Dont know why he left

[BrokenInside]

thank you to all for your opinions and support. i am probably too sad to see that things will get better. of course they will. but i will never understand the nature of people who are mean to the other. when we were so close during that weekend, we talked for hours in each others arms. i asked him to always talk to me, always tell me the truth, always pay attention to me and that i would do the same because i loved him. he made those promises saying he never met anyone like me and was deeply in love. he said there would never be a reason why he would ever hurt me and i said the same. he promised that if he ever fell out of love or if he wanted to cheat, that he would be honest and mature about telling me so that we could avoid at least an aggressive breakup. i suppose he knew all the right things to say to a naive girl like me. im sure many people here know that when you put your heart and trust into a person and they trample you, that is the hardest feeling to overcome. i know my love was true, i know now that his wasnt.

edited to add: even though i know all these things, why do i still want him back? am i looking for more hurt?

Dear Isla, it feels like you are speaking my mind/heart. Everything happened the same way except the intimacy part, i never let him come too close to me. It happened years back, i was so naive then and he was the first guy in my life. After making lot of promises and showing me lot of dreams, he left. I know it hurts a lot because you really love him and despite all his lies, you want him back.
As i once read somewhere, "You can avoid the reality but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding the reality." A sincere,nice guy would always take out time for you, if he really loves, and would never call you 'needy'.
Find your self respect now. Don't dumb yourself down. Think of yourself and worthy of finding a guy who is going to respect you,too.

 

[perfanoff]

thank you to all for your opinions and support. i am probably too sad to see that things will get better. of course they will. but i will never understand the nature of people who are mean to the other. when we were so close during that weekend, we talked for hours in each others arms. i asked him to always talk to me, always tell me the truth, always pay attention to me and that i would do the same because i loved him. he made those promises saying he never met anyone like me and was deeply in love. he said there would never be a reason why he would ever hurt me and i said the same. he promised that if he ever fell out of love or if he wanted to cheat, that he would be honest and mature about telling me so that we could avoid at least an aggressive breakup. i suppose he knew all the right things to say to a naive girl like me. im sure many people here know that when you put your heart and trust into a person and they trample you, that is the hardest feeling to overcome. i know my love was true, i know now that his wasnt.

edited to add: even though i know all these things, why do i still want him back? am i looking for more hurt?

Dear Isla, it feels like you are speaking my mind/heart. Everything happened the same way except the intimacy part, i never let him come too close to me. It happened years back, i was so naive then and he was the first guy in my life. After making lot of promises and showing me lot of dreams, he left. I know it hurts a lot because you really love him and despite all his lies, you want him back.
As i once read somewhere, "You can avoid the reality but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding the reality." A sincere,nice guy would always take out time for you, if he really loves, and would never call you 'needy'.
Find your self respect now. Don't dumb yourself down. Think of yourself and worthy of finding a guy who is going to respect you,too.

Hold on for a second, sister. If a sincere, nice guy always takes out time for you, HE magically becomes "needy". I've wasted enough tries making myself too available only for the girl to feel that I am too clingy. So what is it really?

 

[BrokenInside]

Hold on for a second, sister. If a sincere, nice guy always takes out time for you, HE magically becomes "needy". I've wasted enough tries making myself too available only for the girl to feel that I am too clingy. So what is it really?

That applies to both genders, bro. But i was talking about Isla's issue in particular so i didn't mention girls. The thing is, when someone loses interest in you then your "too-much-availability" (once admired by the same person), turns in to "clinginess" (a big turn off for the same person).

 

[perfanoff]

The question is how often does "someone loses interest in you" causes the perception of "too-much-availability"/"clinginess" and how often it is actually the other way around.

And number two, how to not feel like a monkey on a rope while balancing between too clingy/warm and too distant/cold.

Don't mean to derail this thread by the way

 

[BrokenInside]

The question is how often does "someone loses interest in you" causes the perception of "too-much-availability"/"clinginess" and how often it is actually the other way around.

And number two, how to not feel like a monkey on a rope while balancing between too clingy/warm and too distant/cold.

Don't mean to derail this thread by the way

Good question. I will conduct a survey
For number two: Had i known the secret, i would have told you too.

P.S: I am clingy and i cant act cold.

 

[theraab]

The question is how often does "someone loses interest in you" causes the perception of "too-much-availability"/"clinginess" and how often it is actually the other way around.

And number two, how to not feel like a monkey on a rope while balancing between too clingy/warm and too distant/cold.

Don't mean to derail this thread by the way

Good question. I will conduct a survey
For number two: Had i known the secret, i would have told you too.

P.S: I am clingy and i cant act cold.

I'd like to point out that if "someone loses interest in you", whether or not you are clingy is irrelevant (since it is over anyway) - on the other hand, when clinginess drives someone away, the clinger expects/wants/needs a type of relationship that the clingee is not ready/willing/able to provide - so it isn't going to work anyway, unless the clinger is willing to ease up and see if the clingee will start to want that type of relationship - however, that raises the possibility that the clinger hangs on to someone who will never want what the clingee wants.

So, on BrokenInside's survey, I'll answer Yes.

I can't tell you how to find the balance between clinging/non-clinging - but it does help when, if you are in a relationship where you are always the one available/doing things for the other person, try to be firm and decisive once in a while. Clingy people tend to go along with whatever their partners want to do. When you go out, don't just agree to "do whatever" the other person wants - insist on doing your thing every so often, even though your partner isn't a fan of it - if your partner is unwilling, you have a problem because the relationship is one sided and it almost surely won't last. If they do agree to go, they will respect you a little bit more because you insist on doing your thing.

I think I'm starting to ramble, so I'll stop here

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

Hi Isla, I dont know you and I dont know this guy. But through your posts, I am quite confident he is an ass.
No decent guy will go silent on a gal for 5 days after having sex. And this is very gal he claims to be in loved with.
Seriously. He is crap. Please mend your heart and forget about this guy.

Holy crap, is he ever an *******!

Hey! What is the definition to this description:

Who has sex with a virgin, tells them they love them and then ignores them when she asks what the deal is days after they don't hear from them? Who know who then then says to the now ex-virgin "you are clingy"?


If your answer was : ********!!!!!

Then you are correct.

He was INSIDE OF YOU. Sex, for normal people, is a pretty intense, amazing experience. If he was in any way decent, he wouldn't say honeysuckle like "I am busy". He could have called you. Dude should have at least said thank you. He could have been honest and not have left you wondering, and waiting what the hell was going on. That ain't clingy, wondering what happened after someone built up expectations (shared words of love, etc), was physically intimate with you. That's like indicative that you have um, feelings.

Don't put this on your performance! When I had vaginal sex for the first time, it was baaaad!! My bf and I knew it was going to be bad because it was clearly going to hurt like hell, (and boy did it ever) but we got through it. He knew it wasn't about me, just my stubborn hymen. Do you know why? Because he wasn't an *******.

 

[ladyforsaken]

First of all.. *HUGS* Isla. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a thing.
What a complete *******.

even though i know all these things, why do i still want him back? am i looking for more hurt?

Perhaps that feeling of wanting him back is because you lost your virginity to him. As it means so much to you, that part of you he took away stayed with him...so maybe that's why.

I really don't think that there's anything that could make you feel better when you really value your virginity and thought you gave it to the right person. But it also doesn't mean you let that bring you down. It must be painful, but keep strong. I'm glad you came here as I believe a lot of the members here do give some good advice and thoughts that help.

Think you'll need to slowly move on. It probably will take time, but for your own sake and happiness, you need to. *hugs*
My PM inbox is always open if you need support. Take care.

 

[shesafrozenfire]

He's an *******. Anyone who uses "the fade" like that with no warning, just a complete cessation of contact, is an *******.

I get it, people can be busy and wrapped up with their lives, but just no word, no warning and then a breakup text? Trust me, you are better off without such an inconsiderate ******. I went through something similar years ago. In my case, I got sick of the silent treatment, so I finally straight up emailed him and said, "Hey, things seem different between us. I'd rather get it all out now instead of a long, dragged out affair that's just going to breed resentment." blah blah blah. He was actually relieved because I did the dirty work and he didn't have to say anything because he claimed he didn't want to hurt me. Whatever, dick. The "fade" hurts just as much as someone telling you to your face that you're not as hot as he'd like and, all things being equal, he'd really rather be free to chase 20 year-old tail.

The funny thing? He tried crawling back to me after the hot 20-somethings rejected his saggy-assed 40 year-old self. Dumbass.

My point in this ramble? Don't let some pussy-hunting piece of honeysuckle toss your self-respect down the toilet.
Chalk it up to a learning experience. Now you know that these douchebags are out there, your screening process has to be a bit finer to weed out the users and losers.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Im closing this thread due to the OP being banned (see her other thread for the reason).
It's too bad that you can't just take something that someone posts here as the simple truth every time.
Unfortunately, people like to make things up sometimes.