Do you want children? Why or why not?

[alonerly]

I don't know if there's an old thread with this same question, but I'll ask. How many of you want children, and why do you want them? If you don't want them, why not?

I'm gonna go with don't want, and my reasons will be, diapers and poop, and diapers with poop in them.

next...

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't know if there's an old thread with this same question, but I'll ask. How many of you want children, and why do you want them? If you don't want them, why not?

I'm gonna go with don't want, and my reasons will be, diapers and poop, and diapers with poop in them.

next...

lol, the diapers are one of the EASIEST parts of bringing a child into the world. Diapers are only around for the first two years or so.

 

[alonerly]

lol, the diapers are one of the EASIEST parts of bringing a child into the world. Diapers are only around for the first two years or so.

Two years huh... that's 10 diapers a day X 730 days = a lot of poop.

I don't have the constitution for that type of work

 

[Brian]

I'm going to have to say no. At least not of my own.

Firstly, I'm not really sure I'd be a great father the way I would like to be if I was one.

But secondly, and this is the big reason, I think that at this time it is irresponsible to bring more children in to the world. And when you get to people having five and six, or -gods, help us- intentionally having eight at a time like Nadya Suleman, I would almost consider it not only irresponsible, but appalling and reprehensible.

I mean, look around us. The world is quite obviously overpopulated. Several sources point out that for everyone in the world to live like we do in the United States, and have it be sustainable for any length of time, more than half of the world's population would have to die off. Even in some of the most fertile regions of the world, it's necessary to pump the ground with chemical fertilizers and genetically modify plants to suit our needs. If you ask me, there's a problem with this picture. We are vastly overpopulated.

But, no. Either through ignorance to use birth control (teenage population) or because they simply 'want to' (everyone else), people keep popping out babies without any regard to the bigger picture or the future that they are creating not only for their own children and subsequent grandchildren, but for everyone else as well. Eventually it won't be 'People are starving in Africa'. It'll be 'People are starving everywhere, because previous generations didn't stop to think'. And it won't even be a matter of economics; it'll be a matter of available resources.

Until we can colonize and/or terraform other celestial bodies, we all need to be thinking about this. It isn't a problem for a future; it's a problem for now.

Is adopting so bad? If I were going to have a kid intentionally, I would insist on adoption. You get a child to raise while simultaneously being socially responsible. What's so undesirable about providing a good home to a kid who has never had one, and desperately needs one? Deal with what we have first. Then make more. That's my opinion.

I'm sure this will stir up a shitstorm with those among us who are parents. If it's offended you, I appologize. I'm sure you have great kids. But I hope you can at least see the logic behind my words here.

 

[frey12]

I will say no, because I can't for see a scenario where I wouldn't destroy them. I was raised through emotional abuse daily, and I find adapting to people as is hard. After reading posts around here I know that family is not the key to happiness. And lets face it children are just work, the grand reward is you get to see them successful, the grand failure is you get to see them destroy themselves. People tell those of us without experience that this will change or that will change. But I look at those people knowing they do not know who I am. And I wonder would I feel anything for a child? Do I feel anything for the people around me? I don't even know whether i care for people or whether its just a selfish desire to get the needs I am suppose to get from a biological urge.
The goal of life is to have children, the goal of a person is to do what they want. Though most cannot think past their own immediate circumstances you can circumvent having children. Just because you are old your children may not take care of you so your fate may change very little from having them or not. Just people you are kind to your children doesn't mean your children will appreciate and love you back(though it does raise the odds). Just because you do everything right(and you wont) means your kid will have a wonderful life. Things happen in the world that out of our control. In fact most things are out of our control we merely try as best as we can to believe we control them. And the idea of control inevitably pushes children away.
I was free from being controlled as a kid because my mother made me lose respect for her, and thus I told her she had no right to tell me what to do anymore. After which I did not rebel, i merely tried to deal with years of mis abuse adapt best i could Granted the huge amount of fighting that followed but no police, school, troubles arised from that. Because I didn't hang out with the bad crowd because they hated me. The point is children are suppose to be the greatest reward but humanity feels like a curse. And I imagine despising my child for its ignorance or liking pop music, or follow the crowd. And thats just part of growing up.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I was abused and abandon as a child.

I lost my real daughter through a bitter divorced.
My duaghter will be 22 this summer.
After I sober up at the age of 22...I was in a relationship with a GF that had 2 duaghters.
I raised them and loved them If hey where my own. That relationship lasted 5-6 years.
My oldest step duaghter truned 22 this year and the younger one will be 21.

I was in a relationship with Sherry for 12 years. She had a son. I raised him and love him
as he was my own. He's 22 at the moment.
Sherry and i tried to have children of our own...We kept losing them
in miscarriage. Sherry went deep into her alcoholism to cope with her pains. I lost her too.
I love Sherry every much and I love children too.

None of my children calls me or keep in contacts with me.
They know where grand mom lives and how to get a hold of me.

I'm glad none of my children saw me drunk. I broken the chains of violence and abuse.
i rasied children at different stages...from toddlers to teenagers.

I saw Sherry from a distant tonight...A part of me still wants to cry.
I have to keep reminding myself...It's not her..That's not the woman I fell in love with.
She didn't look too well.

Sherry represent humanity to me...All that is really messed up and rip you to pieces.
Yet i still have hope for her...I never stopped loving her inspite of everything.
I belive she's in there somewhere. I pray for her soul and love.

That all I ever wanted out of life was to have a family I can call my own.
I thought i grow old with Sherry.

At this point in time of my life...I'm not sure of anything.
Im just moving on with my life inspite of everything.

Just getting well afte all of the chaos of trying to get Sherry clean and sober.
Needless to say...I lost that battle and lost Sherry to alcoholism.
It fucks with me a liltte bit...becuase she's still alive..yet she's not here.

I can't say yes or no to things that pretains to relationship, marriage children at the moment.

 

[SunWeb]

Yeah if i would choose to have family of my own i would say - yes, i want full family. But those are just dreams, can't even find a girlfriend.

 

[EveWasFramed]

lol, the diapers are one of the EASIEST parts of bringing a child into the world. Diapers are only around for the first two years or so.

Two years huh... that's 10 diapers a day X 730 days = a lot of poop.

I don't have the constitution for that type of work

lmao, do some reading on the subject! lmao, infants don't poop ten times a day. Still rofl.

 

[Zak]

Kids are so mean. They want everything and they don't give anything back. So unfair. lol

But seriously though, I don't want to do that horrible sin, bringing another life to this freaking stupid mad world where he/she will find it very difficult to even survive. This is not the only reason. I seriously can't stand kinds. Maybe because I hate naive behaviors too much. I can't teach them anything because I don't want to do it. Tooooo much of responsibility and yeah diapers too lol nasty.

 

[Justaguy]

yes i do. i'm 25 so not now, but i'll want a family someday, a wife and children. it seems only natural to me, and i feel the need to have my own family.

 

[Melanie]

I never thought I wanted kids until my cousin recently had one. I absolutely love this baby, I don't know why, and I keep overthinking it, but I just love him. He is so sweet. My dad thinks I have "maternal instincts," hah.
Anywho, that made me change my mind on the whole child thing, I think I do want children, but then again, I don't want my child to be brought up in such a very hopeless world...so I'm not sure.

 

[Oceanmist23]

My answer is a definite no.
I could mention the whole overpopulation issue because to me that's a very genuine reason, but it's not my reason why.

Just like straight people are born straight, and homosexuals are born homosexual, I genuinely believe I was born without any desire/instinct to have children.

The earliest sign of this would be that I never wanted to play with baby dollies when I was a kid. First it was cuddly toys, then straight onto Barbie dolls. I loved Barbie dolls because Barbie was an adult, she had adult female shapes (though of course, not anatomically correct... lol). My mum has told me I showed no interest in playing with dolls that looked like babies or kids.

In school kids younger than me would annoy the hell out of me. How they behaved, how they spoke, their clinginess, just everything. I found them annoying and uninteresting.

At age 12 - 15 the "big thing" for girls in my school was to babysit. Every single girl would babysit someone's kids every single week. This didn't interest me at all. In fact I found it incomprehensible that girls my age would willingly babysit.

At age 16 - 17 I tried to convince myself that I wanted kids, because having kids was considered the norm among Jews (I was dating an Orthodox Jew at the time, can you believe it.. lol). Obviously that failed, since there was never any desire there to have kids, and because kids really did make my stomach turn.

At age 18 I got into a relationship with a guy who didn't want kids. I had told him before we got serious that if he had any desire at all to have kids of his own one day he should NOT get into a relationship with me.

When I was 20 my brother became a dad for the first time. When I first heard that his girlfriend was pregnant I thought "oh honeysuckle... I'm gonna have to be around a kid in the future".

From then on, 20 - 24 I've felt like I've had to put on an act every time I visit my brother. I pretend to care slightly about my niece. The truth is I don't care and I don't want to care. The only thing I think of when it comes to my niece is that I hope she will have many female friends throughout her life, and that she'll be interested in talking to me from her mid-teens and upwards. Anything else about her (as well as any other kid) doesn't really interest me. When I look at her I feel either nothing or just negative feelings. I always hope she won't ask me to come and play with her.

At age 24 when I broke up with my ex he told me during the breakup conversation that he had been thinking about having kids in the future. I instantly told him that if that was the case then there really was no point in the two of us staying together, because I would never be able to give him kids. If my ex and I had been happy together and he dropped that bomb on me I would've ended it on the spot. I can't be in a relationship with a guy who wants kids, whether his own or adopted. I just can't, both for my own sake and for my partner's sake. I don't want to do something I know I'll regret, and I don't want to stay in a relationship with someone who wants kids, because I at least respect that person enough to set them free so they can fulfil their dreams. Dreams I don't want to be any part of.

When I look at kids and when I'm around kids I feel uncomfortable. I don't want to interact with them. When I look at kids I shudder. When I look at cats I go awwwwwwww!!! lol

So to end this essay I'll repeat what I said to begin with.

Just like straight people are born straight, and homosexuals are born homosexual, I genuinely believe I was born without any desire/instinct to have children.

I'm looking forward to a childfree life where I can give all my love and attention to my childfree partner, and our 2-3 cats

 

[Steel]

Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt.

Never again lol

 

[EveWasFramed]

Not wanting to have children, or have your OWN children is a personal decision and a perfectly fine one. Some people just don't like kids and there is nothing wrong with that. A person should never feel like they MUST have children, unless they just really WANT to.

 

[alonerly]

lmao, do some reading on the subject! lmao, infants don't poop ten times a day. Still rofl.

They might if you feed them pizza and snack puddins all day like I would feed my baby. "No breast milk for you honey. Here, have a jalapeno popper."

I can't be in a relationship with a guy who wants kids, whether his own or adopted. I just can't, both for my own sake and for my partner's sake. I don't want to do something I know I'll regret, and I don't want to stay in a relationship with someone who wants kids, because I at least respect that person enough to set them free so they can fulfil their dreams. Dreams I don't want to be any part of.

agreed.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

I would like to have kids, but not with a wife. I've been thinking about that idea lately, and I think I can raise children fine without them having a mother figure in their lives. Sure, problems will arise and they will have many questions. I think it won't be as bad since they would appreciate how well I can take care of my children and give them an enriched life that many kids cannot experience.

 

[alonerly]

I would like to have kids, but not with a wife. I've been thinking about that idea lately, and I think I can raise children fine without them having a mother figure in their lives. Sure, problems will arise and they will have many questions. I think it won't be as bad since they would appreciate how well I can take care of my children and give them an enriched life that many kids cannot experience.

You think you can, or you know you can?... it could mean the difference between life and death, figuratively.. or literally speaking.

 

[Nyktimos]

Not a chance. I've been depressed all of my life, I'm rubbish at relationships so probably have no chance of providing a stable family life, and I've simply never had any paternal feelings whatsoever. I can't think what I could possibly provide for a child. There is all the over population and Earth in peril stuff to think about as well, but I don't think that figures in most people's decision. My genes have never done me any good and I'm not spreading them around further. My contribution to human evolution is to opt out, and I think future generations will be grateful.

 

[wolfshadow]

Easy question to answer, I would absolutely love to be a parent but it isn't going to happen. Too unstable and disorganized to seriously contemplate a relationship, much less bearing such a massive responsibility as parenthood.

A regret I can live with but a regret nonetheless.

 

[heretostay]

Undecided. i want a kid because, well, that's what i think i should do. And i dont want a kid because life is torture and id be a horrible parent. why in the world would i want to bring someone into such a situation.