he didn't like me 5 years ago, but now...

[jayme89]

So, recently I've graduated college and moved back to my home in the town where I attended highschool. Its a very small town and running into ex-classmates is a dreaded norm. Recently, through a facebook message, a former crush of mine contacted me out of the blue. This is someone who admittedly I've thought of here and there over the years but definitely my feelings for him went away. Basically towards the end of my senior year of highschool, I met him through friends and I formed a crush on him. We were never boyfriend-girlfriend but he talked to me when no one was around and snuck kisses here and there. This lasted no more then a month or two (I think) before he suddenly stopped talking to me. I went up to him one day and he walked right past me. He ignored me until we graduated. It was a humiliating experience for me because I felt taken advantage of for the first time by a guy who clearly wanted nothing more from me then my body. I wasn't an attractive girl at all (and not much has changed now), so looking back I realize more and more why this happened and I accept that.

Maybe 6 months to a year after graduating he contacted me through myspace said something like "I want to apologize, that wasn't me back then." I don't remember the message in detail but I know he wasn't looking to talk to me or date me, it was just an apology. At that point I truly had no interest in him or intent on talking to him, and still remembered how he made me feel so I sent him a message along the lines of "I know you never really liked me and just wanted to ____ and you should take responsibility for who you were. I hope you get everything you deserve in life, nothing more and nothing less. good luck" I blocked him from being able to contact me and I hadn't seen or heard from him since. I do remember the original message was much longer and angrier but definitely made the point that I wanted nothing to do with him.

This brings me to present day. I got a message from him on facebook simply saying "hi" on the night of my graduation. I was very surprised. Being that I'm a completely different person then I was 5 or even 4 years ago, I really have no problem talking to someone who wants to talk to me. Plus, I have a real curiosity when someone from the past contacts me. I said "hi" back and asked him how he was doing. He said, he didn't think I'd reply because we didn't end on good terms. I stated that I don't hold grudges and we've been making small talk since. Neither of us have brought up the events of highschool. I eventually asked him what led him to contact me. He said: "I like you, wanted to see you again or just talk to you. You where a really cool person and I wanted to know if we could be is that cool with you". Now I am guy-stupid and pretty oblivious so I did ask what "could be " meant because I didn't understand what the smiley face implied. He said "be cool" and that "their was supposed to be a period there". My friends call BS and say he meant "if we could be... more then friends, lovers, etc etc". I would agree with them. It just seems he backed down when I asked. As I said, I have no problem talking to him on a friendly basis but the fact that he is saying "he likes me, wants to see me or talk, and thinks I'm a cool person" and has been clearly flirting with me in other exchanges is thoroughly confusing to me!

His actions in highschool say the complete opposite of what he is saying now. He never liked me or wanted to talk to me back then. From what I remember, he just wanted to try to get the goods and when he couldn't he moved on. That was it. My suspicion is that he saw my graduation pics that were posted of me by of mine who is friends with him on Facebook, and maybe he thinks I look good now (admittedly, I looked **** good at my graduation...surprised myself) and wants to try to ...you know...being that I'm back in town and just graduated. He can't possibly think I buy that he wants some sort of sincere relationship with me, right? I just cant think of what changed in the 5 years since highschool to make him suddenly "like me." He also had plently of time prior to now to message me, so why is this happening so suddenly for any other reason?. He tells me to contact him when I want, but I wait for him to first because I don't want to give him the wrong impression and I'm still trying to get a feel for what his motives are. The next time we talk I plan to ask him what in the last 5 years has caused him to be interested in me. So do you guys think that he could be genuinely interested in me this time, or that he's just looking to take the clothes off of a girl he knows used to be interested in him (he's recently moved back here too FYI)? What do you make of blast from the past relationships in general?

 

[Aihpames]

I wasn't an attractive girl at all (and not much has changed now), so looking back I realize more and more why this happened and I accept that.

So do you guys think that he could be genuinely interested in me this time, or that he's just looking to take the clothes off of a girl he knows used to be interested in him (he's recently moved back here too FYI)? What do you make of blast from the past relationships in general?

Shush, don't say that :club:

Honestly, without meaning to sound too harsh, I don't think he can really want anything but sexual contact. I suppose there's the off chance that he's lonely too, and clutching at straws to find someone to spend time with him, but I have to go with the most obvious... After 5 years, he saw a picture of you, and decided he wants some.

I can't see many relationships with old friends working right away, especially if they have a sketchy past like you and this chap. I don't think me and my secondary school "friends" would even recognize each other now, as times have moved on, and people change. Maybe you could meet up as friends, and you might find out you've developed a lot of common interests over the past few years. But if you find him pressuring you into sex or whatever else quickly, knock it on the head. You can do better.

 

[perfanoff]

Stalking his facebook profile for a couple of minutes can tell you what kind of guy he is now. Just open your eyes and think critically.

 

[Lonely Shadow 000]

I say give it a chance and see what happens. Although I don't completely agree with it, most girls hold off on the sex for a few months to get a feel for a guy. Some have even made a guy wait over 6 months. So I'm not telling you to be so drastic, but if you're not giving in so easily and he's still spending most of his time with you then he's probably looking for a serious relationship. You can still do other things, just not sex.

You're probably looking for a job now anyways, so this will be a great way to build social character until you figure out what you want in life.

 

[jayme89]

I say give it a chance and see what happens. Although I don't completely agree with it, most girls hold off on the sex for a few months to get a feel for a guy. Some have even made a guy wait over 6 months. So I'm not telling you to be so drastic, but if you're not giving in so easily and he's still spending most of his time with you then he's probably looking for a serious relationship. You can still do other things, just not sex.

You're probably looking for a job now anyways, so this will be a great way to build social character until you figure out what you want in life.

Well I'm a virgin so the sex thing is a whole other issue. But I agree with your advice in general. thanks.

 

[Scotsman]

You're obviously curious enough so there can be no harm in pursuing it further to get a clear idea for yourself what his intentions are. I just wouldn't advise falling into anything emotional, or indeed physical, until you're sure in your own mind of his intentions and you're happy. He sounds like he was a bit of a p***k to you in high school but if you're prepared to let that go then give him a chance to show who he is. If its not what you want then you say your goodbyes.

 

[xninjaguyx]

Five years is a long time and people can have a change of heart. Honestly, I don't think he'd grow an interest unless you guys met up or talked and he realized what a great person you. Otherwise, if he really is interested in you all of a sudden, then he might have liked you back in high school. If he liked you then but was so easily able to ignore you then I don't see how that'll change. Was he or is he now popular? Like aihpames said, he might be lonely, and knowing you liked him at one point, he may think he can bring back old feelings. Does he try to remind you of good times you've had in the past? Maybe he feels bad about how your friendship ended, and now being wiser, is trying to make up for being somewhat cruel. Pay attention to what he asks for if you guys have a conversation, but don't read too much into something that may be trivial. If he says you look good, it may be a compliment. If he keeps saying you look good then he's after something. Has he been able to contact you in any way before you came back and he saw your graduation pics?

Depending on how long and how well you knew each other, just consider his personality. If you really do forgive him, then I don't think there's any harm in being friends, you're both older and more mature. If you feel a little insecure meeting him again, then don't do it alone. Try to have a friend or someone you trust around when you see him. If you still have feelings for him, then consider if its an old high school crush rekindling or if its flattery that a guy you used to like is giving you a chance to start a relationship.
If you forgive him and he truly seems sorry, no harm in being friends. Don't start a sexual relationship, by any means, unless you're absolutely sure he isn't looking for some kind of advantage. Even then, let a good amount of time go by and see if he's still interested in you. It would be quite bold of him to suggest any type of relationship, other than being friends, too soon, and not bold in a good way. If he seems modest or apologetic when he speaks, maybe he's sincere, maybe. Just don't seem like you've missed him and don't get too attached too quickly.

I hope I haven't spoken out of line.
If you see him, don't listen to his words but his body language. See how he looks you in the eyes. Good luck, play it cool and slow.

 

[jayme89]

Five years is a long time and people can have a change of heart. Honestly, I don't think he'd grow an interest unless you guys met up or talked and he realized what a great person you. Otherwise, if he really is interested in you all of a sudden, then he might have liked you back in high school. If he liked you then but was so easily able to ignore you then I don't see how that'll change. Was he or is he now popular? Like aihpames said, he might be lonely, and knowing you liked him at one point, he may think he can bring back old feelings. Does he try to remind you of good times you've had in the past? Maybe he feels bad about how your friendship ended, and now being wiser, is trying to make up for being somewhat cruel. Pay attention to what he asks for if you guys have a conversation, but don't read too much into something that may be trivial. If he says you look good, it may be a compliment. If he keeps saying you look good then he's after something. Has he been able to contact you in any way before you came back and he saw your graduation pics?

Depending on how long and how well you knew each other, just consider his personality. If you really do forgive him, then I don't think there's any harm in being friends, you're both older and more mature. If you feel a little insecure meeting him again, then don't do it alone. Try to have a friend or someone you trust around when you see him. If you still have feelings for him, then consider if its an old high school crush rekindling or if its flattery that a guy you used to like is giving you a chance to start a relationship.
If you forgive him and he truly seems sorry, no harm in being friends. Don't start a sexual relationship, by any means, unless you're absolutely sure he isn't looking for some kind of advantage. Even then, let a good amount of time go by and see if he's still interested in you. It would be quite bold of him to suggest any type of relationship, other than being friends, too soon, and not bold in a good way. If he seems modest or apologetic when he speaks, maybe he's sincere, maybe. Just don't seem like you've missed him and don't get too attached too quickly.

I hope I haven't spoken out of line.
If you see him, don't listen to his words but his body language. See how he looks you in the eyes. Good luck, play it cool and slow.

Well, my question was answered. First he asked me to come by his place. I sent him a stern, "I'm not the type of girl thats going to come by your place period and especially not after five years and if thats what you want your best bet is to move on." Of course he said thats not what he meant and he just wants to talk. suuurrreeee. The next day he still insisted on seeing me so I told him he could come to where I am, so we met at starbucks. He seemed nice and charismatic the majority of the time, completely different then the guy in the messages. He showed real interest in me, made eye contact (wasn't starring at my boobs), and made jokes. However, there was one point were he attempted to put his arm around my waist and I gently pushed him away. He didn't offer to buy me coffee or anything though, but mentioned more then once that he was late because he was looking for his wallet and said jokingly something about being on this "date" with me. He complimented me a few times, said how nice it was to see me. He then spoke about the fact that I am being too tough on him and not giving him any "points" ( I guess by not being easy enough to go back to his apt?)...Really I never understand what that means. At this point he is still mentioning the fact that he "likes me". I, as a 23 year old college grad, haven't heard that phrase uttered in years. Where I'm from no one says "I like you". If a guy is interested, his way of saying I like you is by asking a girl out on a date, or if he likes her in another way, just trying to get her to sleep with him. So basically, he never spoke about us dating or wanting to see me again. Just mentioned that he likes me and "knows I like him"...rrrriiiggghhhttt. Stupidly enough, I thought the meeting went decent (overall) and for the most part was impressed with him and thought he had some potential. Thought that he was really feeling me out and maybe could come to an understanding within himself about the type of woman I am (a woman that requires love, respect, and a relationship, not some slut). But that all ended this morning, and I was thoroughly disappointed and disgusted. The first thing he texted me was NOT "hi", "hey", "how are you", "nice seeing you yesterday", "wanna go out today". NOPE. None of that! Instead, the first thing was "so can i get a full body pic of u". Nice, right!? So yeah, all my questions have been answered and I see the kind of guy he is and what he wants. I don't have to be confused or try to read in between the lines. Everything else was an act. He never cared about me and wanted to be in a relationship, its all about getting the goods. I guess his thinking was, "I don't want to date her, and I know she wont come back to my place... I'll just ask her to show me her tits!". That's what I'm worth to these guys, people! This is the nonsense I've had to deal with for as long as I can remember! This is why I've never had a boyfriend! Because no one cares about me or has the least bit of respect for me. I mean seriously, he couldn't even say "hi" first or even fake some small talk before basically asking to see me nude? Because, lets face it, a guy asking a girl for a full body pic wants nudes. He can see full body pics of me on facebook where I'm dressed nice and pretty if thats what he wanted, but those aren't the pics he wanted obviously. I wasn't even worth a "hello", because I'm disposable to him. I swear, I will die alone. Because no guy seems to ever want more from me then the physical (and believe me when i say i never led with the physical, i'm actually very modest and a huge prude). I guess I can pride myself on never giving in to this bull crap though. Thus, I remain pure and have no regrets. Guys like this are sadly the norm where I'm from. Really, I'm done now. I think I quit.

 

[Scotsman]

Sorry to read that, jayme89. It's a real shame. Actually, maybe it isnt a shame at all. Maybe it was a blessing. I could say not all guys are quite like that, many of us are better than that. We respect women more, we respect ourselves more and we place even greater importance in the non-physical side of being with someone. We see a person, not a notch. You don't need to hear me or anyone else say that. I'm sure someday, someone will restore your faith. I hope so. Consign the very thought of this guy to history and move on.
Take care.

 

[Retrospective81]

Thats always the case with people from the past, some (very few) grow up, some (most) obviously dont. In this case it was him. I wish i saw this post earlier so I couldve advised you not to bother. The past is never worth revisitng in any circumstances. Ive lost all contact with my ex gfs, becaue they belong, in the past. Im all too happy to let them stay there. They were bitches to start off with. Nowt changes with most people. I assure you that. Always look to the future, its ually brighter the best of times

 

[SophiaGrace]

Stalking his facebook profile for a couple of minutes can tell you what kind of guy he is now. Just open your eyes and think critically.

Yes. stalk stalk stalk.

 

[xninjaguyx]

I'm sorry....

 

[Edward W]

At least you know, as bad as the situation is, you won't keep wondering, 'what if?'

 

[Case]

Jayme, I sincerely applaud you for sticking to your principles. I admire your strength.

I have a female friend not much older than you who has told me very similar stories about "boys" who acted the same way as the "boy" you described.

The only advice I can give you is that there are good people out there who will respect you. There are people who will not attempt to use you for their own selfish needs. I know it sounds hard to believe but it's true.

I know this is true because I am one of those people. We do exist, and I would only ask that you not lose hope in trying to find one who is truly worthy of your love.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

Jayme I'm glad that you didn't rush into anything and make a critical mistake. Not all men are the same though and some actually respect women and themselves. I hope that you find the right man one day that will genuinely care for you rather than one that is just hoping to get lucky.

 

[jetsuo]

Go on a date and see what happens.
Ur over thinking the whole situation.

 

[Edward W]

Go on a date and see what happens.
Ur over thinking the whole situation.

She did that, next day she got a message that confirms he's a jerk.

No more thinking required.

 

[jayme89]

Go on a date and see what happens.
Ur over thinking the whole situation.

She did that, next day she got a message that confirms he's a jerk.

No more thinking required.

thank you