How not to get angry when you are being ingored

[Missingthesun]

That is certainly true. When you are already vulnerable and lonely even a small slight seems huge. I can look to my own pathetic state at the moment to know that, lol

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

You can borrow my kids. You will get used to being ignored pretty fast.

 

[Restless soul]

That is certainly true.  When you are already vulnerable and lonely even a small slight seems huge.  I can look to my own pathetic state at the moment to know that, lol

Yes it is a huge factor for many of us. And that is how we come to find a site such as this.

 

[TheSkaFish]

This is a revised topic of another thread I posted.
 It was having to do with being ignored and blown off and people showing lack of interest in communication usually via text. Since that is typically the main method of communication today. So to get right to the point.
When I start to feel I am being ignored or blown off for no reason that I am aware of usually. I tend to get angry frustrated and wonder what I have done. And take it very personally. And start to dread the thoughts of ffeeling alone and isolated once again.

The first thing to do is DON'T FREAK OUT.  That is the WORST thing you can do, since that is considered neediness, which is considered one of the WORST traits a person can have, especially a guy.  Personally I don't quite get it, but the more I look into it, the more it seems like that is what most people think.  I've made this mistake before and it's always a bad move.  You really don't ever want to do this.  

Fight the urge to send another text, or to ask them if anything's wrong, or why they haven't responded, or anything like that - you have to just remind yourself that double-texting is the wrong answer.  

You just have to wait.  Sometimes you'll get a reply, but it will be late for whatever reason.  You might have to wait a couple hours, days, even a week or so.  Then, if you feel like it, try texting them again.  The idea is to look like you aren't just sitting around waiting to hear from them because it makes them feel like they are above you.  One of the biggest things I've discovered about social interaction is that it's crucial to come off as equals, and you never want to act like you're below the other person, you never want to act like you are kissing up to them or begging for their approval.  It seems like games, and it still weird me out but this seems to be how most people work.  

While you're waiting, try to figure out why you might not have gotten a reply.  Generally, if you want to talk to someone you need to say more than "hey"/"what's up"/"how's it going".  Try asking them something open-ended, which is something that requires more than a yes or no answer.  Try to get them to think somehow.  It might help to ask them about themselves, something they are interested in, something you are both interested in, or something you talked about last time you talked.

 

[Restless soul]

This is a revised topic of another thread I posted.
 It was having to do with being ignored and blown off and people showing lack of interest in communication usually via text. Since that is typically the main method of communication today. So to get right to the point.
When I start to feel I am being ignored or blown off for no reason that I am aware of usually. I tend to get angry frustrated and wonder what I have done. And take it very personally. And start to dread the thoughts of ffeeling alone and isolated once again.

The first thing to do is DON'T FREAK OUT.  That is the WORST thing you can do, since that is considered neediness, which is considered one of the WORST traits a person can have, especially a guy.  Personally I don't quite get it, but the more I look into it, the more it seems like that is what most people think.  I've made this mistake before and it's always a bad move.  You really don't ever want to do this.  

Fight the urge to send another text, or to ask them if anything's wrong, or why they haven't responded, or anything like that - you have to just remind yourself that double-texting is the wrong answer.  

You just have to wait.  Sometimes you'll get a reply, but it will be late for whatever reason.  You might have to wait a couple hours, days, even a week or so.  Then, if you feel like it, try texting them again.  The idea is to look like you aren't just sitting around waiting to hear from them because it makes them feel like they are above you.  One of the biggest things I've discovered about social interaction is that it's crucial to come off as equals, and you never want to act like you're below the other person, you never want to act like you are kissing up to them or begging for their approval.  It seems like games, and it still weird me out but this seems to be how most people work.  

While you're waiting, try to figure out why you might not have gotten a reply.  Generally, if you want to talk to someone you need to say more than "hey"/"what's up"/"how's it going".  Try asking them something open-ended, which is something that requires more than a yes or no answer.  Try to get them to think somehow.  It might help to ask them about themselves, something they are interested in, something you are both interested in, or something you talked about last time you talked.

Thanks ska. Those really are some unwritten rules you just mentioned. Rules I been told and learned the hard way. Yet, keep breaking and messing up each time. It's almost like trying to attain the immposible. 

So what to do when you do mess up? Send that text again?
Because just playing the waiting game is still not a cure for that bitterness and anger that builds up. Know what I mean?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Thanks ska. Those really are some unwritten rules you just mentioned. Rules I been told and learned the hard way. Yet, keep breaking and messing up each time. It's almost like trying to attain the immposible. So what to do when you do mess up? Send that text again?Because just playing the waiting game is still not a cure for that bitterness and anger that builds up. Know what I mean?

Yeah, they are unwritten rules.  It's pretty aggravating.  These social rules are not taught in school, at least not in any official way.  And they aren't always taught at home either.  I don't think they are really compiled anywhere or spelled out for people, because it's assumed that most people know this stuff instinctively.  This makes it really hard for people like us who, for whatever reason, don't just know these things without being taught.  

But it's not impossible - you just have to think more carefully.  The only times that it's acceptable to really push to get in touch with someone is if it is professional like school or work, or if it's an emergency.  Absolutely DO NOT send the text again, if it's just talking to someone you want to talk to, especially if it's a girl.  The trick is to act like it doesn't bother you, even if it does.  You have to play the waiting game, even if you don't want to.  It's all about not letting someone else feel like they have power over you, or that you are the lower person.  

If you do make a mistake, just act like nothing happened, like it's no big deal.  Don't call attention to it.  And try to minimize the number of mistakes you make.  The more time that passes after the mistake, the less fresh it is in the other person's memory.

Like I said, I've messed up before and regretted it. I don't like these rules, honestly I think they're pretty stupid and I certainly didn't make them. But it seems to be the way most people, especially girls, are these days.

 

[Restless soul]

Thanks ska. Those really are some unwritten rules you just mentioned. Rules I been told and learned the hard way. Yet, keep breaking and messing up each time. It's almost like trying to attain the immposible. So what to do when you do mess up? Send that text again?Because just playing the waiting game is still not a cure for that bitterness and anger that builds up. Know what I mean?

Yeah, they are unwritten rules.  It's pretty aggravating.  These social rules are not taught in school, at least not in any official way.  And they aren't always taught at home either.  I don't think they are really compiled anywhere or spelled out for people, because it's assumed that most people know this stuff instinctively.  This makes it really hard for people like us who, for whatever reason, don't just know these things without being taught.  

But it's not impossible - you just have to think more carefully.  The only times that it's acceptable to really push to get in touch with someone is if it is professional like school or work, or if it's an emergency.  Absolutely DO NOT send the text again, if it's just talking to someone you want to talk to, especially if it's a girl.  The trick is to act like it doesn't bother you, even if it does.  You have to play the waiting game, even if you don't want to.  It's all about not letting someone else feel like they have power over you, or that you are the lower person.  

If you do make a mistake, just act like nothing happened, like it's no big deal.  Don't call attention to it.  And try to minimize the number of mistakes you make.  The more time that passes after the mistake, the less fresh it is in the other person's memory.

Like I said, I've messed up before and regretted it.  I don't like these rules, honestly I think they're pretty stupid and I certainly didn't make them.  But it seems to be the way most people, especially girls, are these days.

And if you never hear from them again while waiting?

 

[TheSkaFish]

And if you never hear from them again while waiting?

You might.  You just have to be prepared to give it time, as in a long time.  Then you can try talking to them again, as if nothing happened.  The trick is to not let it get to you.

 

[Restless soul]

And if you never hear from them again while waiting?

You might.  You just have to be prepared to give it time, as in a long time.  Then you can try talking to them again, as if nothing happened.  The trick is to not let it get to you.

I am thinking as the big pessimist that I am. And all you have is bad feelings that you won't hear from them again

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I wouldn't be focused on waiting for people to come around. More, let life go on and be pleasantly surprised if they do contact you in the future. Keep yourself open for something else. That sort of thing.

 

[Restless soul]

I wouldn't be focused on waiting for people to come around. More, let life go on and be pleasantly surprised if they do contact you in the future. Keep yourself open for something else. That sort of thing.

Hard to shrug off. Hard to not get upset when you do think about it

 

[Restless soul]

And then the feeling of hopeless, desperation, and lonliness that once again take hold of you. That can be very overwhelming.

 

[ardour]

  The only times that it's acceptable to really push to get in touch with someone is if it is professional like school or work, or if it's an emergency.  Absolutely DO NOT send the text again, if it's just talking to someone you want to talk to, especially if it's a girl.  The trick is to act like it doesn't bother you, even if it does.  You have to play the waiting game, even if you don't want to.  It's all about not letting someone else feel like they have power over you, or that you are the lower person.  

If you do make a mistake, just act like nothing happened, like it's no big deal.  Don't call attention to it.  And try to minimize the number of mistakes you make.  The more time that passes after the mistake, the less fresh it is in the other person's memory.

I'd add that it's acceptable to push for contact if the two of you are in an established long-term relationship, although men still have to be careful about how much insecurity they reveal.

But I agree, waiting at least a week or two before contacting someone again. The bigger the faux pas, the longer it takes for that persons attitude to 'reset' (and sometimes never, in which case you can only move on).

 

[Restless soul]

  The only times that it's acceptable to really push to get in touch with someone is if it is professional like school or work, or if it's an emergency.  Absolutely DO NOT send the text again, if it's just talking to someone you want to talk to, especially if it's a girl.  The trick is to act like it doesn't bother you, even if it does.  You have to play the waiting game, even if you don't want to.  It's all about not letting someone else feel like they have power over you, or that you are the lower person.  

If you do make a mistake, just act like nothing happened, like it's no big deal.  Don't call attention to it.  And try to minimize the number of mistakes you make.  The more time that passes after the mistake, the less fresh it is in the other person's memory.

I'd add that it's acceptable to push for contact if the two of you are in an established long-term relationship, although men still have to be careful about how much insecurity they reveal.

But I agree, waiting at least a week or two before contacting someone again. The bigger the faux pas, the longer it takes for that persons attitude to 'reset' (and sometimes never, in which case you can only move on).

Hmm so interesting. But if they are in fact blowing you off ignoring etc..even a week or two wouldn't help much. I feel

---

Oh and I am sorry. If someone tthat you just saw that you texted. Doesn't reply to a text after a week. Or even someone that you know that at least texted you back at some point and never took a week or more. If that is not ignoring or blowing off then I don't know what is

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I vote you take your emotional interior in for boxing lessons. Harden up a little; texts with no reply aren't worth your mental energy.

 

[Restless soul]

I vote you take your emotional interior in for boxing lessons. Harden up a little; texts with no reply aren't worth your mental energy.

Good tip...ok. amy you speak straight. I like that. Like callie.
And that is what amy therapist might even say.

I wen't over all the cliche sayings in my mind

" if they have no problem not texting you,  why should you?
Actually that is my own. Not bad, right amy??

 

[ardour]

I vote you take your emotional interior in for boxing lessons. Harden up a little; texts with no reply aren't worth your mental energy.

Yes he needs to harden up, but it's easier to say something like that being part of the non-initiating group who don’t have to harden up and deal with the unambiguous rejections.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I vote you take your emotional interior in for boxing lessons. Harden up a little; texts with no reply aren't worth your mental energy.

Yes he needs to harden up, but it's easier to say something like that, being part of the non-initiator group, who don’t have to harden up and deal with unambiguous rejection.

You have me confused for your fantasy women. Easy mistake. But I'm part of a very different group. Actually, Restless and I have a lot in common.

 

[Restless soul]

I vote you take your emotional interior in for boxing lessons. Harden up a little; texts with no reply aren't worth your mental energy.

Yes he needs to harden up, but it's easier to say something like that, being part of the non-initiator group, who don’t have to harden up and deal with unambiguous rejection.

You have me confused for your fantasy women. Easy mistake. But I'm part of a very different group. Actually, Restless and I have a lot in common.

Say what??

---

Do we really amy? I would love to know more

 

[Restless soul]

While I am waiting for amy. How does one harden up so to speak?

Develop a thicker skin? Forget about people who abandon them?
Ignore them?