How many people over 20 are still virgins?

[No_Nickname]

Any given day, I'd gladly throw my drink into the faces of people who think there's any justification to mock virgins.

Mocking virgins isn't cool.

Okay, good for you. Really.

There's a certain level of dignity, even pride, in staying a virgin if you happen to be blessed with average and above looks, and have other things going on in life. It says you have standards and aren't willing to compromise.

But for those who feel themselves to be profoundly unlikeable, unattractive, undesirable, it's a different story.

I was celibate through my teenage years, despite the number of eager girls who wanted to do it with me. It wasn't until my celibacy became involuntary that I began to struggle with it.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Pushing 22 here and still a virgin. Just another reason to hate myself as if there weren't enough already.

 

[Aisha]

Pushing 22 here and still a virgin. Just another reason to hate myself as if there weren't enough already.

Why would you hate yourself for that? It doesn't define you, it doesn't say anything about who you are as a person: your personality, your experiences, your merits, your accomplishments, your skills, your character, your talents, your struggles, your contributions. Why should it matter if anyone else is shallow enough to judge you based solely based on whether or not you've had sex? It reflects more on them and their superficial priorities. Your value is something you define; it certainly does not revolve around how many people you've slept with.
How absurd.

 

[No_Nickname]

Pushing 22 here and still a virgin. Just another reason to hate myself as if there weren't enough already.

Why would you hate yourself for that? It doesn't define you, it doesn't say anything about who you are as a person: your personality, your experiences, your merits, your accomplishments, your skills, your character, your talents, your struggles, your contributions. Why should it matter if anyone else is shallow enough to judge you based solely based on whether or not you've had sex? It reflects more on them and their superficial priorities. Your value is something you define; it certainly does not revolve around how many people you've slept with.
How absurd.

Put it this way: if you're so undesirable that absolutely nobody will sleep with you, how can you NOT second-guess yourself? Being unwanted has a tendency to warp your perception of the world, until eventually you realise that you're the source of the problem.

 

[Aisha]

Put it this way: if you're so undesirable that absolutely nobody will sleep with you, how can you NOT second-guess yourself? Being unwanted has a tendency to warp your perception of the world, until eventually you realise that you're the source of the problem.

It's a vicious cycle. If you already think you're undesirable, you lack faith in yourself. If you lack confidence in yourself, people can see that a mile away, and that puts a serious dent in whatever attempt you make. Confidence isn't arrogance. There are so many other factors to consider before you decide to 'realize you're the source of the problem' when it comes to feeling undesirable or unwanted.
And the thing is, the world is full of people not communicating to others about what they feel, so it's more than likely that there have been people interested in you who are just as hesitant to approach you as you them. I certainly wouldn't approach anyone first even if I was interested in them. I highly doubt I'm the only one.

 

[ardour]

It's a vicious cycle. If you already think you're undesirable, you lack faith in yourself. If you lack confidence in yourself, people can see that a mile away, and that puts a serious dent in whatever attempt you make. Confidence isn't arrogance. There are so many other factors to consider before you decide to 'realize you're the source of the problem' when it comes to feeling undesirable or unwanted.
And the thing is, the world is full of people not communicating to others about what they feel, so it's more than likely that there have been people interested in you who are just as hesitant to approach you as you them. I certainly wouldn't approach anyone first even if I was interested in them. I highly doubt I'm the only one.

The expectation to mind read whether the interest is reciprocated or not, then do the approaching, isn't part of the social script for you.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Me... :shy: Hehe... Hopefully not virgin soon anymore.

 

[Ginock]

I am not going to lie, I am still a virgin at 32 which I know in today society is very old indeed and many would see me as having something wrong with me, maybe there is, maybe I am fundimentaly undateable as it were.

I think half of the problem is I simply don't care, now that is not to suggest I could walk into a club and "pull" more that it's just not important to me, I have friends, I have art, I have my health and honestly? I think I would be far to paranoid and neurotic, the last girl I thought anything sexual may happen with is someone I am frankly happy nothing ever happened with anyway.

So yeah that's me, by all means mock me

Okay, good for you. Really.

There's a certain level of dignity, even pride, in staying a virgin if you happen to be blessed with average and above looks, and have other things going on in life. It says you have standards and aren't willing to compromise.

But for those who feel themselves to be profoundly unlikeable, unattractive, undesirable, it's a different story.

Oh don't get me wrong, I know it is very much so and from my own experience very difficult, trust me, I did feel that way for quite some time and it is only in the last few years that I have begun to accept me for being me, my comment was in no way meant to down play a situation or sound like I am above or better than someone, that was honestly not the intention, I just wanted to be truthful.

 

[weste]

22 :shy:

 

[Aisha]

And the thing is, the world is full of people not communicating to others about what they feel, so it's more than likely that there have been people interested in you who are just as hesitant to approach you as you them. I certainly wouldn't approach anyone first even if I was interested in them. I highly doubt I'm the only one.

The expectation to mind read whether the interest is reciprocated or not, then do the approaching, isn't part of the social script for you.

That is true, that has long been a burden men are expected to bear, and still are much of the time. But at this point I don't think anyone would blink if it was a woman who initiated the approach. I was talking about myself as just an individual, not in terms of gender or associated expectations.
Anyway, all I meant was don't get discouraged and think you're unwanted because 'nobody will sleep with you'. There will be someone, or many ones out there who are interested, just not everyone will always indicate it. No, they won't always be the ones you're interested in or the ones you approach. Yes, it is a pity about the 'mind reading', but that wasn't the issue I was addressing, just that there will be people who are interested.

 

[matt4]

Put it this way: if you're so undesirable that absolutely nobody will sleep with you, how can you NOT second-guess yourself? Being unwanted has a tendency to warp your perception of the world, until eventually you realise that you're the source of the problem.

It's a vicious cycle. If you already think you're undesirable, you lack faith in yourself. If you lack confidence in yourself, people can see that a mile away, and that puts a serious dent in whatever attempt you make. Confidence isn't arrogance. There are so many other factors to consider before you decide to 'realize you're the source of the problem' when it comes to feeling undesirable or unwanted.
And the thing is, the world is full of people not communicating to others about what they feel, so it's more than likely that there have been people interested in you who are just as hesitant to approach you as you them. I certainly wouldn't approach anyone first even if I was interested in them. I highly doubt I'm the only one.

Your right. There is a difference between self confidence though and confidence on its own. For example I have the confidence to approach someone I like, or feel may like me now. However, I do lack self confidence... and apparently it's noticeable. Even though I've tried to hide it.

I just can't stand when I come across people who confidence is absolutely everything.

My confidence has increased massively over the past year or so. I reckon my self-confidence will too eventually. It's something I'm working on.

Back to the original topic. I was a virgin until 20... I didn't think it would ever happen. From then on, I've found getting into sexual relationships reasonably easy but I've never had a romantic relationship.

 

[jayme89]

25, female and virgin. Not for religious reasons. I just feel like the environment I was raised in made it hard to connect with anyone remotely similar to myself. I am also naturally introverted. Middle school and high school for me were hell and I didn't have many friends, so college for me was a time to come into myself. I made friends, became more social and focused on my studies. Guys and dating were things I just never thought about. Not to say I never had the opportunity...i definitely did, but i guess I took sex was too serious because if a guy gave me the indication that he just wanted to be physical with me and had no other interest in me I immediately shut it down. Self respect and dignity is a lot more important to me then sex. But with all that said..if I do date again I think I'll be less rigid about it all and give it a try. I'm getting pretty old and who knows if I'll ever find "the one".

 

[h3donist]

I still consider myself a virgin, even though I guess technically I'm not. I've been through the functions of sex with two partners but both were not even remotely interested in my feelings so they weren't exactly exciting experiences. The first girl I was with (when I was 24) got upset when I insisted on using a condom (looking back I'm guessing she was actually just after a baby with anyone so that she could get her a house on benefits / welfare) and so pretty much just lay there, enjoying what I was doing to her but showing absolutely zero interest in even touching me, then never spoke to me again. The second was pretty much the same - she told me a big list of things she absolutely refused to do, which pretty much meant that I was to do lots of things for her but again there would be no effort on her part to even touch me. That was probably the first 6 months of my relationship, I stayed with her for 10 years, and have only just escaped that toxic relationship.

To me, sex is supposed to be a fun activity between two adults who care about each other's feelings. I have not had that, so I'm still a virgin. I'll be 35 in a few weeks.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Sometimes I think that once I have myself more together, I should just make an account on the dating sites and fake an interest in someone just long enough to lose my virginity, shrug and think to myself "well that's that", and gradually let whatever connection I find myself in fall apart on its own due to lack of maintenance, so that it doesn't end in explosive fighting.

But one, that would be a mean thing to do. And two, I don't want to compromise my ideals. I feel that the minute I start compromising is the minute I might as well give up on everything. I don't want to spend my one life being someone who has to settle for less. I want to be the kind of person who gets what they want and gets to enjoy life fully.

 

[HoodedMonk]

I am still a virgin and couldn't care less.

---

Sometimes I think that once I have myself more together, I should just make an account on the dating sites and fake an interest in someone just long enough to lose my virginity, shrug and think to myself "well that's that", and gradually let whatever connection I find myself in fall apart on its own due to lack of maintenance, so that it doesn't end in explosive fighting.

But one, that would be a mean thing to do. And two, I don't want to compromise my ideals. I feel that the minute I start compromising is the minute I might as well give up on everything. I don't want to spend my one life being someone who has to settle for less. I want to be the kind of person who gets what they want and gets to enjoy life fully.

When I experimented sexually i was either disinterested or it made me feel dirty afterwards and i was consumed by worry of stds

 

[TheSkaFish]

I am still a virgin and couldn't care less.

That is an admirable attitude to have. I really wish I could just go back in time to being a kid and only caring about childish pursuits, and not things like how am I going to get someone to like me, IF I can ever get someone to like me, and what I'm going to do if the ones I want are gone for good. I felt more energetic and alive before I became concerned with sex.

The thing is though, I really do want to experience a physical and romantic connection. And I also want to feel like it's for me too, like I'm not being muscled out by the "cool" guys. I don't want to feel like they are forcing me to miss out, confining me to unfulfillment. It especially gets to me that there was somebody, at some point, that I would have loved to connect with if only I had something to show for myself and knew how to play my cards because we had so much in common interests and ideals. It's a different person than the one ALL has seen me sad about, by the way. Someone I actually met before that. But I didn't have myself together in time and time did not wait.

When I experimented sexually i was either disinterested or it made me feel dirty afterwards and i was consumed by worry of stds

I definitely understand the STD worry. I am also very cautious myself and that is something that is on my mind. I definitely do NOT want to cause any pregnancies either because I have seen the damage that can do to someone's life.

Also the dirtiness. I have never wanted to be a dirty person. I've always felt that it was lowering myself. And I get the disinterest too. I don't know if I even could hook up or fake an interest with someone, because it would be too easy to talk myself out of it beforehand. If I'm not really into someone and it's not going to be meaningful, it's easier to just do nothing.

 

[xMark6]

21 and still a virgin. I look in the mirror and all I see are imperfections in myself not to mention I'm terribly bad at trying to meet new girls. Believe it or not I dated a girl 2 years ago for 7/8 months and I tried to play it off like I had sex before when she asked me.. Well when the time came we were about to I couldn't get it up and my heart was racing. i poured my emotions out telling her I thought she would never give me the light of day if she knew from the start. We never experimented sexually after that and we were "together" for a couple more months.

Low self esteem, zero to little confidence, and a bunch of insecurities are eating my life away :/

 

[ardour]

Just imagining what it would be like for her to stare at my ugly features and rub against my course beard while we make sexy times... not a nice thought.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Low self esteem, zero to little confidence, and a bunch of insecurities are eating my life away :/

I'm in the same boat - I've had all these issues since I can remember

 

[Queen of maniacs]

I took sex was too serious because if a guy gave me the indication that he just wanted to be physical with me and had no other interest in me I immediately shut it down. Self respect and dignity is a lot more important to me then sex.

You're totally right. You’re spiritually advanced, and they are not. I hate when people act like animals or worse. Of course, you’ll meet someone who’ll be perfect for you, who will respect you and love your soul, not only your body.