Do ladies ever make the first move relationship-wise?

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

not only do women graciously hold the door open for me, but they also pursue me with the ravenous hunger of a she-hunter out on the prowl. all of them.

You must be conventionally attractive.

 

[suckaG]

You must be conventionally attractive.

no, I just have a quick smile and delusions of grandeur. (though the part of the women holding doors open for me is* true.)

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You must be conventionally attractive.

no, I just have a quick smile and delusions of grandeur. (though the part of the women holding doors open for me it true.)

That probably is my problem. I get so nervous, I don't smile a lot.

 

[suckaG]

I feel you there man. nerves suck, especially when you are trying to act casual, but you can tell that you are coming off as completely anxious. I have that problem sometimes.

 

[annik]

To me, personally, I have a problem with shyness...so it doesn't matter if she's my dream girl. I still would have trouble approaching her.

In fact, even if she was my dream girl, and was giving me all of the signals that she liked me...I still would flub it up! I had that happen once, and I ended up getting friendzoned...even though she was clearly saying to everyone, including me, that she liked me as more than a friend.

There is just so much pressure on guys in regards to their role in dating. For those of us that are insecure or have shyness issues, these pressures are magnified, sometimes to the point of extremes where it's physically impossible for someone to ask a girl out. This is how so many men end up lonely. It's not really the fault of anyone, but classic gender roles don't make it easier. It would be easier for me personally if I was asked out.

And I hate to butt in on the last line, but was that an Elbow reference? I love the band. Have all of their albums.

Oh yeah I can see what you're saying totally. A guy I used to know, er was besotted with! said the same thing about shy guys having it tough. I agree. I still think there is an assumption that the guy will ask out and ask to marry. How many women have spent years hinting for their boyfriend to ask that, when they could just ask him. Seem a little silly to me. I guess the real issue comes when both parties are too shy. I don't think it matters which gender does the asking as long as two people who like each other get together.

And yeap that's an Elbow reference! I love them as well and have all the albums.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, I guess that is definitely true.

What helps is when the girl is shyer than me. I generally am not able to make conversation, if the girl is leading the convo...I get nervous.

But I've noticed that if I meet a shy and quiet bookish type of girl, and I am able to lead the conversation, I get more info out of her than if she is telling me her whole life story. And in those cases, she tends to know more about me as well.

(Is it any surprise that I get along better with other introverts, than people that are party people?)

I got into Elbow with Leaders of The Free World, their third album. I went back and bought their previous two albums as well. I've bought every album since then. The lead singer reminds me of Peter Gabriel; in fact, the whole "aura" of the band sometimes reminds me of Peter Gabriel era Genesis (back when Genesis was "cool." )

 

[annik]

Yeah, I guess that is definitely true.

What helps is when the girl is shyer than me. I generally am not able to make conversation, if the girl is leading the convo...I get nervous.

But I've noticed that if I meet a shy and quiet bookish type of girl, and I am able to lead the conversation, I get more info out of her than if she is telling me her whole life story. And in those cases, she tends to know more about me as well.

(Is it any surprise that I get along better with other introverts, than people that are party people?)

I got into Elbow with Leaders of The Free World, their third album. I went back and bought their previous two albums as well. I've bought every album since then. The lead singer reminds me of Peter Gabriel; in fact, the whole "aura" of the band sometimes reminds me of Peter Gabriel era Genesis (back when Genesis was "cool." )

Oh yeah that can be true to. I am less shy around other shy people than I am around confident people. Weird thing was I always thought having a confident man would help me and bring me out of my shell. It didn't, it was a disaster and I found myself longing for a shy, slightly grumpy guy!

He he I was with them from the beginning. Well the first album anyway! Yeah I love Guy, I saw him on a train once. I'm from their neck of the woods you see.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My exwf asked me out.
The thing of that was...other guys were
Asking her out....
So, i guess she had to be mote ditect towards
me.
it wasnt like she aked me to be her BF.
She simply asked me if i wanted to go
Dancing with her.
And it wasnt becuase I was shy.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

As far as nerves go, beer/alcohol can knock that off. I am taking antidepressants, though, so I have to be careful with that.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

The thing of it was...i saw so many guys hitting on her.
Even some of my friends were hitting on her.
They all got rejected. So in my mind a woman like
Her could have any guy she wants. I figure she had
A BF. I chit cbat and have small talk with her.
So it wasnt like she didnt know who i was.

She only saw me while I wasnt going out
Playing my music..

The thing of it was....i was going out every other
Night and on the weekends bar hoping and partying.
I actually got into a bat fight the previous night.
I had a cbick that was going to take me home.
Then another chick Ive been partying with for a couple
Of months lip locked in the parking lot.
The dude she was with thst night tripped.
So we had a major scuffle and both got arrested.

After I got bailed out the next day...
My boss told me to chill the fresia out.lol
So...I just went to go jam with my drummer
On a SaturdayNight...to stay out of trouble.lol
Thats when Chelle Asked me go dancing with her....

I wasnt shy or scared of her. I thought she
Wasnt available..
Im a stud.lol
She rejected tons of guys and came after me.

---

I was also running around with a couple other
Chicks. At that time too.

Chelle and I wasn't drunk.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Lonesome Crow makes a good point.

Sometimes guys will make an assumption, based upon a girl's looks, as to whether or not they'll go out with you.

The only person that can make that decision is the girl. You have no choice in the matter, other than to try. It's really up to her whether or not she'll accept or reject you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Its even mire than jus
t looks.
Im asain...and i was stationed in TX
at the time. All the women i ve ever
been with are cucasian... blonde, hazel eyrs.
Very attractive to the eyes for men.

Chelle worked on the base...
So the odds were way in her favor.

Pluse i oretty much blew my money
Partying. I didnt have a car and
My bank account was on zero.

The women i was seeing had their
Own cars and place. One of them
was 10 yrs older than me. I just met
thrm partying or clubing.

Chelle had her own car and money.

But she wasnt the first or only women
That chased me or asked me out.

When i was in HS. I had girls chasing
Me too. One of them had a car. She
used to give me rides home and flirt with
Me..basically wanted me to be her BF.
After i wreack my truck.

The something when i was in college.
A chick used to give me rides home
after i wreack my car again.lol
She always wanna go hang out in
My bed room...

It disnt matter if im rich, poor or
An odd ball. Sometimes ill get meloncholy
Or be somewhat anti social.
Women will hit on me. Give me hints
Or make themselves available to
me...
Yes, its true. Its up the women
wheathet i ask them out or they ask
me out....

---

And cant even say women havnt come knocking
At my door.lol
Thats how i met Renae ( my fiancee ) and some
Other chick...but the odds of that happening
Are slim to none.
I met most women when i was out living my life whether
i was hating life or loving life.
Renae was also my HS sweetheart.
Our relationship consist of s lot of love,pains
Fate, chioces, good times, bad times.
Theres no text book for our relationship.
We do love each other very much....

Renae contacted me after 21 yrs.
So she made the first move this time.
At the sametime id probably chase after
Her, which is what i did after we saperated.
Which is why were together at the moment.

In

---

Even at this stage of our relationship.
It still remains.
Its up to Renae when she choose to stay
With me.
Its up to Renae when we can communicate
Heatt to heart.
Its up to Renae when we nake love.
I can tell her im horny but its still up to
Her wheatet we have sex or not.
She can tell me she's horny. I dont ever
Recall refusing to have sex with her.lol
That inclues in public durung sunlight.lol

 

[ShybutHi]

I think thats true. Personally I think it's nicer to be the one being pursued (for want of a better word) rather than the one doing the pursuing. It's made me feel more wanted and valued in relationships. I was just wondering as men tend to pursue more if they feel less wanted? Or is getting the girl they go after enough.

Well everyone is different. I can tell you now that for a guy like me though, to be persued romantically would shock me, in a good way though. It would certainly make me feel more wanted and valued and it would be an increadibly rare, unique event if it ever happened.

I would most likely jump at the chance to form a relationship with a woman who actually wants me.

 

[Callie]

Lonesome Crow makes a good point.

THINK it, but don't admit it. LMAO

 

[VanillaCreme]

Lonesome Crow makes a good point.

THINK it, but don't admit it. LMAO

Ahaha, oh Callie, you read my mind sometimes... I swear...

 

[Limlim]

I know I may have said this before in a different thread, but I still remember how I got my first girlfriend...

I was walking in front of her into a large building with glass doors and walls, and instead of holding the door open I ran inside and closed the door quickly on her face and watched her look of absolute shock through the glass walls as I pushed a large bench in front of the door so she couldn't get in.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I know I may have said this before in a different thread, but I still remember how I got my first girlfriend...

I was walking in front of her into a large building with glass doors and walls, and instead of holding the door open I ran inside and closed the door quickly on her face and watched her look of absolute shock through the glass walls as I pushed a large bench in front of the door so she couldn't get in.

You Bad Boy, you!

:club:

On topic, though, she probably appreciated your sense of humor.

 

[In a lonely place]

Anyway yeah I think women can and do make the first move. I myself as a shy, insecure type of girl have even done it. For me though I'm not sure it was the best thing to do. I never really felt "wanted" and I wonder if I had felt that more if I'd let him make the moves.

Do men ever feel like that?

I think men feel obliged to make it clear if they are interested in a woman. Though I personally do like clear signals from a woman that I wouldn't be rejected out of hand.
I wouldn't be offended if a girl/woman asked me outright if I wanted to go out with her.

I think thats true. Personally I think it's nicer to be the one being pursued (for want of a better word) rather than the one doing the pursuing. It's made me feel more wanted and valued in relationships. I was just wondering as men tend to pursue more if they feel less wanted? Or is getting the girl they go after enough.

Oh and I just gasped when I read your sig, build a rocket boy!

I'm not sure if men feel less 'wanted' than women (is that what you meant?). Maybe it's shy, less confident people who feel less 'wanted'. What do you think?

I never perfected that simian stroll!

 

[annik]

I'm not sure if men feel less 'wanted' than women (is that what you meant?). Maybe it's shy, less confident people who feel less 'wanted'. What do you think?

I think that could be true. Thinking back the things that made me feel unwanted in that relationship probably weren't anything to do with the fact I'd been more forward with my interest than him.

Having said that someone going all out to get me to be with them did make me feel very wanted. However that turned out to be just someone who knew what to do to make a girl lose her head.

I never perfected that simian stroll!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Having said that someone going all out to get me to be with them did make me feel very wanted. However that turned out to be just someone who knew what to do to make a girl lose her head. [/font]

Exactly... It's that game that too many people tend to play. The cat and mouse chase. It's not very appealing to me personally, and for the life of me, I can't understand why some guys tend to assume we want to be chased around. Just coming up to us, like a human being, and telling us would be far more suitable than thinking we want to be a pawn in a game.