NormalishGayGuy
Member
Hey everyone! I have been browsing this site many times before when I have been in an utterly horrible mood. It hasn't particularly made me feel any better, but reading about other people's struggles makes me at least a little bit happy (in a sadistic way) that I'm not the only one suffering.
My user name is NormalishGayGuy not because being gay is my only defining feature but because it seems to be a major source of my heartache and depression. I live in a college town in northern California, and I go to school there. I came out to my family as a big gay 14 months ago, and my friends a bit before that. I lost most of my friends, and my closest friend supports me but lives halfway across the country from me. I am basically completely alone. I go on eggshells around my family, on their terms, which is basically going back into a glass closet for them, and I have no other friends.
Going to classes surrounds me with people, but it doesn't make me feel social or connected to them. I live by myself, and spend most of my time alone. I am embarrassed to say this, but since this is the internet, and I am both faceless and nameless, I'll just say it. I am an uber-virgin. I have never had sex, of any sort, with a guy, nor any sort of "play". I have also never kissed a guy. When I was closeted, I never did anything with any girl beyond shaking her hand.
It is both very irritating and extremely hurtful to be surrounded by happy young college couples, and to hear about sex from the few people I associate with, as I try to make some local friends. Sometimes it's hard for me to keep a straight face because my face is constantly tugging itself into a scowl, or I sometimes feel myself starting to tear up, in public.
I hate my life so much, that I often contemplate suicide, and half the time, it honestly seems very, very appealing; not just an exercise in macabre or sensational thinking. I am not very physically attractive, being overweight, having bizarre, unmanageable hair, and a very large head. I was actually insulted the other night by a drunk guy, who got offended when I declined a cigarette he offered me. "Jimmy Neutron head" was part of his insult. Let's just say that my hopes of ever finding a boyfriend, let alone a soulmate are very low. I'd sooner win the lottery. Of course, if I won the lottery, then I could have any guy I wanted, pretty much.
So, hi, everybody. At least the internet doesn't outright reject me. Although I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.
My user name is NormalishGayGuy not because being gay is my only defining feature but because it seems to be a major source of my heartache and depression. I live in a college town in northern California, and I go to school there. I came out to my family as a big gay 14 months ago, and my friends a bit before that. I lost most of my friends, and my closest friend supports me but lives halfway across the country from me. I am basically completely alone. I go on eggshells around my family, on their terms, which is basically going back into a glass closet for them, and I have no other friends.
Going to classes surrounds me with people, but it doesn't make me feel social or connected to them. I live by myself, and spend most of my time alone. I am embarrassed to say this, but since this is the internet, and I am both faceless and nameless, I'll just say it. I am an uber-virgin. I have never had sex, of any sort, with a guy, nor any sort of "play". I have also never kissed a guy. When I was closeted, I never did anything with any girl beyond shaking her hand.
It is both very irritating and extremely hurtful to be surrounded by happy young college couples, and to hear about sex from the few people I associate with, as I try to make some local friends. Sometimes it's hard for me to keep a straight face because my face is constantly tugging itself into a scowl, or I sometimes feel myself starting to tear up, in public.
I hate my life so much, that I often contemplate suicide, and half the time, it honestly seems very, very appealing; not just an exercise in macabre or sensational thinking. I am not very physically attractive, being overweight, having bizarre, unmanageable hair, and a very large head. I was actually insulted the other night by a drunk guy, who got offended when I declined a cigarette he offered me. "Jimmy Neutron head" was part of his insult. Let's just say that my hopes of ever finding a boyfriend, let alone a soulmate are very low. I'd sooner win the lottery. Of course, if I won the lottery, then I could have any guy I wanted, pretty much.
So, hi, everybody. At least the internet doesn't outright reject me. Although I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.
