Hi! NormalishGayGuy from NorCal here...

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Joined
Jan 27, 2011
Messages
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Location
Northern California
Hey everyone! I have been browsing this site many times before when I have been in an utterly horrible mood. It hasn't particularly made me feel any better, but reading about other people's struggles makes me at least a little bit happy (in a sadistic way) that I'm not the only one suffering.

My user name is NormalishGayGuy not because being gay is my only defining feature but because it seems to be a major source of my heartache and depression. I live in a college town in northern California, and I go to school there. I came out to my family as a big gay 14 months ago, and my friends a bit before that. I lost most of my friends, and my closest friend supports me but lives halfway across the country from me. I am basically completely alone. I go on eggshells around my family, on their terms, which is basically going back into a glass closet for them, and I have no other friends.

Going to classes surrounds me with people, but it doesn't make me feel social or connected to them. I live by myself, and spend most of my time alone. I am embarrassed to say this, but since this is the internet, and I am both faceless and nameless, I'll just say it. I am an uber-virgin. I have never had sex, of any sort, with a guy, nor any sort of "play". I have also never kissed a guy. When I was closeted, I never did anything with any girl beyond shaking her hand.

It is both very irritating and extremely hurtful to be surrounded by happy young college couples, and to hear about sex from the few people I associate with, as I try to make some local friends. Sometimes it's hard for me to keep a straight face because my face is constantly tugging itself into a scowl, or I sometimes feel myself starting to tear up, in public.

I hate my life so much, that I often contemplate suicide, and half the time, it honestly seems very, very appealing; not just an exercise in macabre or sensational thinking. I am not very physically attractive, being overweight, having bizarre, unmanageable hair, and a very large head. I was actually insulted the other night by a drunk guy, who got offended when I declined a cigarette he offered me. "Jimmy Neutron head" was part of his insult. Let's just say that my hopes of ever finding a boyfriend, let alone a soulmate are very low. I'd sooner win the lottery. Of course, if I won the lottery, then I could have any guy I wanted, pretty much. :p

So, hi, everybody. At least the internet doesn't outright reject me. Although I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.
 
I'm surprised that people still treat gays that way. I know that's probably naive, but it just seems we'd be past that already.
 
Mary Mary said:
I'm surprised that people still treat gays that way. I know that's probably naive, but it just seems we'd be past that already.

Yeah, I'd love the support of my family. And I struggle to make friends, especially when they don't get how hard it is to be in my shoes. And yeah, I wish we were past this already. :(

Punisher said:
Hi and welcome :)

Thanks! :D

davyjones said:
i'm an abnormalishstraightguy. (this statement is verified)

welcome!

Ha! Thanks! :D
 
Hey Normalish gay guy welcome to the forum

:D

*highfives for comming out*

as another LGBT member I would like to give you a commertaive fruit basket

FruitBasket.jpg


it's tradition

:D
that's great, it takes a lot of courage but it's an important first step


and dude I'm also super urban virgin too, :(

so you're not the only one

but please don't kill yourself man it' won't always be this bad, there are tons of other people and gay people as well looking for someone to complete them

do they have a LGBT group on your campus or soemthing that you could go to?



I'm sorry that you lost friends, it's not a pleasent feeling, i know but if they can't accept you for who you are then they're not worth it

I hope things get better man

stay awesome

*hugs*

:)

 
yeah, i'm not in any "acceptable" orientation bracket either, heh.
Welcome to the forum.
 
evanescencefan91 said:
Hey Normalish gay guy welcome to the forum

:D

*highfives for comming out*

as another LGBT member I would like to give you a commertaive fruit basket

FruitBasket.jpg


it's tradition

:D
that's great, it takes a lot of courage but it's an important first step


and dude I'm also super urban virgin too, :(

so you're not the only one

but please don't kill yourself man it' won't always be this bad, there are tons of other people and gay people as well looking for someone to complete them

do they have a LGBT group on your campus or soemthing that you could go to?



I'm sorry that you lost friends, it's not a pleasent feeling, i know but if they can't accept you for who you are then they're not worth it

I hope things get better man

stay awesome

*hugs*

:)

Thanks for the fruit basket, Evanescencefan91! If it were actual, I'm sure it would taste delicious. :D And I am a very proud, yet quiet member of the LGBT community, and high-5 to another member! :D Ha, glad to say hi to another uber-virgin. That makes us the dregs of society, huh? :p I know what you mean about the suicide thing. The only thing on earth that stops me from killing myself is two things, actually. My friend in Texas, and a small, ever-feeble hope that things will "Get better", to use that horrible, naive cliche. With my old "friends", I'm completely over them, so I can't get down about them (any more). What's hard is making new friends because I take friendship a bit more seriously than most people. I typically have few actual friends because what I mean by 'friend' is what most people mean when they say 'bff'. It was really great to get your reply, evviefan91! :D Best wishes!

Callie said:

Thanks, Callie! :D

dead said:
yeah, i'm not in any "acceptable" orientation bracket either, heh.
Welcome to the forum.

Ha. Thanks 'dead'. That's two people who won't get the heteronormative yearly award. :p
 
NormalishGayGuy said:
dead said:
yeah, i'm not in any "acceptable" orientation bracket either, heh.
Welcome to the forum.

Ha. Thanks 'dead'. That's two people who won't get the heteronormative yearly award. :p

yeah, lol :D
no worries. how are you today?
 
Hi NormalishGayGuy,

Welcome to the Forum, and I am pleased to meet you.

I think it is awful that you have been rejected by family and friends because you are gay. I am not gay, but I am in a category of people that is not accepted very well either.

My nephew is in College and knew no one when he got there. He went into a gay chat room and met a guy that he is still with. They are both very loveable people.

Don't put your looks down! You are rejecting yourself. You haven't been rejecting by a man! If your weight is a big issue for you, there are ways to change that, no matter how difficult it is.

Don't think this Forum will reject you. There are so many caring people on here.

And, there are a lot of people who also feel "lonely in a crowd." Maybe you would like to post a thread about that and get some input from other people.

YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU! Don't say you will never meet a guy! I am 53, and have much less of a chance of ever meeting someone! And, I see happy couples that will grow old together all over the place. It hurts, but I can't manufacture a relationship, so I go on with hope.

And, most importantly, get the idea of suicide out of your head! You are too young to say your life will never change. You might not get immediate results, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know you want to choke me right about now!

For what it's worth, you may Private Message me if you want to. I will tell you why I am rejected and you can vent to me about the horrible issues you face.

Keep on keepin' on!
 
dead said:
NormalishGayGuy said:
dead said:
yeah, i'm not in any "acceptable" orientation bracket either, heh.
Welcome to the forum.

Ha. Thanks 'dead'. That's two people who won't get the heteronormative yearly award. :p

yeah, lol :D
no worries. how are you today?

I'm alive. :p I've been in a really dark and cynical mood for about 2 weeks now. I just hope I snap out of it. My university has started up again for the Spring semester, and I finished the first week of classes.To keep myself occupied, and to graduate on time I am taking a lot of classes. I notice that my dark mood, and my dark sense of humor doesn't go so well with the sensibilities of all the eager and naive college students. Ha. Perhaps I'm scaring them all away. It's great hearing from you, 'dead'. How are you doing today?
 
WishingWell said:
Hi NormalishGayGuy,

Welcome to the Forum, and I am pleased to meet you.

I think it is awful that you have been rejected by family and friends because you are gay. I am not gay, but I am in a category of people that is not accepted very well either.

My nephew is in College and knew no one when he got there. He went into a gay chat room and met a guy that he is still with. They are both very loveable people.

Don't put your looks down! You are rejecting yourself. You haven't been rejecting by a man! If your weight is a big issue for you, there are ways to change that, no matter how difficult it is.

Don't think this Forum will reject you. There are so many caring people on here.

And, there are a lot of people who also feel "lonely in a crowd." Maybe you would like to post a thread about that and get some input from other people.

YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU! Don't say you will never meet a guy! I am 53, and have much less of a chance of ever meeting someone! And, I see happy couples that will grow old together all over the place. It hurts, but I can't manufacture a relationship, so I go on with hope.

And, most importantly, get the idea of suicide out of your head! You are too young to say your life will never change. You might not get immediate results, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know you want to choke me right about now!

For what it's worth, you may Private Message me if you want to. I will tell you why I am rejected and you can vent to me about the horrible issues you face.

Keep on keepin' on!

Hey, WishingWell. Thanks for the reply. I am sorry to hear that you are not accepted by society as well; that sucks. Your nephew is a very lucky guy, to have found someone, and to still be with him.

Ha. I am a very critical and detail-oriented person, and it's really hard for me to be ok with myself, because I feel that there is so much that is wrong with me, and so many things that I want to change. I have been trying. I have lost 20 lbs. Unfortunately it is not 'just' my weight; let's just say that short of plastic surgery, I am easily ignorable on a good day, and stick out like an ugly thumb on a bad day. It takes a lot of time in front of a mirror to become presentable. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because this is something that I've already accepted and am trying to make the best of.

I have a certain 'head knowledge' that I'm young and can somehow meet a guy that doesn't run away screaming and have the whole 'happily ever after' bit. But it competes with a certain 'heart knowledge' that says something like "The future is just an extension of the circumstances and events of today. You know that 10, 20, even 30 years down the road your going to be in a similar boat that you're in now. Might as well make the best of it."

And I know what you mean about manufacturing a relationship. I have (subtly) tried that several times with guys that I've liked. No amount of being nice, supportive, empathetic, friendly, or otherwise 'good friend' behavior will make them like you any more than they initially do. In fact I have turned off a couple guys because they became uncomfortable with the attention I was giving them. I ended up coming off as desperate.

Yeah, the problem with not getting 'immediate results' is having to live in shitty circumstances now. It's really hard to keep saying (and believing) that things will get better tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Because it has been my experience that they don't get any better. At best they stay the same, and at worst they devolve into an even shittier situation. A couple people that I have as facebook friends made some comments after the start of the year that 2010 had been spectacular years for them, and they couldn't wait to see what 2011 brought to them. Besides feeling anxious about what honeysuckle 2011 is going to bring me, I really wanted to reach through my computer screen and strangle them. :p

Suicide seems like a decent solution, as I have this feeling that I can't shake that this is as good as it's going to get. If that's the case, then there really is no reason to sticking around and prolonging my pain and misery. Sorry if I just destroyed your day with my gloom and cynicism. :(

I wish you the best, though. Maybe you'll get some shining moments in your life that will really make it worth it.
 
NormalishGayGuy said:
dead said:
NormalishGayGuy said:
dead said:
yeah, i'm not in any "acceptable" orientation bracket either, heh.
Welcome to the forum.

Ha. Thanks 'dead'. That's two people who won't get the heteronormative yearly award. :p

yeah, lol :D
no worries. how are you today?

I'm alive. :p I've been in a really dark and cynical mood for about 2 weeks now. I just hope I snap out of it. My university has started up again for the Spring semester, and I finished the first week of classes.To keep myself occupied, and to graduate on time I am taking a lot of classes. I notice that my dark mood, and my dark sense of humor doesn't go so well with the sensibilities of all the eager and naive college students. Ha. Perhaps I'm scaring them all away. It's great hearing from you, 'dead'. How are you doing today?

lol, same here :p i am kinda ok with it though, lol. LET THEM FEAR! :D
what are you studying?
 
Hi Again NormalishGayGuy,

It was nice that you answered my post.

You addressed everything I wrote to you, and it's hard to disagree with MOST of it.

The SUICIDE thing still has me worried.

If you Private Message me, I will tell you about my experience with that, and why I am not accepted for me.

If you don't want to PM me, that's fine. I understand.

Just try to keep on keepin' on. I think most everyone on this site has to try to live by that!
 
That has to be one of the longest usernames I've seen on here, besides Efan's.

So you're gay, who gives a...what's a nice word...bibble...right?(simpsons reference there). Why people have to be the way your family and some of your friends are is just stupid. If they can't accept you for you then that's their loss. I can't even imagine what it's like to be in your shoes but you don't bail on someone because of their sexual preference. I have a gay and lesbian friend (well the guy I don't know that well but the girl I know very well) but when they guy came out in high school (this going back 17 years now) it was like finally he's out. When my female friend told me she was a lesbian it really didn't phase me one bit. Either of them being homosexual didn't change the person they were. Try not to let those people get to you, hopefully they will come around and realize that you are still the same person you always were.
 
dead said:
NormalishGayGuy said:
dead said:
NormalishGayGuy said:
dead said:
yeah, i'm not in any "acceptable" orientation bracket either, heh.
Welcome to the forum.

Ha. Thanks 'dead'. That's two people who won't get the heteronormative yearly award. :p

yeah, lol :D
no worries. how are you today?

I'm alive. :p I've been in a really dark and cynical mood for about 2 weeks now. I just hope I snap out of it. My university has started up again for the Spring semester, and I finished the first week of classes.To keep myself occupied, and to graduate on time I am taking a lot of classes. I notice that my dark mood, and my dark sense of humor doesn't go so well with the sensibilities of all the eager and naive college students. Ha. Perhaps I'm scaring them all away. It's great hearing from you, 'dead'. How are you doing today?

lol, same here :p i am kinda ok with it though, lol. LET THEM FEAR! :D
what are you studying?

Mostly philosophy, some legal studies courses, and some insignificant bile that I must take as per the university's instructions. :p What are you up to?
 

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