Don't Understand My Relationship

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Leo Sayer

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Hi.
I live with my girlfriend and have a young girl. We are looking her well I think and she is happy and well provided for.
However we sleep in separate beds, don't sit together once our daughter is asleep and normally argue if we talk.

Not sure what I should do. Keep with it and maybe things wil get better or break up whilst our daughter is young. Unfair to ask you people but general comments welcome.

I struggle socially but have a good job, look after myself and generally in good shape for my age.

My biggest fears are a party, wedding etc as I cannot flow on conversation and often need alcohol to help (not sure it does!).

If we break up I could end up upsetting my daughter and being alone for the rest of my life. In a way I am alone now but I know it's not me causing all the problems.

Thanks 🙏
 

Leo Sayer

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Just to add and probably makes me a weird person!-

Every night I dream of being with a lady and fantasise about being in a relationship with various people. To the extent of a full life with them.

I also dream of being with a lady just to hold them, make love and then talk to them. Unfortunately my social anxiety makes that not possible, plus I am in a relationship!

I don't think I have had a guard down talk to anyone for all my life. Been on anxiety tablets for 30 years and no one knows.

Now I write this down I think I am pretty messed up!
 

TheRealCallie

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There are very few circumstances where staying together for the kids is a good idea. In the end, they will see that you are unhappy. Would a child rather have parents who have the potential to be happy or are still together and miserable?


Now, that said, I'm not necessarily saying you should split. You need to figure out if the marriage can be fixed. That requires talking about the issues. Do you WANT to be with your girlfriend? Are you unhappy because of dreams you have?

And lastly, there is nothing wrong with having anxiety and being depressed. I would wager that every single person on this planet has had those issues at some point in their life. Do you have a therapist or anyone at all that you can talk to about all this, even if it's vague? This forum is a good start, but you need to have someone you can be open and honest with or you may never figure things out.

Welcome to the forum :)
 
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First off welcome to the forum!
Everybody has problems. Don't be hard on yourself. IMO, I think you should try to work on things with her. Tell her you want a better relationship and are willing to work on it with her. Hopefully she agrees and you two might want to see a counseler together. If not, then it might be time to part ways. But, give it all you've got first. Relationships are a ton of work, way more then I'm willing to do.
 

Leo Sayer

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There are very few circumstances where staying together for the kids is a good idea. In the end, they will see that you are unhappy. Would a child rather have parents who have the potential to be happy or are still together and miserable?


Now, that said, I'm not necessarily saying you should split. You need to figure out if the marriage can be fixed. That requires talking about the issues. Do you WANT to be with your girlfriend? Are you unhappy because of dreams you have?

And lastly, there is nothing wrong with having anxiety and being depressed. I would wager that every single person on this planet has had those issues at some point in their life. Do you have a therapist or anyone at all that you can talk to about all this, even if it's vague? This forum is a good start, but you need to have someone you can be open and honest with or you may never figure things out.

Welcome to the forum :)
Hi.
Thanks for the reply and good points.
I don't have anyone to talk with and did think of getting a therapist but not sure how.
 

Leo Sayer

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First off welcome to the forum!
Everybody has problems. Don't be hard on yourself. IMO, I think you should try to work on things with her. Tell her you want a better relationship and are willing to work on it with her. Hopefully she agrees and you two might want to see a counseler together. If not, then it might be time to part ways. But, give it all you've got first. Relationships are a ton of work, way more then I'm willing to do.
Thanks for the reply. This seems a good forum, glad I stumbled on to it !
 

Butterfly 2

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Leo, welcome! I would be one of the first people to recommend that you hang in there and try to make your relationship work, but since you aren't even married yet and you are already feeling this way, I really don't have any input on whether you should stay or go.

It almost sounds like you have as much concern about the actual wedding itself as the relationship. Could you opt for a small, private wedding or elope? Would that ease some of the problems?
 
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There are very few circumstances where staying together for the kids is a good idea. In the end, they will see that you are unhappy. Would a child rather have parents who have the potential to be happy or are still together and miserable?
My parents split when I was 14, my father threw my mother out because she had been cheating. Both of them were cold, nasty, bossy, so whether they were together or separate made no difference to me. My mother tried to get back with him because of money, nothing to do with him, this happens a lot, people wanting to be with someone for ulterior motives - to take advantage or use them - my dad would not take her back so she married the other guy eventually - my mum's way was that you must be married, she would have married a tramp off a park bench rather than be single. Pathetic. Remember that the decision might not be yours. Your partner might be feeling just as bored and miserable, he may already be dreaming of or flirting with or seeing someone else, you have no guarantee that if you want to stay with him he will want to stay with you too and will always be there for you.
 

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