ITellYouHhwut
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2019
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[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]Okay, here’s the thread I’ve not yet tried. Serious and honest self-reflection and criticism. This is going to be tough. My heart, mind, and soul do NOT want to do this, but here goes...[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]Negative:[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m excessively lazy to the point of going months doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (most likely due in-part to severe depression).[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’ve got a very quick temper, lack of patience, and anger issues. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m extremely self-destructive. I often intentionally act against my own interests out of spite, jealousy, and frustration. This one is a big one. I get so ****ing mad at the world that I just start actively self-sabotaging because I want to be spiteful. When other people are so much brighter and better looking than me, I get jealous and depressed. When I see others accomplishing things that are my dreams and everyone is praising them for it, I get jealous and depressed. I then start beating my own self up, telling myself I’m worthless and need to die, and engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. (Often the problem is that even when I feel I’ve done something superbly, no one ever gives me my due. I have to twist their arm to get them to half-heartedly and reluctantly say “good job”. But I notice when others do half as good as me, people praise them like they’re a world-class pro. I’ve experienced this all my life.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I cannot hold attention to one thing for very long. I lose interest quickly, which again might have something to do with severe mental depression, but also might be undiagnosed ADD. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m extremely maladapted and alienated from modern culture. I just don’t get along well with people my age or younger. I don’t know how to act like they act, or relate to them, or make friends with them. I find myself confused and alienated.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m indecisive. Even with things I know I love. I just cannot commit to anything. I have such intense anxiety, lack of drive, and just overall mental blockage to following my passions. There are things I would be doing right now if I didn’t have these issues. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m physically ugly. I’ve got numerous physical maladies, and am physically heavily flawed. This something else altogether. It’s impossible to convey because you would necessarily have to see me. But it’s definitely the case. Severe pectus excavatum, and severe cases of all the deformities. Terrible jawline and teeth. Ugly face and facial bone structure. As I get older I’m starting to realize I’m beginning to look like my mother’s side of the family facially. They have a certain look to them, and I’m starting to see those features in myself, and I don’t like it. Mainly my grandfather’s features. Not to sound terrible, but I never liked those features and wished I didn’t have them. Literally the opposite of the features everybody wants. I’m starting to look like my ugly uncle.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]Positive:[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]It is nearly impossible for me to say anything positive about myself, but here goes...[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m 6’1” or 2”, so I guess I’m pretty tall.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m thin and lanky, but I think this actually makes me look more goofy (like shaggy from scooby doo). But I guess it’s more positive than it is negative. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m decently smart about some things. Particularly political, cultural, and societal things. I actively study history and follow current events. I’m inquisitive and curious about the world I live in.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I guess I’m a pretty good guitar player. I’ve been playing since age 13, but always had severe performance anxiety, so I’ve never performed onstage or with a band. But this was always my dream, being a rockstar. But again, I was ugly and goofy-looking and didn’t even come close to having the look for it, and I was also always awkward and unable to perform or get things right. Every time I’ve tried to form a band the other guys always bail after a couple meetups because of my goofy looks and awkwardness.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I guess I’m kind, giving, and big-hearted. This is probably actually a negative if you’re a guy. I’m not a douchbag or *******. At least not the kind women attract to.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]That’s the best I can do for positive. There really isn’t much positive about me, and most of what I just mentioned is kinda bull**** anyway. I just wanted to try to be positive for once. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]I’m sure there’s more stuff I can add to this, but this is the best I can come up with for now.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]Negative:[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m excessively lazy to the point of going months doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (most likely due in-part to severe depression).[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’ve got a very quick temper, lack of patience, and anger issues. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m extremely self-destructive. I often intentionally act against my own interests out of spite, jealousy, and frustration. This one is a big one. I get so ****ing mad at the world that I just start actively self-sabotaging because I want to be spiteful. When other people are so much brighter and better looking than me, I get jealous and depressed. When I see others accomplishing things that are my dreams and everyone is praising them for it, I get jealous and depressed. I then start beating my own self up, telling myself I’m worthless and need to die, and engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. (Often the problem is that even when I feel I’ve done something superbly, no one ever gives me my due. I have to twist their arm to get them to half-heartedly and reluctantly say “good job”. But I notice when others do half as good as me, people praise them like they’re a world-class pro. I’ve experienced this all my life.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I cannot hold attention to one thing for very long. I lose interest quickly, which again might have something to do with severe mental depression, but also might be undiagnosed ADD. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m extremely maladapted and alienated from modern culture. I just don’t get along well with people my age or younger. I don’t know how to act like they act, or relate to them, or make friends with them. I find myself confused and alienated.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m indecisive. Even with things I know I love. I just cannot commit to anything. I have such intense anxiety, lack of drive, and just overall mental blockage to following my passions. There are things I would be doing right now if I didn’t have these issues. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m physically ugly. I’ve got numerous physical maladies, and am physically heavily flawed. This something else altogether. It’s impossible to convey because you would necessarily have to see me. But it’s definitely the case. Severe pectus excavatum, and severe cases of all the deformities. Terrible jawline and teeth. Ugly face and facial bone structure. As I get older I’m starting to realize I’m beginning to look like my mother’s side of the family facially. They have a certain look to them, and I’m starting to see those features in myself, and I don’t like it. Mainly my grandfather’s features. Not to sound terrible, but I never liked those features and wished I didn’t have them. Literally the opposite of the features everybody wants. I’m starting to look like my ugly uncle.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]Positive:[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]It is nearly impossible for me to say anything positive about myself, but here goes...[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m 6’1” or 2”, so I guess I’m pretty tall.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m thin and lanky, but I think this actually makes me look more goofy (like shaggy from scooby doo). But I guess it’s more positive than it is negative. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I’m decently smart about some things. Particularly political, cultural, and societal things. I actively study history and follow current events. I’m inquisitive and curious about the world I live in.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I guess I’m a pretty good guitar player. I’ve been playing since age 13, but always had severe performance anxiety, so I’ve never performed onstage or with a band. But this was always my dream, being a rockstar. But again, I was ugly and goofy-looking and didn’t even come close to having the look for it, and I was also always awkward and unable to perform or get things right. Every time I’ve tried to form a band the other guys always bail after a couple meetups because of my goofy looks and awkwardness.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]• I guess I’m kind, giving, and big-hearted. This is probably actually a negative if you’re a guy. I’m not a douchbag or *******. At least not the kind women attract to.[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]That’s the best I can do for positive. There really isn’t much positive about me, and most of what I just mentioned is kinda bull**** anyway. I just wanted to try to be positive for once. [/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida,]I’m sure there’s more stuff I can add to this, but this is the best I can come up with for now.[/font]