Family

[RealRecognizeReal]

Hi everyone I'm new here. I don't know if anyone has posted about this topic but if so please excuse me from doing a similar post.

Well, I've been thinking of how my life has been. Throughout the years I have lost many friends gained a few and lost again. I honestly feel as if I don't really have too many close friends, they are more like aquiantences. I understand that true friendship is hard to come by and they don't come by the dozen either. SO I am completely grateful for those few I have. The only thing is that we are all in a different journey in our lives which makes it difficult to always spend a lot of time together as we did a few years back and 2 of them even live in other states. Sucks a lot. I see how other people have more friends than I do and how their friends do a lot for them. Wish I had that.

For me friendship means a lot. Mainly because I consider my friends to be the family that I don't have. None of my dad's family lives in the country while from my mother's side I have an aunt and her two grown kids and a second cousin. I do not get along with my aunt or her kids and my second cousin I hardly see. So it as if I really don't have family here other than my parents. What makes it worse is I'm an only child. Around the holidays I get a little down because I'd love to have a big family get together as most families do, but with members that I get along with and are not FAKE. But mostly I get angry because of this. Technically we could have a family get together but why would I surround myself with people I dislike. I see no point in that. Plus I'm not one to put up with the endless bs from my relatives. I have experienced it for too long and have gron to have zero tolerence for it. I guess you can say I detest my family. I'm not ashamed to say it. It is what it is. Although solitude is the worst thing in the world, I think I would rather be all alone than to be surround by FAKE individuals that have bloodlines with me.

I know that people dislike heir families for many reasons. Is there anyone else out there who detests their family?

 

[Naleena]

Ofcourse there is Your not alone in that. You can't choose your family and sometimes you end up with people who are not at all like you and whom you don't get along with. Sorry to hear your friends aren't around as much. Welcome to the forum BTW. Nice to have you here.

 

[LGH1288]

Hi RRR -- I also have tremendously toxic issues with family. The original family (both nuclear and extended) that I was born into is totally dysfunctional and comprised of neurotic and/or disturbed individuals, and a family that I Iater in life adopted as my own (to which I was completely devoted to) scammed me by lying to me when they withheld essential information which in turn, because of my kind nature and generosity, afforded them the opportunity to effectively steal from me by cheating me out of $7500 (USD). In both of these cases I've been emotionally wounded. In the first case I was fortunate enough to leave home when I was 16, graduated college at 19, then began living a very busy life while I negated every aspect of my original family. In the second case I was deeply hurt and now I'm still recovering from the pain and anger. I feel very alone and unloved. LG

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

Naleena thanks for the welcome. I agree some of us are stuck with family members we don't deserve.

LGH I'm sorry to hearwhat happened to you. As for your first case, your sure have achieved goals and proven to yourself and them that you are better off without them and can handle things on your own.

In case #2 that was so wrong of them to have taken advantage of you. Just remember what comes around goes around. They will get there's in the end. I know that the emotional pain you are enduring won't go away quick. But time heals all wounds. You will find someone that will defintely be a good friend. Everyone has at least 1. And 1 true friend is worth so much more than 100 useless ones. Keep your head up.

 

[LGH1288]

Hi again RRR -- First, forgive me for not extending a proper "WELCOME" to you. I hope you'll enjoy ALL and make friends! Second, I think that people who have issues with family usually have issues with establishing and maintaining other relationships. Do you agree? I think that trust and acceptance are two elements of any successful relationship, and when these are violated the chance for failure is inevitable. Third, I really do appreciate your kind words of encouragement. You are a complete stranger, yet you are the first and only person that has ever addressed my "second case" issue. As I've posted about this event before, it was not the loss of the money that hurt but the total loss of trust and the realization that I was not valued and accepted by the 2nd family. You're so right that "what goes around comes around" but, as strange as this may sound, I'd feel sad for anyone to suffer as much hurt as I did. Anyway, now we've met so you're not alone! LG

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

Thank you for the welcome! It's nice to meet you as well.

I'm glad that my words of encouragement have been helpful. I understand what it's like to turn to other people and adopt them as family. I have a "second family" (adopted) as well. I know you wouldn't want someone else to endure the same pain as you but there are times in which they have to. Karma comes back in different forms yet it still affects them in the same way. As for having issues with establishing or maintaining relationships I can only speak from my personal exeriences. I have trust issues when I have a partner. It's not only because of what I've gone through with my family, it also has to do with things that have happened to me in past relationships. I agree with if trust is violated that failure is inevitable. Trust can slowly be regained but it take plenty of time and it also depends on the work and change the other person is willing to put in to redeem themselves.

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

Thank you for the welcome! It's nice to meet you as well.

I'm glad that my words of encouragement have been helpful. I understand what it's like to turn to other people and adopt them as family. I have a "second family" (adopted) as well. I know you wouldn't want someone else to endure the same pain as you but there are times in which they have to. Karma comes back in different forms yet it still affects them in the same way. As for having issues with establishing or maintaining relationships I can only speak from my personal exeriences. I have trust issues when I have a partner. It's not only because of what I've gone through with my family, it also has to do with things that have happened to me in past relationships. I agree with if trust is violated that failure is inevitable. Trust can slowly be regained but it take plenty of time and it also depends on the work and change the other person is willing to put in to redeem themselves.

 

[LGH1288]

Hi RRR -- In general, when I decide to begin investing myself in a personal relationship I tend to credit the other person at a "100%" point of trust. I'd like to believe the best of others rather than starting them at "0%" and mistrusting them until they prove otherwise. However, in retrospect, this may not be wise. It's almost like viewing life as "black and white" and that's not realistic. Instead, maybe I'd be wiser to view relationships in a more neutral "50%" shade of gray. This way my trust of others can be either earned or eroded and I won't become the victim of crash and burn or suffer from cynicism. LG

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

True. Life isn't just black and white. I don't go in a relationship with 100% trust because I believe you will be disappointed quickly. But I don't go in at 0% either. I like to start off being friends and really geting to know someon before actually forming a relationship. This way you can rule out certain people that aren't right for you.

 

[queenwindbaby]

RRR and LGH it seems you both have things in common and have started off on a positive nature thus forming a friendship. I liked what both of you had to say and am sorry for the mistreatment you both suffered. It costs nothing to be nice to ppl. I too am estranged from family and have extended family a/k/a friends. They mean more to me than they will ever know. They treat me as one of their family and I can and do talk to them. It's a good feeling. Treat me better than any family member ever has. With the holidays approaching those of us feeling so alone normally it appears to intensify at this time of year. But hopfully, this too shall pass. Best of luck to you both. Hugs..