Endurance

[LoneHistoric]

Many including me feel the protection of anonymity here in this forum, no matter how cowardly, helpful, artificial, or relieving it may be. I hate talking, but I went to a doctor today, an internist not a therapist, and he was kind enough to listen to some of my issues while making honest non-intrusive suggestions for self-improvement. It is sad that trust has become a concept only in existence under law. And even then, who knows.

Make a concerted effort to change your life. Self-motivate and conjure some passion for attracting like-minded individuals by exhibiting trust, quiet confidence, and solidarity in heart and mind. Reach out and take some chances by doing something simple like accepting an invitation to a gathering from a work acquaintance or something more nerve-racking like asking out your secret crush. Prepare and hyper-experience the proverbial roller coaster ride over and over again, enduring the constant cycle of exhilaration, desperation, and betrayal, trying to gracefully hack your way through the wild jungle of manically incomprehensible humanity.

The exhaustion is more than enough for depression's birth and permanent residence, and even can be overwhelming to the point of dangerously distressful action on oneself or others. But whether you decide to keep your head up with optimism or down with focus, you keep moving forward, keep trudging along one heavy step after another - perhaps not with much conviction, but in a state of calm and durable hopefulness and self-reliance, imploring whatever transcendent force may exist to not reward but to finally have mercy on your tired, endless, and truthful journey for love and companionship.

Do not let those who forget or refuse to care, feel, or dream affect your already broken spirit. You may still carry the bloodied shattered glass of your soul for as many miles as you choose - so let it be forever. It may be infinitely broken but never taken away. All you can do is to keep showing up every day. Just keep showing up.

 

[Kat]

Wow, that was very powerful. Thanks for sharing that.

 

[lbstanley70]

Profound words lonehistoric. I hear you loud and clear. Best of luck

 

[Badjedidude]

kthanx

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well spoken. Courage is one of the greatest values of the human spirit - sometimes, the sheer willingness to step forward and move on. Affirm it every day, every moment of your life, every second that you can; accept, understand and compensate for fears, but never, ever, allow them to control you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I kept suiting up and showing up like that.

I dont know if I'm tired of being shattered and broken.
I guess it's kind of like me not playing the role of a victim anymore.

I had a brain fart or a light bulb mement...
I'm not playing sick, broken, hurted or broken anymore.
I've been telling nyself I'm not hurted or shattered anymore.
The pains comes but they leave much faster.

Somedays are better than others...but I remind myself that
i'm well today. There's nothing wrong with me.
The same when I get a lonely feelings. I tell myself Im not lonely.

i guess it kind of made sense or click for me.
My self esteem is how I see myself. (the principle of it)
I dont believe I had poor self esteem....
What I saw of view of myself is Hurted and broken.
So I'm trying to not to see myself as broken or shattered anymore....I hope that makes sense.

I'm grateful I can do this today.
My mind and emotions will actaully co operate with me.

Once upon a time or in the past...it was a major struggle for me.
Its didnt matter what I told myself or how much I wanted to control my thoughts and feelings...i simply felt anxieties and thats was that.