Everything I do brings me misery

[Mike510]

I guess everyone knows my story about my fiancée leaving me but it's just like every single thing I do in life causes me misery. I am at a point now where I can't even be home anymore because it causes me to much pain. I put in my applications for jobs that never hire me, and then I leave the house for the rest of the day because I can't stay here without hurting. I walk around trying to get memories out of my head, drive around to no specific location wondering if there is any person out there that feels the same.

When I come home for dinner I feel so depressed, I can barely eat. I go to my room for the rest of the night. I will sit at my computer, come on here and check FB. What do I get out of it? Maybe if I am lucky someone will ask me how I am doing? I check Facebook, everyone seems to be so happy in their lives and it's like I don't deserve that or something? I just think, if I died right now, would any of these people honestly care? And then it gets back to the ex again, just knowing 1 year ago I was with someone who told me she would always be there for me when I need her. I can't even speak to her now, even when she sends me something it's just to much pain to see her or know about her.

When I lay down to go to bed every night, all I do is lay there and just look around. For the first 18 years of my life, I was only allowed to leave this house for school and nothing else. Nearly every minute of my childhood was here in this room. When I graduated I wanted to go out and enjoy life, and after 18 years of being in my room yes I had social problems, who wouldn't? I did what I could and I meet someone who meant the world to me. Someone I trusted with 100% with everything, and who told me she trust me 100% as well. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could do something more than come home to this room every night. Suddenly I am nothing to her. And what for? Because I couldn't move right away to be with her. When I returned, what was there for me? The same old room I had spent my life wasting away in.

It's getting to the point now, where I look at the room and it feels like this is all my life will ever be. The more I look at the room, it feels like it gets smaller and smaller every minute until I feel like it's a noose around my neck, choking the life out of me, making it so I can't breath.

There is no end in site to the sadness, I know the common thing would be to just tell someone to get over it but it doesn't work like that. The memories in my head don't allow me to just get over it, the feeling of sadness and worthlessness aren't going to go away at the snap of my fingers.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I guess everyone knows my story about my fiancée leaving me but it's just like every single thing I do in life causes me misery. I am at a point now where I can't even be home anymore because it causes me to much pain. I put in my applications for jobs that never hire me, and then I leave the house for the rest of the day because I can't stay here without hurting. I walk around trying to get memories out of my head, drive around to no specific location wondering if there is any person out there that feels the same.

What kind of work do you do? Definitely good to get out of the house when you feeling depressed to keep your mind stimulated.

When I come home for dinner I feel so depressed, I can barely eat. I go to my room for the rest of the night. I will sit at my computer, come on here and check FB. What do I get out of it? Maybe if I am lucky someone will ask me how I am doing? I check Facebook, everyone seems to be so happy in their lives and it's like I don't deserve that or something? I just think, if I died right now, would any of these people honestly care? And then it gets back to the ex again, just knowing 1 year ago I was with someone who told me she would always be there for me when I need her. I can't even speak to her now, even when she sends me something it's just to much pain to see her or know about her.

No. Your FB friends don't care. If they did, they'd be real friends, not FB friends. Get off the computer and do something productive. Yeah.... that sucks about your woman.

When I lay down to go to bed every night, all I do is lay there and just look around. For the first 18 years of my life, I was only allowed to leave this house for school and nothing else. Nearly every minute of my childhood was here in this room. When I graduated I wanted to go out and enjoy life, and after 18 years of being in my room yes I had social problems, who wouldn't? I did what I could and I meet someone who meant the world to me. Someone I trusted with 100% with everything, and who told me she trust me 100% as well. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could do something more than come home to this room every night. Suddenly I am nothing to her. And what for? Because I couldn't move right away to be with her. When I returned, what was there for me? The same old room I had spent my life wasting away in.

It's getting to the point now, where I look at the room and it feels like this is all my life will ever be. The more I look at the room, it feels like it gets smaller and smaller every minute until I feel like it's a noose around my neck, choking the life out of me, making it so I can't breath.

There is no end in site to the sadness, I know the common thing would be to just tell someone to get over it but it doesn't work like that. The memories in my head don't allow me to just get over it, the feeling of sadness and worthlessness aren't going to go away at the snap of my fingers.

What you've so poetically described here sounds very sad. But ultimately, it's all up to you to choose your behaviors minute by minute and hour by hour. Is there anything that you want to do while you're alive and kicking around the Earth? Some place you've been meaning to go or something you've been meaning to do? Don't underestimate the power of doing new things with your life. It's hard to be depressed when you're alert and aware of something outside of yourself.

 

[Mike510]

I guess everyone knows my story about my fiancée leaving me but it's just like every single thing I do in life causes me misery. I am at a point now where I can't even be home anymore because it causes me to much pain. I put in my applications for jobs that never hire me, and then I leave the house for the rest of the day because I can't stay here without hurting. I walk around trying to get memories out of my head, drive around to no specific location wondering if there is any person out there that feels the same.

What kind of work do you do? Definitely good to get out of the house when you feeling depressed to keep your mind stimulated.

When I come home for dinner I feel so depressed, I can barely eat. I go to my room for the rest of the night. I will sit at my computer, come on here and check FB. What do I get out of it? Maybe if I am lucky someone will ask me how I am doing? I check Facebook, everyone seems to be so happy in their lives and it's like I don't deserve that or something? I just think, if I died right now, would any of these people honestly care? And then it gets back to the ex again, just knowing 1 year ago I was with someone who told me she would always be there for me when I need her. I can't even speak to her now, even when she sends me something it's just to much pain to see her or know about her.

No. Your FB friends don't care. If they did, they'd be real friends, not FB friends. Get off the computer and do something productive. Yeah.... that sucks about your woman.

When I lay down to go to bed every night, all I do is lay there and just look around. For the first 18 years of my life, I was only allowed to leave this house for school and nothing else. Nearly every minute of my childhood was here in this room. When I graduated I wanted to go out and enjoy life, and after 18 years of being in my room yes I had social problems, who wouldn't? I did what I could and I meet someone who meant the world to me. Someone I trusted with 100% with everything, and who told me she trust me 100% as well. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could do something more than come home to this room every night. Suddenly I am nothing to her. And what for? Because I couldn't move right away to be with her. When I returned, what was there for me? The same old room I had spent my life wasting away in.

It's getting to the point now, where I look at the room and it feels like this is all my life will ever be. The more I look at the room, it feels like it gets smaller and smaller every minute until I feel like it's a noose around my neck, choking the life out of me, making it so I can't breath.

There is no end in site to the sadness, I know the common thing would be to just tell someone to get over it but it doesn't work like that. The memories in my head don't allow me to just get over it, the feeling of sadness and worthlessness aren't going to go away at the snap of my fingers.

What you've so poetically described here sounds very sad. But ultimately, it's all up to you to choose your behaviors minute by minute and hour by hour. Is there anything that you want to do while you're alive and kicking around the Earth? Some place you've been meaning to go or something you've been meaning to do? Don't underestimate the power of doing new things with your life. It's hard to be depressed when you're alert and aware of something outside of yourself.

Right now I am unemployed going from freelance job to freelance job.

All but about two people on FB I have known in real life. And I am off the computer all day long. I come home for dinner and I don't want to go out after.

There are plenty of things I want out of life. Like a regular job, a girl that actually cares about me and doesn't just say it to make me happy, I wanted to travel but unless I get a job and some money I can't

 

[jaguarundi]

There are plenty of things I want out of life. Like a regular job, a girl that actually cares about me and doesn't just say it to make me happy, I wanted to travel but unless I get a job and some money I can't

....Yet. You can't do it Yet. I know how it feels to have the rug pulled from under you by someone you cared for. So do many people here. It causes a physical pain in your heart, you think that you will never get over it. And I know it doesn't help when people say you will get over it - it didn't help me when my husband decided to piss off after a horrible and worrying Xmas for me, with a woman he got intimate with at the office Xmas party. And yes, I wanted to die, and yes, I had a terrible time.

But yes, in the end people were right. I did get over it, and when I look back over all those years (I was about your age when we divorced) it was the best thing that could have happened to me. We were not suited, and had it lasted longer I might have ended up a single Mum (we were trying for a baby) with little chance to further my career. Which I did. Also I met someone else, and although that didn't last forever, I have few regrets. Think how much worse it would be if she did this after you were married and maybe with children?? You dodged a bullet there, I'm thinking.

^ FFL is right to tell you to get out more, and have face to face contact with people. And cut contact with this girl, it won't help you. Also just because someone has dumped you doesn't make you worthless. Only you can make yourself feel like that.

Do something that helps you feel you have achieved something - after my husband left me I channelled my pain into exercise, lost weight, toned up. It made me feel better. If you can't afford gym membership, go running. Join a sports team. Volunteer your time to help people less fortunate than you, or animals. Something that helps you feel worthwhile.

If you want to take your mind off being in your room, try studying something - anything!! I was bored out of my mind in the house with no-one to talk to, sometimes for days at a time (this week - last spoke to someone for one hour on wednesday, will not speak to anyone again until Sunday) so a couple of months ago I started a course with edx.org - completely free on-line courses in a whole range of things. Pick one, learn something interesting instead of moping. I am loving my jazz appreciation course, and I am glad I am not too busy with other people so I have time to keep up with it!

I sympathise, I really do. But ultimately only you can lift yourself out of this. It will take time, there will be good days and bad days, and if you want to feel bad then let yourself feel bad - but limit your wallowing to lets say and hour, THEN get up and do something else. And it will get better, honestly, if you let it!

 

[Jaguar]

I would try to focus on getting a job so you can finally get out that room. You will eventually get employed. It's just a matter of time. As for the girl, she did you a favor. Anyone who would leave simply because you could not move at the drop of a hat is someone not even worth having around.

It's good you're getting out of the house often. Have you considered joining social clubs to alleviate your situation?

 

[Groucho]

It's getting to the point now, where I look at the room and it feels like this is all my life will ever be.

Funny you should say this because I'm pretty much stuck in my room and have been so for many years, with the exception of university, which ultimately ended up back here.

And the feeling I describe is it's more akin to being a battery chicken. Except the chicken has an internet connection and a bed. And probably one of the reasons why I think earth is a giant farm.

 

[LadyDaria]

So here is my story in the hopes it will make you feel better. Last year I tried to move. I chose a foreclosure, and, was hopeful. I was going to rent the place out I was living. This is what happened. EVERY SINGLE THING.. that could go wrong, did go wrong. First, immediately after making the offer, something happened at work that had me INSANELY busy... then foreclosures have tons of things that have to be done more than a usual sale. Then, the leading candidates on the rental were insane, then I didn't get my mortgage (even though I had been promised it was a sure thing) and then, I had spent money on the place that I didn't get back, and spent so much time on the deal I was WAYYY behind at work. Then, things just got crazy at work including a fire and well, things were nuts.

do you get the picture?

Someone said to me... "well everything happens for a reason" and I was like SHUT UP!!! She said, maybe this is happening because you have something better in store for you, and the universe is trying to keep you from making a mistake.

But you know... she was right!!!

This year, demoralized and scared, I tried again... and OMG, absolutely everything felt into perfect place. It was scary. I got a BETTER place for a better price. I got my mortgage and, I put my condo up for sale and got a buyer IN A WEEK!!! My work got amazingly slow. Things just keep going right.. and I have to say... looking back on it.. it does seem a little bit like.. fate was trying to tell me something last year. It didn't seem that way at the time.. but now I think yes...

So my lesson for you.. that I hope you realize... it is that our lives can and do change for the better. If things aren't going right right now.. you kind of have to say... well maybe what I am trying for isn't right for me?

Maybe a much better woman is around the corner for you and you never would have met her if your fiance' didn't break up with you. I know I am skeptic, but when fate gives me a lesson I listen.

 

[roguewave]

From what you've described it sounds very, very likely that there ARE people on FB who care about you, and would be sad if you were gone. Just because people may not message, doesn't mean they don't care or appreciate you. Because of the nature of FB, people usually construct their lives in a way that makes it look like things are much better than they actually are. People tend to post the best parts of their lives on social networking sites (except here, lol), and exclude the worst.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

If you want to take your mind off being in your room, try studying something - anything!! I was bored out of my mind in the house with no-one to talk to, sometimes for days at a time (this week - last spoke to someone for one hour on wednesday, will not speak to anyone again until Sunday) so a couple of months ago I started a course with edx.org - completely free on-line courses in a whole range of things. Pick one, learn something interesting instead of moping. I am loving my jazz appreciation course, and I am glad I am not too busy with other people so I have time to keep up with it.

The lady has brought up some good stuff, especially the learning something new thing. I'm involved in a program at work that's giving me learning opportunities I otherwise wouldn't have (or would have to pay loads to obtain) and is keeping me away from the dismal situation I've got (real loneliness is living with someone you no longer have a relationship with- one day you find yourself taking care of them due to health issues....the honeysuckle we'll do for our kids....) to look forward to.

If I was in your position I'd leave. Hit the road, start hitchhiking, do short-term jobs as you find them, and just walk the Earth for awhile before settling into your life. I'm looking forward to the day many years in the future when I can do it. The whole relationship/have a home/get a career thing is highly over-rated. It sucks the life out of a person.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The whole relationship/have a home/get a career thing is highly over-rated. It sucks the life out of a person.

I think that might vary from person to person.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

The whole relationship/have a home/get a career thing is highly over-rated. It sucks the life out of a person.

I think that might vary from person to person.

Fair enough Eve- guess its recent personal experience speaking....guess it's changed my perspective a lot more than I realized.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The whole relationship/have a home/get a career thing is highly over-rated. It sucks the life out of a person.

I think that might vary from person to person.

Fair enough Eve- guess its recent personal experience speaking....guess it's changed my perspective a lot more than I realized.

Of course (and understandable). That kind of life isn't for everyone. Some people either don't take well to it or experience something that turns them off from it.

 

[Mike510]

I would try to focus on getting a job so you can finally get out that room. You will eventually get employed. It's just a matter of time. As for the girl, she did you a favor. Anyone who would leave simply because you could not move at the drop of a hat is someone not even worth having around.

It's good you're getting out of the house often. Have you considered joining social clubs to alleviate your situation?

Thanks, I have been looking but it gets depressing filling out application after application. I have had a couple interviews but not hired. I guess it's just like I have all these memories that won't escape my mind and at the same time I feel like the void she left is getting worse and worse.

Thought about it, I am not really sure how to get involved.

It's getting to the point now, where I look at the room and it feels like this is all my life will ever be.

Funny you should say this because I'm pretty much stuck in my room and have been so for many years, with the exception of university, which ultimately ended up back here.

And the feeling I describe is it's more akin to being a battery chicken. Except the chicken has an internet connection and a bed. And probably one of the reasons why I think earth is a giant farm.

Yeah I am in the same situation it's like other than university, I really have no excuse to even leave my room now. Even when I go places it's like I am just going somewhere just so I am not in my room.

Lol

So here is my story in the hopes it will make you feel better. Last year I tried to move. I chose a foreclosure, and, was hopeful. I was going to rent the place out I was living. This is what happened. EVERY SINGLE THING.. that could go wrong, did go wrong. First, immediately after making the offer, something happened at work that had me INSANELY busy... then foreclosures have tons of things that have to be done more than a usual sale. Then, the leading candidates on the rental were insane, then I didn't get my mortgage (even though I had been promised it was a sure thing) and then, I had spent money on the place that I didn't get back, and spent so much time on the deal I was WAYYY behind at work. Then, things just got crazy at work including a fire and well, things were nuts.

do you get the picture?

Someone said to me... "well everything happens for a reason" and I was like SHUT UP!!! She said, maybe this is happening because you have something better in store for you, and the universe is trying to keep you from making a mistake.

But you know... she was right!!!

This year, demoralized and scared, I tried again... and OMG, absolutely everything felt into perfect place. It was scary. I got a BETTER place for a better price. I got my mortgage and, I put my condo up for sale and got a buyer IN A WEEK!!! My work got amazingly slow. Things just keep going right.. and I have to say... looking back on it.. it does seem a little bit like.. fate was trying to tell me something last year. It didn't seem that way at the time.. but now I think yes...

So my lesson for you.. that I hope you realize... it is that our lives can and do change for the better. If things aren't going right right now.. you kind of have to say... well maybe what I am trying for isn't right for me?

Maybe a much better woman is around the corner for you and you never would have met her if your fiance' didn't break up with you. I know I am skeptic, but when fate gives me a lesson I listen.

I am sorry you had to go through that, it sounds like it was a really tough time for you . Maybe but what if there is no one? 10 years from now I might be in the same spot I am now.

From what you've described it sounds very, very likely that there ARE people on FB who care about you, and would be sad if you were gone. Just because people may not message, doesn't mean they don't care or appreciate you. Because of the nature of FB, people usually construct their lives in a way that makes it look like things are much better than they actually are. People tend to post the best parts of their lives on social networking sites (except here, lol), and exclude the worst.

I guess, it just seems like everyone else is getting married, having kids, getting nice careers. I am still in my room. Yeah I have noticed but still, theres rarely good moments left for me. That's why I come on here lol.

I will try and reply to the other comments in this thread when I get more time...

 

[roguewave]

Yes, but there are also a lot of people getting divorced and losing their jobs. The only difference is that they don't broadcast it on social networking sites, or otherwise.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Trust me Mike you'll eventually meet people. I myself am suffering with this too and it's very hard for me to leave sometimes. Simply cause I have this fear that I'll run into people who know my ex boyfriend but that's besides the point of what you're going through. It might help if you just simply going for a walk. Try going out for a walk every so often. Sometimes being around nature can lighten up you're mood. Take in what's around you, the world is a beautiful place. Not everything is distorted. Here's a image for you Mike, take it in and look at it for awhile. Nature is beautiful. =) Not sure if this is what the answer you were looking for or not but at least I tried to help you out my friend. =)

 

[Mike510]

Trust me Mike you'll eventually meet people. I myself am suffering with this too and it's very hard for me to leave sometimes. Simply cause I have this fear that I'll run into people who know my ex boyfriend but that's besides the point of what you're going through. It might help if you just simply going for a walk. Try going out for a walk every so often. Sometimes being around nature can lighten up you're mood. Take in what's around you, the world is a beautiful place. Not everything is distorted. Here's a image for you Mike, take it in and look at it for awhile. Nature is beautiful. =) Not sure if this is what the answer you were looking for or not but at least I tried to help you out my friend. =)

Thank you for taking the time to reply. That must be tough, still living near all those people that know him. I have been doing that the past week, I mostly just think about things while I do it. And I do like nature and taking in what's around me, but I have trouble clearing my head of thoughts. I feel like my head is playing like a clip show of past events and I can't get it to stop. Thank you, I like the picture a lot. I appreciate you trying to help

 

[Mike510]

Not only does everything cause me misery but I am causing pain for others

 

[Hysterious Loner]

redecorate the room / make it feel anew, like somewhere you've never been there before...

 

[Groucho]

Yeah I am in the same situation it's like other than university, I really have no excuse to even leave my room now. Even when I go places it's like I am just going somewhere just so I am not in my room.

Lol

I try to do other things when in town, but most of that just involves the library. It's that or taking on work where my self-esteem takes such a battering I just don't want to work anymore (then they wonder why I'm less productive as a result).

University for me was nice. I mean, I actually got out, either walking the canals at midnight with a mug of tea (seriously) with the stars out, simply to defy conventional notions of time, to actually joining people at a club involving a foam machine, to snooker.

I think it's the lack of available activities in my area with relevant interests. I'm also not near a city so it costs a lot to travel anywhere. So yeah, stuck at home only going out to go out.