How do you talk to girls you like? When I have such low self esteem?

[Senamian]

Okay... I can tell you as a girl - size really doesn't matter. It might, to some... Like already mentioned... But we're not all the same I've been a part of "girl talk" and surprisingly many said the "larger than average" actually hurts... Unless they love pain for pleasure, it is not as desirable as some think. I dibs personality. They could have the "sexiest man alive" look with the "larger than average" penis, but if they are a real gardenia (no pun intended) I would never want to be around them!

I say... If she really cares about you... And I mean CARES... She is for one, not going to pressure you into sex. And for two, won't care. Because she loves YOU, not your appendage.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Your penis isn't the only thing you can use to please a woman, it's only one of the things. If you think your penis is the only thing that will keep her around you are thinking wrong. There's so much more to keep her sexually satisfied.

 

[newguy]

Okay... I can tell you as a girl - size really doesn't matter. It might, to some... Like already mentioned... But we're not all the same I've been a part of "girl talk" and surprisingly many said the "larger than average" actually hurts... Unless they love pain for pleasure, it is not as desirable as some think. I dibs personality. They could have the "sexiest man alive" look with the "larger than average" penis, but if they are a real gardenia (no pun intended) I would never want to be around them!

I say... If she really cares about you... And I mean CARES... She is for one, not going to pressure you into sex. And for two, won't care. Because she loves YOU, not your appendage.

Really? Yay

I too feel similar about women. I get asked whats my type a lot. I usually say a girl who is compassionate, and kind. But they ask "what does she look like?" I respond "I don't know or care, if she acts like what I mention it doesn't matter."

The girl I like now is the sweetest girl I have ever met. But I suck at talking to her. It's filled with awkward silences. I do think she thinks I'm a good guy.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Talk about something you both like or are interested in.

 

[Senamian]

^+1 =D

Just... Be yourself. Ask her questions, answer hers! And be honest...

If you say something ridiculous or fall into an "awkward silence" just remember this:

Someone and I were talking, and it turned into what he thought was an awkward silence. To me it wasn't. I was just content being in his presence.

But quickly acting (perhaps not thinking), he looks out the window, then back to me and says: "I like windows."
What. Was. That. LOL. I just about died laughing, and he felt so embarrassed... He said he was trying to quickly "break the awkward silence".

Silence does not always have to be awkward - and sometimes isn't to both people! And believe me the "awkward silence" does eventually fade away.

 

[Batman55]

I have a lot of hobbies, I play guitar, write poetry, I like learning about different religions, and cultures.

I want add to me its not just a physical flaw. It's something that prevent me from having loving relationships with women. If I date she automatically cheat and or leave me. It's not a possibility it's just what will happen because I am built this way. So in my mind I am not a man, I am inferior, I am going to have to be alone forever. I am trying to really hard to get rid of this belief.

Not to be such a pessimist here, but why is it such a bad thing to prepare yourself for the possibility that you'll be alone forever?

I am already making such preparations myself. And guess what, I have a perfectly acceptable height (not tall but not short either), some women have found me good-looking, and the "bits and pieces" are fine, but I've never been on even one date, never had any affection at all, from any woman. Judging by that, it looks like I'm worse off than you.

About your preparation for a life alone: for your own sanity, you do really need to have a strong belief in the afterlife. Because for some people the life you get here is crap, and all you can do is hope the next one will be as "promised"--if you allow yourself to defeat skepticism of the next world. Which I highly recommend.

 

[newguy]

I have a lot of hobbies, I play guitar, write poetry, I like learning about different religions, and cultures.

I want add to me its not just a physical flaw. It's something that prevent me from having loving relationships with women. If I date she automatically cheat and or leave me. It's not a possibility it's just what will happen because I am built this way. So in my mind I am not a man, I am inferior, I am going to have to be alone forever. I am trying to really hard to get rid of this belief.

Not to be such a pessimist here, but why is it such a bad thing to prepare yourself for the possibility that you'll be alone forever?

I am already making such preparations myself. And guess what, I have a perfectly acceptable height (not tall but not short either), some women have found me good-looking, and the "bits and pieces" are fine, but I've never been on even one date, never had any affection at all, from any woman. Judging by that, it looks like I'm worse off than you.

About your preparation for a life alone: for your own sanity, you do really need to have a strong belief in the afterlife. Because for some people the life you get here is crap, and all you can do is hope the next one will be as "promised"--if you allow yourself to defeat skepticism of the next world. Which I highly recommend.

Well I have a strong desire for being with a woman. I'm not talking about one night stands either. I also don't know single, Virgin men that are happy. I'm sure there are some.

As far as the afterlife. Idk, I believe in God, I don't believe death ends life completely. But maybe it does, I don't think if I don't have an afterlife my life would be nothing. Really when looking at the universe itself I don't make judgements. Their are numerous possibilities. I will say I dislike the current view of life. People view life at least in the US as some sort of party. I hate that view very much. I like spending my time and interests in the transcendent, music, pray, and mediation.

 

[Senamian]

People view life at least in the US as some sort of party. I hate that view very much. I like spending my time and interests in the transcendent, music, pray, and mediation.

I know someone... Who went to the USA from a foreign country. Exasperated, he tells me that he absolutely hates it there. "Women here just want sex and money... And the guys? They drink all the time, and my roommate always brings his girlfriend over...."

In his country, that does NOT happen. They are modest, they break up fights that start in the street, they come together as a real community... Unlike lots of places, where it's "everyone for themselves!". It's a real culture shock to be tossed into the US or even Canada.

____________________

I don't think you need to "prepare for the worst". However, you need to be able to allow others to really see who you are Don't degrade yourself... They see that. It's harder to approach someone who hates themselves, then someone who is at least making an effort to accept himself/herself.

 

[newguy]

People view life at least in the US as some sort of party. I hate that view very much. I like spending my time and interests in the transcendent, music, pray, and mediation.

I know someone... Who went to the USA from a foreign country. Exasperated, he tells me that he absolutely hates it there. "Women here just want sex and money... And the guys? They drink all the time, and my roommate always brings his girlfriend over...."

In his country, that does NOT happen. They are modest, they break up fights that start in the street, they come together as a real community... Unlike lots of places, where it's "everyone for themselves!". It's a real culture shock to be tossed into the US or even Canada.

____________________

I don't think you need to "prepare for the worst". However, you need to be able to allow others to really see who you are Don't degrade yourself... They see that. It's harder to approach someone who hates themselves, then someone who is at least making an effort to accept himself/herself.

The US to me seems really dog eat dog. I'm sure its not any better in other countries, and I am glad I'm not somewhere like in Somalia but still I don't fit in.

I feel like I'm a good guy but I'm anything special. I'm not talented, I play guitar and write poetry but I'm not very good at it. I'm not good looking. I feel out of place.

 

[Senamian]

The fact you play guitar (whether you think you are good or not) is better than some of us who can't/don't Same with the poetry.

Besides, leave the critiquing to anyone but yourself - you should not be your own worst enemy. Even then don't let others degrade you either. You deserve better than that.

 

[Batman55]

Well I have a strong desire for being with a woman. I'm not talking about one night stands either. I also don't know single, Virgin men that are happy. I'm sure there are some.

The idea is to have a backup plan if this does not happen, or even if you feel it is unlikely. That's why I said being spiritual will help. Believing that there is something more after this life--potentially something that will reward the meek and modest like you and I--can only be helpful. It gives you a reason to get up every day and a reason to look for meaning in life.

And yes the culture here is shallow, materialistic, and generally pretty vile. I'd rather live here than most other places, but that doesn't mean I think it is perfect, it means it just has problems of a different stripe.

 

[nerdygirl]

But quickly acting (perhaps not thinking), he looks out the window, then back to me and says: "I like windows."
What. Was. That. LOL. I just about died laughing, and he felt so embarrassed... He said he was trying to quickly "break the awkward silence".

That is freaking adorable. That situation would totally earn brownie points with me.

 

[Senamian]

NerdyGirl, I know right?! And to this day (we're still friends) I will use it against him when he doesn't have anything else to talk about. It seems to work. lol.

 

[newguy]

@batman, I do have a spiritual life and it does help me. It's still depressing though. I'm pretty much guaranteed a life alone. There's no way a girl is going want to be with me, and if she does she'll end up leaving over this. It sucks even forums I go on talk about this. I'm just really frustrated. I saw the girl today and couldn't talk to her. I'm not comfortable with myself and how could be with this thing anyway? I used to cut myself because of this. I stopped but I don't know what do to anymore.

 

[Triple Bogey]

talking to women is just something you learn thru experience (like most things !)

 

[Batman55]

@batman, I do have a spiritual life and it does help me. It's still depressing though. I'm pretty much guaranteed a life alone. There's no way a girl is going want to be with me, and if she does she'll end up leaving over this. It sucks even forums I go on talk about this. I'm just really frustrated. I saw the girl today and couldn't talk to her. I'm not comfortable with myself and how could be with this thing anyway? I used to cut myself because of this. I stopped but I don't know what do to anymore.

Well I have this "normalcy" you think would fix things for yourself, and yet I haven't been out with one woman, for any reason.

If somehow I decided to change my approach from avoiding people and hiding from the world, to actually trying to talk to girls and dressing better and all that, you think my luck would change? Highly doubtful.

 

[Alduin]

Once a wise man said "the whole point of good self-esteem is to lower your expectations so much that they are already met". That wise man was calvin from calvin and hobes if you are wondering...

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think accepting that you might never meet the person you are meant to be with, while holding out hope that there is a possibility, is the best way to go. That way, you won't be disappointed either way.

 

[Batman55]

I also wanted to add that for shorter guys, if that is contributing to low self-esteem, you should wear shoes with thicker soles. They have some online shoe sites that specialize in these.

(Good advice is a use-it-or-lose-it scenario, how can you fix your problems if you don't take advice? Discipline, folks, and not pity)