Girls love conflicting signals...

[Zeek]

She explained that there is "nothing wrong" between us, but she needs "some space"....

Yep....the old "You're crowding me" message....

...be prepared for "more space"....haha...she must be really cool and smoking hot to put up with that crap...or is she?????

Aren't there any other chics in your classes to look at????

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

She explained that there is "nothing wrong" between us, but she needs "some space"....

Yep....the old "You're crowding me" message....

...be prepared for "more space"....haha...she must be really cool and smoking hot to put up with that crap...or is she?????

Aren't there any other chics in your classes to look at????

Well, the strange thing is I kind of assumed other girls in the class were all in relationships from the way they were chatting. Recently a couple added me on FB and it seems that's not the case. A few are very friendly as well, so I feel that perhaps I do have options if things don't work out with Girl A.

Even so, I feel like I've spent 4 months getting to know her and I do really like her, so I figure that I may as well be told "it's over" before giving up.

Things are actually looking quite positive at the moment. I've pretty much been silent to her for the past week and I've already noticed some changes in her behaviour. She signs into online chat programs far more now and has changed her status to invite conversation.

Even so, I'm going to keep quiet and see if she approaches me next time we meet. Last time we spoke I felt very confident (for a change!) in the way things were going, she was quite positive, but I feel like I mustn't be chasing her all the time.

Already I feel I have learned things though. Sometimes it's better to just shut up and really try to concentrate on work. I've found the last couple of weeks quite sore, but at the same time I feel much happier for letting things chill out a bit now.

Here's hoping my next dilemna is figuring out how to get my first kiss

 

[Ladysphinx]

I hope things worksout for you, younger girl don't always know what they want, sometimes they want to be chased and sometimes they want to be the chasers, I think it's all about the challenge.

 

[LucieMay]

I'd put money on her having recently met someone else she's interested in...

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'd put money on her having recently met someone else she's interested in...

This thought occurred to me, but I don't think this is the case now.

We met up a couple of days back and she was back to being very touchy-feely again. She was gushing with topics to talk about, laughing a lot and wanted us to go for a walk together...then, today, it was back to almost ignoring me and sitting away.

I asked her for a coffee (I figured it was more casual than meeting up with her elsewhere), but unfortunately she couldn't meet up. We had 4 work deadlines that day and apparently she's been getting 2 hours of sleep a night. She did apologise though.

She sleeps through the day because she'd stop working completely otherwise...I'm hoping that explains her changes in mood a bit

Either way I have been making moves to get this resolved for once and for all. I've set up a pretty good oppurtunity to hopefully have a really good talk and everything with her tomorrow and I've made my intentions quite clear.

My confidence keeps faltering when I'm not around her, but I keep trying to tell myself that if she had stopped being interested she wouldn't have been all over me a couple of days back.

I think I just need to have a mature conversation about what she expects from me, if she's worth my time I'm hoping she'll understand that.

 

[Elgin]

Solitary, she sounds moody and unpredictable to me, but see where it goes I guess. I liked Teresa's advice the best. If they can't decide, you decide for them and move on to the next one. It's good you feel better.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Well, I arranged to meet up with her to do some studying and have a chat. She didn't reply, so I asked her if she was interested online. No reply.

Then, she blanked me when I was at Uni with her. She said hi, then just walked off as if I'd never arranged anything.

I got the hint, but even so I felt I should confront her, so I made a point of calling her over rather than just letting her slip away easily. She explained that she was struggling with the number of deadlines, didn't have time, and then disappeared.

The whole "explanation" lasted about 4 seconds. I had to reset all my transport arrangements thanks to the fact that she was apparently incapable of just texting me or calling to say she didn't want to/was too busy/whatever, which annoyed me a lot.

When she "explained", I just laughed. She looked pretty ashamed.

I only just refrained from saying "Thanks for the advanced notice", but I'm glad I did. I don't think it benefits anyone to get crappy with people.

The biggest irony was that about an hour later, once I had travelled back home, she messaged me online to ask about the work we were doing. On the same program where she'd ignored my earlier message asking for confirmation.

She apparently got a poor grade in the last assessment, presumably because she really isn't applying herself as she should be. I was hardly in the mood to offer sympathy. I was thinking about giving her a frank and pretty angry phone call before the messages, but I again resisted.

Instead I told her that perhaps if she was so busy I shouldn't keep her talking. I logged off after that, I think it sent the right message.

I'm not going to bother with her for the next month or so, she's going to get the bare minimum of kindness, nothing more. If she tries to play those intimacy games again, I'm going to take none of it.

That she could be as callous and cold as she was (apparently my feelings aren't worth a free text) surprised me even given her past form. I guess I'm just naive and foolish.

I'm going to concentrate on improving myself now, going to the gym and getting extra activities in. I've bought a guitar and I'm learning how to play it.

She can go whistle until she gets a major attitude change. Maybe she'll realise that she screwed up, maybe not. Either way, I'm considering myself free and totally single now, there is nothing between us anymore in my view.

Thanks again everyone for the help, fingers crossed that I find a girl that gives a hoot about me in future

 

[Kenny]

She flaked on you.

http://www.ehow.com/how_5508663_date-she-flakes.html

 

[Elgin]

Solitary I work with a chick who strings along 3 or 4 guys at a time doing the same thing. She thinks it's a big joke and cracks jokes about them. It's like her hobby to jerk guys around. I've seen guys do it to. She'll never tell you it's over and if you ask she'll probably say it was nothing to begin with and accuse you of being all hung up and dramatic for no reason. Move on man...
She's going to hurt you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My ecwf did thst honeysuckle to me..for no particular reasons or lameass reasons she just stopped talking to me...
I finally got her attention. Actually felt good to tell her to go to hell.lol

I met aniother like that last year..got really close to her...we would go to tha mall...N the next I know Im in spencer looking @ sex tyos with her..in vicotria sectrets with her...we go out of Ice cream or have lunch..it was like hit N miss..but oneday she made some odd honeysuckle. I bascailly told her to fresia off...
shes still giving me the eye off n on when I run into her still...
Women like that just likes to feel like their hunted or wanted. They never had any intension of getting involve..
bacailly a cock tease...wasting all my time and energy...but all wasnt lost.
I still knew I was capitable of approchiing women and actaull y did a lot of correct things..just on the wrong or not avaliable women..that pretended to be avaliable
Yeap I just moved on to other women...avaliable women.

---

But @ the sametime..I aslo knew it was part of the process of dating..
Ive been rejected , stood up..blah..blah blah
Then for the past 8 months I ran into women that was more straight forward..yes they like to be chased and all of that...but it was much clearer communiations...the doors were open and lots of posiblities
Even with francis..she wanst leading me on..she just had a lot of issues..but she alway communicated with me of were she stood or I stood..
Then here I am with Renae...it was wierd @ first..but I used what I learned. I didnt pushed her away.
She told me there were alot to consider...I can handle that honesty.
Evnetaully she made up her mind. I had to give her spcae to let her deciide for herself. She chose me. She tells me everyday she loves me...i can handle that honesty.

 

[April Stephenson]

Have you ever thought that maybe she didn't realize she was sending repeated mixed messages? Or that she was just distracted? Or when she wouldn't sit next to you that there was no room? You never know, maybe she just didn't realize what she was doing, or you just read to far into what you thought you saw. Apperently I have done that sort of thing to guys too and just didn't realize that was what I was doing. Hope that helps... Good luck with her!

 

[TurinTurambar]

Man I wish I got in here sooner... She is plain ******* with you. Like Crow said she's stringing you along making it a big joke. This happened to me before and unfortunately the only thing you can do is drop her like a bad habit. Seriously just don't text her, call her etc. It sucks but just keep looking for a genuine girl (which is way harder than it sounds).

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Have you ever thought that maybe she didn't realize she was sending repeated mixed messages? Or that she was just distracted? Or when she wouldn't sit next to you that there was no room? You never know, maybe she just didn't realize what she was doing, or you just read to far into what you thought you saw. Apperently I have done that sort of thing to guys too and just didn't realize that was what I was doing. Hope that helps... Good luck with her!

Nah, it was definitely deliberate

There would literally be two empty rows of 10 seats by me, and she'd sit with me on my own, then try to cuddle up or put her head on my shoulder. Really blatant stuff, no subtlety at all. Then she'd shove me away if I tried to engage with her.

Likewise, when she wouldn't sit with me, there were like 5 seats next to me. She was just enjoying a power trip there or something, I can't explain it...

Man I wish I got in here sooner... She is plain ******* with you. Like Crow said she's stringing you along making it a big joke. This happened to me before and unfortunately the only thing you can do is drop her like a bad habit. Seriously just don't text her, call her etc. It sucks but just keep looking for a genuine girl (which is way harder than it sounds).

Thanks for the support

Fortunately, I've realised just how much I was screwed around here. Reading back through these messages just makes it even clearer in my mind.

Even now, I have not texted her or called her ever since that last post, yet she still tries to get physical with me sometimes. I've been working out a bit since then, apparently she noticed as she was trying to touch my biceps.

I just glared and she left me be

I think perhaps she has some kind of psychological problem. Either way, I'm considering her a flaky-on-off friend now. If she tries to get close to me again in a physical way I'm going to have to tell her to cut it the hell
out.

It felt great to see her again in a way, because I now have the confidence to tell her to piss off. I feel nothing for her now at all and it's liberating. I think I learnt a lot from the whole experience.

Happily, I think I've found someone who is both really pretty and also genuinely nice, so with a bit of luck perhaps I have a future there. I may post up a new thread on that, but right now I'm just seeing how it's going

 

[ShybutHi]

I know a girl who seems to do this with me. Its almost like she gravitates towards me... the very first time I met her, before saying hi or anything she just hugged me for like 5 seconds. When i say she gravitates towards me she will do things like walk right beside me when walking places even if her bf is right there. She also invited me to go into the place where she works and chat whenever I wanted even though I didnt really know her and I am really shy anyway so I didnt. The guy she is in a relationship with is an old friend of mine so I dunno perhaps she was just being nice, I would never make a move anyway because I respect my friend and would never want to hurt him. She gives me shy looks, she will look and if I look at her she will sort of look away in a shy manner, almost with a blush, but she is a bit shy anyway I think so maybe its nothing. The fact she is shy but always seems to try and initiate conversation with me is another thing.

I really dont think she realise's she does this when im there though thats the thing because sometimes she is just sort of "normal" towards me and then other times like I said she will seem to gravitate towards me and be close to me... she is genuinly a very nice person though, to the point that i cant tell if she has some kind of attraction or if she is just being nice but is subconciously sending me signals.

So confusing.....

 

[hijodeganas]

Welcome to the forum

I agree, just ask her out. I know if I was the one to have to make all the moves, it would get pretty tiresome.

Thank you for the welcome

I forgot to make something a little clear in my OP actually. So far she's called me about 4 times ever since we've been hanging out. She pretty much never calls me or texts, even when she wasn't ignoring me - with regards to communication, she's pretty quiet.

I've had to arrange almost all the "dates" we've had so far. I cooled things off a little a couple of weeks back because I was getting fed up with doing all the work (exactly as in the post above - it was tiresome), and then she started acting more interested in me again.

Today I tried to ask her out - in the end I didn't because she managed to escape immediately after the lecture. It was like she was trying to get away as quickly as possible.

So from that, I feel like I should just give up. Weird thing was, she was looking at me all lecture and was smiling away at me earlier in the day...while again sitting away from me and so on.

Really does my head in, though I think I've about had it up to the eyeballs now! :rolleyes2:

The wonderful thing about relationships of all types is that each one is unique and dynamic. You'll never encounter the same situation more than once. There are a bunch of possibilities as to what's going on here.

That being said, there are also a lot of common threads among relationships, and the more experience you have with them, the more you'll get to know them.

I'd say the most likely phenomenon going on here is what I've heard called the "window of opportunity."

Put simply, women are most stirred and guided by their emotions. Emotions are fleeting things; one thing that made you want to kill someone one day has you laughing a few days later. This is women's "logic." Whatever they feel in the moment is what is most important. What that means is, she was probably crazy for you for awhile (the window was open), but then you being the men who is supposed to lead, let things deflate by doing "nice" stuff (hugging, contacting her a lot) and she got bored (the window closed).

Which is to say, live and learn, and say good bye to this one.