Everything's to hell

[tusk]

My job has turned sour, I'm doing mindless stuff. I've actually started taking naps in my chair, it's more productive time. Though I am building things out of coffee cups.
It seems there are no new jobs coming for me, though I'm quite good at what I do. It seems I'm too young for the stuff I'm good at, with people that have more years under their belt taking what I want. I'm thinking about quitting my career, maybe start driving trains instead. Or more extreme: join the army. If they'd have me.
I don't have a girlfriend anymore, and it seems there are no new ones coming. I need someone to feel fulfilled. I need to feel fulfilled to be happy and interested in working on hobby projects. Thinking about my ex being intimate with someone else is something I have to mentally blank, or I'd go crazy. Though I've been it myself. I guess it's one of my irrational flaws.
Hobby projects make me happy, but I only work on them while on work now. I only do a little in my spare time. Spare time makes me depressed.
And I have the worst Internet connection!
I hate this, all of it makes me aggravated and I hit myself. I wouldn't commit suicide, but I would welcome something external. Like a plane crash. And that's something I've felt for a while... There's just nothing to my existence anymore.

Yeah. Sorry for ranting.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello tusk, I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting so much.
It might not be the best time just yet for you to leave your job and do something else because major decisions made when you are depressed can often backfire. Though doing some research into the job situation and thinking of options for the future when you feel a bit better could be a good idea.
I can understand your wanting a relationship, because being alone can be so lonely. Once you feel a bit better, maybe you could start to go out a bit and see if you can meet someone.

 

[beautifulsorrow]

Verything's there, you just have to find it.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hmmm well I went through something similar at my last job. The work dried up and got boring. So I did what most should do. I started job hunting. Find a new job, whether your field is in demand or out of demand. Find a new job. Just be sure to control any anger or ranting in your interviews. Make it known that you are not happy.... but do not scream and rant and rave because that hurts you.

I feel that you need to fulfill yourself first. It is not fair to put the burden of fulfilling ourself onto another. Because guess what it is doomed to failure everytime. Because at the end of the day something will go wrong.

I say keep your hobbies close. I also say adopt a new hobby. Change is a great way to break these dry streaks. Sometimes life becomes so routine that we just get bored right?