R
Romantic Poet
Guest
Hello to all! I posted this thread a few weeks ago, but never received the "activation code" ; then I had my exams, and didn't have any time for myself. So just to present myself, I'll post it again.
I really don't know how to begin, but here I go. My name is Sébastien, I'm 20 and live in France. My parents are American so I'm fluent in French and English. It's really hard for me to give a description of myself, because I always want to give a true image of myself to others. I'm terribly afraid of appearing obnoxious or haughty, and I'm definitely not like that.
I'm extremely lonely and haven't had anything like a "best friend" or girlfriend ever.
I've been terribly depressed for the last five years, but I daresay I've never really been happy in my life. Things just haven't gone too well for me. I have no grandparents. Both my parents are alcoholics, and are drunk usually 4 days a week...They are verbally abusive; my father and I have even fistfought several times (I was trying to keep him from going downtown and getting drunk again -- strangers always bring him back or I have to go look for him, which embarrasses me terribly). My father's alcoholism went even worse after he became handicapped because of a stupid surgical operation. A month ago he actually cut his wrists and was sent to a hospital and all, maybe because my mother had finally decided to leave him.
As for me, I'm constantly tormented by my own self-awareness and self-depreciation. The only good thing about it is that I'm first in my class -- but I also dread being second. I 'd love to read and write poetry, but never am able to because I'm scared it won't be any good, that my imagination is too weak or my words too commonplace. It seems I've built a perfect wall around myself that prevents me from doing what I'd like and especially meeting people. Everyone seems shallow to me. I really wish to have true friends, ones I wouldn't have to lie to, with whom I could be myself, think, write...
I live on film music (John Williams especially), movies (I'm a real film buff), poetry and philosophy.
I'd really love to talk to anyone who shares the same feelings ; or share to others some of the knowledge I've acquired to fight against depression. There's a lot more I'd like to say... If anyone here would like to talk to me, please answer
I really don't know how to begin, but here I go. My name is Sébastien, I'm 20 and live in France. My parents are American so I'm fluent in French and English. It's really hard for me to give a description of myself, because I always want to give a true image of myself to others. I'm terribly afraid of appearing obnoxious or haughty, and I'm definitely not like that.
I'm extremely lonely and haven't had anything like a "best friend" or girlfriend ever.
I've been terribly depressed for the last five years, but I daresay I've never really been happy in my life. Things just haven't gone too well for me. I have no grandparents. Both my parents are alcoholics, and are drunk usually 4 days a week...They are verbally abusive; my father and I have even fistfought several times (I was trying to keep him from going downtown and getting drunk again -- strangers always bring him back or I have to go look for him, which embarrasses me terribly). My father's alcoholism went even worse after he became handicapped because of a stupid surgical operation. A month ago he actually cut his wrists and was sent to a hospital and all, maybe because my mother had finally decided to leave him.
As for me, I'm constantly tormented by my own self-awareness and self-depreciation. The only good thing about it is that I'm first in my class -- but I also dread being second. I 'd love to read and write poetry, but never am able to because I'm scared it won't be any good, that my imagination is too weak or my words too commonplace. It seems I've built a perfect wall around myself that prevents me from doing what I'd like and especially meeting people. Everyone seems shallow to me. I really wish to have true friends, ones I wouldn't have to lie to, with whom I could be myself, think, write...
I live on film music (John Williams especially), movies (I'm a real film buff), poetry and philosophy.
I'd really love to talk to anyone who shares the same feelings ; or share to others some of the knowledge I've acquired to fight against depression. There's a lot more I'd like to say... If anyone here would like to talk to me, please answer
Any movie with the young, and funny, John Cusack, boosts my mood. 
