drowning

[UnderTheNightSky]

I'm 22, I write poems and music as a way to express how I feel, photography is also one of my hobbies. There are times when I feel so lonely inside and can't find a way to let my feelings out. I do have a lot of friends but I always feel lonely, most of the time I don't even understand why. It's really painful, feeling that you're all alone and drowning in a sea of faces. My friends see me as a happy-friendly-moody-lovable person, I also have parents who are very supportive and loving. I guess that's also one of the reasons why I can't talk to them, I just don't know how to make them understand. Some days I prefer to be on my own, you know those days when you can't even fake a smile, I know it hurts them sometimes when I do that but it'll hurt them more if they knew.

 

[freedom]

so sorry to hear about your situation. needless to say, many of us on this site experience such loneliness every day, including myself.

i also write a little poetry and songs, and it definitely helps with coping with the loneliness in my life. although some people might advise against it, i suggest that you just accept it. i've been lonely my entire life, but i've just recently accepted my loneliness. this is just the way that i was made and i've got to make the best of it. there's no use in trying to change, because it's just the way i am.

i hope this helps in some way.

 

[Cathedral]

Until you end up with no friends nor family, you will never know what it truly feels to be lonely.

 

[UnderTheNightSky]

Until you end up with no friends nor family, you will never know what it truly feels to be lonely.

That's what the counselor told me too. It actually left me even more guilty for feeling lonely and empty therefore I tried even more to bottle my feelings up inside.

---

so sorry to hear about your situation. needless to say, many of us on this site experience such loneliness every day, including myself.

i also write a little poetry and songs, and it definitely helps with coping with the loneliness in my life. although some people might advise against it, i suggest that you just accept it. i've been lonely my entire life, but i've just recently accepted my loneliness. this is just the way that i was made and i've got to make the best of it. there's no use in trying to change, because it's just the way i am.

i hope this helps in some way.

Hi Freedom, I like your name, that's just what I need. Anyway, I guess you're right, trying to change who I am and failing at it leaves me even more frustrated and guilty for feeling what I've been feeling.

 

[Leewash76]

My counselor also gets me to try be more social; when my entire nature screams for me to keep others at bay. I would also agree to try to accept the fact that you're more comfortable alone. Is it really all that bad if you think about it? No, I don't believe it is. Society shoves it downs our throats that the more friends you have and the more people you know, the more you're worth as a person. It's really a shame if you think about it because as long as we're not violating or hurting anyone else, we should have every right to be alone and be happy with ourselves. Their are a lot of advantages to being alone. Focus on the good and you'll be good.

 

[UnderTheNightSky]

I wanted to edit my post to add some details but can't anymore so I'll post it here.

I guess all I'm saying is that I'm tired of wearing this mask, pretending that I'm happy and perfectly fine around them, but I can't seem to stop trying so hard. I don't really have a close group of friends, but I have a lot of friends. This is because we've moved a lot when I was growing up and my parents were always busy with the company. The longest time I've stayed in one school is four years. I was okay playing on my own and sometimes with my nanny but my relatives pushed me to join so many activities and have me attend so many social gatherings. When I was 15 I started being more rebellious and even ran away. They caught up to me eventually and they thought I was on drugs. One night, my dad came home from one of his business trips early to check up on me, I guess that was the first time that I felt that he cared and not just worried about what other people will say. I told them I wanted to move and so we did. Since then we've been closer and I promised myself that I will change. So I made new friends and forced myself to have fun with them and sometimes I did. But most of the time I'm angry and just want to push everyone away 'cause I feel so suffocated or I know that they would not stay for long anyway. That's why my friends assume that I'm just plain moody. I have a long distance boyfriend too the distance is hard but i love him so much. I know I hurt them when I have those days but I can't help it.

I'm sorry if there are a lot of errors, I'm just typing and typing blah blah blah

 

[sunny]

i can relate with most of what you've written. i feel like a hypocrite, having me inside and showing someone else depending on the person i have in front of me. it sucks feeling all that and staying happy for ppl who care just because you want them to feel good because you care about them. sorry i can't manage myself to express what i have on my mind, but i also can't help you with advice, haven't found the answer myself...
maybe it will do some good to find new people to connect with?

 

[freedom]

Until you end up with no friends nor family, you will never know what it truly feels to be lonely.

that's not neccesarily true. you can be alone and not feel lonely and vice versa.

i used to have "friends" when i was in elementary and middle school, but i still felt lonely and out of place.

i have a large family, but i still feel lonely.

loneliness isn't a side effect of being alone. it's something that's born within you because of a number of factors.