Does loneliness make you care more or less about your appearance?

[roguewave]

Does being lonely make you less concerned with how you present to others or does it push you to be your best in the hopes of attracting people?

I have been at both extremes and was wondering what other people felt.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I've completely let go of my appearance. Though I'm not sure loneliness is the cause of it.

I am definitely disheveled though.

 

[Sci-Fi]

When I'm at home I really don't give a crap, but I won't go out into public without brushing my hair and putting on clean clothes. Heck I almost hate going to the grocery store after work sometimes.

 

[roguewave]

I can't decide whether I care or not. It seems I only care when there is an event to go to...and that is not often. But when I care, I really care.

 

[thalassa]

I would say there are many other factors too. I try to look halfway decent, not to attract people into my life because of loneliness (what a shallow bunch of contacts that would be!) but because I have huge issues about my looks. I feel I look really bad, especially my face, so I have to sort that out so I don't feel like an ugly freak let out without a leash. Whether this is rational or irrational I don't know. Plus I look too young, so I have to put on some make-up as I don't want teenagers picking on me as if I were one of them.

So loneliness to me has nothing to do with my looks. I usually don't look perfect anyway - some days I do not brush my hair and if my face is presentable I won't do much to it.

In a way, when people approach me because I look nice, I feel even more lonely and estranged. Like a few years ago when I came back from the hairdresser's and a man came up to me. It felt so meaningless.

Looks don't mean much. The most beautiful person I ever met had bad acne, a limp and not much of an attractive face or body. To this day (12 years later), she still is the most memorable person in my whole life. Too bad I losyt touch with her

 

[roguewave]

In a way, when people approach me because I look nice, I feel even more lonely and estranged. Like a few years ago when I came back from the hairdresser's and a man came up to me. It felt so meaningless.

I've never heard anyone put it that way but I think I understand.
Non-lonely people don't seem to have these same experiences and find fault with them...for example, drawing a conclusion about the shallowness of the world.

If I go to the salon and feel better about myself I am elevated on one hand, but on the other, I recognize it's not a good thing that I am getting positive reinforcement from making myself "prettier." There's something wrong with that and no one, I mean NO ONE I have ever discussed this with sees this as a problem. Go figure.

 

[jjam]

Wanting to find someone that I'd want to be romantic with makes me care more about my appearance. Unfortunately, time is going to have its way with my face, regardless.

The best I know to do is:
-think positively so that genuine smiles, among other things, can come out to play
-exercise
-mind my diet
-stay clean, dress neatly, shave to a look that works best for me
-use effective skin products
-wear shades/visors in sunlight and don't stay in sun long

 

[Nolife Princess]

Does being lonely make you less concerned with how you present to others or does it push you to be your best in the hopes of attracting people?

I have been at both extremes and was wondering what other people felt.

Hi Rogue,

When I was a young girl, my Grandfather once told me something that I will never forget.
He told me no matter what, where, or time, always, always, always, be presentable, and look my best at all times... even at home down times. because when you look good, you also feel good.

Now, beings that I am a hairstylist by trade, and my mom also was a hairdresser, I grew up in the beauty salon, surrounded by hair colours, make up, nail products. and bla bla bla... so I guess you could say I am on the extreme of things being that I over do HEHE but I love it. and it makes me feel good, for most part (

 

[Okiedokes]

hmmm... probably more because doing something new or different can make me feel refreshed or something. Something for myself.. a pampering I guess. lol.

 

[roguewave]

Hi Rogue,

When I was a young girl, my Grandfather once told me something that I will never forget.
He told me no matter what, where, or time, always, always, always, be presentable, and look my best at all times... even at home down times. because when you look good, you also feel good.

Now, beings that I am a hairstylist by trade, and my mom also was a hairdresser, I grew up in the beauty salon, surrounded by hair colours, make up, nail products. and bla bla bla... so I guess you could say I am on the extreme of things being that I over do HEHE but I love it. and it makes me feel good, for most part (

It does make me feel better to be clean and put together. I am going into the cosmetology industry too but here lies my struggle...I love the artistry and the bonding with clients (hello human interaction without the stress of long term relationships!!!) but I am concerned that people with low self esteem might take it too far. Maybe I shouldn't be worried because I'm talking more about plastic surgery and that sort of thing. But if a client told me something like "I can't face the world without a full face of makeup or my nails done" I would feel horrible. Can I be in this industry and at the same time feel that people are beautiful without cosmetics? Would that be hypocritical of me?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this one.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Does being lonely make you less concerned with how you present to others or does it push you to be your best in the hopes of attracting people?

I have been at both extremes and was wondering what other people felt.

Being physically attractive is the very last thing I want to do. I'm really quite asexual, and have no sex drive whatsoever, so the last thing I want is men pursuing me for a relationship that has no appeal for me.

I do my very best to be unattractive to them, but so far it has not worked, and I keep getting hit on nearly every time I go out in public and it's a most unwelcome hassle. Ewwwww! Git awaaaayyyyyy! Apparently having a vagina is all that is necessary to attract them. Disgusting. Looking far younger than my age really sucks as well. I'm thinking of dying my hair gray and getting some horn-rimmed glasses.

Loneliness has indeed made me care less about how I look, how I keep house too. I just don't care so much about such things. If anyone has an opinion about that they can keep it to themselves as it's really none of their business anyway. Just why do they have a stake in how I look or keep house? How is it any of their business? Don't like it? Go away!

 

[annik]

I try my best to look nice as far as I can most of the time. Of course as soon as I leave the house and come into contact with other people the head goes down and I feel like crap no matter how hard I've tried.

I don't think for me its got anything to do with being lonely I felt the same when I was with my ex boyfriend.

In many ways one of the reasons I'm lonely is because of how bad I feel about my appearance. No confidence to meet people and if I do I can't really believe people like me or think I'm pretty.

When I try and look my best I'm doing it to get myself through the door not in the hope of attracting anyone.

 

[roguewave]

Does being lonely make you less concerned with how you present to others or does it push you to be your best in the hopes of attracting people?

I have been at both extremes and was wondering what other people felt.

Being physically attractive is the very last thing I want to do. I'm really quite asexual, and have no sex drive whatsoever, so the last thing I want is men pursuing me for a relationship that has no appeal for me.

I do my very best to be unattractive to them, but so far it has not worked, and I keep getting hit on nearly every time I go out in public and it's a most unwelcome hassle. Ewwwww! Git awaaaayyyyyy! Apparently having a vagina is all that is necessary to attract them. Disgusting. Looking far younger than my age really sucks as well. I'm thinking of dying my hair gray and getting some horn-rimmed glasses.

Loneliness has indeed made me care less about how I look, how I keep house too. I just don't care so much about such things. If anyone has an opinion about that they can keep it to themselves as it's really none of their business anyway. Just why do they have a stake in how I look or keep house? How is it any of their business? Don't like it? Go away!

Hmm I hardly ever get hit on now that I have short/medium length hair. Also things that guys do not seem to like are: overalls, attitudes, thick glasses, lots of tattoos, smoking and any fashion that is more masculine. There are always exceptions though. What one person dislikes, someone else will surely fancy.

 

[TrailerTrish]

I have the overalls and the attitude, and I smoke, but it's not slowing them down a bit. No tats though. Since leaving Alabama I've stopped carrying a gun all the time, so that might be something I want to pick up on again. It sure did back them off there, and they were threatening me with rape there because I refused to get myself a man from among the domineering sexist inbred troglodytes in the area.

Now that I have work again I'm going after at CCW here as soon as I can afford the range and test fees. I'll feel a lot safer with that .45 on my hip again.

 

[roguewave]

I have the overalls and the attitude, and I smoke, but it's not slowing them down a bit. No tats though. Since leaving Alabama I've stopped carrying a gun all the time, so that might be something I want to pick up on again. It sure did back them off there, and they were threatening me with rape there because I refused to get myself a man from among the domineering sexist inbred troglodytes in the area.

Now that I have work again I'm going after at CCW here as soon as I can afford the range and test fees. I'll feel a lot safer with that .45 on my hip again.

Sounds like you should start carrying again, as soon as you can.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I have the overalls and the attitude, and I smoke, but it's not slowing them down a bit. No tats though. Since leaving Alabama I've stopped carrying a gun all the time, so that might be something I want to pick up on again. It sure did back them off there, and they were threatening me with rape there because I refused to get myself a man from among the domineering sexist inbred troglodytes in the area.

Now that I have work again I'm going after at CCW here as soon as I can afford the range and test fees. I'll feel a lot safer with that .45 on my hip again.

Cut your hair really really short

Like a guy's cut.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Sounds like you should start carrying again, as soon as you can.

I think so, at least I'll feel safer, but back to the original question, that being do I care less about my appearance because of being lonely. Yes I do.

At times I've been a real slob. Loneliness is demoralizing and depressing, and in that state of mind self-maintenance falls to one side. During the worst times I drank a lot too, and all I cared about at the end of the day was that beer waiting for me at home, and my dog who was always glad to see me, and the only real friend I've had in the last 20 years.

I would brush my hair out in the morning, but that's about all. Dishes would pile up for days in the sink, the place would go to hell and I didn't care. It was not like I had friends anyway, and the only people around me were just looking to game me for anything they could use me for. Not folks I cared to impress at all and it was clearly in my own best interest to repel them as best I could.

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Cut your hair really really short

Like a guy's cut.

I'm sure that would work on some of them, but it would also get me read as a lesbian, which would not work in my favor socially at all. There have been times when I've considered just telling everyone I'm a lesbian to get the men off me, but of course that would get the women after me, and I'm just not up for that.

It's really not easy being asexual and not having any sex drive at all.

 

[roguewave]

In the last few years I've swung between being a total slob with myself to being hyperfemme. I really need to settle in the middle because this is just ridiculous.
When my anxiety is bad I am very neat and organized. When my depression is bad I slack off.

 

[SophiaGrace]

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Cut your hair really really short

Like a guy's cut.

I'm sure that would work on some of them, but it would also get me read as a lesbian, which would not work in my favor socially at all. There have been times when I've considered just telling everyone I'm a lesbian to get the men off me, but of course that would get the women after me, and I'm just not up for that.

It's really not easy being asexual and not having any sex drive at all.

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Well uhm, shouldnt there statistically be less women that like women than men that like women?

 

[TrailerTrish]

Well uhm, shouldnt there statistically be less women that like women than men that like women?

I'm not aware of the statistics for where I live now, but I do know after living 20 years in San Francisco that there are plenty of such women around, and not all of them are out about it. I prefer not to give anyone to expect that I'm open to a relationship that I really have no interest in.