Hostile work environment

[stork_error]

I have such a hostile work environment. I could go on and on telling you all about the nasty things I have to experience on a day to day basis but its all just fluffing drama to me. Saddens me though and causes me to feel angry, sad, hopeless and lost. I really feel that I'm a kind happy person until i go to work and then i feel the weight of the acute misery of the people in my workplace and they depress the honeysuckle out of me.
I wish I could find another job that pays as well, and get the hell out, but the truth is that I am trapped by my finances. Im struggling so hard, every day is a nightmare.
They remind me that I'm not a depressed person by nature but they truly suck the life out of me. if it wasn't illegal to punch a few of them in the head, i absolutely would.
They are so good at being the corporate jackasses, and so full of honeysuckle they really are.
My job has fed me and kept me alive and at the same time also ruined my health, my state of inner peace, and my perception of humanity. The worst thing it has done is that its ruined my dreams. I cant self actualize because I'm fighting a current that is like a ravaging cancer.

I cant imagine how it feels to be so **** purposefully mean and negative to others and so self absorbed and sneaky and manipulative and god its awful. And no, not everyone is like that, some are " ok" and i use the word ok because its the most amicable i can feel towards them.They are miserable too, but just not hostile like the few that make my life a living hell.
What a toxic workplace I have… which also provides me with a decent home and car, clothes on my back and food on my table.
We have one life here on earth and mine is miserable because of my work environment, it's so sad.
im the hamster running on the wheel, i get why people commit suicide, and no im not suicidal, but i get the feeling of absolute emptiness, meaninglessness, and i question, why do i go to work everyday and be unhappy just so that i can make enough money to continue going to work and being unhappy. This is not life. I just wish to live, really live, and enjoy life and be happy. And I'm the hamster, panicking, running on the wheel, sick inside and dying alive.

I wish for a true prince charming to come rescue me, but I know that such a thing is just a mad fantasy. I want off the hamster wheel, before i have a heart attack. My heart is so broken and the stress is so enormous, I'm sure its just a matter of time. I want to live life so awesomely, but like this, i really just want to die. Maybe its a sign of the times.
Inside I'm dead already.

 

[Tiina63]

Could you not lower your financial commitments, maybe move to a cheaper place and get a cheaper car or even a bike so that you could take a lower paying job if another one at your present salary would be impossible to find? Staying where you are and feeling this way till you retire or become seriously ill through stress would not be advisable at all. You sound so unhappy and I am really sorry for you. Could you retrain for something else, maybe at night school so that you can support yourself while you do so? Maybe your present job would be more bearable if you had a definite way out planned.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Could you not lower your financial commitments, maybe move to a cheaper place and get a cheaper car or even a bike so that you could take a lower paying job if another one at your present salary would be impossible to find?

Yes, I was just about to suggest downsizing her house and her expenses if possible.

 

[stork_error]

Hi ladies, sophia, tina,

I just wrote a reply to you both but then decided to erase it because I provided too much personal information. It basically said that there are so many reasons why returning to school, refinancing or getting rid of my car is not an option.

Ive already done my best, which is probably why I feel so trapped. Once the student loan is out of my face I will have some options, but right now, I'm really trapped.

Ive lost my life, and I have failed at life. Its really really painful.

 

[Tiina63]

How long will it take to pay off your student loan?
You have not failed at life at all. You went to college successfully and have a job in a difficult economy and have stuck at it despite your deep unhappiness and pain. To me you are incredibly successful. I hope and pray that another job comes up soon so that you can leave the one you have.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

You, my friend, have joined the list of the majority of adults on this planet, who are stuck in what is called "the rat race." A big hamster wheel which turns and turns but never moves from its place, that's the fate of the modern man. I get that you can't stand your colleagues, but trust me, there is at least one such person in each job. What I like to do is work with headphones on, listening to music (my job allows it), to block their voices. Don't know if it works for you, though.

 

[stork_error]

You, my friend, have joined the list of the majority of adults on this planet, who are stuck in what is called "the rat race." A big hamster wheel which turns and turns but never moves from its place, that's the fate of the modern man. I get that you can't stand your colleagues, but trust me, there is at least one such person in each job. What I like to do is work with headphones on, listening to music (my job allows it), to block their voices. Don't know if it works for you, though.

I never wanted to be in the majority, I wanted to be successful. I don't know how this ended up being my life. I can work with headphones but I cant escape the eventual inevitable communication at some point in the day which will force me to remove them and force me to have to deal with caustic bullshit.

Im passing that age of when it matters, and now I'm moving into that age of being old and having failed. I have the stamina for one last try, but not the finances. Soon I will be too old to try, and then its all over.

As for time on student loan,,, 1.5 years which will equal a torchure of 10 years

 

[lonelydoc]

stork error, you don't mind if I ask what field you are in, what work you do on a day to day basis?

Having said that, I will report to you that 99% of us are in the exact same boat.


How does it feel to realize you've been lied to for 35 years? That Americanism and the American dream is, in reality, nothing but the complete destruction of the natural world and the exhaustion of every resource so that a few very wealthy people can turn a billion dollars into a trillion dollars?

It's hard isn't it.

 

[Tiina63]

One and a half years-I know that you get people saying 'don't wish your life away' but to be honest, in some situations, it feels like the only answer. Could you fix your mind on getting out of that job in 18 months time and start planning now what you will do next? Maybe this will help you to get by, knowing that it isn't forever. I know that when you are deeply unhappy and stresed out that 18 months might be 18 years, but it will go by and you will be out of there.
And keep looking for another job in the meantime. You might hopefully be able to leave your present job sooner then.

 

[jd7]

Ah, yes, the working person's conundrum.

Compartmentalize.

Find deep meaning, true love, absolute purpose ENTIRELY separate from the bullshit you do just to pay the bills. I know; I know. Its easier said than done. Regardless, it is the only way... unless tomorrow you win the lottery or become a movie star.

 

[ardour]

Compartmentalizing only works for a mildly grating environment IMO, not with outright hostility from co-workers. Those sort of people can use relational aggression to influence others, possibly even get someone fired.

There might be a valid reason to complain to HR.

 

[stork_error]

stork error, you don't mind if I ask what field you are in, what work you do on a day to day basis?

I'd rather not disclose personal info, if you Pm me and I can tell you. And yes you are so right about the few and the many.

And keep looking for another job in the meantime. You might hopefully be able to leave your present job sooner then.

Yeah, Im going to try harder to get into the job I really want. At least that way I can be miserable but self actualizing, and at the same time, im going to look outside me industry as well

Compartmentalize.

Find deep meaning, true love, absolute purpose ENTIRELY separate from the bullshit you do just to pay the bills.

yes, I do that, Im taking some part time courses, but even hobbies cost money, and to pay for them you must go to work.

Compartmentalizing only works for a mildly grating environment IMO, not with outright hostility from co-workers. Those sort of people can use relational aggression to influence others, possibly even get someone fired.

Exactly how these people are, they will all rape, slander, bully, one another to get the contract and chew up and spit out anybody else.

There might be a valid reason to complain to HR.

We work on contracts so we dont actually have an HR. The managers simply want " drama free " and they dont care how that happens. They dont care who does the job it as long as they dont have to hear BS and complaints. They would rather hire a mediocre worker who can handle the fire than a superb worker who cant. If you complain you will get reprised against so hard and your name will be ruined and no future work for you.

Ability to work well in a hostile environment should be in the job description.

 

[LonelySutton]

My job has fed me and kept me alive and at the same time also ruined my health, my state of inner peace, and my perception of humanity. The worst thing it has done is that its ruined my dreams. I cant self actualize because I'm fighting a current that is like a ravaging cancer.

I think you know what you have to do, you just don't want to do it. Don't get me wrong. I am with you. I think you have to give up your profession and find something else. Someplace else. Go into insane debt if you have to. But get away. It sucks, I know. I am still holding on to my dream even though I know it has already done psychological damage. But a few weeks ago I hit the wall and decided I want to move and do something crazy. I felt so much better and every day, I slowly seem to be working my way around to it... pulling away from the horror. There are good days and bad days, but with that thought in my mind... it is taking hold and I am SLOWLY accepting that it is already over. It is just a matter of making my mind accept it.

I don't know why I got it into my head this weekend but I felt like one reason I am not doing it is that I felt I wasn't brave and I wasn't smart -- BUT I AM BOTH. And everything in my life tells me I am. So yes, one of the reasons I am so miserable where I am is that no one wants me because where I am is only for the scared and stupid. They have no where else to go so they will fight like crazy to keep you from taking the only thing they have.

Just coming to the conclusion and accepting that you are done and it is time to move on... even if you can't quite yet.. is amazing.

You haven't failed until your dead. Evey single day is a chance to turn it all around. Even if you do it at the last second and even if you have to go down the rabbit hole to come back up...

You, my friend, have joined the list of the majority of adults on this planet, who are stuck in what is called "the rat race."

Or as I like to call it, wage slavery. Look it... I never saw it coming. I did everything right. I was so careful I got the advanced degree and still have an abusive (downright abusive) boss and a workplace that just doesn't care and when I tell them, they say "he gets what he wants". When you have a bad work place... there is no out. You think you can sue but I am tell you, you can't. Anyone who sues probably won't win (most people who have decent jobs can't really understand evil) and the pain and harassment you will go through -- assuming legal fees are contingent -- won't be worth it.

---

How does it feel to realize you've been lied to for 35 years? That Americanism and the American dream is, in reality, nothing but the complete destruction of the natural world and the exhaustion of every resource so that a few very wealthy people can turn a billion dollars into a trillion dollars?

THIS!

 

[jd7]

Compartmentalizing only works for a mildly grating environment IMO, not with outright hostility from co-workers. Those sort of people can use relational aggression to influence others, possibly even get someone fired.

This is true. I'm looking beyond my field because of several factors that are everpresent and drive me bonkers.