labelsorlove3
Well-known member
I need advice from anyone who has been in one type of relationship - and have it turn into another type of relationship.
So I'm 26 and the guy is 33. About 6 years ago I decided to join a dating site. I was 20 so I just went on a basic one where apparently most people just look for intimate- not actual relationships. I met a guy and we started talking. I enjoyed talking to him but he was very honest in what he wanted and it was nothing that I wanted so we eventually went our separate ways. I'd receive the occasional text or email but I wouldn't really call him a 'friend.'
Anyway, last May (2012) he started texting all the time- we decided to meet up and get dinner. I had a great time but we both agreed that although there was physical attraction- we just both want different things in life so it would be better just to be friends. So throughout summer we would get dinner once or twice a month which was nice because I don't have many friends in the area. As the end of summer approached we started hanging out more and more, dinner, movies, bars, whatever. He started paying for everything. I kept making sure we were still on the same page as I didn't want to date him. He said he knew- just friends.
Well one weekend the texting just turned flirty- and it led to him and I agreeing to be intimate once just to get it out of our systems. It made sense at the time because initially we had met on a dating site and we both are attracted to one another and I was hoping that once I got it out of my system maybe I could really just look at him as a friend. Well we were intimate once. Then one time turned into two times... then three... then four... and so forth.
Everytime we were intimate one of us would say we shouldn't be doing this- but we did. Then things got more awkward because he started coming to my house a lot (I live with my parents & sister). And it wasn't like coming over to watch a movie and leave- we had a bit too much to drink one night and he slept over and then literally every weekend since last September (with the exception of two) he has slept over Saturday night. We get dinner Mon Wed & Thurs... and hes over Saturday night- and all day Sunday. For the past year he's been to every family gathering, Christmas Eve, NYE, Christmas Day, Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July, etc. He takes my 12 year old cousin and me to the movies- pays for everything. So its went from friendship, to friends with benefits, to a serious relationship without being a relationship. I'm not even sure what to call it anymore.
Last month we decided we should slow down and maybe start dating other people which we both agreed to. I figured that meant we should hang out less. As soon as I suggested this he acted like I was getting rid of him. I'm not trying to hurt his feelings but if I'm dating someone else I'm not going to let him sleep in my bed 4+ nights a week. He thinks that we don't have to cut down how often we see eachother- I think that we should just stop hanging out all together because it seems like things are just wayyyy too complicated.
Honestly I don't want things to change- right now with my new job I'm not in any rush to date- but I can't handle him dating girls and me being left at home when it gets more serious and I do see him less with nothing to do. Especially when I know its because he met someone he'd rather be with more. And the weird part is I'm not jealous of potential girls- I'm just jealous that I'm losing my best friend. Its like I know I have to back down and move on- but its hard doing so when I have very few friends to begin with. For the last year I've actually had someont to go and do things with - things that I enjoy doing.
So I know most of you probably won't read all of that (don't really blame you) but I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they coped? I can just feel this will be ending soon and I am going to feel so alone so I'm trying to prepare myself.
Thanks for any input.
So I'm 26 and the guy is 33. About 6 years ago I decided to join a dating site. I was 20 so I just went on a basic one where apparently most people just look for intimate- not actual relationships. I met a guy and we started talking. I enjoyed talking to him but he was very honest in what he wanted and it was nothing that I wanted so we eventually went our separate ways. I'd receive the occasional text or email but I wouldn't really call him a 'friend.'
Anyway, last May (2012) he started texting all the time- we decided to meet up and get dinner. I had a great time but we both agreed that although there was physical attraction- we just both want different things in life so it would be better just to be friends. So throughout summer we would get dinner once or twice a month which was nice because I don't have many friends in the area. As the end of summer approached we started hanging out more and more, dinner, movies, bars, whatever. He started paying for everything. I kept making sure we were still on the same page as I didn't want to date him. He said he knew- just friends.
Well one weekend the texting just turned flirty- and it led to him and I agreeing to be intimate once just to get it out of our systems. It made sense at the time because initially we had met on a dating site and we both are attracted to one another and I was hoping that once I got it out of my system maybe I could really just look at him as a friend. Well we were intimate once. Then one time turned into two times... then three... then four... and so forth.
Everytime we were intimate one of us would say we shouldn't be doing this- but we did. Then things got more awkward because he started coming to my house a lot (I live with my parents & sister). And it wasn't like coming over to watch a movie and leave- we had a bit too much to drink one night and he slept over and then literally every weekend since last September (with the exception of two) he has slept over Saturday night. We get dinner Mon Wed & Thurs... and hes over Saturday night- and all day Sunday. For the past year he's been to every family gathering, Christmas Eve, NYE, Christmas Day, Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July, etc. He takes my 12 year old cousin and me to the movies- pays for everything. So its went from friendship, to friends with benefits, to a serious relationship without being a relationship. I'm not even sure what to call it anymore.
Last month we decided we should slow down and maybe start dating other people which we both agreed to. I figured that meant we should hang out less. As soon as I suggested this he acted like I was getting rid of him. I'm not trying to hurt his feelings but if I'm dating someone else I'm not going to let him sleep in my bed 4+ nights a week. He thinks that we don't have to cut down how often we see eachother- I think that we should just stop hanging out all together because it seems like things are just wayyyy too complicated.
Honestly I don't want things to change- right now with my new job I'm not in any rush to date- but I can't handle him dating girls and me being left at home when it gets more serious and I do see him less with nothing to do. Especially when I know its because he met someone he'd rather be with more. And the weird part is I'm not jealous of potential girls- I'm just jealous that I'm losing my best friend. Its like I know I have to back down and move on- but its hard doing so when I have very few friends to begin with. For the last year I've actually had someont to go and do things with - things that I enjoy doing.
So I know most of you probably won't read all of that (don't really blame you) but I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they coped? I can just feel this will be ending soon and I am going to feel so alone so I'm trying to prepare myself.
Thanks for any input.