Have you ever had a REAL friend?

[VanillaCreme]

It's not so much a matter of everyone being out to get you as it is that for the majority of the human race, if it comes down to a choice between the next meal & their honor, they'll pick the first option. Self-centeredness & not looking beyond tomorrow are the default conditions; real concern for others & consideration for those outside one's own tribe have to be taught. And not everyone learns such lessons equally well, or at all. I can't go through what I've been through & hold personal standards without, well, learning the most obvious lessons to start with.

As for being miserable: If you were really that happy, would you be in ALL to begin with? We're all here for some reason *lol* It's a matter of picking your poison, really. Sure, solitude has its downsides but you reduce or eliminate the possibility of further mistreatment & betrayal. Life is definitely simpler. These days the only problems I have to deal with (& solve if possible) are my own.

You have no idea why I'm here, so don't assume you do. I'm not lonely, and I don't live in solitude. I don't care why you're here, and I never implied anything about your reason of being here. All I'm doing is talking to some people and expressing my ideas in a reply to a post. So making this a personal thing will not work out for you in the end.

I don't know who taught you about life, but they were wrong to feed you whatever ideas they did. People don't have to consider you. It's those that do who are worth your time. Not everyone is supposed to be your friend. And no, not everyone would pick their next meal over you. That is the saddest thing to expect from everyone. Either you must know some really shitty people, or you've truly never experienced kind people. I know people who would literally give you the shirt off their back, and their last scrap of bread just to see you comfortable. I feel sorry for you that not only that you've not experienced kindness in your life, but that you now seem to not even know what kindness is.

I go by treating people how I'd like to be treated. But I also understand that not everyone is like that. I'm not under a rock, naive of the real world. I just refuse to be negative towards everyone just because a few people have let me down in life. I'm not going to treat people like dirt just because I've been treated like that before in my life.

 

[ladyforsaken]

yes, and i know she will never be replaced, she was called eve.....acccepted my addictions, didn't doubt who i am, she would see for herself, she loved me despite addictions, severe anger and depression.

she killed herself due to chronic pain, she was my precious donor, lover, soul mate, emotional yin/yang, mentally we were empathicaly linked honest to god i felt what she felt and vice versa...i withdrew she withdrew, i got sick she got sick, the day she did it i felt all the life drain out of me and i collapsed in the street at THE exact time and second she died the other side of town, due to the way she did it the time of death could be pretty much worked out to the second.

I'm sorry to hear about this.

I go by treating people how I'd like to be treated. But I also understand that not everyone is like that. I'm not under a rock, naive of the real world. I just refuse to be negative towards everyone just because a few people have let me down in life. I'm not going to treat people like dirt just because I've been treated like that before in my life.

+1
I feel the exact same way, Nilla.

 

[MTrip]

It's not so much a matter of everyone being out to get you as it is that for the majority of the human race, if it comes down to a choice between the next meal & their honor, they'll pick the first option. Self-centeredness & not looking beyond tomorrow are the default conditions; real concern for others & consideration for those outside one's own tribe have to be taught. And not everyone learns such lessons equally well, or at all. I can't go through what I've been through & hold personal standards without, well, learning the most obvious lessons to start with.

As for being miserable: If you were really that happy, would you be in ALL to begin with? We're all here for some reason *lol* It's a matter of picking your poison, really. Sure, solitude has its downsides but you reduce or eliminate the possibility of further mistreatment & betrayal. Life is definitely simpler. These days the only problems I have to deal with (& solve if possible) are my own.

You have no idea why I'm here, so don't assume you do. I'm not lonely, and I don't live in solitude. I don't care why you're here, and I never implied anything about your reason of being here. All I'm doing is talking to some people and expressing my ideas in a reply to a post. So making this a personal thing will not work out for you in the end.

I don't know who taught you about life, but they were wrong to feed you whatever ideas they did. People don't have to consider you. It's those that do who are worth your time. Not everyone is supposed to be your friend. And no, not everyone would pick their next meal over you. That is the saddest thing to expect from everyone. Either you must know some really shitty people, or you've truly never experienced kind people. I know people who would literally give you the shirt off their back, and their last scrap of bread just to see you comfortable. I feel sorry for you that not only that you've not experienced kindness in your life, but that you now seem to not even know what kindness is.

I go by treating people how I'd like to be treated. But I also understand that not everyone is like that. I'm not under a rock, naive of the real world. I just refuse to be negative towards everyone just because a few people have let me down in life. I'm not going to treat people like dirt just because I've been treated like that before in my life.

And with that, you seem to be making unwarranted assumptions about someone else (me). That's not unusual; it seems everyone thinks they know one's life story after doing pop psychology on one's posts. Do whatcha want *shrug*

 

[VanillaCreme]

And with that, you seem to be making unwarranted assumptions about someone else (me). That's not unusual; it seems everyone thinks they know one's life story after doing pop psychology on one's posts. Do whatcha want *shrug*

Not at all. I'm just going off what you've provided in your own posts.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

ALL isn't a place for depressed people. Some of us are lonely despite having friends.

Not everyone is out to get you.

That being said, there are a lot of ******** out there, and most of them are in positions of power.

 

[Solitary man]

What if your powers of perception are finely honed with life experience and you are just a lot more capable of seeing through everyone's facade?

+1 on that. Since real friends are rare gems to find, frankly I find Vanilla's reply puzzling & rather naive. Assuming the worst of other people is not the most pleasant attitude to have, but in my experience I've rarely been proven wrong.

I don't expect the worst out of people, even with all the crap I've been through. I think it's a terrible way to be and a horrible way to live. Because really, the only person who's so affected by all the miserable behavior that someone who always assumes the worst out of people, is themselves. I don't plan to make myself miserable because of other people.

Sure, real, true friends are rare gems, no argument there. But they do exist. Believe it or not, not everyone has a facade. Not everyone has hidden motives. Not everyone is out to get you.

It's not about assuming or expecting the worst from other people, it's about seeing people for who and what they are. I'm 45 years old, and I can say without doubt, that the three most common character traits I have identified in people are selfishness, egotism and phoniness. Now, is that because I think "the worst about other people" and unfairly prejudge them? Or through life experience am I simply more in tune with the way many people are?

I came to the conclusion that unfortunately most people are self interested, even the seemingly 'caring' type, and that you must protect yourself from other people if you wish to survive. Does that make me a cynical old pessimist, or someone who has a solid handle on the unattractive nature of many people?

 

[Solitary man]

Woops! Killed my own thread with an awkward question.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Seeing the traits of selfishness, egotism, and phoniness doesn't necessarily mean one's in tune with people. That's just what you saw in those people. Okay, your point may not have been about seeing the worse in people, but when you word it the way you did... "What if your powers of perception are finely honed with life experience and you are just a lot more capable of seeing through everyone's facade?" ... I was scratching my head at it... What makes you think everyone has a facade? I certainly don't think that of people, so perhaps I took facade as always seeing the worse, because facade usually means there's a mask or they're not true to who they are.

Seeing those three traits that you've most commonly noted in people doesn't mean you're capable of reading people. It just means that you know more than enough people who are selfish, egotistical, and phony.

 

[Solitary man]

Seeing the traits of selfishness, egotism, and phoniness doesn't necessarily mean one's in tune with people. That's just what you saw in those people. Okay, your point may not have been about seeing the worse in people, but when you word it the way you did... "What if your powers of perception are finely honed with life experience and you are just a lot more capable of seeing through everyone's facade?" ... I was scratching my head at it... What makes you think everyone has a facade? I certainly don't think that of people, so perhaps I took facade as always seeing the worse, because facade usually means there's a mask or they're not true to who they are.

Facade definition: "An outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality".

That's what I've detected in an awful lot of people. Ever get the impression that there is something not quite right about someone you've just met, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Then as time passes by the seemingly nice person facade falls and the real (not so nice) person reveals themselves? Or has everyone you have ever met been real, genuine, not an actor, and who they seem to be on the surface is who they are underneath? You've never met a phony? A fraud? A fake? Never?

Seeing those three traits that you've most commonly noted in people doesn't mean you're capable of reading people. It just means that you know more than enough people who are selfish, egotistical, and phony.

Yeah, I seem to have met quite a few 'selfish, egotistical and phony people', and I guess that has nothing whatsoever to do with reading people, and of course the people you have met have all been real and genuine, and not good actors capable of fooling you.

 

[Felix]

What if your powers of perception are finely honed with life experience and you are just a lot more capable of seeing through everyone's facade?

+1 on that. Since real friends are rare gems to find, frankly I find Vanilla's reply puzzling & rather naive. Assuming the worst of other people is not the most pleasant attitude to have, but in my experience I've rarely been proven wrong.

I don't expect the worst out of people, even with all the crap I've been through. I think it's a terrible way to be and a horrible way to live. Because really, the only person who's so affected by all the miserable behavior that someone who always assumes the worst out of people, is themselves. I don't plan to make myself miserable because of other people.

Sure, real, true friends are rare gems, no argument there. But they do exist. Believe it or not, not everyone has a facade. Not everyone has hidden motives. Not everyone is out to get you.

It's not about assuming or expecting the worst from other people, it's about seeing people for who and what they are. I'm 45 years old, and I can say without doubt, that the three most common character traits I have identified in people are selfishness, egotism and phoniness. Now, is that because I think "the worst about other people" and unfairly prejudge them? Or through life experience am I simply more in tune with the way many people are?

I came to the conclusion that unfortunately most people are self interested, even the seemingly 'caring' type, and that you must protect yourself from other people if you wish to survive. Does that make me a cynical old pessimist, or someone who has a solid handle on the unattractive nature of many people?

I think it's up to you to figure out that question, based on your post I'd say you're at least a little bit of both... But I can't be precise, I can't tell for sure...

Selfish: everyone's selfish. We are here in this forum and sometimes we complain abouit how people are instead of just accepting it, trying to find a middle ground between what they want and what we want. That's a little selfish when you think about it. It's hard to avoid. Tere are extreme cases out there, yes, but it's such a hard-to-avoid trait, I feel it's unfare to use it against people. Egotism: a characteristic of these times. Phoniness: people using their public profile to be likable. People who have a lot of frineds often put out a sort of act to entretain. Is it real, is it fake? How can you tell where the mask ends and the person begins? Sometimes the mask becomes the person... Wear it often and it sorta melts with your skin...

 

[VanillaCreme]

Facade definition: "An outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality".

That's what I've detected in an awful lot of people. Ever get the impression that there is something not quite right about someone you've just met, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Then as time passes by the seemingly nice person facade falls and the real (not so nice) person reveals themselves? Or has everyone you have ever met been real, genuine, not an actor, and who they seem to be on the surface is who they are underneath? You've never met a phony? A fraud? A fake? Never?

Now that you've personally defined it for use, I can comfortably say I'll stand by what I said. To conceal a less pleasant reality... I don't look for "less pleasant" in people. That does not mean that everyone I know is genuine and honest. It means I don't look for those less than pleasant traits. Just because I don't look for it, notice it, or care for it doesn't mean it's not there. And when it's presented to me, I don't waste my time with it.

 

[Solitary man]

Facade definition: "An outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality".

That's what I've detected in an awful lot of people. Ever get the impression that there is something not quite right about someone you've just met, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Then as time passes by the seemingly nice person facade falls and the real (not so nice) person reveals themselves? Or has everyone you have ever met been real, genuine, not an actor, and who they seem to be on the surface is who they are underneath? You've never met a phony? A fraud? A fake? Never?

Now that you've personally defined it for use, I can comfortably say I'll stand by what I said. To conceal a less pleasant reality... I don't look for "less pleasant" in people. That does not mean that everyone I know is genuine and honest. It means I don't look for those less than pleasant traits. Just because I don't look for it, notice it, or care for it doesn't mean it's not there. And when it's presented to me, I don't waste my time with it.

So essentially what you are saying is that you recognise the presence of selfish, egotistical and phony people in society and you have no time for them.

Thank you for validating my perception, albeit in a gratuitously circumlocutory and evasive manner.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So essentially what you are saying is that you recognise the presence of selfish, egotistical and phony people in society and you have no time for them.

Thank you for validating my perception, albeit in a gratuitously circumlocutory and evasive manner.

I didn't pick up on you saying that or even hinting towards that at all. You seemed to revel in the fact that you're "in tune" with people's negative side.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Before I used to think that I never really had a real friend, but I know sometimes my negative side can come out of me when I'm stuck in this negativity mind set. Yes I do have a real friend, I've known her since I was eight years old and visited her recently for two weeks. Still to this day we talk and crack jokes with each other. We may have changed cause I live far away from her but we still can pick off right where we left off. She's one of those friends that I hope I'll always have. She's trusting, friendly, funny, honest and has never judged me.

Lots of my other friends have betrayed me in some way and have changed through out the years but my true friend is still exactly the same. When I was at the airport saying goodbye to her, I was very close to crying and I strongly believe she felt how deeply saddened I was. Didn't want to stop hugging her but I know I'll visit her next year. =)

 

[Solitary man]

So essentially what you are saying is that you recognise the presence of selfish, egotistical and phony people in society and you have no time for them.

Thank you for validating my perception, albeit in a gratuitously circumlocutory and evasive manner.

I didn't pick up on you saying that or even hinting towards that at all. You seemed to revel in the fact that you're "in tune" with people's negative side.

I didn't say or hint at that at all. What I did say was that I noticed a lot of people were selfish, egotistical and phony. That observation is not being "in tune" with people's negative side, it is merely noticing it.

 

[Phaedron]

Well, My facade is my bedroom. And if that doesn't make sense take it up with Webster.

I have always hated masks, dischord, injustice, and lying in general. I hate how people will become phony to save face and are so class conscience. It's one of the many reasons I really don't fit in with anyone.

I suppose the answer is no, I have never had a real friend. Everyone I ever felt close to either died or eventually stabbed me in the back.

The only kind of validation I get is from being right. Thats probably why I put such an emphasis on it. The truth won't cast me out, it will set me free. If I obtain the truth people will have to validate me then, once the matter is clear. Perhaps then I'll be seen as a sage of some sort and someone will wish they had made me their friend.

 

[Solitary man]

Well, My facade is my bedroom. And if that doesn't make sense take it up with Webster.

I have always hated masks, dischord, injustice, and lying in general. I hate how people will become phony to save face and are so class conscience. It's one of the many reasons I really don't fit in with anyone.

I suppose the answer is no, I have never had a real friend. Everyone I ever felt close to either died or eventually stabbed me in the back.

The only kind of validation I get is from being right. Thats probably why I put such an emphasis on it. The truth won't cast me out, it will set me free. If I obtain the truth people will have to validate me then, once the matter is clear. Perhaps then I'll be seen as a sage of some sort and someone will wish they had made me their friend.

Truth is strength. The phonies are insecure, weak people. Strong, genuine people will recognise and appreciate your authenticity, whilst the phonies shall cower in fear, for fear you tell the truth about them.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I didn't say or hint at that at all. What I did say was that I noticed a lot of people were selfish, egotistical and phony. That observation is not being "in tune" with people's negative side, it is merely noticing it.

Noticing, sure. Being around it more often than not, sure. Seeing those rather common features... After all, people are people. We're not all saints. We are that we are.

But forgive me... I must realize that you might have forgotten what you've said before, which is where I got my thoughts to train yours in the first place.

It's not about assuming or expecting the worst from other people, it's about seeing people for who and what they are. I'm 45 years old, and I can say without doubt, that the three most common character traits I have identified in people are selfishness, egotism and phoniness. Now, is that because I think "the worst about other people" and unfairly prejudge them? Or through life experience am I simply more in tune with the way many people are?

I came to the conclusion that unfortunately most people are self interested, even the seemingly 'caring' type, and that you must protect yourself from other people if you wish to survive. Does that make me a cynical old pessimist, or someone who has a solid handle on the unattractive nature of many people?

 

[Solitary man]

And your point is? Are you going anywhere constructive with this?

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

I have learned that not all friends have to be deep friends. That you can have peripheral friends. A buddy that you only engage with to do certain things that you have in common. Maybe just a friend you work out with but never see any other time or go to the movies with. I think if you can accept that not every friendship has to be a deep friendship you can just take and enjoy those moments for what they are worth.
In reality, when you are dying the only people sitting by your bedside will be your immediate family and maybe one friend, that's it. If you have that, that's more than enough.
My passed away in March. And, she was a very outgoing and loved person. But, in the end, it was ME and my spouse and kids and one sister that lived close by. My sis popped in once or twice but lived states away. The rest of her family sent a card or two. I sat with her every day and we had a very close bond. My daughter and i are also extremely close so that just seems the way it is.