How to get over someone

[Divinitywolf]

Hey all

Basically read my other thread in this section (which I renamed "Admins* please delete this) because I want it deleted lol.
Once you've read it you'll see that I need to accept that nothing is probably going to happen, that we may never meet up.

So does anyone have any tips on how to get over loving someone?
Its driving me insane...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's not a right way or a wrong way. We all process life different.
There's plenty of suggestions on the net pertain to this.
Whatever it is you chose. You simply just have to apply them and do what works best for you.

A lot of it has to do with detachment, letting go or a grieving process.
It depends on the level of mental and emotional attachment you as an indivisual invested in the relationship.
It also has to do with your moral and values. It also has to do of how you process guilt and shame.
Some people can easy trun on and off the switch...without any residue or guilt trips.
So it comes down to you as the person. This is where taking an inventory of yourself will help you.
Understanding yourself..how you process your thoughts and emotions. Try to understand how
you mind works.
For some people it ties into thier belief system or spiritaulality. Becuase we're talking about LOVE.

It took me a while to keep an open mind becuase it was a learning process.
A relationship or life bascailly is a learning and growning process for me.
It might seem strange at first , but ultimately whatever I go through in
a relationship it's for my benifit. Whether the relationship last or ends...whatever
lessons I go through..it helps me to become a better person in the long run.

If I didn't go through a really bad heartache..I don't belive I would had reserch
on a lot of subjects..such as spiritaulity, the mind or meaning of love/life.
Nor would I try to improve myself as a person or tried to understand myself better.
With that insight or openmind..I stopped fighting it.

My thoughts drives my emotions. I react to my emotions.
My mind is like a projector. My memoires are like rolls of film.
I chose to replay whatever memories over and over again in the projector.
My consious mind however is design to resolve problems...
However when dealing with another human being..I have no control over them.
So bascailly if I play memories or sernarios in my mind over and over again trying
to resolve an issue...I'm just spining my own wheels in my head.
My creative mind generated a problem so my mind can try to solve it..lol
That's what some people term as the little mind.

In spiritaul principle. A spiritaul awaking. It's bascailly saying I go onto my higher consiousness.
I bascailly become the master of my mind or thinking.
It'll be a battle of my ego mind and my higher consiousness at first.
It's kind of like ZEN. I become the master of my ego or little mind.
Bascailly you become tha master of yourself.
You become responsible for what you think and feel. You have a chioce.
You bascally tell your mind to STFU or stop thinking about her, becuase the answer in not
in your thinking...

Or you can do like JC...JC made a direct command "STOP, I command you to STOP"..he was talking to himself.lol
Going to your heart is the samething as going into your higher consious...that's what was taught to me.

It makes sense after a while...Your Ego mind generate FEARS to try to retain control of your mind.
Fear of not being able to live without her...or fear of her not being able to live without you..lmao
Fear is fear is fear is fear...as long as you know it's an illusion that your little mind (ego) generates.
That's why it's said "nothing to fear but fear it self"


The problem is your mind is playing the role of film over and over again
re-trigering your emotions of pains, rejections, guilt, shame...etc.
Then your ego mind and creative mind just gose in a cycle..."she's a *****, I suck, she sucks, if this, if that...etc"

Our brain generates natural indorphines...whether it be good feeling or bad feelings...it dosn't matter.
So bascailly it's sort of like an addiction.. becuase the recpetors in our brain had adjusted to recieving certain endorphines.
If you're addicted to dramma you're addicted to dramma.
A person can get addicted to maloncoly, depression, anxiety, sadness...ect. They're all illusions as some people would say.
If you just treat as if you're going thorugh withdraws or know that you will go through withdraws as you're stopping to
play those memories of her. It takes roughly 21 days to develope a habit or break a habit.

LETTING GO is bascailly preventing you from puting the roll of film of her into the projector.

Or you can also be TRANSPARENT like...don't fight it . Let the thoughts and emotions go through you. Just don't hang on to
them or try to figure them out...As some people would say.."this too shall pass"

Or you can dive right into the emotions...welcome it . Embrace it.
Our emotions are like atoms or mulecue..There's more empty space in an atom.
Once you process the fears, hurt,...ect...you become more aware of the emptiness.
In other words..sometimes you gatta learn to read between the lines (there's nothing between the lines)
Or...look where the problems are not at.
The emptiness=peace=love.
Some poeple call this the busting the bubble process.
As great as what we preceive our pains to be...it's still just a bubble.


once you get into your higher consious...
You accept yourself as who you are...LOVE, complete, whole.

In other words..one dosn't really stops loving a person. (this will help you if theres a lot of guilt in your thinking.)
You love yourself 1000000 times more than the person you're in love with. (some people might feel guity
for loving themselves first)

In other word...the love you have for her is a mole hill...no matter how great you deem it to be.
You are greater

It bascailly come back to loving yourself first.

Acceptence acts like a break of an out of control mind.

Or you can work it like this...
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HER !!!.. Can you allow yourself to accept this?

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

I dont know.

Get up everyday and keep going, slowly, slowly, slowly, crawl if you have to...

Get busy doing something? anything? as long as it is not destructive to yourself or others..

I am not a guru though.. i smoke (self destructive), i get irritated at people and shitty at anything and everything.. (destructive to others)

have you got someone to talk to that will actually listen and care?

make some pancakes? it would be nice if this was the answer to everything.. make some bloody pancakes and forget about it..

sorry i'm not much help, i am trying to 'get over' someone too.. whatever the fresia that means???

take care bro.

 

[Divinitywolf]

god I love pancakes...

And yeah I have someone to talk to, luckily although they're not always avaliable to talk to.

Thanks for the advice guys

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Do whatever you can to avoid the person for a while! I know aht sounds harsh, but I break down every time I even see a picture of my ex, and it just brings the pain back, not matter how long it's been. It's not really a good idea to talk for awhile, since extremely concentrated emotions are flying around and things might be said without really thinking of the consequences. I've always found it's better if I've got something to od. Anything besides sitting there and wondering about it. It'll be a lot easier to figure out what went wrong after you've cleared your head.

 

[Divinitywolf]

But talking to her is the only thing that makes my day worth living.
Its like the sun coming out on a rainy day...

Without her I'd just have an empty day filled with nothing...

 

[Naval_Fluff]

But talking to her is the only thing that makes my day worth living.
Its like the sun coming out on a rainy day...

Without her I'd just have an empty day filled with nothing...

lol well then don't take my advice..maybe you shouldn't 'get over' her then, maybe you two need to build a relationship more than just friendship

 

[Divinitywolf]

It wouldn't work though...She's too far away.
My only option IS to get over her.
But I can't do it by spending time away from her, because of how much she brightens my day and also because she cares about me and enjoys talking to me too and it'd be unfair for me to just disappear.

Might be going on holiday for a week. That could be good though! A week away from her, not having any choice but to be away from her.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

But talking to her is the only thing that makes my day worth living.
Its like the sun coming out on a rainy day...

Without her I'd just have an empty day filled with nothing...

Stop putting her on a pedistole. She's just another human being.

It's like getting into co-dependcy. You become too much depended
on her for your own happiness and life....

But the only problem is...the emptiness of a shell I have is
greater than her. Once I become depend on her so, so much
I start loosing myself or demand of her to act like a god.
She's not god and eventaully she's not going to be able to fill my emptiness.

it dosn't happen over night...slowly I'll start becoming cliggy
to her. Then it turns into control issues or jealousy issues.
Or i'll become so dependent on her...she'll used me, abuse
or walk all over me like a door mate..

I know it's hard for you to see that...I lost and drowned myself
into women. Yes, it's romantic and mind blowning. It's
total self indulgence to the extreem. It'll work for a while
but it's also progressive. It'll turn into a total TOXIC relationship.
I become totally intoxicate with her.
Its not healthy...it's putting too much of a burden on your partner
and ultimately distroy you, her and the relationship.

 

[Divinitywolf]

mm what you say is true. I guess thats how people start becoming clingy but then surely love is like that for everyone? They're almost obsessed with that person?

 

[sallekhana]

i've had many long distance relationships. they all were life crushing. just keep yourself distracted. i dated a girl for a week while i was in new york but i knew her for a year. that was a year ago. we are not even friends anymore and though she broke my world into pieces i still love her. it takes time. alot of time. i'm getting better. even if it takes a year you will get over her

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yes.....it happens slowly. Sometimes you don't even relized it when your in the mist of it.
Bascailly you're on cloud 9 all the time. On the surface that's what most couple wants.
The unlitmate ectacy. She was like the untlimate drug for me. I became totally obsessed
with her...It was fun for a while...however it turned really unhealthy
It would be great if I was living in the garden eden....

That's how it was with my marriage...she also got obsessed with me...then she started
getting jealouse for everything I did. I become totally obsessed with her too.
We both became dysfunction. Slowly we started not taking care of our responsiblities
or stopped following other hopes and dreams that we had as an indiviual person.

I thought I was going to freaken died living without her...We separate like 4-5 times.
Everytime we get together...it was like total heaven on earth for like 6 months.
Then reality sets in...the dramma...jealousy, obsessions starts again...
Our love became like a prison...I couldn't even go hang out with my freinds becuase she was so obsessed with me...visa versa.

 

[Divinitywolf]

Thanks guys...I guess all I can do is wait, do something to keep my mind off her and perhaps take a break from talking with her for a while.
But...I'm tempted to tell her what I'm feeling. Is this a good idea? Surely she deserves to know?

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Well whatever happens man, good luck! I really hope you get this sorted out. Sorry I can't be of much help

 

[Divinitywolf]

Nah you've been helpful just being there to talk to, as well as you others that have replied to this thread.
Thanks

 

[Scott]

Time. Even though you think it will never stop hurting this badly, it will in time. It may take a long time. 5 years here and counting, but I don't have tears in my eyes going to sleep anymore for a long while.

Remind yourself constantly that just because you think about her a lot, doesn't mean she was perfect. I think you tend to think of all the good stuff you miss and not the bad stuff you don't. You're the most important person in your life, focus on you. Onwards and upwards, right?

 

[Divinitywolf]

Time. Even though you think it will never stop hurting this badly, it will in time. It may take a long time. 5 years here and counting, but I don't have tears in my eyes going to sleep anymore for a long while.

Remind yourself constantly that just because you think about her a lot, doesn't mean she was perfect. I think you tend to think of all the good stuff you miss and not the bad stuff you don't. You're the most important person in your life, focus on you. Onwards and upwards, right?

Thats really true. Thank You.
And you're right, Time will heal this but I want to remain in contact with her yet being reminded of her everyday will probably just mean I'll take longer to get over her.
But realising that she's not perfect, that I'm picking out the good stuff really will help and I'll keep that in mind.