How many people over 20 are still virgins?

[ShybutHi]

First of all, I'm pretty offended that you called my advice "crappy" because while I was just stating my opinion, you were also just stating your opinion. You are no more right than I am, and no more wrong.

To me, yes, viginity IS a virtue. Also, I wasn't stating that "oh, I'll never love again, I'll never have sex again, because I lost my "right one" so I'm doomed from now on." I was just pointing out to anyone who thought that sex is a mindless, physical act, that it could be more of an emotional attachment than they might think.

I also pointed out that to some people, having sex with multiple people is just fine (the side with which you seem to agree). That is fine, that is their prerogative, but their brains just don't work the same way as mine.

But I know I am not alone in the sentiment that sex is special and preferably a unique bond with only one other person. So all I have to say to you is that you could be giving someone "crappy" advice urging them to have sex just so that they don't "miss opportunities" when in reality, if things end badly, the repercussions could wreak havoc on their emotions.

Yep you are not alone with those thoughts and I would personally not like to have meaningless sex. I am a 24 year old guy who is still a virgin. I would never go out with intentions of potentially finding someone to have sex with and I personally would never hire a prostitute either because I think that sex should be an act between two people who have a bond together.

 

[Thrasymachus]

You are helping no one in this thread, by giving crappy advice, that encourages them to miss life opportunities in lieu of waiting for someone that does not exist to fall from the sky and into their lives. And you are right your brain does not work too good in this area, because you skewered it with unrealistic expectations with myths of a "unique bond with only one other person" and the "right one". You turn sex into a big deal and wreak yourself emotionally searching for something as realistic as a unicorn. So everytime someone with your mentality has sex, then they don't find the "one" they expected afterward, and they lie wallowing, emotionally crushed.

I think there are some advantages to virginity, but you are not mentioning them and it is beside the point of this thread. Alot of the people who have posted here are getting up in years, their youths are fading and making excuses to pass up experiences in order to wait for myths is no help.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I remember that my mother apparently thought that it should be normal for my father to take myself and my brother out on our 18th birthdays to a brothel. He never did and she was always irritated with him - apparently she thought it is traditonal, as it was in South America from her surroundings. Presumably, our sexual inexperience was a major strike against us in dealing with women ever afterward.

Now that I do have experience, I /can/ see her point, but I'm not sure it justifies supporting an immoral institution.

And yes, there is a difference between a man who has only been with a prostitute versus a man who is only a virgin. Sadly or otherwise, a man's first sexual experience is important and changes him a great deal.

 

[Swamp Yankee]

In my case, anyway it is not about sex. It is about missing the validation that another human being would find me good enough to WANT to be with me. Any idiot with cash and a street corner can get sex. Achieving the goal of winning someone's affection is a commodity that is not for sale at any price.

"saving myself" for what, exactly? My 50th birthday? I am a cautionary tale of the terminal case of 'who cares what other people think'. They always told me that since I was very young.

Well if you don't care what others think about you, you are going to wind up like me. It is amazing the lies people tell us in an attempt to make them feel better about themselves. -SY

 

[littlerivers]

You'd be surprised how many people are "older" virgins, as in in their 20s, for whatever reasons. And it's not always easy to pick out who is a virgin when you're hanging out with a bunch of people. -nodnod-

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You are helping no one in this thread, by giving crappy advice, that encourages them to miss life opportunities in lieu of waiting for someone that does not exist to fall from the sky and into their lives. And you are right your brain does not work too good in this area, because you skewered it with unrealistic expectations with myths of a "unique bond with only one other person" and the "right one". You turn sex into a big deal and wreak yourself emotionally searching for something as realistic as a unicorn. So everytime someone with your mentality has sex, then they don't find the "one" they expected afterward, and they lie wallowing, emotionally crushed.

I think there are some advantages to virginity, but you are not mentioning them and it is beside the point of this thread. Alot of the people who have posted here are getting up in years, their youths are fading and making excuses to pass up experiences in order to wait for myths is no help.

I don't think there's much point in attacking someone for basically saying that it's worthwhile waiting until you find someone special. I mean, losing your virginity is something you remember- preferably you remember, because you were sober and actually enjoyed it- so why not make sure you really care about the person first?

 

[user 8168]

I turn 27 tomorrow and I'm still a virgin. But it doesnt worry me so much. What annoys me is that I had the chance to not be a virgin several times, but because I was so nervous, well... certain things didnt function as they should have. It ended up costing me my first girlfriend too. People rush into sex anyway. Whats the big deal.

 

[happyman]

Virgin at 23, no kiss either and no rush. To much happening in life to worry about that!

 

[allanh]

31. So what? If all virgin means is no sex, it's not a big deal. What I am after is meaningful relationship , anyway, which is a more pressing issue

 

[AJR]

soon to be 27 and a virgin here. It has been stated a page or two ago that sex isnt so much about getting laid as much as an acknowledgement that you are worthy of a mate. No matter how you argue it, humans are animals and Alphas mate and Betas masterbate. Oh I was ok being a virgin until around 23, 24 when it became apparent that I was somehow disgusting to women. I, for example, have seen women in school, work, bars who have actually recoiled and given such looks of disgust you would think I had a large tumor protruding from my eye socket. I personally have always had a pretty decent view of myself, Im not the ugliest guy in the world and if you dont count my manboobs(totally hot I know, THANKS DAD!) I wouldnt even look all that out of shape. As the days become weeks, weeks to months, months to years, until years become decades the women in my life are always pretty clear that Im unfit for procreation and I will eventually have to pay for sex. My parents already think Im a homosexual because they have never seen me with a woman. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay Im just not interested lol And before some of you(Most of whom admitted to losing the V card pre 20s) tell me to just get out there, I dont know where to begin anymore. I quit drinking after losing control one too many times and at my age the bars are the only legit place I know to even meet a woman my age.(Who isnt married or just wants to lead me on for some gain)

Gosh I kinda busted off topic here sorry about that. All I wanted to say is that as the years pass by hope fades until all that is left is the memory of hoping that tomorrow will be better when you know it isnt. Makes me wish every day for the courage to simply die like any other unwanted and obsolete creature. /end

 

[JustJones]

This may be terrible advice to any fellas who've yet to have a girlfriend/have sex, and may be a massive generalisation, but something I learnt long ago from my girlfriend (who is asian) is that there are a lot of very lonely East Asian girls out there. This is due to the men having high standards particularly regarding weight. Even today I met one of her friends who is absolutely stunning yet because she is not stick thin and is a bit taller than the average girl, she doesn't fit into their "petit" expectation of women threrefore she has never been close to a guy in any way.
I'm not suggesting to go on dating sites looking for asian girls because that is just asking for trouble (there's a big likelyhood of being scammed or ripped off somehow). But perhaps if you go to university or somewhere else with foreign students/workers I bet there will be a fair few girls who would melt at the thought of a few nice comments and compliments from a genuinly nice guy.

Sorry if this all comes across a bit steriotypical or racist, it's just that it worked for me and I have been with a wonderful girl that I have loved dearly for over 2 years now, and you may find the info useful.

 

[Swamp Yankee]

Well said, imho.

For you folks in your 20s you are not wrong with your 'no hurry' attitude but please don't miss the other half of the issue. Once you hit 30 your statistical curve starts to drop and you'll be 40 before you know it. At 45 the only potential prospects left out there for me are the female versions of myself and what would I want to hang out with them for? I know that sounds harsh but the truth is a hostile witness.

Yes, don't go running into something with your eyes closed but if you are waiting for it to come to you, you are going to wind up like me.

The lies they tell us when we are young: "Don't worry, it'll hit you when you least expect it", "Be yourself, for anyone worth knowing that will be enough", "who cares what other people think", and my personal favorite "you are not going to the right places / trying to meet the right people" although they can't offer a single piece of useful info as to where this "there" is or who this "they" are.

I'm sorry to say that the only piece if relationship advice I can give is "think of what I would do and DO NOT do that" so do not repeat my mistake by believing all this crap they have been selling us and DO something.

I hope that helps. -SY

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[hellomiko]

^I see, go and find an Asian lady, yup, everything solved haha.

I understand your curiosity and sexual urges, but losing your virginity isn't as great as it seems. And I think it's a bit unfair to be picky about doing it with an experience or an inexperienced girl, as long as she haven't been sleeping around and have been faithful to whoever she dates then it doesn't matter because she likes you for you. Many girls like myself make silly mistakes, you think he's the one in your life, then turns out he isn't. So now I got the impression all guys are after sex, so I've come to the point in my life where I refuse to date any guy who wants to rush into it. I think sexual urges and lust really does mess up relationships, and then you'll end up regretting that you lost your virginity. It should be saved for that special person. -___-

 

[LostInside]

First of all, I'm pretty offended that you called my advice "crappy" because while I was just stating my opinion, you were also just stating your opinion. You are no more right than I am, and no more wrong.

To me, yes, viginity IS a virtue. Also, I wasn't stating that "oh, I'll never love again, I'll never have sex again, because I lost my "right one" so I'm doomed from now on." I was just pointing out to anyone who thought that sex is a mindless, physical act, that it could be more of an emotional attachment than they might think.

I also pointed out that to some people, having sex with multiple people is just fine (the side with which you seem to agree). That is fine, that is their prerogative, but their brains just don't work the same way as mine.

But I know I am not alone in the sentiment that sex is special and preferably a unique bond with only one other person. So all I have to say to you is that you could be giving someone "crappy" advice urging them to have sex just so that they don't "miss opportunities" when in reality, if things end badly, the repercussions could wreak havoc on their emotions.

I'm not a virgin. Telling a guy that virginity is a virtue when they are in their 20s or even older is insulting. For women it may be a virtue, for men it is an albatross, and many feel like they are freaks and they feel embarrassed by it. If a man in America is a virgin in his 20s it is not by his choice, it is through being rejected repeatedly by women. Being a virgin that late in life in 21st century America decimates self-word, self-confidence and can drag people into depression and despair. Just read the posts in this thread. Men of that age who are virgins are mocked, demeaned, ridiculed and scorned by society.

 

[ShybutHi]

^I see, go and find an Asian lady, yup, everything solved haha.

I understand your curiosity and sexual urges, but losing your virginity isn't as great as it seems. And I think it's a bit unfair to be picky about doing it with an experience or an inexperienced girl, as long as she haven't been sleeping around and have been faithful to whoever she dates then it doesn't matter because she likes you for you. Many girls like myself make silly mistakes, you think he's the one in your life, then turns out he isn't. So now I got the impression all guys are after sex, so I've come to the point in my life where I refuse to date any guy who wants to rush into it. I think sexual urges and lust really does mess up relationships, and then you'll end up regretting that you lost your virginity. It should be saved for that special person. -___-

I dont think there is anything wrong with having sex with your partner if you both feel ready. Virginity is not really such a great label to have whether you are a man OR a woman in this day and age... It is actually normal to have lost your virginity by your mid 20's.
I am 24 and I am still a virgin... While it would be nice to experience sex I agree with you and would personally not like to lose it with someone on a one night stand or if i wasnt really ready hence why I never go out looking for it. I would much prefer to lose it with a woman who I knew liked me for my personality and not just for my body or just because this random woman was feeling perticularly horny that day. lol

 

[floffyschneeman]

I think that being ready for sex is also being ready that the person you did it with might not be the one you end up with. I'd like to think of it as something I will give to the person I love because I love him. Whether if the relationship would or wouldn't work, that won't change the fact that I love/ loved him.

Although I'm pretty confident with the person I want to be with.

I don't think it's a problem to still be a virgin though it can be lonely not having someone to love. That's where the loneliness really comes from.

 

[ShybutHi]

I think that being ready for sex is also being ready that the person you did it with might not be the one you end up with. I'd like to think of it as something I will give to the person I love because I love him. Whether if the relationship would or wouldn't work, that won't change the fact that I love/ loved him.

Although I'm pretty confident with the person I want to be with.

I don't think it's a problem to still be a virgin though it can be lonely not having someone to love. That's where the loneliness really comes from.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

 

[deathproxy666]

i am 26 and a virgin. just 5 months ago i lost, i guess you can say all of my physical man hood to cancer. now its impossible to ever lose my virginity. so at leest you other people still have a chance physicaly cause i sure as hell don't. not to mention who would want to be with a man that has nothing down there or who is unable to have kids. not to mention how fat i've become since then

 

[deathproxy666]

i am 26 and a virgin. just 5 months ago i lost, i guess you can say all of my physical man hood to cancer. now its impossible to ever lose my virginity. so at leest you other people still have a chance physicaly cause i sure as hell don't. not to mention who would want to be with a man that has nothing down there or who is unable to have kids. not to mention how fat i've become since then

 

[kod_mako]

I'm 27 and was a virgin up until I was 23. Within a year or two of graduating high school it seems losing the V-Card is all one tends to think about. For anyone who lost their virginity before 20 they'll never understand. Literally every waking moment is spent wondering "What is wrong with me?". The 'gay' and 'weird' comments seem to always float in the air, spoken or not.

My experience, both with myself and others, is that the problem solely rests in the virgin's ego. After a while an attitude develops where the virgin tries to find the perfect woman to almost prove to himself and to others that his prolonged virginity wasn't a result of his lack of confidence or good looks but waiting for that perfect one. It's a sad irony- the older the virgin gets the more perfect the woman has to be.

Being a virgin has nothing to do with good looks, money, or even that often stated desirable trait of 'confidence'. All help but there's no shortage of women to sleep with who will look past the lack of those things. It has to do with lowering your standards and accepting who you are. We're not all born into this world 10/10s. Some of us are 5s,4s and some even 1s. 1s don't date 9s. Hell, they don't even date 4's. They date fellow 1s and 2s. If you're below average it's something you have to come to grips with. You know what though? Half the people in the world are below average. Who cares. Some of the smartest, sweetest, and most fun girls are 1s and 2s.

Once you accept your fate and stop reaching for the highest fruit the world becomes your oyster. All of a sudden women are eager to talk to you and actually take an interest in you and think the fact you're a virgin is cute.

Our significant others are a reflection of self. That's why it's so hard for below average men who to date below average women- it's a resolution in our minds that we are in fact below average looking. Once you've fallen in love though (and of course, sex is one of the greatest expressions of love) that whole 'looks' thing becomes so insignificant.

PS> If you lack the confidence to 'pick up' women the internet does wonders. It's pretty easy to add a girl you're interested in on to Facebook without coming across as creepy. It's a lot easier to ask a girl out to coffee with a keyboard rather than in person. Trumping that, OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish are two of the most popular websites in the world for a reason- most of us are instinctively shy.

 

[ShybutHi]

Once you accept your fate and stop reaching for the highest fruit the world becomes your oyster. All of a sudden women are eager to talk to you and actually take an interest in you and think the fact you're a virgin is cute.

What if you hang around with people who are alot more outgoing than you, find it really easy to talk to people and have an approachable manner. I am a very shy introverted person and pretty much all of my friends are extroverts... I am NEVER the one to be approached or get any attention whatsoever. I know what I just wrote that can come across as if I expect women to come to me but that is not really the case. I do try and join in with the socializing but its hard because of lack of social experience and shyness. Strangely im alot better with direct conversations with one other person but it never gets to that stage ever.