How do you reject someone as gently as possible?

[VeganAtheist]

Greetings,

I had been trying to start a new relationship for a few weeks via online dating websites. There have been a couple of women that I have been chatting with - nothing serious - but emotions are involved none the less.

I have decided that I don't want a romantic relationship at all. With anyone.
I need to find a way to tell these women with minimal damage.

How would you go about it? Given that I am never in this situation, I don't know the best approach.

 

[painter's radio]

Show them what you wrote in this thread.

"Sorry if I wasted your time, but I did really enjoy talking with you" etc

 

[jaguarundi]

Up front and honest. You are still getting over a breakup and you just are not in the right place to be dating at the moment.

Which is true. You ARE still getting over it, and you really should not be dating until you are further along in the healing process. It isn't fair on the women or sensible for your emotional well being.

Now go and listen to some sad music, write an agonised poem or something, wallow in a bit of misery for a while. Likely you will feel better tomorrow. It is going to be up and down for a while. That's how it goes. Its a bugger, it really is, but that is just how it goes..

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Exactly what jag said.

 

[VeganAtheist]

Thanks.

 

[jaguarundi]

You might find this suitably sad, and apt, in your current situation.


[youtube]7YoA2JmO6bI[/youtube]​

 

[Limlim]

Start a video chat with them on skype, and then continually pick your nose in front of them until they gently reject "you". Then you get to walk away without being a bad person.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Start a video chat with them on skype, and then continually pick your nose in front of them until they gently reject "you". Then you get to walk away without being a bad person.

 

[Grackle]

Up front and honest. You are still getting over a breakup and you just are not in the right place to be dating at the moment.

Which is true. You ARE still getting over it, and you really should not be dating until you are further along in the healing process. It isn't fair on the women or sensible for your emotional well being.

Now go and listen to some sad music, write an agonised poem or something, wallow in a bit of misery for a while. Likely you will feel better tomorrow. It is going to be up and down for a while. That's how it goes. Its a bugger, it really is, but that is just how it goes..

Totally agree with Jag. Be straight forward and honest.

 

[Jazzbird]

I agree with Jag as well,just be honest and say it.There's no kind way of rejecting someone.It's in our nature.We seek the approval of others.You can also try what Limlim said.Good idea =D

 

[Alonewith2cats]

The kindest way you can reject them is hide your profile and stay off the dating site until you are ready to start dating again. This way you don't have to reject them at all. You can't be any kinder than this. Or are you staying on the dating site so you can have casual sex? In this case, tell them from the start you just want sex without a relationship. Make it crystal clear.

Oh, and just tell the women you're currently chatting with the truth so they won't get any more emotionally invested. Although I can't imagine them getting very invested in you if they haven't even met you in person. Now is the perfect time to cut it off.

 

[VeganAtheist]

The kindest way you can reject them is hide your profile and stay off the dating site until you are ready to start dating again. This way you don't have to reject them at all. You can't be any kinder than this. Or are you staying on the dating site so you can have casual sex? In this case, tell them from the start you just want sex without a relationship. Make it crystal clear.

Unfortunately, it is too late for that. We have already exchanged phone numbers. We have only been texting, though.

I plan on sending this message:
Hey [name],
First I want to say that I have had a great time getting to know you. You a really cool, special person. Unfortunately, I don't think I am ready to start any type of romantic relationship at the moment. I thought I was over my ex but I am clearly not. You deserve better than that. You are a great lady and I am sure you will find someone great as well.

After I send the message, I will de-activate my account. While the idea of using it for casual sex seems tempting, I don't think I can manage that.

 

[jaguarundi]

I think that sounds fair, vegist. Its up front, true and will stop them wondering 'what did I do wrong' which as you yourself know, is very painful.

**hug**

 

[Alonewith2cats]

The kindest way you can reject them is hide your profile and stay off the dating site until you are ready to start dating again. This way you don't have to reject them at all. You can't be any kinder than this. Or are you staying on the dating site so you can have casual sex? In this case, tell them from the start you just want sex without a relationship. Make it crystal clear.

Unfortunately, it is too late for that. We have already exchanged phone numbers. We have only been texting, though.

I plan on sending this message:
Hey [name],
First I want to say that I have had a great time getting to know you. You a really cool, special person. Unfortunately, I don't think I am ready to start any type of romantic relationship at the moment. I thought I was over my ex but I am clearly not. You deserve better than that. You are a great lady and I am sure you will find someone great as well.

After I send the message, I will de-activate my account. While the idea of using it for casual sex seems tempting, I don't think I can manage that.

It's still early enough, you haven't met in person so there is no chance of them getting very invested in the real you. I think the message you're sending is a very nice and respectful message and if I was the woman receiving this message I would appreciate your honesty.

She might be a little disappointed but at this time she only has an imaginary idea of who you are so she'll get over it fast enough.

 

[VeganAtheist]

I just 'rejected' her and Wow... completely unexpected.
Not only did she appreciate the honesty and was very understanding about it, she kinda already figured it out.
She was also in a position where she didn't really want to start a relationship.
We chatted for a good couple of hours about our feelings, problems, past relationships, etc.
Felt like a therapy session. A good one.

Wasn't expecting that at all. Happy I did it.

 

[jaguarundi]

I just 'rejected' her and Wow... completely unexpected.
Not only did she appreciate the honesty and was very understanding about it, she kinda already figured it out.
She was also in a position where she didn't really want to start a relationship.
We chatted for a good couple of hours about our feelings, problems, past relationships, etc.
Felt like a therapy session. A good one.

Wasn't expecting that at all. Happy I did it.

Well you may not be ready for an SO but it sounds like you have made a friend. That's really great!

 

[sk66rc]

I just 'rejected' her and Wow... completely unexpected.
Not only did she appreciate the honesty and was very understanding about it, she kinda already figured it out.
She was also in a position where she didn't really want to start a relationship.
We chatted for a good couple of hours about our feelings, problems, past relationships, etc.
Felt like a therapy session. A good one.

Wasn't expecting that at all. Happy I did it.

Sometimes all you need is a good "***** session" or venting... And someone to listen to can't hurt... Glad it worked out for the better...

 

[VeganAtheist]

Well you may not be ready for an SO but it sounds like you have made a friend. That's really great!

Sometimes all you need is a good "***** session" or venting... And someone to listen to can't hurt... Glad it worked out for the better...

Thanks! I am happy with the results and I think she is too.

Hopefully she doesn't get romantically attached but we will cross that bridge if we need too.