How much time should be spent together?

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hppnssseeker

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I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We're both late 30s and we met online while looking for the person to settle down with. Things have been going great and I definitely see a future with him but now there is a problem. We live in different cities so we spend from Sat afternoon to Mon morning together while we're apart during the rest of the week. My guy has a busy working schedule and several interests, so when we don't see each other he keeps minimum contact. He always replies to my texts but doesn't initiate much, which makes me feel a bit insecure. To make the problem worse he just finished a climbing course so he's decided to go climbing on Sundays with the other people in his group. I don't know if he plans to do this every weekend but he wants to do it regularly, which means less time for us. I'm confused because when we are together he seems as into me as always and he keeps telling me how he loves every minute we spend together, so how can he be ok with seeing me less now? How can we build something solid if we only see each other once a week with little communication in between? I plan to talk to him but I'm not sure what to say. I don't want to limit his freedom but I think we need to make some adjustments if we want to make this work. Any suggestions?
 

TheRealCallie

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I feel both people in a relationship should definitely have their own thing.  Time to get away from their partner, time to reboot, time to have a life of their own.  
Obviously, with a long distance relationship, things are going to be a bit different.  I don't really understand the minimal contact when you aren't together.  No you shouldn't be together and/or talking, but a little texting here and a phone call there would not hurt anyone.  Could you change the days you are together?  You definitely should talk to him and see if there's anything that can be compromised, not necessarily just with him, bit with you also.  He could feel smothered by the almost 3 days straight together 24/7 . Maybe he's not as serious as you are.  Maybe he just needs a little time away to gather his thoughts.  Maybe Sunday is the only day he can do it.  Will he be gone all day for climbing or just a few hours?
 

Nicolelt

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TheRealCallie said:
I feel both people in a relationship should definitely have their own thing.  Time to get away from their partner, time to reboot, time to have a life of their own.  
Obviously, with a long distance relationship, things are going to be a bit different.  I don't really understand the minimal contact when you aren't together.  No you shouldn't be together and/or talking, but a little texting here and a phone call there would not hurt anyone.  Could you change the days you are together?  You definitely should talk to him and see if there's anything that can be compromised, not necessarily just with him, bit with you also.  He could feel smothered by the almost 3 days straight together 24/7 . Maybe he's not as serious as you are.  Maybe he just needs a little time away to gather his thoughts.  Maybe Sunday is the only day he can do it.  Will he be gone all day for climbing or just a few hours?

I agree....I love my husband dearly...but dear god he needs to get away. He started doing his own thing on Tuesdays and Sundays and it is wonderful.

As far as the long distant thing, how often are you guys talking? Even though you are far away, it can feel like you guys are constantly together through communication. As far as how often you guys should see each other, you need to make that decision. How often do you want to? Then you guys need to sit down and figure out how to make that happen so you can both happy.
 

smarty24

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You should spend as much time as you enjoy, no less, no more. And only both of you know how much a time that is.
 

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