How do I know whether or not new friends are for real?

[Sheldon]

Recently, I have been visiting a friend who studies abroad. She was organizing a student trip while I was there, so she offered for me to come along even though I am not a student. All participants were from different countries, which was great for me - for some reason, it is so much easier for me to communicate with people in English (even though it is not my native language and I obviously don't speak it perfectly).

Anyway. I was surprised about how easily I connected with people and even made some friends. We hung out in our free time together, not just during the mandatory group activities.
When they had to leave, we planned on keeping in touch online and maybe visit some time, as we all like to travel.

This has been over a month ago now and I haven't gotten a reply from two of those people, which I don't understand. We had a really good time together and talked so much, but when the trip was over, it seems like it just ended. I mean, they didn't _have_ to hang out with me. There were lots of other people around. Also, I was with that friend I already knew, so they can't have just included me because of courtesy.

Do you know situations like this? I was really happy about having found some friends and not hearing back from most of them is kinda dragging me down right now.

 

[perfanoff]

Yes, they have enough friends and they don't feel like they need an online friend.
You are far away from them now.

I lived abroad for many years and all communication between me and my best friends back home virtually stopped, only to resume when I was physically around.

It's just how it is. Far from sight, far from mind.

 

[Tealeaf]

Often people will get along okay when meeting, but slip from each other's minds later. They may have forgotten due to being busy at home or may not remember it as having been as meaningful. It's not so much a fault of yours as it is not enough time or too much distance to make a lasting impression (or being poor at remembering to get back to people). It's not pleasant, but sometimes people stick. The only thing I've found so far that tells is time.

I hope you have fun with the ones you are talking to!

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

For me, those people I met while travelling pop into my head every now and then, but before I send out an email, I often wonder, "what do I think is going to come out of this" as I realize they live halfway across the world, and really, we had a few things in common, and they were great company, but I just cherish the memory, remember them fondly and move on.

It sounds like they really liked you, and if they did live nearby, you might have been able to hang out. But sometimes, it just ends, and we appreciate those moments for what they were. Also, for myself, I spoke much more candidly with strangers in a foreign country, I felt more free and adventurous, and perhaps they did too. But then I had to go back to my "regular" life, and didn't really want to share that with those people I met. I honestly don't know what I would say to them.
Still, I think that's great that you reached out to contact them: don't beat yourself up for that. There's nothing to regret there.

 

[Sheldon]

Thanks for all your input
I get how the distance and being around your regular friends make it harder to keep in touch.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Assume that everyone will backstab you in the end, and you won't be surprised as much.

 

[maybelazy]

I've been in a similar situation, I wouldn't take it personally.

Generally people don't make an effort to stay in touch, for the simple reason that they won't see the other people again.

It's not really to do with you, its to do with how they see friendship in general. This isn't intended to be negative towards them. It sounds like they were real friends.

What you should take from this is that you found it easy to make friends in this environment, and that people liked you for who you are.

 

[Gutted]

This is all too common with me and work. I've met 20-30 people of whom I got on with very very well at work. As the work that we did was temporary, we exchanged numbers at the end of our final shifts, to stay in touch. Since then however, I've barely spoken to 25 of these people. They never text me, but only respond if I text them. But in time I get a little bored of that. Not sure why it happens. Try not to let it bother you though. People will always come and go in our lives.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Assume that everyone will backstab you in the end, and you won't be surprised as much.

That's kind of sad to think, but you know what... It's true. That's why I don't care to become close to everyone. Sure, I'll talk to you and make nice light conversations. You can even confide in me, and I'll tell you some things. But I rarely put all my trust in someone.

 

[hopsfox]

You don't

 

[Tealeaf]

On the topic of trust, I think it's fairly common to only truly trust a select few people. One of my friends is very outgoing and social, and even she says that there's only a handful of people she considers more than fair-weather friends. I don't think I know anyone who trusts easily and doesn't regret it.

 

[roguewave]

Time.

 

[BloomManifesto]

Hey Sheldon, Instead of focusing on the friends who don't get back to you. Let them be. Put your time and energy into the ones that do get back to you. In the end they're the ones that matter.

You can't tell if someone is going to be a good friend when you first meet them. Time will let you know though. If they're still around six months from now and six years from now, then you'll know.

Until then, don't worry so much about it, just let time run its course, in the end the good ones will still be there.

I have a friend I haven't seen in months and we usually go months without seeing each other, but I make a point to see him when ever I'm back in the same city.

Good luck, you got this.

Bloom.