Thrasymachus
Well-known member
I remember fairs as a kid that had an array of goldfish bowls and you had to throw rings with the goal of capturing a bowl as a winning prize. Humans look at those goldfish as if they were privileged gods in comparison. The goldfish is totally trapped and its very life is dependent on barely caring humans who view it as a means to mere economic utility(those that run the booth) or novelty(the winners who just opted to play a game with no thought of the life of the creature in the bowl) instead of a living being that deserves kindness and dignity.
I feel like one of those goldfish. Most believe in the common societal myths about our imagined immense power over our lives, but I cannot believe in such fantasies. We are like the goldfish in that we are trapped in larger circumstances we cannot exercise much power over. Of course our lives are easier than theirs, but we merely get to suffer the "pain of a life made easy"(Metallica). I do not want to participate in a society where you can only be a producer/consumer of goods and services, but this is the only type of society out there. I do not want to live among people always chasing after better social status, the next distraction of the entertainment industries, the next high or other vice, but these are the only types our society can produce. But that is what I am forced to do and I cannot accept it. I cannot ever see myself happy just trapped in the bowl eating the flakes offered. Most people learn to be happy goldfish and adjust themselves to captivity but I have always refused to adjust to my peers, societal expectations, rampant consumerism and the worlds of school and work.
I have reacted to this by trying to participate as little in society as possible thus becoming a pathetic almost 30 yr. old still living with my mom and barely venturing outside. I am not happy about this, but I feel I would equally malcontent trying to get a well paying job, having a girlfriend and then a family. I do not see things ever getting better for me and I am past the age frame where you can say things will be better years from now. I cannot make friends, and I do not know how to find people who share my interests and outlook. Instead I am always trapped hanging with old acquaintances from junior high or high school whom I should move past, as they most often just want to drugs or watch movies.
I would like one day to have the courage to kill myself but I am even too much of a coward for that. I never wanted to, nor was I asked if I wanted to be born, to exist, my parents who did not really belong together as a couple anyway, just decided to have a kid, but I never consented. To me life is a hell to suffer in, rather than an opportunity. I do not understand how everyone else can cope so well living in such a fake, Malthusian society where the only thing that matters most is money. I feel so alone, like I am the only one grasping furtively for meaning from the meaningless. I do not how much longer I can continue like this, what I am doing is not so much living as it is being scared of dying. I am so tired of having no place in this world to be comfortable anywhere.
I feel like one of those goldfish. Most believe in the common societal myths about our imagined immense power over our lives, but I cannot believe in such fantasies. We are like the goldfish in that we are trapped in larger circumstances we cannot exercise much power over. Of course our lives are easier than theirs, but we merely get to suffer the "pain of a life made easy"(Metallica). I do not want to participate in a society where you can only be a producer/consumer of goods and services, but this is the only type of society out there. I do not want to live among people always chasing after better social status, the next distraction of the entertainment industries, the next high or other vice, but these are the only types our society can produce. But that is what I am forced to do and I cannot accept it. I cannot ever see myself happy just trapped in the bowl eating the flakes offered. Most people learn to be happy goldfish and adjust themselves to captivity but I have always refused to adjust to my peers, societal expectations, rampant consumerism and the worlds of school and work.
I have reacted to this by trying to participate as little in society as possible thus becoming a pathetic almost 30 yr. old still living with my mom and barely venturing outside. I am not happy about this, but I feel I would equally malcontent trying to get a well paying job, having a girlfriend and then a family. I do not see things ever getting better for me and I am past the age frame where you can say things will be better years from now. I cannot make friends, and I do not know how to find people who share my interests and outlook. Instead I am always trapped hanging with old acquaintances from junior high or high school whom I should move past, as they most often just want to drugs or watch movies.
I would like one day to have the courage to kill myself but I am even too much of a coward for that. I never wanted to, nor was I asked if I wanted to be born, to exist, my parents who did not really belong together as a couple anyway, just decided to have a kid, but I never consented. To me life is a hell to suffer in, rather than an opportunity. I do not understand how everyone else can cope so well living in such a fake, Malthusian society where the only thing that matters most is money. I feel so alone, like I am the only one grasping furtively for meaning from the meaningless. I do not how much longer I can continue like this, what I am doing is not so much living as it is being scared of dying. I am so tired of having no place in this world to be comfortable anywhere.