated and I'm fine. o_O I only go out for supplies, usually about twice a month, or when I go on nature trips. No friends, no family, no co-workers, no pets of any kind. I rarely speak to another person. Sometimes when I do talk to someone I have to clear my throat and it feels weird to actually speak. I don't like it. I usually get a headache from it too. I think the socialization part of my brain has shrunk to the size of a grain of rice and that's why it hurts to use it. I never answer my phone and never check my messages. So, please don't call me or come over to my house. I won't answer the door. ;)
it saunds like a skizoid tipe of person also a funny caracter from the movie: Lars and the real girl. Have you seen that movie?
 

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it saunds like a skizoid tipe of person also a funny caracter from the movie: Lars and the real girl. Have you seen that movie?
I'll pick the funny character. And yes, not only have I seen the movie, I'm also dating his ex-girlfriend. He should have never went back to real women and given her up. Ha! Ha!
 
I'm so scared of being alone, I have my own place and I have only been there a handful of times, not sure how you guys brave living alone, I need to take notes.
 
Hi all. I've not been on here in years and forgot I was a member. So, once again I've just finished a riveting book, which is my way of escaping the problems of life, so today I've been bordering on a panic attack. When my situation hits me, my stomach churns and I have this awful empty disconnected feeling which makes me wonder why I should continue living. I don't know ANYONE that lives their life alone. No workmates, no friends, no family. Even worse, I don't know anyone who's like me and doesn't get anything out of general chit chat. I find socializing petrifying and no way can I let anyone get to know me.

In a nutshell, is there anyone else here who is anything like me?
Hello, I can’t begin to tell you how much I relate to what you posted. I am alone I am 52 years old & I’ve never been married . I live with my dog. I have coworkers that I see and I have people I “call friends but I never see them . They have their own lives their own families and I’m very much on the outside. I spend the majority of my time alone. On my days off I don’t speak to anyone. I often think that if something happened to me no one would know until I didn’t show up at work. Sometimes I don’t speak for days on end because there’s no one to talk to. So when I do go back to work my voice is hoarse from not using it. Also when challenges come my way I feel overwhelmed because I’m in it alone I have to deal with whatever comes my way completely alone. It’s not healthy for a human being to be so completely alone. Like you I also read to escape and I slip into other worlds in for a where I can pretend I’m someone else. I don’t have any sisters or brothers my parents are dead. I have distant relatives that I never see. I have felt like this most of my life being an outsider looking in watching other people live their lives being happy having friends and family and wonder what is wrong with me? Well maybe we can swap book ideas. You can give me some of your favorites and I can share some of mine. It’s the worst feeling when you come to an end of a book and realize you don’t have another one on hand so that you can dive into it. Then you have to face your real life and that sometimes isn’t very fun.I also loathe general chitchat. Seems so pointless. I’d like to talk about big things that matter. But I also wonder if maybe my hatred of chitchat Comes from not having a whole lot to chat about as far as my life goes. Some people talk about their children and what they are doing , where they’re going on vacation ,the wedding that they’re going to. I don’t really have any of those things so to chatting becomes very difficult. I love to talk about books, movies, politics ,religion ,philosophy and ideas mostly because that’s where I spend most of my time in my head. So at least you can know you’re not alone in being so alone. I don’t know if that helps. I hope it does.
 
But Finished, don't you feel you're going a little bit crazy not having any human interaction? The loneliness is killing me but on the other hand, it's hard for me to be around people. I'm so dissilusioned with this life, I've now started to read books about the ruddy afterlife/timespacce/conscious universe etc - and it's never bloody ending from what I can gather!!

FG, your post has helped me a little bit, because I totally relate to what you are saying. Maybe we should chat?

Ewomack - I too often think of suicide but I have rescue cats and cannot leave them. Plus I'm scared if it goes wrong.

Beth Griggs, I know I have to change but it's such hard work. I've now asked to be referred to a personality disorder specialist as I think I have Avoidant PD.
 
But Finished, don't you feel you're going a little bit crazy not having any human interaction?
Well, I'm not sure to be honest. When I'm offline I have conversations with different forums members as if we were actually communicating. I've created personalities in my head for each of them based on how they respond on this site. It's actually quite comforting. Sometimes I say something outloud and laugh as if I was actually speaking with them. At this point I will say I'm not crazy because I realize that I'm doing that. In another decade I might not be able to distinguish if I'm really communicating with them or not. I think then I could say that I'm crazy.

But, I really don't have a problem with that because by doing that I never really get lonely. I have all these people in my mind that I'm communicating with. To be honest, I think it would be great just to be completely in my own little world laughing and talking to the NICE forum members, skipping the names at this point, detached from reality while someone cleans me up after I crap all over myself and takes care of everything for me. Reality is over rated.

FYI: Since I joke around alot I should point out that I'm not joking about what I just typed, hence no Ha! ha! ;)
 

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