Give up? or keep trying?

[hitch1983]

Hi,

im 31 years old. Ive got alot to be thankful for in my life and i am but one thing has always been missing. Love.

Since i was old enough or have a desire to date, say since i was 15/16, ive never had a relationship that's lasted longer than 3 months. if you can even call 3 months a relationship.

Even though im not especially great looking, maybe 5 or a 6 if i was rated out of 10 on a good day. In the early days i still thought i had something to offer the opposite sex. I might not be classical handsome but always thought, im a decent guy, im a little shy but if people took the time to get to know me, they would see that it was just as good as anyone else, and i believed this whole heartily.

But as the years went on and rejection ensued, i realise now ive been losing a little bit of my soul. At first rejection was really tough for me, i would go into depression. I couldnt understand why i was soo coldly rejected. But i still soldiered on and kept trying. Each subsequent rejection always hurt, but eventually i became cold it and react in a different way. (lose hope, feel like giving up completely)

Its now got to the stage when a whole year will have passed and i havent even pursued one date!

I should also say, when it comes to where am i looking, ive tried it all. Online dating, churches, sports clubs, work, thru friends etc etc. nothing has stuck.

the best success i had was online, but that was always long distance, every person to person encounter ive had, has lasted no more than 3 dates.

Im feeling soo dejected and devoid of hope that i find it hard to even start looking again.

Ive lost that believe in myself, how can any other girls possibly want me if i now dont think ill be any good for them myself.

so my cry is - do i give up or how can you learn to live with the fact ull probably be alone your whole life.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Some people say it's a numbers game....maybe there's some truth in that....Maybe you are simply trying to hard....possibly you should have less expectation of someone appearing who will fill the void on the very next date....try to be more relaxed...enjoy the company of a date, don't immediately launch into potential rejection mode...your 31 give up!!!..are you insane ? Look at activities that will put you in contact with the opposite sex...and start to value yourself...that will be apparent to others

 

[Lacrecia]

I dont think that giving up i the right attitude to adopt. Even though you faced many rejections, life doesn't end there. Maybe if you try to know where the problem comes from, things would get better.

 

[misterpete]

Hi,

im 31 years old. Ive got alot to be thankful for in my life and i am but one thing has always been missing. Love.

Since i was old enough or have a desire to date, say since i was 15/16, ive never had a relationship that's lasted longer than 3 months. if you can even call 3 months a relationship.

Even though im not especially great looking, maybe 5 or a 6 if i was rated out of 10 on a good day. In the early days i still thought i had something to offer the opposite sex. I might not be classical handsome but always thought, im a decent guy, im a little shy but if people took the time to get to know me, they would see that it was just as good as anyone else, and i believed this whole heartily.

But as the years went on and rejection ensued, i realise now ive been losing a little bit of my soul. At first rejection was really tough for me, i would go into depression. I couldnt understand why i was soo coldly rejected. But i still soldiered on and kept trying. Each subsequent rejection always hurt, but eventually i became cold it and react in a different way. (lose hope, feel like giving up completely)

Its now got to the stage when a whole year will have passed and i havent even pursued one date!

I should also say, when it comes to where am i looking, ive tried it all. Online dating, churches, sports clubs, work, thru friends etc etc. nothing has stuck.

the best success i had was online, but that was always long distance, every person to person encounter ive had, has lasted no more than 3 dates.

Im feeling soo dejected and devoid of hope that i find it hard to even start looking again.

Ive lost that believe in myself, how can any other girls possibly want me if i now dont think ill be any good for them myself.

so my cry is - do i give up or how can you learn to live with the fact ull probably be alone your whole life.

Bro, that picture attached to your post is you? I don't think your looks is the problem if that helps.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Bro, that picture attached to your post is you? I don't think your looks is the problem if that helps.

No, that's not the problem at all. He actually reeks of sexy masculinity based on that photo.

:l

*gets a bucket for her drool*

 

[VanillaCreme]

But as the years went on and rejection ensued, i realise now ive been losing a little bit of my soul. At first rejection was really tough for me, i would go into depression. I couldnt understand why i was soo coldly rejected. But i still soldiered on and kept trying. Each subsequent rejection always hurt, but eventually i became cold it and react in a different way. (lose hope, feel like giving up completely)

Rejection is a part of life. It happens. We're not supposed to get exactly what we want every time. People aren't supposed to like us simply because we may like them. It's up to you whether or not you keep trying. My suggestion would be for you to continue trying, because all it takes is that one time to come across someone where you'll realize that it all made sense, all the rejection you've gone through, all the doubt... All of it will make sense for that one person.

 

[ardour]

Shyness I'd say. Definitely not appearances.

 

[Peaches]

Bro, that picture attached to your post is you? I don't think your looks is the problem if that helps.

No, that's not the problem at all. He actually reeks of sexy masculinity based on that photo.

:l

*gets a bucket for her drool*

*two buckets*

ahem, just wanted to say that it is a very nice picture


---------

ok, serious now

I am in no position to say keep trying, as I have kept trying for many years and nothing happened, but if you give up it will be pretty safe that nothing will change, except this woman I know who found her boyfriend because he rang the wrong doorbell, ok, I don't have any good suggestion here.


But I still don't get all these rejections, it seems impossible.
Maybe some signal that you send without noticing in face to face conversation? As you say that long distance went fine.

 

[Tiina63]

I have often wondered how some people manage to meet someone in their twenties or thirties without seeming even to try and then going on to settle down together. Hitch-my experiences match your own. Have tried so many ways to meet someone and yet nothing has worked ( not yet, anyway). I have known people who had no interest in a relationship, then they met someone and clicked with them. Like Peaches, though, I think it is better not to stop looking. Hopefully one day it will happen for you.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Hi,

im 31 years old. Ive got alot to be thankful for in my life and i am but one thing has always been missing. Love.

Since i was old enough or have a desire to date, say since i was 15/16, ive never had a relationship that's lasted longer than 3 months. if you can even call 3 months a relationship.

Even though im not especially great looking, maybe 5 or a 6 if i was rated out of 10 on a good day. In the early days i still thought i had something to offer the opposite sex. I might not be classical handsome but always thought, im a decent guy, im a little shy but if people took the time to get to know me, they would see that it was just as good as anyone else, and i believed this whole heartily.

But as the years went on and rejection ensued, i realise now ive been losing a little bit of my soul. At first rejection was really tough for me, i would go into depression. I couldnt understand why i was soo coldly rejected. But i still soldiered on and kept trying. Each subsequent rejection always hurt, but eventually i became cold it and react in a different way. (lose hope, feel like giving up completely)

Its now got to the stage when a whole year will have passed and i havent even pursued one date!

I should also say, when it comes to where am i looking, ive tried it all. Online dating, churches, sports clubs, work, thru friends etc etc. nothing has stuck.

the best success i had was online, but that was always long distance, every person to person encounter ive had, has lasted no more than 3 dates.

Im feeling soo dejected and devoid of hope that i find it hard to even start looking again.

Ive lost that believe in myself, how can any other girls possibly want me if i now dont think ill be any good for them myself.

so my cry is - do i give up or how can you learn to live with the fact ull probably be alone your whole life.

Seems like you've had a bit of success, at least a few relationships. So all is not lost. Maybe try singles clubs or speed dating ?

 

[hitch1983]

thanks for the advice.

its not as if i go into these dates, thinking the worst before its begun though. i give it my best shot, which is probably why the rejection hurts as much as it does.

im mature enough to know that rejection is part of life, but it seems to me, most people balance it off with some success they have. to me it feels like a one way street.

i have had success in the getting the date part but this is mostly thru online avenues.

and the 3 month relationships were all long distance, if you broke it down to real time spent together, would still probably be 3 dates.

thanks for the compliments on here, but as i said on a good day i can pass as half decent, which is why i probably get the dates. but most of the time when im not at my best, women wouldnt want anything to do with me, which will probably be a factor in getting dumped.

ive tried to improve my appearance with keeping fit at the gym etc, so yes i do have a good body. but its never enough.

im probably boring and mix that with shyness, its a great old cocktail.

2014 has been horrible.

i can only hope something swings in my favour in 2015. because im feeling soo dejected just now.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Can you involve yourself in something that interests you...that you have some passion for...or something you figure you can simply enjoy...or something you could and would like to support...and obviously involves opportunities to meet women.....and maybe a potential relationship is no longer the central focus....but obviously you will have made it more likely..

 

[Erevetot]

As a fellow man I can say you look pretty **** good! It's not your looks, and from this thread you seem like a great person, so I doubt it's your character

Don't give up, just try different approaches! Try what sothatwasmylife said. Try to meet women with common interests, maybe not your workplace as it can get awkward, but your favourite pub, the gym, wherever you like to hang around, or do stuff! Having a common interest with someone, something that you both enjoy, will make it way easier to talk and get to know each other.

And dont "look" for a date. If I have an advice for rejection etc, is take it slow, let your next date find you. Meet people, focus on having fun and making friends, build your confidence again! If you meet women and be friends without going for "something more" instantly, it should lower your fear of a possible rejection, plus you'll get to know each other ! And trust me, you'll see interest from women. When you feel ready and confident, make your move!

 

[jj983]

As a straight guy around your age, I'm going with everyone else when I say it's not your looks, and even ignoring that, women are no different in men in that what attracts them varies widely from person to person and are usually much more flexible than they might seem. Also, people also tend to find people they connect with emotionally more attractive than they would just looking at a picture with no context. I guess ultimately, chemistry can't be forced, and it'll happen when it happens, and when it does, you'll definitely know, so don't give up!

 

[vstained]

I have more or less the same problem as you. Only difference is I am 40. My success rate is about 1 out of 10 .... I must say it takes courage to be rejected a couple of times in a row to keep on going but I have stopped to try and figure out what Im doing wrong.

I Spent quite some time reading and studying and experimenting and the following is my main things that I would say helps:

1. I am 100% shameless around woman. As long as I hurt nobody Im shameless. Im 100% honest about who I am. I dont care about the opinion people or the woman im meeting have of me. The only opinion of myself that matters is my own.

2. You need to create emotional connections...always and at any point. The way this works is that you share stories/experiences... Its like sharing the feeling component of an experience or story. Woman live to feel emotions and that is why they like romance novels. Romance novels is to woman what porn is to men. You need to get woman to experience a variatty of emotions with you. (Good feelings)

3. You need to figure out if the woman who is with you is into you. If you think so even if it is not so you need to escalate things by touching her and holding her hand... Kiss her... Etc. Its socially not acceptable for woman to initiate these things the first time. Woman rarely makes the first move....

Reading books about relationships and picking up woman helps I would say.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I say, keep trying.

 

[AJ1982]

Hi,

im 31 years old. Ive got alot to be thankful for in my life and i am but one thing has always been missing. Love.

Since i was old enough or have a desire to date, say since i was 15/16, ive never had a relationship that's lasted longer than 3 months. if you can even call 3 months a relationship.

Even though im not especially great looking, maybe 5 or a 6 if i was rated out of 10 on a good day. In the early days i still thought i had something to offer the opposite sex. I might not be classical handsome but always thought, im a decent guy, im a little shy but if people took the time to get to know me, they would see that it was just as good as anyone else, and i believed this whole heartily.

But as the years went on and rejection ensued, i realise now ive been losing a little bit of my soul. At first rejection was really tough for me, i would go into depression. I couldnt understand why i was soo coldly rejected. But i still soldiered on and kept trying. Each subsequent rejection always hurt, but eventually i became cold it and react in a different way. (lose hope, feel like giving up completely)

Its now got to the stage when a whole year will have passed and i havent even pursued one date!

I should also say, when it comes to where am i looking, ive tried it all. Online dating, churches, sports clubs, work, thru friends etc etc. nothing has stuck.

the best success i had was online, but that was always long distance, every person to person encounter ive had, has lasted no more than 3 dates.

Im feeling soo dejected and devoid of hope that i find it hard to even start looking again.

Ive lost that believe in myself, how can any other girls possibly want me if i now dont think ill be any good for them myself.

so my cry is - do i give up or how can you learn to live with the fact ull probably be alone your whole life.

It's not your looks mate from that picture, I'd kill to look like you! Lol and I think I'd absolutely be more confident than I am now. But I'm in the same boat as you, I'm 32 and haven't had a girlfriend since I was 18 I just don't have any confidence to talk to women in a way that might make me attractive to them. I can talk to women in an everyday way, but if I'm attracted to them and want to try and start something it's like brain shuts down. I feel like I've got nothing to offer anyone. But I just try and hold onto the tiny bit of hope that maybe I'll meet someone and it'll happen for me. Honestly I wouldn't bother with online dating sites they're bloody soul destroying. For me I feel stuck in a hole because I don't get out the house and don't do anything because I'm alone, so it's a catch 22 for me. Sorry I don't have any great advice you but you're certainly not alone in your situation.

 

[hitch1983]

just thought i would give up an update.

went on a date with a girl i met online, it was a pleasant date, i felt comfortable in her presence, and she seemed to relax in mine, there was no awkward silences (mostly down to her but i put in the effort to listen and stir conversation too) and at a couple of points during it i kinda felt like it might go somewhere. but nah, as per usual its fizzed out.

the tip off that i knew i wasnt going to get a second date was, when i was dropping her off home and she practically burst out the car, there was no stop and little bit of chat, lets do it again kinda thing. it was thanks for getting me out the house today, car door open, then gone.

worst thing is, on the journey back i almost did start to believe things were going ok, because she was really nice and polite if you know what i mean. but thats all it was, politeness. feel even more foolish, because i was thinking about how i might get a goodbye peck on the lips or how i was going to try initiate it.

now im feeling blue again, i know i should try keep positive and not let it get me down. but this is part of the date im all to familiar with. the come down from the hope the excitement, the nerves. the rejection. (especially in the manner it has come about this time, usually its clear from the offset that i have no chance, but this time i was feeling good about it without expecting too much. but i guess i just picked a really nice person this time, thats all.

life sucks, well certainly right now

 

[Erevetot]

Did you try contacting her after the date?
Keep in mind that not all girls are "easy", she could be shy and afraid as well. You know better of course, as you were the one on the date, but if you felt like it went good and there was some sort of connection, then dont let that small thing keep you away.
I've been in a situation where the girl stormed off, and some days later when I asked her if I did/said anything bad, she said she was scared I'll kiss her and she didnt want a kiss from the first date but she didnt want to reject me either as she liked me. Go figure!

Good luck my friend!

 

[hitch1983]

yeah i sent her a text later that night, just saying you thank for a nice time, if you would like to do it again sometime, let me know.

but never got a response. then i went on the website where we met and she was online, plus to make it worse i sent the message through whatsapp (an instant messenger - for anyone who doesnt know), which you can see if the person is currently online or not and she was. plus my message never got the confirmation it was read and if you know how whatsapp works, youll know how this is a blatant rejection.