how I feel...thanks

[cool_breeze]

Hello people. I just want to type out what I feel. I haven't broken things down quite like this before. First of all I'm 28. I feel kind of like 2 people. Let me explain. I guess we can do the good stuff first. I've traveled around the world a fair amount. I've seen a lot, had experiences. I'm tall, considered good looking, interesting, stuff like that. I have a lot of interests--film, photography, history, travel, music, art, outdoors stuff, some sports, etc.

But now the bad stuff. When I travel I often meet people and we connect and have a good time. I make new friends. I know a fair amount of people around the world. But they seem happy, have jobs they like, have a significant other. I want that to be ME. I want that more than anything. I don't want to dwell but here's what I have. I have no car (gone through 2 that have died), not much money, no job in 2011 right now, no serious girlfriend, used to have a fair amount of moderate health problems growing up and sometimes I think that limited me (I think it did) though I think I'm healthy now and I don't really want to think about that anymore. I do have a university degree. I'm trying not to dwell but I come from a family where I was given kind of generic advice and I feel that I was controlled too much growing up. I spent a lot of money in college and am in debt from it but didn't even really get to do what I wanted to do. Would have loved to go around the world sooner because as you can tell it's one of my passions and study abroad (even if it meant more debt) but instead plowed through a sort of generic degree. And the family I came from is pretty dull.

And you know I have tried to break into a good job but I've never had one. At 28 I've just been getting by my whole life basically. Never had a lot of success. I don't even need "success" per se. What I mean by that is what I already mentioned, just a happy rhythm w/ a girl, a job that interests me, a good life. Sometimes everything seems like such a competition. People are getting phDs, buying houses, getting families. I seem to be stuck w/ nothing. Everyone seems to have "clicked" in life. They have their routine. I feel on my own, with a formless life. I feel like the core of my life is empty. It might look great from afar...tall guy, seen the world, good person, but just empty and lonely at the core.

 

[spectacles]

Wow, I can relate to almost everything u say (except the good looking part). Im 28, travelled some, got my university degree but realized I dont really like what I studied. I'd love to study abroad, but cant afford it. Thou this is not what worries me the most but the feeling of loneliness. Travelling makes me happy, thats what I know, so I try to do it as much as I can, but I always think it would be so nice to share the happy moments in my life with somebody else... With 28 I feel lost, havent found my place in the world... So what I can advise u (what I tell myself) is keep trying, we will eventually find the way.

 

[cool_breeze]

Wow, this is very interesting. Ya. I hope we can find our place in the world. Sometimes honestly it feels like I can't take it anymore. I just never seem to catch any breaks. Sometimes I wonder about life...so many arbitrary forces and things going wrong. I just read about an 8.9 earthquake near Japan just now as I am writing this. Sometimes it is hard to have faith in life. When will our turn come? To find a good significant other, to have our place in life...to have things work out for us...

 

[Estrios_Vega]

This kind of reminds of a poem, well parts of a poem I read about a princess. Not calling you a princess of course. lol. But someone waiting for someone else to save them a "damsel in distress" syndrome. We all want a person/thing/job to come and rescue us from our dire dire straits. But I've found out, well, I have noticed that if I don't take that chance, if I do not MOVE FORWARD with my own power, I will get nowhere. Make your OWN business take off with your own ideas leave behind the ones who scorn you and go towards your future. (Below are exerpts of the poem, "The Lady of Shallot" you can read it or not, but i sitll find it great! I know she didn't regret her decision even though she looked away from her mirror and was forever cursed. She took that chance and died happily I feel)


Only reapers, reaping early,
In among the bearded barley
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly;
Down to tower'd Camelot;
And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers, " 'Tis the fairy
Lady of Shalott."

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

Sometimes a troop of damsels glad,
An abbot on an ambling pad,
Sometimes a curly shepherd lad,
Or long-hair'd page in crimson clad
Goes by to tower'd Camelot;
And sometimes through the mirror blue
The knights come riding two and two.
She hath no loyal Knight and true,
The Lady of Shalott.

But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror's magic sights,
For often through the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights
And music, went to Camelot;
Or when the Moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed.
"I am half sick of shadows," said
The Lady of Shalott.

She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces through the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.

Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darkened wholly,
Turn'd to tower'd Camelot.
For ere she reach'd upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

 

[Peter Lorre]

I love that poem, Alfred Tennyson's one of my favourite poets.

I feel that I can really relate to the things you've listed in this topic. I too feel strangely empty.

 

[raimey]

I wonder how much of this is about our phase of life. I just turned 29 last month. And I'm rebuilding my whole life AGAIN.

A few months ago, I thought things were together. I LOVE my job. Moved closer to work and to school. I'm pursuing a career that I know will be fulfilling. And I have a nice place. Everything I need.

Now, my roommate is getting married, I won't have a roommate much longer, I'll have to move, I can't afford to live alone which means I'll have to live further away and commute which costs more money which makes my job/life more difficult and less desireable because it doesn't pay enough!

Things would be so much easier if I at least had the hope of a promising relationship. Someone that I would eventually marry and settle down with. Spend more than six months in a home withouth having to move for financial reasons. Someone that will be a constant support my whole life.

Gah. I'm making my baby steps to the life that I want. I guess the frustrating thing is that not every part of it depends on me to do what I need to be doing. Prince Charming needs to get his ass in gear too. (HEHE)

All that to say... I wonder if this is just about our age group. We're laggers. It's depressing when every one of your friends is married or has kids and leads a completely different lifestyle than you do.

 

[cool_breeze]

I am in my parents' house at the moment. Very bored. I'm glad this thread is taking off but also that means other people have similar problems. Not so good. I feel that my degree hasn't done enough for me. My dad says it's "all in my head". Maybe he is right. Some people envy me and have said I have had a "trip of a lifetime" all over the world. While that is basically true, that is over now, I am crashing at their house, I don't know if I can get a good job. I don't have much to show for myself. That's really what I've been getting in life. I can have some adventures. But jobs, women, stuff like that hasn't come easy. I want so badly for something to happen. I guess that's about it for now. About the only jobs I can get are teaching English in another country which I already did once. Sure it is interesting and a good thing to do. But it's fairly short term. And it's not really my passion. Now I feel "stuck"... Hmm...

 

[spectacles]

I am in my parents' house at the moment. Very bored. I'm glad this thread is taking off but also that means other people have similar problems. Not so good. I feel that my degree hasn't done enough for me. My dad says it's "all in my head". Maybe he is right. Some people envy me and have said I have had a "trip of a lifetime" all over the world. While that is basically true, that is over now, I am crashing at their house, I don't know if I can get a good job. I don't have much to show for myself. That's really what I've been getting in life. I can have some adventures. But jobs, women, stuff like that hasn't come easy. I want so badly for something to happen. I guess that's about it for now. About the only jobs I can get are teaching English in another country which I already did once. Sure it is interesting and a good thing to do. But it's fairly short term. And it's not really my passion. Now I feel "stuck"... Hmm...

Lol my parents say the same, my mum always tells me to be grateful about my degree but thats actually one of my frustrations... Honest long term relationships can be hard to get... Dont even know if I will be in one ever... Guess its impportant not to give up hope, in the meantime I have to learn to live with this painful feeling of lonliness. Hope u find a good job Best of luck!

 

[cool_breeze]

I'm never the one who gets to do anything. I went to school about an hour and a half from where I'm from. Not someone who got to study in another part of their country or a different country or something like that. I knew going through it that it wasn't quite what I wanted. I went to a good school but I was thinking about doing something international but didn't get to, was thinking about majoring in film, but it wasn't a major where I went, etc. Probably better than nothing but I ended up w/ a kind of boring degree. College radio was the one extra thing I did that was cool that I wanted to do.

Let's see. Relationships. I've had 2 main ones. Neither girl was really right. They were ok. Neither was super serious. Good experience though. I have gone on TONS of dates. As in like 1 or 2 dates w/ someone. That often doesn't go anywhere.

Ya man the degree thing. There seems to be such pressure to get a degree. And then these days you graduate and nothing special happens. Unless you have something really specific like engineering or nursing or something.

You ever think about graduate school or something? I have thought about that a lot but it seems hard to actually do it. The time and money and just making it happen. Hmm...

 

[cool_breeze]

Hello again. I don't want to be seen as "complaining" but I'm just not getting traction in life really. I just want a nice routine like everyone else. Thanks for the ideas, especially spectacles. I feel like this has been going on, on and off for awhile now. I want my life to "click". I'm 28 already and still don't have much to show for it...

 

[spectacles]

Ya man the degree thing. There seems to be such pressure to get a degree. And then these days you graduate and nothing special happens. Unless you have something really specific like engineering or nursing or something.

You ever think about graduate school or something? I have thought about that a lot but it seems hard to actually do it. The time and money and just making it happen. Hmm...
[/quote]

Oh yes... I thought about that. Couldnt agree more! time and money. Difficult at this age but not impossible I guess.

Hello again. I don't want to be seen as "complaining" but I'm just not getting traction in life really. I just want a nice routine like everyone else. Thanks for the ideas, especially spectacles. I feel like this has been going on, on and off for awhile now. I want my life to "click". I'm 28 already and still don't have much to show for it...

Ur welcome, dont think I gave u any advice really. Im probably more lost than u are lol.
Good luck

 

[Adrolak]

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” – Benjamin Disraeli

 

[cool_breeze]

Ya. I don't really think there's anything truly wrong w/ me. Everything seems to be pointing towards just doing more action. I'm a little stalled out right now.

I've been around the world. But now I'm at my folks' house w/ no immediate plans. And my day to day life is lonely. And I keep reading how loneliness and stuff isn't just not fun, it's also bad for your health. I've never been that great at having my daily life in order. I'm more of an adventurer. An explorer.

I'm full of life and ideas. I want to express it and be around people who are like me. And most importantly a romance. I lack in that category but I've been getting a little better.

Life confuses me in a way. Everything seems like such a competition. I've met some great people in my life but most of them aren't here where I am now. Hmm...

 

[Peaches]

not sure if this relates to a phase of life, I was there several times, and I totally wish you to finally "click" and get the famous good life, you seem to have all the cards to achieve that - Things also happen or don't happen and it's nobody's fault - it's interesting because what you say you are really passionate about - travelling - is not included in the "conventional" good life good job girlfriend etc - is it possible that maybe you are not really sure about what you want? I am just saying because I had a similar experience: for many years I thought I wanted something, but in fact I wanted something else, and so I was putting only superficial effort in getting what I seemed to want without putting all my heart in it. Then I changed line of work, went to study again, had to start all over etc, but it paid off. Oh well.. I wish you all possible happiness