God, This Just Sucks

[SophiaGrace]

God this just sucks. I"m sorry, it just bloody bloody sucks. I dont know where to begin but I feel the need to vent.

Why do I have no friends offline? Why do I always feel like I'm alone? Why God? Just ...fresia, why? . Why do I always feel like I"m the ******* ugly girl?

This has been going on for years. Dear lord...what the hell would make me feel better? What is it exactly that I want from this accursed universe?

I want to be special to someone, thats what . Yeah, i know, people say that there are people lonely in relationships too. Statements like these just make me feel worse. They make me want to throw up my hands and say "ok, then what would make me feel better??!!"

Oh trust, Trust, I do not utilize you enough. I do not trust those around me . I wander away for days and act ambivalent and then striking pangs of loneliness touch my heart when I go back to talk to people once again.

A heart broken, has made me into an emotionally distant person who no longer knows how to emotionally connect with the people around her. I feel trapped. Trapped inside this prison of unconnectedness. Mired in feelings of unworthiness of feeling connected to others.

"Who would want to date me?"

"who would want to be that special best friend to me whom i could tell anything to?"

I want so desperately to be loved unconditionally. I want so desperately to feel special to someone. I want so desperately to feel close to someone. I"m so tired of being the loner. I"m so tired of being physically alone. I'm so tired....of silence so people do not know how I feel inside.

When will I upturn my face and feel full of esteem for myself? When will I feel loved and connected to others? When will I smile and be happy?

When God? When? You do not have to answer me, just hear me. Hear me out God. Do you really have a plan for me God? Will everything turn out ok because it is in your hands?

You dont make sense God, never logical sense, but I hope ...in speaking to you now, in invoking your name, that it gives me some measure of peace. Peace enough to go to sleep. Peace enough to see that these problems which so disturb and sadden me, are in fact manageable.

Thanks for listening.

Amen.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sophia, you're beautiful. I'd honestly love to meet up with you for a movie or something. (((hugs)))

 

[Luna]

Sophia,

You disappeared off chat before I could wish you a proper "Goodnight".
Hopefully you're well-rested and feeling better when you come back to read this.

"Who would want to date me?"
"who would want that special best friend to me?"

You're a beautiful, intelligent and witty gal.
Those who are worth all that you can offer, will see you for who you are and appreciate every little bit of you.
I am all too familiar with the feelings of inadequacy and lacking.
Continual rejection or meeting the wrong type of people sometimes can reinforce that belief - but it doesn't mean that it's true.
You're awesome! ♥

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[evanescencefan91]

ohh

*big hugs*

you are not ugly at all sophia

God doesn't make sense for to anyone but he loves you he has given you life


which is like a really small pretty present wrapped in many many ugly boxes...

( i'm not all that great at analogies)

you are very smart too

so many people would give up their looks and limbs to have a mind like yours

there are many people like you and I that are hot and nice, but unfortunately due to do reasons beyond our control we find ourselves alone

but that doesn't make us any les hot or kind or smart, though it sometimes makes us feel like it



But we can control what and how we do and react to these situations
and we shall do so and keep going

by saying fresia you to our circumstances and try to have a good time regardless and not letting life get us down


..it's hard i know but the internet and kitties help

*hugs again*

 

[Punisher]

I would really jump out of your computer monitor if I could

 

[Mr.Solution]

Ok so it means you have absolutely NOBODY to talk to right? Well in that case I'd say it's kind of a problem that occurs to some people from the start. I'm sorry but I could have assisted you if you were 10 years younger. You know you need to start making friends from the childhood. You need to have a best friend from your childhood days. Only then will you be able to avoid loneliness when you are older. It happens to most of the people you know. I'm 13 and well I do have some pretty cool friends which I know, would never forget me. So It's still not late though. I say you go to your college and gather your classmates and tell them how you feel and you'll see people with some real hearts coming up. Maybe if you are lucky you'll see a girl too

 

[nerdygirl]

Schnookums, if you lived near here, I'd be happy to hang out with you. Unfortunately, in the face of everything you're feeling, that doesn't help a lot. I sort of get how you're feeling. Here I am in my new place and I haven't made one single friend in the county yet. It's hard. It's so freaking hard.

It isn't even like when we were kids and we could go to a park and if we saw another kid trying to play alone, we could just approach and say, "Hey, can I play with you?" Then again, it could be. Just, you know, not as easy. I tried going to places that appealed to me with the thought that maybe I could talk to somebody. I went to a comic book shop and stuff. My plan was to ask somebody a couple of questions that could potentially start a decent conversation, slip in the fact that I'd just moved here and didn't have anybody to talk with about that stuff. Unfortunately, I didn't see anybody who fit what I was looking for- too young, too old, whatever. But maybe you could try a similar tactic?

 

[Sand Dollar]

Hi Sophia,

I am impressed that you so clearly know what you want and stated it. That is a begining. So many people don't know what they want. So that's a start. You are being very hard on yourself. I'm sure you look great! But, you might like to hear that I have NEVER fallen in love with a woman based on her looks. It's really about who you are. But I'm sure you look fine.

Please know that most of us go through some suffering in our lives. My childhood was unimaginably difficult at times. You are so young and it feels like you are in pain and there is no meaning or reason for it,but I assure you there is. I know how hard it can be.I believe the true meaning of suffering is spiritual awakening and development. Maybe the universe is making it hard on you so you will turn your attention away from worldly things for now to develop spiritually? You refer to God in your post. Maybe God is calling out to you,so you can develop your relationship with God. The when your faith is strong and you have made sense of life and the world you will have a deeper relationship with your special person and friends. And your ability to be happy and to appreciate will be greater! Those who have it easy often don't appreciate the gifts of life. But those who struggle often do. And when the joy comes you will feel it with greater intensity because of your struggles. What if all the pain you feel now is only a preparation for an equal or greater joy to come?

Best,

SD

 

[Badjedidude]

Soph is my fwend.

 

[Danielle]

Soph is my friend too... (hugs)

 

[Spare]

You're top notch, Sophia. You're as good a person as anyone could hope to find.