How to put the past behind you?

[Unsigned]

I saw someone asking for different threads.
So here is one I think will be useful.

I try to do this by focusing on exercise and eating healthy.
But I get derailed by my thoughts about the past, which leads to drinking, which REALLY derails exercise and healthy eating.

So I am all ears.
How do you folks put the past behind you and stay focused on your goals and looking ahead?

 

[randomguy]

I have a past, but I don't live there anymore. There are a few moments when I wish I could change somethings that happened in the past, but I tend not to dwell on them too long. My past has nothing new to say, I'm much more interested in what today has to offer.

 

[user 188685]

I have a past, but I don't live there anymore. There are a few moments when I wish I could change somethings that happened in the past, but I tend not to dwell on them too long. My past has nothing new to say, I'm much more interested in what today has to offer.

thats so true and very good advice.

 

[randomguy]

thats so true and very good advice.

Thanks wee Sunflower, nice to see you around.

 

[user 188685]

I would say that the past is the past,you can't change the past,you can only look to the future and make your future better.

 

[user 188685]

Thanks wee Sunflower, nice to see you around.

very welcome nice to see you around too

 

[Unsigned]

I would say that the past is the past,you can't change the past,you can only look to the future and make your future better.

I agree but how do you refrain from dwelling on it?
It really is my downfall.

I have a past, but I don't live there anymore. There are a few moments when I wish I could change somethings that happened in the past, but I tend not to dwell on them too long. My past has nothing new to say, I'm much more interested in what today has to offer.

This is a good attitude.
Do you do this by keeping yourself occupied?
Downtime is dangerous for me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

The past is irrelevant. You can't change it, so it's pointless to dwell on it. Fix your mistakes and live in today. Try to be better than the person you were yesterday. Contrary to popular belief, you are NOT defined by your past, you are defined by what you do today. So who do you want to be? It's not too late to change, regardless of how old you are.


(Also, good thread)

 

[randomguy]

This is a good attitude.
Do you do this by keeping yourself occupied?
Downtime is dangerous for me.

For me it's mostly yoga. Mental clarity is what we all strive for to function well in life. It's the foundation of so much for us. Yet the care we place on our mind is minimal at best for most people. We invest time and energy into our body, also important, and forget, or don’t realise, that we are not just this physical form.

It's not everyone's cup of tea but for me personally it's been the key to maintaining my mental health and beating most of my addictions.

 

[sub5male]

I often dwell on the past & all of the mistakes which have so profoundly ruined my life but I don't allow it to effect my exercise routine or yoga practice. In fact, since these are the few times that I am able to put the past out of my mind, I find that they are critical in making it from day to day so rather than drinking when you are feeling down, maybe you should go to the gym?

 

[Unsigned]

I often dwell on the past & all of the mistakes which have so profoundly ruined my life but I don't allow it to effect my exercise routine or yoga practice. In fact, since these are the few times that I am able to put the past out of my mind, I find that they are critical in making it from day to day so rather than drinking when you are feeling down, maybe you should go to the gym?

I work out at home, then usually walk at least 6 miles a day.

But yeah, maybe if I paid for a gym and had the spectre of wasted money hanging over my head, it would FORCE me to stay off the booze...

 

[Cherubino]

I can't put the past behind and very little chance to find a partner (the only worthy goal) ... meanwhile going therapy or to escorts (can't afford both)

 

[Murakami_1]

I once wrote that actively trying to forget it is unhealthy and actively trying to remember it is aswel, and journaling helps and letting it flow and live with you helps too etc etc bla bla

Bullshit. For some it might I guess but I dont know what helps and I'm going to continue watching this thread because I dont know. 4 years of active change later and I'm still nowhere.

Yoga didnt help

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Roughage.

Leafy greens. Spinach. Broccoli. Cabbage. Lettuce. Lentils.

Part of being well, is staying regular.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I like this thread, its Ceno approved

I have intensive therapy, CBT and advanced exposure therapy costs more than my handbag habit and thats saying something! I also pray pray I find the strength to forgive my trespassers…

 

[StarDust]

Downtime is a killer ☠ for me too! So, i set an action plan and stay focus on it. Realign myself. Take inventory on what works in my life (Tai Chi Being in nature , quiet time ) And always remind myself i am worth it ... so take care of myself and STOP going on path that leads to self destruction spending time in past is pointless. For me, I find in accomplishes nothing. Have issues about the past, settle it! Do what you need to, close the f%$#ing box and move on

 

[okidoke]

How do you folks put the past behind you and stay focused on your goals and looking ahead?

Good thread my friend. I’ve also had, sometimes still fall back into, problems with “negative reminiscing” like many of us do.

I don’t know a good answer, although I did write my biography up to the birth of my first child which helped me at the time with certain aspects of my life. A sequel would not have the same cathartic effect for the subsequent challenges I don’t think, but it might work for you, I don’t know. The only problem is, while you’re write it you’re obviously very engaged in that reminiscence.

I think now I’m pretty aware of myself and know that such reflection has no worth so avoid it. It’s more difficult if I drink. Busy your mind with other things. It’s all about distracting your mind from wrongthink.

 

[user 139760]

You can't really put the past behind, in the sense that it follows you, contributed to who you are and is the sum of your experiences.
What you CAN do however, is chose how you view it and what you can take and make of those experiences. There's two general schools I've seen of people in general when it comes to their past; those who chose to let it drag them down, then there's those who use it to try and rise up.
I've had a wild past. Weird experiences, varied. I've done some good things, some not so good things. I've seen some wonderful things, I've seen others that would drive anyone insane.

I decided to use it to try and become a better person. The best version of me I can hopefully, possibly be. Not because of others, oftentimes in spite of them. But just because I feel that I deserve happiness and want it. As such, thinking about the past and how horrible I was, or how horrible others are, just isn't an option. I know it of course, but I chose not to focus on it. Hopefully. I chose to try and change things so in the end, I am happy.
It hasn't been easy, but so far it's worked. We all have limitations, but I made a conscious choice long ago that your only limit is the ones you place in yourself.

Aim high.
.....Air Force.

 

[ardour]

I forced myself into a healthier lifestyle, then it became habit. Because it's habit, reverting back feels disgusting (like the thought of eating a greasy steak is to a lifelong vegan).

But that has nothing to do with a positive outlook. The past is the future in that it's all there is to think about in this stage of life with no SO/family to focus on. I just want to escape into a fantasy haze of memories at this point. So no advice there I'm afraid.

Maybe think on the health consequences and the unnecessary pain you'll put yourself through. I rarely drink now having seen what it can do to people.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Kicking the bottle is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

This is gonna be kinda long so I apologize in advance but it sort of has to be.

I can't rightfully recommend how I did it to other people, because other people aren't me, but basically I had to switch to cannabis for a while, before later gradually weaning myself down, off and away from cannabis. Which is and was admittedly a lot easier to do than trying to do the same with drinking, as with cannabis, it's not physically addictive to the body.

And of course, thereafter I quit drinking, like with when I quit smoking cigarettes years ago, it took a couple years before the knee-jerk reactionary and compulsive cravings died off.

I can finally have a single once on a rare occasion drink without fully relapsing, and I really don't even smoke cannabis anymore, I'm mostly just sober.

Age partially helped me to sobriety.
Hangovers tend to really suck more when you're over your physical prime. You don't have to be too far over that timeframe to notice, either. I peaked at 26, and so I remember being 28/29 drinking and thinking "I gotta stop. This is actually really not good for me."

Knowing the science and chemistry behind alcohol helps, however.
Because it's a depressant, in excess it becomes cyclical.
You drink because you're stressed/anxious/depressed.
Alcohol is a depressant, so your drinking makes you more depressed.

For a period of time while trying to be sober again, alcohol and the effects of alcohol on the brain tend to linger around a bit, especially if you've had a drinking problem for a long enough time. This commonly gets called the "brain fog" section of trying to sober up. Because even though you're not drinking, it's still running its course through your brain and body effectively, sometimes lasting up to several days to a week, which is what lapses people through depression and causes the whole cycle to repeat. Because the brain fog itself is very...vapid, like stale and empty air, for a lack of a better way of trying to put it.

In the Medial Pre-Frontal Cortex of the brain, there is a place between the Left and Right sides called the Default Mode Network that connects to the Posterior Cingulate Cortex. The Default Mode Network is what is responsible for "mind wandering" and rumination, or the thoughts that you have when you are in between tasks or on downtime. Dr. Tracey Marks has a great video on this and how it works and ways to combat it which I will link below in order to shorten this post a bit: