...He wants someone who fits his lifestyle...

[labelsorlove3]

So I've been in a 'relationship' since the beginning of August, so almost 8 months. We actually met 5 years ago, went on one date and at the time I really wanted a long-term relationship and hes against marriage and having kids-- so we lost contact. Then last summer out of nowhere he text me and I found it really weird (he is not the type to attach or care much about anyone). I agreed to go to dinner with him, which turned into a movie and then drinks after- (thats all that happened). I actually had a really great time and I'm in a point in my life where I'm trying to start my professional career and become financially stable so I'm alright not having a committed relationship.

I assumed this meant that it would be the type of relationship he has- where he dates a girl, they are intimate, he still treats her with respect- but its private and lasts a few months. For the last eight months though, we spend the entire weekend together, at least two nights a week, holidays, birthdays, ect. I continue to introduce him as a friend because he says he needs someone that fits better with his lifestyle. I do not understand what that means- we have a lot of the same interests, we never fight, the sex is great, my entire family loves him, he constantly wants to be around me. We agreed that we can date other people when this whole 'relationship' started but he hasn't dated anyone. I'm confused because I care for him a lot but its just as a friend and sexually really. I don't get butterflies at all.

Its gotten to the point where I'm happy around him. I don't feel in love but I feel safe, I know that whatever we do- neither of us will be miserable- and I know that he genuinely cares about me. I'm not sure if many guys on here also do not want to get married or have kids (or tend to live loner lifestyles by choice) but are his actions just friendly because we are so close as friends? Or is there potentially something more on his end?

Any advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

[LonelyLola]

I think you need t o communicate with him. We can give you our views on what we think is happening, but he is the only one that an tell you what he is actually thinking and feeling.

 

[9006]

Yup - good communication may help this situation.

Having said that, if it's something that hasn't developed into anything more than friends after 8 months then you have to ask yourself; how long will it take? Because I don't think you can just switch on some feelings when you get the green light.

It sounds like you're just really comfortable with each other and can share intimacy as well as other things, which is great - for now. But I think that by bringing something like this up, you may be digging up some complications in your 'relationship', so I'd be careful about what you decide to do.

 

[labelsorlove3]

I think you need t o communicate with him. We can give you our views on what we think is happening, but he is the only one that an tell you what he is actually thinking and feeling.

I have brought it up though and he says the same things- so I say that's fine maybe we should cut back on seeing eachother- but then we end up seeing eachother twice as much. Its like he doesn't like the chance of being hurt but then he freaks out when I suggest not seeing eachother so much.

I mean at this point it isn't a huge deal to me I know what we are and if he looks at other girls or if I don't know who hes out with on the nights I'm not with him it doesn't bother me- so I know I'm not jealous in that aspect- but I'm just wondering if I'm wasting my time waiting. I'm 26, not getting any younger. And he will be 33 in a month- hes not getting any younger either haha.

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Yup - good communication may help this situation.

Having said that, if it's something that hasn't developed into anything more than friends after 8 months then you have to ask yourself; how long will it take? Because I don't think you can just switch on some feelings when you get the green light.

It sounds like you're just really comfortable with each other and can share intimacy as well as other things, which is great - for now. But I think that by bringing something like this up, you may be digging up some complications in your 'relationship', so I'd be careful about what you decide to do.

I actually totally agree with what you said. But its weird because I feel like regardless of what happens eventually this will end and we will lose contact. Maybe not forever but if hes how he was five years ago we will go months with talking everyday and then go for a year where we don't. He lost both of his parents young and hes been a loner his entire life so I try to understand that has played a big part in his life (and its something I can't relate to) but losing him as a friend will be harder than the intimacy. Thats what I'm afraid of. I don't have many friends.

 

[Limlim]

Ask him what his lifestyle is and what about it is different from what you do. Then see if you can work out the details from there.