For those of you with relationships...

[ShybutHi]

Though I have to say, I think I'd rather have had some kind of relationship than constantly view the happy couples over and over from the outside, even if that relationship goes sour.

Watching others frolic in the park and kiss each other passionately in the sunshine is nothing short of torture when I'm just sat there painfully alone.

Same here, I would prefer to just "try" for a relationship with a nice woman even if there isnt a massive chance it would last than remain single forever. You never know it could turn out great, have some good times together and last a long time anyway. It would be better than feeling really lonely and have to watch couples having a good time together.

Alot of people moan about being in relationships... Say its "not all that".

The thing is being single is NOT ALL THAT either. lol
It can be really lonely for some... more lonely than if you are feeling lonely when you are in a relationship.

Infact if you are feeling lonely and you are in a relationship then there is obviously something wrong.

 

[JamaisVu]

Do you keep in really frequent contact with your partner or are things more laid-back? Meet up regularly?

We're around each other all the time but we don't interact constantly. We're both introverted and quiet so he does his thing and I do mine. We talk to one another if we have anything interesting to say, and occasionally we go out and do things together. Yesterday we had lunch at a cafe in the basement of Macy's and discussed pheromones and electrical engineering. That's an average day's interaction.

Do you enjoy being in a relationship, or do you prefer the much-touted "freedom" of being single? Are there positives to both?

I've never been a single adult so my answer here is based on a limited perspective. I'd enjoy the freedom and privacy of being single but I'm not a natural loner. Over the years I've asked myself if I truly want or need a traditional relationship. I could easily find someone to hang out with me or have sex with me. Those things are fun, it's easy to find people willing to do them. It's the not-so-fun aspects of life where having a deep bond with someone is useful. There's great comfort in knowing that someone is always watching over me.

What were/are the most magical moments of your relationship?

The "magical moments" are simple things. Today I woke up early and lay in bed snuggling and daydreaming for a couple of hours. When I noticed he was waking up I said "Aren't you gonna get up yet? Up and at 'em! Rise and shine..." and he joked about how perky I was this morning and we got up and I made coffee for us. On days when we're both happy there's a lot of banter and humor. Waking up alone, walking into an empty living room, and sitting alone in a silent apartment lacks that type of cozy charm. Other magical moments are retrospective and quirky, memories of misadventures and shenanigans.

What are the most trying?

Most of our arguments stem from typical points of disagreement (money, living arrangements, whose turn it is to check the mail :rolleyes2: ) and our mental health quirks. Shared life decisions mean compromises and debates. We're opposites in some ways. We both make mistakes. In my teens and early twenties I thought if I just had a soulmate who loved me that all of life's difficulties would disappear. It's not quite like that.

Infact if you are feeling lonely and you are in a relationship then there is obviously something wrong.

I'll try to explain my perspective on that: Outside of my SO, this is the only social contact that I get. He's been my only real friend for many years. We eventually ran out of substantial things to discuss with one another. Imagine having only 1 friend that you talk to for hours every single day, year after year, and then imagine that you both have the same experiences and agree on all major issues. If that's the only person you interact with, it'll get kind of boring.

For example, my SO doesn't read newspapers and he's not into politics or debate. I'm not particularly well-informed either, but once in a blue moon I might feel like arguing about politics. I'm going to want to do that with someone else who has a fresh perspective and different experiences. To give another example, I've read all of the Harry Potter books and I've seen every movie but the last one. My SO has no interest whatsoever in Harry Potter. He'd be willing to watch the last movie with me but he has limited free time and entertainment doesn't entertain him. He doesn't watch movies or television shows or read novels. His hobby is studying advanced technical subjects, but it's not an activity that we can easily share. It'd be more fun to go to the movie with a fellow fan. Regular friends are great for that kind of thing.

My SO is a loner at heart, whereas my social requirements are minimal. It would be a bigger issue if I were a social butterfly who wanted to go out every night and party with a horde of friends, but I'm just not that social either. I'm not bitterly lonely, it's more of an occasional thing and I know that I'd have more fun in life if I just got out and did more things. The solution isn't to leave my SO, it's to leave my house and talk to people now and then. That's difficult sometimes if you're in a serious relationship though, if I leave the house I get hit on by random guys and I'm wary of attending mixed social events alone. Add to that the desire to find genuinely nice people who have stuff in common with me rather than "just anyone", and a touch of social phobia, and you have someone who joins ALL.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I've spent so much time going over the pros and cons of her interactions with me, can't really work it out unfortunately. On one hand she's always staring and smiling, on the other, she hasn't contacted me over the Uni holidays. So who knows?

The thing with a lot of girls is that they WANT the guy to step up, take some action and be confident. They will sit at home and wait for that e-mail or text asking them out. The problem with this is, apparently, that's exactly what a lot of guys want from the girls as well. It's bound to clash somewhere.

Perhaps. It's odd with this girl though. I've tried to make it easy for her if she's shy a couple of times.

I even sent her a FB PM invite to coffee, but she never replied. Then a couple of days later, she suddenly went to the coffee place and just sat near to the cafe on her own :\ She even saw me go there, see her, and leave...but just sort of stayed looking at me quizzically. I couldn't tell if it was a "He's not coming over " or "Oh no, is he thinking of coming over here? " face

Maybe she really is just super shy around me in particular, or she's worried about messing things up, but I just don't get why she stays silent even when I try to make it easy/non-embarrassing for her to turn me down

On the other hand, she's always trying to catch my eye, or heading over to where I am in the room for no particular reason. I guess I just attract very, very indecisive women or something :club:

Also, thank you for such a detailed reply Jamais, very interesting. I had a chuckle at your technical discussion topics - actually sounds pretty amazing for daily conversation

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Like wTF????
You're basing relationship or what relationships should be like from fucken movies, youtube or hollywood????

I suppose no one told you....vedio, films and hollywood are for entertainment...not real?

OH... I forgot...Im deAling wiht a bouch of sick or not well people.lmaO

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Like wTF????
You're basing relationship or what relationships should be like from fucken movies, youtube or hollywood????

I suppose no one told you....vedio, films and hollywood are for entertainment...not real?

OH... I forgot...Im deAling wiht a bouch of sick or not well people.lmaO

Eh? Err, thanks for that assessment I guess, though I'm not quite sure where you got that conclusion from. At least you apparently found some mirth in my anguish anyway, I can't say I do a lot of "lmaoing" when thinking about this stuff

Feel free to explain what you mean, because I'm confused. You mean because I want a relationship that means something more than just sex, I'm living in Hollywood land or what?

Maybe you go for different girls than me, judging by most of your posts anyway. The ones I like tend to be intelligent but shy. I guess that leads me down the same old road of not knowing what's happening with them. Or maybe I'm more naive than you.

Besides, what am I supposed to base my preconceptions of a relationship on? I have no siblings to tell me about this stuff, no friends I really feel close enough to discuss it (and they seem as baffled as me when I mention this stuff anyway). Which is exactly why I started this thread in the first place.

 

[ShybutHi]

Like wTF????
You're basing relationship or what relationships should be like from fucken movies, youtube or hollywood????

I suppose no one told you....vedio, films and hollywood are for entertainment...not real?

OH... I forgot...Im deAling wiht a bouch of sick or not well people.lmaO

Actually you just base your relationship's on your own shallow experience and dont look at it from different people's perspective's or potential perspective's hence why basically every post you make is just you reiterating event's that have occurred in your past relationship's from a first person viewpoint.

Some people do overly romantasise but also there are lot's of people out there who have happened to find someone early in life and have stayed with them until their time is up because they actually love each other.

To someone like you I expect that would seem impossible, like a hollywood movie or something, but you are incorrect if you believe so and I would feel sorry for your ignorance if that is true.

 

[Callie]

Like wTF????
You're basing relationship or what relationships should be like from fucken movies, youtube or hollywood????

I suppose no one told you....vedio, films and hollywood are for entertainment...not real?

OH... I forgot...Im deAling wiht a bouch of sick or not well people.lmaO

You might wanna look in a **** mirror before you go judging others.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Many artistic depictions of relationships were inspired by real relationships, and many real relationships were inspired by artistic depictions; in the end, both tend to be reflections rather than exact duplicates. Does life imitate art or does art imitate life?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Reviewing this thread, I just thought of my last "open air studying" experience. Was outside my Uni library on the grass reading.

Happened to see these two people come out of the Arts block. One was a "artiste" looking fella; fancy revolutionary beard, horribly skinny jeans and designer clothes.

The girl was dark haired, free-spirited and generally gorgeous. And beaming a huge grin at pointy beard.

They proceeded to embrace, snog and apparently whisper sweet nothings to each other in front of me...FOR FIFTEEN SOLID MINUTES. I actually timed it on my watch, because they were still snogging after I'd completed a couple of chapters :shy:

Clearly I made a mistake not to pursue English Literature for my career

Anyway, amusing anecdote aside, I'm almost physically aching for a hug right now. Perhaps I should establish a FWHOB (Friends With Hugging Only Benefits) relationship?

 

[tangerinedream]

Reviewing this thread, I just thought of my last "open air studying" experience. Was outside my Uni library on the grass reading.

Happened to see these two people come out of the Arts block. One was a "artiste" looking fella; fancy revolutionary beard, horribly skinny jeans and designer clothes.

The girl was dark haired, free-spirited and generally gorgeous. And beaming a huge grin at pointy beard.

They proceeded to embrace, snog and apparently whisper sweet nothings to each other in front of me...FOR FIFTEEN SOLID MINUTES. I actually timed it on my watch, because they were still snogging after I'd completed a couple of chapters :shy:

Clearly I made a mistake not to pursue English Literature for my career

Anyway, amusing anecdote aside, I'm almost physically aching for a hug right now. Perhaps I should establish a FWHOB (Friends With Hugging Only Benefits) relationship?

OMG It's funny, that pseudo-intellectual type (usually with a Che t-shirt) and neo-hippie chick existed back in my college days too. haha

Some things never change. Some things are eternal.

*snort*

 

[VanillaCreme]

...what's it like?

It's kind of like drinking unicorn blood. You get a certain fulfillment in life, but you sacrifice your soul.

 

[tangerinedream]

...what's it like?

It's kind of like drinking unicorn blood. You get a certain fulfillment in life, but you sacrifice your soul.

TIGER BLOOD!!

lol

Sorry. Charlie Sheen tangent.


Tangent over.

 

[Equinox]

LOL, TIGER BLOOD!

 

[Calm]

(I'll just keep lurking and read the replies with interest. I've been wondering, too. Also, may I throw in an extra question? Is it worth it all? The compromises, the fights, the breakups and heartaches?)

There are times when you think relationships are just a waste of time, especially when you have your own goals.

But for me, those thinking times are often accompanied with terrible wants to cuddle, hug. And the whole purpouse of my doings is that I could in the end share the world and skills I have carefullly crafted.

 

[gypsytrip]

I couldn't give muchhh insight, seeing as I've only been in one relationship in my life, and it is currently a long-distance one. Of course, being me, my first ever relationship experience just HAS to be such a difficult one =P

However, I am a complete romantic. And although I do feel like I am an independent lady, it's nice having a man to look after you, and as Solitary mentioned, HUG!

I would always look at people making-out in public with such distaste. Probably mostly stemmed from jealousy haha. But I never understood the point. "They musttt be doing it for show, what possible pleasure do they get from mackin' at this bus stop?" But after being a hypocrite and doing the exact same thing myself, I certainly get the allure.

There's a shitload of jealousy and misunderstandings, especially being in a long-distance. And it's a little disappointing going to a party and not being able to flirt with boys even though my man is not there =P. But it's DEFINITELY worth it when he lets you lean on his shoulder, holds your hand and strokes your hair until you fall asleep. Absolute heaven =)

 

[forbidden]

...what's it like?

Sounds like a dumb question I guess, but it's one I sincerely am interested in. As a firmly placed outsider, I feel like I spend all my time dispensing "advice" to other people, but it's all stuff I just puzzle over in my mind and research rather than first-hand knowledge.

The idea of actually going out with a girl sort of terrifies me, so I wonder if those who do could help me out by filling me in on their experiences?

Do you keep in really frequent contact with your partner or are things more laid-back? Meet up regularly? Do you enjoy being in a relationship, or do you prefer the much-touted "freedom" of being single? Are there positives to both?

What were/are the most magical moments of your relationship? What are the most trying?

Of course, no need to go too personal in your responses, privacy's an important thing. But I'd be intrigued if anyone wanted to share a glimpse into their memories or current experiences

Interesting! I was also wondering about relationships! In particular how people are coping with loneliness while in a relationship.
Sometimes I think I have to remember that I'm living with another human, which is unpredictable. I understand the challenges of their personality and behavior. We co-exist in the same space and share everything we own. A friend, a lover. And you know they love you, and you them, and no matter how weird or gross or crazy you are or get, they'll still be there...it can be profound, relationships...