Hi all,
Like all of you I have suffered from the pain of loneliness, self-esteem and fear, and have been trying to fix these problems. Now I think I am slowly changing for the better. And I want to make a note of what I've been doing in case it can help y'all too!
Basically I got most of these suggestions from the book "Belonging: A Guide to Overcoming Loneliness" by William R Brassell - highly recommended. For the TL;DR version:
Relaxation therapy
I think the best first step is to start doing relaxation therapy. It's the best way to start releasing your fears, tensions, etc that you experience in social situations. When I'm starting to feel on edge I briefly close my eyes, and start concentrating on breathing and being "calm" (imagining my own self in a situation being calm and controlled... imagining a nice calm stretch of water... imagery helps a ton).
Destroying negative thoughts
I've gotten better at identifying when negative thoughts flow to the forefront of my mind and replacing them with positive (or at least neutral) thoughts. Also I've been concentrating on making myself believe that I belong, that I am in my element. The more I repeat I belong in a situation the more I can convince myself I actually do belong and start to relax my inhibitions. Another trick is to give pep talks. I tell myself, how would future me think if I lamely gave up so easily now? No problem is insoluble -- look at every avenue, every possible solution. And even if you fail at least you most likely learned something which can help you later.
Motivational/inspirational music
Music is important to me so I recently compiled a playlist of motivational and inspirational music. Whenever I'm feeling down I always have a cheering song at hand to play. (My all-time fave is "Raindrops are Falling on my Head", haha)
Forgetting the past, ignoring the future
The past is dead and gone. History is bunk. Whatever stupid mistakes and wrong turns I made back then are irrelevant now. Time to stop concentrating on that. Also I "ignore" the future. By that I mean I ignore the bleak thoughts that keep popping up about my future. Whatever comes in the future will come... All I can do is concentrate on the present to try and stop the worst happening in the future as much as I am able.
Focusing on yourself
To bring up my self-esteem I've been working on liking myself. Small things like exercise, eating well, and so on, has been perking me up.
Getting out there
I've been doing more activities lately... things like volunteer work, going out on trips, picking up an old hobby again. It's been helping me meet new people and practice on my crap social skills.
Remembering that you are not the only one
It's humbling to always remember that I am not the only lost island out there in the ocean of loneliness that is existence. Even flipping through the "Belonging" book I saw that someone had pencilled in the quizzes before me, showing that I am not the only one feeling alone and seeking help.
Like all of you I have suffered from the pain of loneliness, self-esteem and fear, and have been trying to fix these problems. Now I think I am slowly changing for the better. And I want to make a note of what I've been doing in case it can help y'all too!
Basically I got most of these suggestions from the book "Belonging: A Guide to Overcoming Loneliness" by William R Brassell - highly recommended. For the TL;DR version:
Relaxation therapy
I think the best first step is to start doing relaxation therapy. It's the best way to start releasing your fears, tensions, etc that you experience in social situations. When I'm starting to feel on edge I briefly close my eyes, and start concentrating on breathing and being "calm" (imagining my own self in a situation being calm and controlled... imagining a nice calm stretch of water... imagery helps a ton).
Destroying negative thoughts
I've gotten better at identifying when negative thoughts flow to the forefront of my mind and replacing them with positive (or at least neutral) thoughts. Also I've been concentrating on making myself believe that I belong, that I am in my element. The more I repeat I belong in a situation the more I can convince myself I actually do belong and start to relax my inhibitions. Another trick is to give pep talks. I tell myself, how would future me think if I lamely gave up so easily now? No problem is insoluble -- look at every avenue, every possible solution. And even if you fail at least you most likely learned something which can help you later.
Motivational/inspirational music
Music is important to me so I recently compiled a playlist of motivational and inspirational music. Whenever I'm feeling down I always have a cheering song at hand to play. (My all-time fave is "Raindrops are Falling on my Head", haha)
Forgetting the past, ignoring the future
The past is dead and gone. History is bunk. Whatever stupid mistakes and wrong turns I made back then are irrelevant now. Time to stop concentrating on that. Also I "ignore" the future. By that I mean I ignore the bleak thoughts that keep popping up about my future. Whatever comes in the future will come... All I can do is concentrate on the present to try and stop the worst happening in the future as much as I am able.
Focusing on yourself
To bring up my self-esteem I've been working on liking myself. Small things like exercise, eating well, and so on, has been perking me up.
Getting out there
I've been doing more activities lately... things like volunteer work, going out on trips, picking up an old hobby again. It's been helping me meet new people and practice on my crap social skills.
Remembering that you are not the only one
It's humbling to always remember that I am not the only lost island out there in the ocean of loneliness that is existence. Even flipping through the "Belonging" book I saw that someone had pencilled in the quizzes before me, showing that I am not the only one feeling alone and seeking help.
